by L. J. Stock
Pulling some tools from his saddlebag, he headed to the fence and clipped through the wires, peeling them back and attaching some neon flags so we could find the spot when we came back. Taking the lead, he headed through the gap first, followed by Holly and Sassy Pants, while I covered the back on Riley.
It felt like we were on unchartered territory. Even the horses were prancing across the open field with caution, unsure of their footing as we got deeper and deeper into the grassy flats. Our silence was companionable now, but the longer it lingered, the more I retreated into my own mind, which was still a myriad of unfinished thoughts.
Almost as though he read my mind, Garrett pulled up beside me, his eyes flickering to Holly and back to me, as though asking permission to start some kind of dialogue between the three of us. I could only nod in agreement and let him take the lead as he sidled his horse up next to Holly’s and spoke to her in a quiet voice. Her grin was bright when she looked at him, only growing when they flicked back to me. She nodded and pulled on her reins to slow the horse, and kept pace on my right while Garrett circled to my left.
“So, we have a little dilemma,” he said, rubbing Angel’s neck with the flat of his palm.
“That we do,” Holly said sweetly, her head tilting to me.
“I guess I third that,” I said cautiously, gathering the reins in my hands and resting them on the horn of the saddle.
“Today I learned I have a beautiful niece,” Garrett said, grinning at Holly and looking back to me. “I also discovered the woman I’m in love with is the mother of said niece.”
Holly giggled, while I stared openly at Garrett.
The rat bastard.
I wasn’t quite ready to give that kind of detail to my fourteen-year-old daughter.
“That makes things a little weird in our dynamic.”
“Oh, you think?” I asked, rolling my eyes and shaking my head as Holly’s giggle gave way to full laughter.
“Momma, relax. Mr. Garrett and I talked about this earlier. It wasn’t hard to figure out how he felt about you, even if he was mad at you.”
“Damn, she’s perceptive,” Garrett said.
“No kidding,” I chimed in.
“Come on. I’m fourteen, not four.” The exasperation in her tone was hard to miss. “Mr. Garrett, you look at my mom the same way Rob looks at Megan. That kinda faraway look like he can’t believe this is his life.”
Garrett and I looked at one another then back at Holly who was staring off into space with a small smile on her lips. I shook my head and gazed to the heavens briefly. I swear, she was the only one who could have said something like that, and it actually make sense. Like me, she was a watcher. She saw more than she was ever meant to see and heard more than she was intended to hear. It didn’t matter that I put so much effort into protecting her from things like that. My perseverance in trying to draw out her childhood was being thwarted by her of all people—because she was so much like me, which was a kick in the ass.
“What exactly did you two talk about?”
“A lot,” Holly clarified. “Daddy, you, the ranch, and the horses. Ways to stay close so we could get to know each other better.”
I turned to look at Garrett, a frown marring my brow. What had he planted in her mind? Ways to stay close? I thought. I aimed a what the fuck look at Garrett. He held up his hands and shook his head in surrender.
“I agreed that I wanted to get to know her. No scheming on my part. I was angry, but I wasn’t going to undermine you with your daughter. I wasn’t willing to risk you getting angry with me and leaving.”
“Okay, so that was my idea.” Holly sighed. “Mom, I don’t want to leave, and you promised we’d have the summer to make up our minds. But I’ve made up my mind. I made up my mind even before you told me about Un… Garrett. He didn’t need to tell me he was in love with you. That’s why I did what I did today. I saw the way he looked at you, and I saw the way you looked at him. I never saw you look at someone like that. Only when you talked about my dad.”
I reached a hand out to Holly, and she took it and squeezed, but she wasn’t finished.
“I am so proud to be Dustin Hill’s daughter. I know how amazing he was. I’ve known every day because you always answer any question I have about him, but you know people get weird about things. People can be cruel, and no one really knows but us, do they? I thought that it would give us all a chance to be happy, without feeling bad or strange about the whole thing, without people being mean.”
“Honey, what are you trying to say?” There were so many different pieces to what she was saying, I felt stupid for not being able to put them together.
When I glanced over at her again, I saw the tears well in her eyes and pulled the horse to a complete stop before clambering off and handing the reins to Garrett. He took them willingly and reached for Sassy Pants’ reins, too, while I helped my daughter from the saddle and pulled her against me. Holly buried her face in my shoulder and cried, leaving me and Garrett bewildered.
“Do you know what she’s saying?” I mouthed to Garrett.
“She didn’t say any of this to me,” he whispered, leaving me to read his lips.
I shrugged, rubbing Holly’s back in soothing circles and waiting out her sobs as she broke her heart. I’d never seen her so inconsolable before, and I worried that she’d been hiding her feelings about everything she’d discovered. It was a lot for me, so I could only imagine how she was feeling.
“Let’s go home, baby. We can talk about all of this there.”
“Mommy, don’t hate me.”
I smoothed her hair in strokes and looked up at Garrett, my heart was pounding so heavy in my chest, and he looked unsure about what to do. She had no idea how impossible that was. Hating her was impossible. I loved her too much and unconditionally. She should have figured that out by now.
“Holly Dee, you know I am incapable of even being mad at you. What could possibly make you think I could hate you?”
“Because.” She sobbed.
“Holly, baby, talk to me.”
“I just thought that it would stop people talking, but it’s a stupid idea. It doesn’t matter.”
She was distressed, I could see that, but I also knew that if I didn’t coax whatever this was out of her, she would dwell on it and it would plague her until she was able to say it. It was a part of who she was, and something I’d figured out for the first time when she was six and had been trying to tell me some brat in first grade was bullying her.
“Holly, say what you need to say, honey. You know you’ll just chew on it for weeks before it comes out anyway. Save yourself the pain and just get it out there.”
“Maybe…” She hiccupped. “Maybe if people thought that Garrett was my dad they wouldn’t think bad things about us. I’m sorry.”
Holly wrapped herself around me, and I froze, to the point I was unsure how my hand made it to my eyes to hide my tears. I felt like the most selfish human being on the planet. I’d thrown her into the frying pan today, and I hadn’t given her a chance to get used to the heat before flipping her around. Gathering her to me, I squeezed her so tight that she grunted in complaint even as her arms tightened around me.
“I love you so much, Holly.”
Strong arms circled the two of us as Garrett joined in the hug. I admonished myself for the fleeting thought about how well he fit with us and focused back on the crying child in my arms. I hadn’t known how desperately she’d wanted a family until this moment, and she felt guilty because of it. This wasn’t about what people thought because the truth was it was no one else’s business. Her suggestion was to fulfill a wish she hadn’t known she’d had.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whispered into her hair as our bodies leaned into Garrett’s.
“Why are you sorry?” she asked mid-sob, the word coming out garbled.
“Lots of things,” I said quietly. “But mostly for not giving you time to process all of this.”
“I really don�
�t need to process anything, Mom,” she said, pulling her head back and looking at me. “I like knowing that I have an uncle, that I have more family to annoy, but it doesn’t change how much I love you. I just want you to be happy, and Garrett makes you happy.”
“You make me happy, baby.”
She giggled and wiped her nose with her sleeve as she studied me. “I know that, but I know you’re lonely, too. You’ve finally let Dad go, and you’ve found someone you love. I’m not going to let you give that up.”
Garrett sighed and dropped a kiss on Holly’s forehead, his eyes meeting mine as he did. “Holly, me and your mom—”
“No,” she wailed. “Don’t say that you can’t be together.”
“I wasn’t,” Garrett said lightly. “I don’t care what people think, sugar. Fourteen years is a long time, and a lot of living goes by in that time. The situation ain’t normal by any means, but no one has the right to judge your mom or me for being together.”
I smiled up at him and took his lead.
“I was so young when I fell in love with your dad, but I will always love him for giving me you. My relationship with Garrett may bother some people initially if they figure our history out, and regretfully that may lead to some bad days at school for you, but we will figure it out.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Garrett answered, meeting my eyes. “Strength in numbers, sugar. If you think I’m giving y’all up now, you’re nuts.”
With a sob, Holly released me and fell into Garrett’s embrace. He looked surprised for a fleeting second but soon fell into the moment, his cheek resting on top of her head as his eyes slid closed with relief. He was already as attached to her as she was to him and my heart swelled with the thought of the future awaiting us. It wasn’t going to be easy, we all knew that, but for the second time in my life, I was figuring out that the best things in life were worth the fight, and I wasn’t going to stop fighting ever again.
Epilogue
Eight Weeks Later...
The squeal of joy had my eyes lifting from the soapy water in the sink and out of the window to where Holly was jumping from the rocky grotto into the water below. Megan and Jen had brought Katie and Emmett over in an effort to disguise the real reason they were there… moral support.
The summer was finally coming to an end, and though Holly and I still hadn’t sat down and had a real conversation, we both knew we were staying. We’d all but moved into Garrett’s house already. Today was the day Garrett was telling his father about Holly, and my relationship with him. We were inviting him to come and meet Holly.
As Jen often put it, I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I’d cleaned the house from top to bottom. I’d polished everything to within an inch of its life, and we had steaks to grill tonight, including one for Mr. Paul Hill, just in case he decided he wanted to meet his granddaughter.
My eyes were drawn from my daughter as the growl of a diesel engine made it’s way to a stop out the front of the house. My heart hammered loud enough in my chest to make my ears buzz with nervous energy. Drying my hands, I made sure everything was in place before I headed to the front of the house and made a small gap in the blinds. My heart stopped when I saw an older gentleman with the same eyes and jawline as Garrett jump nimbly from the cab of the other, smaller truck that had pulled in beside Garrett’s. Unaware that I was watching him, he scowled in the direction of the house for a moment before smoothing out his features when Garrett met him at the front walk to the house. The only thing close to settling my nerves was that he looked as uncomfortable as I felt, but it only made that greasy roll of nausea come with more purpose.
I really wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t think I ever would be.
Unfortunately, the opportunity to stop this was now out of my hands because I felt the moment Holly slid to a stop next to me, the smell of chlorine and the dryer sheets that hugged the towel she wore, surrounding me in a unique bouquet.
“He came?” she asked quietly, peering over my shoulder.
“Looks that way, kiddo. You ready for this?”
I looked over my shoulder at the small smile on her beautiful face. She wasn’t sure, either. She was as nervous as I was, but for completely different reasons. Now that she’d found her father’s family, she was terrified that one of them would reject her. Her grandfather, her only living grandfather, was a big deal for her.
“Hey, it will be okay. We’re all here, baby.”
“What if he doesn’t like me, Mom?”
“Then it’s his loss. You’re the most perfect being I’ve ever set eyes on. If he can’t see that for the miracle it is, then we don’t need him in our lives.”
Holly sucked in a calming breath and tried to center herself. She nodded as she turned to face the opening door, her anticipation now riding her shoulders as she resolved herself to the worst-case scenario.
The air crackled the moment Paul Hill stepped into the room followed by his oldest son. Garrett shut the door behind him, unaware that his father had frozen the moment his eyes fell on Holly, causing Garrett almost to walk straight into him. The atmosphere immediately became heavy, tense, and charged. Just one spark and everything could go to hell in a handbasket, and three of the four of us knew it.
“Dad, this is your granddaughter, Holly Dee… and her mom, Mikayla.”
Paul’s eyes were wide as he took the room in. I knew what he saw. There were traces of Holly and me all over the place. A mermaid tail blanket draped over the back of the couch, and a teen magazine on the coffee table. Just little things showing our existence in this home, but it all added up to Garrett, his son’s, home being invaded by the female species. When his eyes finally settled on Holly and me, they widened in shock.
“Christ,” Paul said breathlessly as he studied Holly. “She looks just like him.”
Garrett clapped his father on the shoulder and guided him farther inside, out of the small foyer. Garrett said something under his breath and the older man nodded in agreement. Stepping forward, Paul stopped in front of a nervous Holly who looked like she was about to bolt. His breaths came fast and heavy and finally gave way to a heaving sob as he pulled her into an embrace. Within a moment of contact, Holly was crying, too.
“You look like your daddy and your grandma.” He wept quietly and pulled back to hold her at arm’s length. “You’re so beautiful, Holly. More beautiful than even Garrett said.”
“Thank you, sir.” Holly sniffed quietly and smiled. She still looked nervous, but it was nothing to do with rejection now. Shooting a quick glance at Garrett, her smile brightened as he winked at her.
“I didn’t know about you,” Paul said quietly, his eyes flickering to me filled with accusation. Whatever affection he suddenly felt for my daughter, that emotion was not extended to me, and I understood that. I’d never expected him to accommodate me in his life. We had too much of a history to just step past the awkwardness that was between us. I wasn’t, however, going to let my daughter be a witness to that side of this man. I could be the bigger person for now, but I needed to lay down some ground rules.
“Holly, honey, why don’t you go out back and let the others know we’ll be cooking here shortly?”
“Yes, Momma,” she answered obediently, fully understanding that things had the possibility to get a little strange between her grandfather and me. She stepped out of her grandfather’s embrace, kissed me and then Garrett, on the cheek before she disappeared into the back of the house.
“You have some goddamn nerve being here,” Paul shot at me the moment the patio doors slid closed.
“Dad, I told you—”
“Shut up, boy. You never did know when to keep your dick in your pants. You’re the biggest failure in our family, and this is how you prove yourself to me?”
“Christ, Dad.”
Ignoring his son, Paul stepped closer to me, his eyes suddenly filled with anger and hatred aimed directly my way. I wasn’t cowed by this man or his anger.
I wasn’t saddened by his refusal to accept me. I didn’t like him, and I hadn’t from the first time I’d known of his existence. My first knowledge of this man had been the emotional blackmail he’d used on his son to get him to do what he wanted. He’d pushed Dustin into a corner, and he’d rejected Garrett because he hadn’t followed the path he’d picked out for him. The man was hard, cold, and hateful, and worst of all a bully, but Garrett had needed to give him the chance to meet Holly. He’d needed him to know about our relationship.
Now he did.
“Mr. Hill,” I said, my voice toneless. “I understand you don’t like me much. I don’t particularly like you, either, but you’re here to meet my daughter—your granddaughter. Garrett assured me he wouldn’t invite you here unless he was absolutely sure you would extend her nothing but kindness—”
“She’s my blood,” he growled.
“She is, but that doesn’t give you the right to bad mouth me, her father, or her uncle to her. She looks older than her fourteen years, but she’s still my child. Holly has always wanted a bigger family, to learn about her past, and I want to give her everything she wants, but I need you to be the best man you can be around her. My girl has a good heart. She’s kind, sweet, smart, loving, and she’s the most important thing in my world. You will be lucky to get to know her, but you only have one chance here, Mr. Hill, and that’s because your eldest son asked it of me.”
“Who the hell are you to tell me…?”
It was my turn to interrupt him now.
“I’m Holly’s mother. Say what you want out of her earshot,—look at me how you want out of her sight, but never let her know your true feelings about me. She’s my daughter. These are my rules. I want her to get to know you, Mr. Hill, but you won’t use her against us like you did with your sons.”
“And this abomination?” he asked, pointing between Garrett and me. He didn’t even try to deny that he’d used emotional blackmail on both of his sons. He hadn’t so much as blinked. He simply stepped over it and continued on with his insults.