“Ooh. A bit touchy, are we?”
Tara found herself bitter with jealousy, but also proud to be, well, his girlfriend. Here was Josh, the centre of attention, just like she was sometimes. Like the time she had led her school debating team to win the provincial championship, or when she had organized the school’s first battle of the bands. Tara liked to be at the centre of things, too. She was good at making things happen, and so was Josh. But now it seemed like he had gone one big step ahead without her. “I found a major typo on page two,” she snipped.
Josh threw his hands up in the air. “What? Is that all you can say?”
Tara decided to back off. “Okay,” she said. “It was excellent. You captured everybody’s attention. But I still wish you hadn’t run Jenn’s story.”
“I had permission.”
Jenn’s story had made the whole paper. It showed just how easy it was for parents, social workers, and even the school to accidentally “conspire” to push a kid out onto the street. Jenn’s own words in the paper were simply, “Sometimes there’s just nowhere else to go.” And so that was the essence of “Becky’s Blues.” Combine that with the interview with Craig Hollet and a lot of editorializing by Josh, and this was a paper with one hell of a punch.
Josh walked Tara to their first period, study hall. Everyone was reading copies of The Rage, until the announcements came on. It was Mr. Henley himself making announcements about basketball practice cancellations and school fund-raisers and the dance on next Friday night. Then he got to the serious stuff.
“We are very concerned about a so-called alternative newspaper circulating at our school. This paper has abusive language and will not be tolerated at Citadel. Any copies seen by teachers should be confiscated. If, after today, students are still found reading this paper in school, they may face detention.”
Josh was up on his feet. “That’s censorship,” he said out loud. “He can’t do that.”
Tara knew that this was just what Josh wanted. There was no stopping him now.
“Will you please sit back down?” said Mr. Philips, the study hall teacher. “And be quiet.” Mr. Philips was already walking up and down the aisles picking up copies of The Rage. If anyone stashed one in their school bag before he got to them, however, he didn’t ask them to give it up.
Josh purposefully picked a handful of copies out of his bag and put them on his desk. Tara’s first reaction was that Josh was acting like a jerk. He just wanted the attention. All the other kids were looking. She knew she had a choice: let Josh go it alone or become his ally. It was a decision she wanted to avoid but she did feel a strong sense of loyalty to him — for all the time they’d been together and for the fact that he had stuck his neck out.
Tara grabbed a copy from Josh’s pile of papers and opened it up, pretending she was reading it, just as Philips got to her desk. When Philips asked her for it, she refused to give it up. When he tried to take it away from her, she held onto the paper until it ripped in half. Tara could read the look in his face: Don’t make me do this. Tara was beginning to think that she had gotten away with quite a bit in her day because she was one of the smartest kids in the school. None of the teachers wanted to see students like her get into too much trouble. Josh, however, was clearly an exception to the rule.
Mr. Philips looked at the stack of newspapers on Josh’s desk. “I’ll let you have one if you promise to read it,” Josh said.
Mr. Philips picked one up and tucked it under his arm. Then when he reached for the rest of the pile, Josh smacked his fist down on top of the papers. “Sorry,” he said, “only one per customer.”
The full attention of the class was on them now. Mr. Philips was trying to remain calm. “Okay,” he said to Josh. “Go down to Mr. Henley’s office.” Then he turned to Tara and added, “Both of you. Now. Before I lose my cool.”
Out in the hallway, Josh said, “That’ll be the day. Philips never loses his cool. In fact I don’t think the man has any emotions at all. He was manufactured, not born.”
Vice-principal Henley appeared to be expecting them. His office door was wide open. “I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” Josh said. He should have had his classic sweatshirt on, the one that read, “Don’t mind me. I’m just a smart-ass.”
“Sit,” Henley said. Tara was beginning to wonder if this was a cause worth fighting for. It was Josh’s deal. Sure, she wanted to see something done to help the kids on the street, but the method was all wrong. The ends justify the means. She could hear Josh’s words echoing in her head.
“The issue,” Henley began, “is this paper of yours. I don’t like something circulating around this school with that kind of language.”
“What kind of language?”
“Four-letter words. Foul, abusive words that offend many people.”
“If it offends you, don’t read it.”
“The issue is bigger than that, Josh. The issue is both foul language and distributing lies.”
“The issue is freedom of the press,” Josh snapped back. This was his scene. If he was going to be a martyr on this one, he wanted to go down in style. Suddenly Tara felt almost like she had been set up to be there as the audience for Josh’s big showdown.
“There are some valid points in The Rage,” Tara said. “People who run the school and people in government don’t seem to understand what it’s like out there. Josh’s trying to help to change that.”
“If I wasn’t your vice-principal, I’d probably sue this young man for libel.”
“You don’t like what I said about the way you treated Craig Hollet?” Josh interjected.
“Craig Hollet has a chip on his shoulder the size of a boulder. It’s unfortunate that he pushed us all too far.”
“I think it was a personal thing.”
“Young man, what you think doesn’t matter all that much to me. You may think you’re setting out to save the world, but I worry you don’t care who you hurt in the process.”
“Who am I hurting — aside from bruising your ego?”
“What about Jenn O’Brien? Are you sure it’s going to help her now that everyone knows her issues? I think you’re setting her up for bigger problems.”
Tara looked at Josh and saw that her instincts had been right. Henley knew. Everybody knew that “Becky’s Blues” was Jenn’s story.
“All I did was print the truth,” Josh said. “And like they say, the truth shall set you free.”
Tara couldn’t help but notice that Josh was looking pretty smug. She knew he was on top of the world. He didn’t care about Jenn. He had used her.
“Yeah, my friend. It has set you free. I’m giving you a one week’s suspension as of now. As you know, we don’t usually do this sort of thing, but I’ve already discussed the problem with a number of members of the school board. They agree with me on this, so I have their support. You’re free to do something other than come to school.”
“That’s not fair,” Tara blurted out. She wanted to say more, but it was hard to come to Josh’s defence when she could see him sitting there so satisfied with himself.
“I’m not sure I’m prepared to discuss what is and what isn’t fair,” Henley said as he turned to Tara. “Now what about you? How do you figure into this?”
“Leave her out of this,” Josh insisted, trying to play the macho hero now.
“Should I suspend you as well?” Henley asked Tara. “Am I missing something here that I should know?”
Tara really did not want to be suspended. This was Josh’s crisis. She knew that a week off would mean missing schoolwork, missing tests, getting lower grades. She had plans, big plans, and that meant she had to finish high school near the top of her class.
“I don’t know,” Tara heard herself say.
Before Josh could say anything else, Henley told Tara to go back to c
lass.
She and Josh both got up to leave. Tara followed Josh as he walked to the front door of the school. “I guess I rubbed his face in it,” Josh said, beaming.
“What about Jenn?” Tara asked. “Don’t you think it might be tough for her around here now that everybody knows all about her problems?”
“No big deal,” Josh said. “She’ll get over it. Everything will be cool.”
Tara wasn’t so sure, but she knew that what was done was done, and some things couldn’t be changed. But maybe it was time for Josh to do a little damage control. “Why don’t you do a second issue. No heavy language. Maybe print an apology to Henley. He was pretty reasonable, all things considered.”
Josh suddenly looked at her like she had just arrived from Saturn. “Are you crazy? I’m holding all the cards.” Josh was out the door. He turned once to say, “Have a nice day in school, sweetheart,” and he was gone. For once Tara was really glad to see him go.
Making Up
Despite Josh’s attitude, Tara did feel a little disappointed in herself. She didn’t like backing down from an issue. She opened her locker and looked at herself in the mirror. Slowly, it became clear to her. This wasn’t her problem. Josh had created this for himself, for his own glory. There was a bigger issue here: Jenn’s troubled life was now public information. Tara was sure this was going to be very bad news. There were girls in school who would taunt her and certain guys who might try to take advantage of her low self-esteem. Jenn was going to need Tara as a friend more than ever, and the two of them hadn’t even spoken since Monday.
Tara gave herself an insulting look in the mirror. On the surface, she looked like she had it all together. Her makeup was perfect, her hair styled just right. But inside she felt like a mess. Why had she not kept in touch with Jenn?
She sat through several classes, barely aware of what was going on. When she was called on in English to explain the meaning of a poem, she surprised herself, the teacher, and her fellow students by saying she didn’t know what it meant. All through the day, she asked everyone she knew if they’d seen Jenn. Jenn had been around school this week, but she wasn’t around today, the day the paper had come out.
Tracy, an occasional friend of Jenn’s, told Tara, “She said something about a new guy in her life. But that could be all over by now. Ancient history. You know what Jenn’s like when it comes to boyfriends.”
Tara knew that Jenn had the worst of instincts when it came to picking guys. She’d chosen some real losers before — guys with drug problems, guys who treated her like dirt.
“Hey,” Tracy added, “I guess you know who the real Becky is?”
“Yeah. I’m afraid I do.”
“Pretty easy to figure that one out,” Tracy said, smiled, and then walked off.
Tracy was a talker. If she knew, then everyone knew, even the ones who would have had a hard time figuring it out for themselves. No wonder Jenn wasn’t in school.
After school, Tara went downtown to Grafton Street, not far from the public library. Skateboarders were hacking around the old church. South End kids were trying to look like street kids, and street kids were trying to look like they were waiting around for something important to happen. A whole lot of energy was stirring around this corner of town without much of a focus.
Sure, Jenn had been around. She was always around. But where? Tara needed to talk to her now.
“I think she’s staying with Rob,” Craig said.
“Who’s Rob?” Tara asked.
“Rob’s from Toronto, I think. I don’t know much about him. He’s new. He’s got a place. He let some people crash there before. Girls, that is.”
So Tara was beginning to get some sort of picture. “Thanks, Craig.”
She turned just then to catch a glimpse of someone walking into the Black Market boutique. Jenn.
Tara ran down the street, coming within inches of crashing into a skateboarder trying to do a screeching slide along the curb. Inside the Black Market she saw Jenn looking aimlessly at some of the clothing that she couldn’t afford and would never buy anyway.
“Hey,” Tara said softly.
Jenn turned. When she saw who it was, she began to head for the door.
“Wait.” Tara followed her out into the street. “We need to talk.”
“Not much to say. Looks like I’ve been double-crossed by both you and your boyfriend.” She was walking away at a fast clip.
Tara felt strangely abandoned. “He’s not my boyfriend!” she shouted to Jenn.
That did it. Jenn stopped dead in her tracks. No matter what insult Jenn had suffered, she couldn’t just walk away without hearing the news, without getting the story. She turned around, slowly walked back to her old friend.
“You two broke up?”
“Not exactly.”
“He’s a menace, you know,” Jenn said. Obviously “Becky’s Blues” had already done some damage.
“I think I know that. Guys can be such a pain.” Tara wanted to know about this Rob. She didn’t want to push it, though. Jenn said nothing, looking down at her running shoes.
“Come on,” Tara said. “We’ll go to the Trident. I’ll buy you anything you like that’s on the menu.”
“Cool,” Jenn said.
The café was packed with the high school crowd. They found an empty table by the window and ordered cheesecake and fair-trade coffee. Tara didn’t say anything until Jenn had greedily polished off her plate and was looking a little less frayed.
“I’m sorry about the other day at the nursing home, I really am. That was stupid of me.”
“Seems like everyone wants to tell my story. I don’t get it. Maybe I can sell the film rights for millions.”
“Jenn, we’ve been friends for a long time. You have to forgive me.”
“You just feel sorry for me, that’s all. Everybody feels sorry for me, but nobody really wants to help.”
“You can stay at my house. For as long as you like,” Tara said. “My parents will say it’s okay if I insist.”
Jenn shook her head. “I can’t do that to you. Besides, I got a place to stay.”
“Rob?”
“How’d you know?”
Tara shrugged, afraid to say the wrong thing.
“Right. Word on the street.”
“Tell me about Rob.”
“What’s to tell? He’s twenty and he came down from Ontario. Not bad looking. He saw me hanging around, asked me to come visit. So I dropped by. He was nice. He got a little pushy, but I told him to back off and he did.”
“And that’s it.”
“Pretty much. He said I could stay there if I wanted. No strings attached.”
“No strings,” Tara found herself repeating. Her mind was full of all the worst kind of images. She knew what kind of guys Jenn was attracted to and what kind of guys were attracted to her.
“Isn’t he a little old?”
“What’s age got to do with it?”
Tara decided not to push it on that one. She didn’t want to sound like she was prying. She just wanted to be a friend, but there were so many questions in her head.
“You want something else? How about dessert?”
“All we had was dessert.”
“So. How about another one?”
“Sure. Why not? If you’re paying.”
“So, you weren’t in school today.” There. She said it, sounding all too much like somebody’s mother, but she knew Jenn wouldn’t walk out on her now. Another piece of cherry cheesecake was on the way.
“I don’t know if I can face all those kids again,” Jenn said. “They know everything about me, about my messed-up family.”
“Then why did you let Josh do his stupid story?”
“Because he promised no one
would know. And he said you thought it was a good idea.”
“Josh would say anything to get his way. If I were smart, I’d just walk away from him and never talk to him again.”
“You two have a fight?” Jenn was suddenly animated. Now she wanted the gossip on her friend.
“Not exactly. I just think I’ve had it with his ego. I think it’s over between us.”
“You’re going to break up with him?”
“I’m thinking about it. I’m just waiting for the right time to do it.”
“I can see how it would be hard to dump a guy like Josh. He’s got everything: looks, brains, money. But he’s a jerk.”
“Guys are a whole lot of trouble,” Tara said and when she looked up at Jenn, she saw Jenn was smiling. She suddenly felt like they were still two little kids, sharing their innermost secrets. They’d been friends for a long time, through a lot of problems, through plenty of boyfriends.
“A lot of trouble,” Jenn echoed.
“What about Rob?”
“Rob’s okay.” Then there was a pregnant pause.
“But?”
“But once in a while, he does have a bit of an attitude.”
“What kind of attitude?”
Jenn didn’t answer. “Thanks for the treat,” she said. “It’s exactly what I needed.”
No Parents
So Josh got suspended, and Tara watched as he got the glory he craved. It was election time at school, and a normally dull and pointless student-council election had turned into something else. Posters started appearing around the halls that said, “Josh Donnelly for President,” and “Bring Back Freedom of the Press.”
Josh wasn’t even allowed on the school grounds because of his suspension, but Tara knew that he had masterminded this move. It was just like him. But why hadn’t he called her? That seemed awfully strange.
Henley came on the P.A. Tuesday morning and said that school policy stated that a student on suspension or one with a serious discipline record at the school wasn’t eligible to run for a “prestigious position like student-council president.” Tara knew that he had made that one up on the spur of the moment. No one ever really expected the hard cases to have the gall to run for the office. But Josh was another story.
Hell's Hotel Page 3