by L. J. Stock
The words turned and churned in my head for what felt like hours, the same thoughts repeating themselves over and over as the self-pity settled in around me. Giving up and allowing Jen to take me in like she’d been trying to for years would have been so easy, but I knew that running to Jen and Mike wasn’t an option anymore. Not with Dustin in my life. I couldn’t give up my time with him while he was still here. I was too greedy.
Rolling over in frustration, I flung an arm over my eyes and sighed, finally letting the sleep win the battle it had been fighting during my reflections. Letting go of my thoughts, I accepted that everything else could be figured out in the morning and drifted into a near peaceful sleep.
“Megan, I can’t—” I sat bolt upright with a squeak as Jen stormed into the room like an unannounced twister. I’d been dreaming about Dustin and felt my cheeks heat as I looked over at my godmother with a sleepy and contrite grin.
“Hey, Jen.”
Pity passed behind her eyes for all of a second before satisfaction replaced it. I wouldn’t be telling her exactly what had transpired the night before, just that the party got too loud, which was a common complaint of mine and not a complete lie.
“She’s here,” Megan grumbled, knowing exactly what Jen had been about to say and rolled over with a groan, sighed and drifted back to sleep. I always wished I could sleep as easily as Megan could. I’d seen her drift off in some of the strangest places without so much as a twitch
“Coffee?” Jen asked, her tone soft as I kicked the blankets back from my legs and stretched.
“Yes, please.” My back cracked, easing the knot in it, and I dropped my arms and grinned up at her. “I’m going to go take a quick shower, but I’ll be right there.”
Jen nodded, shook her head at her daughter in absolute wonder, and then left the room without another word.
Getting ready didn’t take me long. I barely ever dried my hair, opting instead to brush the damp strands out before wandering into the kitchen where the smell of the turkey dinner permeated the air and made my stomach growl. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until then.
“Smells amazing in here,” I said, my arms stretching over my head again. My eyes were already hunting down the proffered coffee, and I couldn’t help the grin as I spotted my mug filled, with the tendrils of steam rising into the stream of light that filtered through the blinds. “Is that for me?”
“It is. You want some breakfast, kiddo?”
“I can get it,” I offered, but was denied and directed to the table in the breakfast nook, while Jen danced around her kitchen with ease. She never let anyone into her domain at Thanksgiving. It was her one rule. No one was allowed in the kitchen while she was juggling with the dishes and timing everything with her usual perfection. That didn’t mean we wouldn’t be roped in to peel and chop at the small table closer to the time.
Slipping some toaster pastries in front of me, she sat opposite, her hands wrapping around her own mug as I picked at the corner of the hot rectangle of goodness.
“Your dad called, sweetie.”
Her timing was unfortunate. I’d just started chewing, and the sudden intake of breath had a triangle of pastry lodged in my throat. I hacked for a moment, waving Jen down as she started to rise frantically. With the help of a mouthful of coffee, the blockage broke into smaller, more manageable parts and left me coughing in surprise.
“You okay?” she asked, sliding me a paper napkin.
“All good now,” I appeased with one last cough. I took another sip of coffee, gathered my thoughts and looked over at her again. “Dad called you?”
“He explained what happened last night. He said he looked in to apologize again, and you weren’t there. I called him back while you were in the shower to let him know you slept here, and that you’re safe.” The no thanks to him went unsaid.
“He went into my bedroom?” I asked, appalled that he would go in there while I wasn’t around, or worse, was sleeping. My room was my place, my sanctuary, and now my solace felt violated even more so than it had when his idiotic friends let themselves in. “That’s it. I’m getting a chain myself. I don’t need…”
“Yes, he mentioned the chain,” Jen said, her teeth impaling her lip as she studied me. “I think it’s a great idea while you’re there, but I think it may be better if you came and stayed here for a while. I know you’re capable of looking after yourself, sweetheart, but you shouldn’t have to.”
I offered my godmother a warm smile and reached a hand out for her to take. When she did, I could see the worry in her eyes. She loved me as though I was her own, she always had. That was why I knew that, no matter what was going on in my life, I had a safe place to go. I just couldn’t bring myself to take her up on her offer. I couldn’t be a puzzle piece that constantly sat on the fringe of their lives, waiting to find where I fit. I didn’t want to always wonder if I was intruding on something that I shouldn’t.
I shook my head a couple of times before squeezing her fingers. “Not long until I’m out of there. I can look after myself, and you’ve made it more than clear I’m welcome here.”
“You are always welcome here, Miki. I just wish you understood that was a permanent offer, not a temporary one for when things get particularly bad at home.”
“I do know that.” I tipped my head to the side. “But I’m stubborn.”
“You get that from both your damn parents. I knew your mom when she was a toddler. She was four years younger than me but wasn’t going to be left behind. You’re like her in so many ways, Mik. I wish you’d had more time with her.”
“Days like this, I feel like I do. The more you tell me, the more I know her. I just wish…” I trailed off and shook my head. I very rarely thought about my dad and how he’d been when my mom was alive. Comparing the person he had been and who he was now only led to disappointment. Wishing wouldn’t change anything.
“He can’t even bring himself to say her name, baby,” Jen said, already knowing where my train of thought had gone. “You look so much like her that I sometimes think it’s why he’s such an asshole. That doesn’t give him an excuse to be a neglectful, arrogant asshole, though.”
I snorted out a laugh and squeezed her hand one last time before releasing my grip. My angry stomach was now demanding that I continue eating, so I nibbled on a piece as Jen retreated into her memories briefly.
My mom had been a force of nature. I knew that from the short eight years I’d had with her. I just spent too much time wishing that I’d had more time to make concrete memories the way Jen and my father had. The impact she’d had on them would last them a lifetime, but mine was fleeting and subject to a juvenile mind that hadn’t known any better.
“If you ever want to talk about her, you know you can come to me.”
I knew I could, and I nodded in agreement, my smile still in place.
“Do I smell bacon?” Megan asked, stumbling into the kitchen, sleepily. Her hair was sticking up in several directions as she rubbed the exhaustion from her eyes.
“No, sweetheart.” Jen rolled her eyes and slipped out of her chair. “That’s the turkey cooking.”
“Eww. It’s too early for that, Mom.”
Pulling my feet up onto the chair, I settled in and picked apart my food as I watched the exchange between mother and daughter. Megan was up and moving, but her brain wouldn’t engage for another twenty minutes or so. She needed coffee and food. Her almost sitting on me proved that. Eventually, slipping into the chair next to mine, her forehead met the surface of the table with a groan, while Jen poured her dramatic daughter a coffee and made her some toast.
Megan eventually joined us in the waking world just in time for a pile of potatoes and green beans to be slid in front of us by a grinning Jen. Our only food-related jobs for the day were underway, and as Megan started to groan, I started to work.
Thanksgiving had officially begun.
Chapter Twelve
Texas has a reputation as big as the state itself
for being hot, but up in the armpit of the panhandle, we actually receive some decent snow in the winter months. The snow started falling that night as I left the Hern’s home, and the flurry didn’t stop as I drove toward the high school where I was meeting Dustin. The ice that was gathering quickly in the frigid temperatures made scaling the ladder a bit trickier than I would have liked, but the moment I was on the roof, I straightened myself out and closed my eyes to take everything in.
I loved the snow. I loved the chill in the air, and the bite of the breeze, but more than all of that I enjoyed standing out as the first of the flurries came falling. The world sounded muted as fluffy flakes fell and settled on the surface of everything. I couldn’t hear the traffic on the highway. I couldn’t hear insects or the hum of the school below me. The layer of frozen precipitation falling silenced the usual din of white noise that surrounded us, so much so that I could hear the flakes as they found their mark. The sound was quiet, barely a hiss really, but if you listened closely, it was there. I always listened.
I had my arms spread wide and my head back, bared to the sky when Dustin stepped out of the little shack and found me. He didn’t say a word in greeting, but then, he didn’t need to. I could always feel his eyes on me, taking everything in while he retreated into his own mind. Tonight, the hunger that burned through him coated my skin and pulled my head down until our eyes met across the space of the gym roof. The puffy white clouds of his breath reminded me just how cold the night was and, resigned to the moment being gone, I skipped toward him, flinging my arms around his neck in greeting as I pushed up on my toes.
“Hi,” I said, my lips curling into a grin. “I wasn’t sure you’d be here yet.”
Dustin’s arms folded around my waist and pulled me closer. He buried his warm face into my wind-chilled neck, his lips finding the skin there and warming my flesh. The moment contact was made I shivered, and though the reaction was nothing to do with the cold, he pulled me inside anyway, kicking the door closed behind him.
“Are you kidding? Mom was exhausted after being on her feet and went to bed early. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Rett and Dad were watching the game in an exhilarating contest of who knows football best, and all I could think about was you. So I mentioned a girl and going out, because it’s okay to have a piece on the side as long as I’m discreet, and slipped away unnoticed. I was worried the snow would slow you down, though. Did you have any trouble?”
“Nope. I love the snow, and I have chains in my trunk, just in case.” I nodded and tipped my head to the side again in an invitation for him to continue the exploration with his lips.
“Always so prepared,” he teased, pulling my bag from my shoulder and peeling my coat away from my body. Warmth permeated the little shack. The space heater had been doing its job a little too well. As long as the power stayed on, I figured we’d be good for the night. If not, I was certain that we’d find our own way of warming up, even if that did break our self-imposed rules.
“Someone has to be,” I mumbled playfully, my brain forcefully taking me back to the previous night before I could stop myself. Thankfully, the depth of loathing went unnoticed.
Dustin stepped back from me, a look of mock hurt tainting his features. “You think I’m not prepared?”
“I was actually referring to my one surviving parent.” I laughed playfully, reaching out and pinching his pouting bottom lip. “But I do question your preparedness. You know, being a jock and all.”
Stepping to the side, Dustin waved his arm at the room where the bed that was visible, a satisfied smile worn on his face as he studied me. On the surface, there were sleeping bags, comforters, and blankets. Piles of pillows and other signs of comfort were dotted around the mattress, including a backpack full of food beside the foot of the bed.
“I’m very impressed,” I admitted with a genuine smile.
“You haven’t seen the best part yet.” Dustin winked and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the tiny room that held our supplies and the very inviting bed. With pride, he pointed to the small counter holding the radio, and I couldn’t help but laugh in utter contentment.
“You really thought of everything, didn’t you?” I said, leaning past him and running my fingers over the batteries that would operate the radio if the power went out. Beside them were lanterns and flashlights. “And you called me prepared.”
Dustin ran his fingers down my cheek, his hand brushing over the tender flesh just under my ear, before sweeping my cold, damp hair over my shoulder. His thumb trailed the line of my hair as he stared at me, his body pressing against mine and spreading warmth through my blood. He didn’t say anything for a long time, just stood there, his breath making individual strands of my hair move. Dustin knew how much he affected me; there was no way he couldn’t. My breath hitched, my heartbeat picked up, my pulse pounded against the heel of his hand where it rested on my neck, and I was trembling. Want, need, and love sang their way through my veins and reflected in my eyes when they met his.
“I will always look after you, Miki,” he whispered a little too seriously, the sound barely audible as though it would break the moment between us. The words by themselves were something he said often, but the way he said them that night… there was so much more intoned. The sentence was an edict, a proclamation, and a covenant. They were words tangled with love, honor, and honesty. I don’t think either of us was ready to say love aloud just yet. People threw the sentiment around so much at school, but for us, love wasn’t just a word. Love was our constant companionship, an undercurrent that passed between us when our eyes met, a tingle as our skin touched, and a random thought or action that we did without thinking. We just hadn’t said confessed it out loud yet. We didn’t need to. We felt our love.
Leaning my temple against his cheek, I let the moment surround me. When it was just the two of us, there were mere seconds where my emotions got so out of control, I wanted to cry. I never did. I ended up laughing the strange emotion off with a nervous guffaw, but those brief instances were so profound and intense, I could name every last one of them. This moment between us tonight would be one, and I would keep the moment close to my heart. My sense of love overwhelmed me, and I allowed it to for another second before I blinked the unnerving feeling away and turned my head in search of his lips.
Dustin obliged more than willingly, his eagerness burning through our connection. As always, heat flooded my body as the world around us melted away until just the two of us existed. Our bodies pressed closer together, hands pulling at one another’s clothing in an urgent need to be skin to skin. I was only ever content when I lost the feeling of where I ended, and he began.
Clothes were shed without any real thought, the synchronicity of our movements a well-rehearsed play. The urgency was impossible to deny, and before either of us could think about who went where, I was against a wall, and Dustin was pushing into me with a needy brutality that stole my breath. With one arm folded around his shoulders, I clawed at the wall behind me for balance, but there was nothing there. Not that those things hindered us. The push and pull of our urgent lovemaking was frenetic, turning the air in the shack even more oppressive, but I didn’t want to breathe if it meant ending what was happening. Love and passion drowned us as we lost ourselves in the physicality of our love, and need drove us together with as much force as two planets colliding. When the white lights of my release invaded everything in my line of sight, I ceased to exist. There was only Dustin. He was the only thing that mattered now, and he was the only thing I could see, feel, and taste as I came undone. At that moment, I knew my world would always be right as long as Dustin Hill was with me.
I felt lost the moment our lovemaking finished but snorted in humor as Dustin stumbled back and collapsed on the bed with me still in his arms. Grappling at blankets and sleeping bags, he flung them over us, his hands making quick work of what needed to be done before pulling me against him and sinking into the den he’d made.
Hours must have pas
sed before either of us began to think coherently. I’d been content to lay in his arms and watch the night pass through the tiny slither of the window visible above the air conditioning unit. I was so close to him, and as we murmured the odd word to one another with our fingers intertwined, the world settled into the usual sense of right. We laughed together and playfully chatted amongst ourselves with nothing calling our attention away from the here and now. It must have been two in the morning when he finally sat up and tapped my nose before reaching into his bag and producing food, sodas, and a folded piece of paper, which he held out to me.
“What’s this?” I asked as he pushed the single sheet into my hands with a small smile dancing over the crease of his lips. I glanced back down and ran my index finger along one of the folds before I looked up at him again.
Dustin was in the process of opening a bag of chips, but his eyes were intently on me, a small crooked smile playing openly on only one side of his mouth. He ate a chip, making slow work of the chewing before he finally responded.
“Open it and find out.”
Rolling my eyes, I did as he suggested, slipped my finger between the fold of the paper and peeled it back until I was faced with the maroon and white of the Texas A&M stationary. I let my eyes scan the sheet twice before the meaning sunk in. I was holding an acceptance letter addressed to him. Dustin had not only been accepted into the college of his choice, but they were courting him in the most complimentary of ways.
They wanted him.
I laughed once and slapped my palm over my mouth, my torso twisting until I was facing him. My hand dropped and reached for his before I pulled them into my lap, our fingers intertwining as we grinned at one another.
“I knew it. I told you that you’d get in.” My free hand waved the paper at him. “They’re offering you a full ride, D.”