Wham! Kevin slugged Buzz in the stomach. The big dummy lost his balance and fell into the other kids. The next thing Kevin knew, the whole choir started to collapse like a bunch of bowling pins. The Christmas trees and wreaths crashed down as kids grabbed for anything that would help them keep their balance. Finally the entire chorus fell in on itself, forming a writhing mass of arms, legs, electric candles, and Christmas trees.
In the audience Kate McCallister closed her eyes and shook her head in despair. Why was it always her children who caused the worst scenes?
December 22
The McCallister Residence
8:30 P.M.
The entire clan was gathered in the living room. Buzz and Kevin sat in chairs in front of the fireplace, facing them. It was like being on trial, with Kate as the prosecutor and the rest of the family, the jury.
"Buzz, you're the oldest so you'll go first," Kate said.
Buzz stood up and cleared his throat. He stared down at the floor.
"I want to apologize to all of you for whatever displeasure I caused. And I want to apologize to my brother." Buzz turned to Kevin. "I'm sorry, Kevin. My prank was immature and ill-timed."
"Immature or not, it was pretty hilarious," Uncle Frank said. The other adults glared angrily at him and he sank down into his chair.
"I can assure you all that there will be absolutely no more shenanigans from me," Buzz continued with the most phony apology Kevin had ever heard. "Christmas is a sacred, happy, family, together, loving, caring, getting-along-time-of-year, and everybody in the family of man should go along with that. . . . Amen."
Kate smiled proudly. "That was very nice, Buzz."
Kevin's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe his mother had actually believed that garbage. Meanwhile, Buzz turned back to Kevin. When Buzz was certain no one else in the family could see him, he curled his lips back and grinned maliciously at Kevin, wiggling his retainer with his tongue.
"Try to beat that, you little trout sniffer," Buzz whispered. Then he sat down in his chair, looking repentant.
"Kevin?" Kate said. "What do you have to say?"
Kevin rose and stared at them. He couldn't believe that they'd bought all the lies Buzz had just told. Couldn't they see that Buzz was yanking their chains? As Kevin looked into their eager, expectant faces, he could see that they'd been totally conned.
Well, Kevin thought, I'm going to tell them the truth.
"I'm not sorry," he said defiantly. "I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and, since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?"
A shocked silence fell over the McCallisters. Then Uncle Frank jumped up from his chair and pointed a threatening finger at Kevin. "You better not wreck my vacation, you little sourpuss. Your dad's paying good money for this trip."
Kevin just smirked. Typical, he thought, and then turned to leave.
"Stop, Kevin!" Kate shouted.
"If you walk out of here, you'll sleep in the attic!" his father yelled.
Kevin looked back at them and shrugged. "So what else is new?"
December 22
The Third Floor
9 P.M.
Kevin laid on the fold-out couch and stared up at the attic rafters. How could they ever believe Buzz? he thought angrily. What a bunch of jerks.
He heard footsteps on the stairs. That would be his mother, of course, coming up to yell at him.
A moment later Kate opened the door and entered the room. Kevin stared straight up at the rafters and ignored her.
"The last time we all tried to go on a trip, we had a problem that started just like this," Kate said.
"Yeah," Kevin said bitterly. "With me getting dumped on."
Kate crossed her arms firmly. "That isn't what happened last time and it isn't what's happening now. Your brother Buzz apologized to you."
"And when you couldn't see, he wiggled his retainer at me," Kevin said. "He didn't mean what he said. He was just kissing up to you."
"I'm sorry, Kevin, but I don't believe that," Kate replied. "You've been so negative lately. I wish you'd be more cooperative. Now, we're all getting on that airplane at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Your father's spending a lot of money to take us to Florida."
"Great," Kevin snapped. "We're going to spend three and a half hours cooped up in an airplane just so we can see a bunch of palm trees and old people with bony legs."
It was obvious to Kate that her son wasn't ready to cooperate. "All right, Kevin. You sit up here for a while and think about it. When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and the rest of the family—"
"I'm not apologizing to Buzz," Kevin shouted. "I'd rather kiss a toilet seat."
"Then you can stay up here for the rest of the night."
"Fine," said Kevin. All the anger he was feeling spilled out. "I don't want to be down there anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation. By myself. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun of my whole life."
"You got your wish last year," Kate warned him. "Maybe you'll get it again this year."
"I sure hope so!" Kevin yelled at her.
Kate gazed helplessly at her young son. She didn't understand what was troubling him. Maybe he just had to be left alone. She turned and went back down the stairs.
Kevin watched his mother leave. Then he looked up at the rafters. Someday I'm going to go away all by myself, he thought. No one will bother me, no one will make fun of me, no one will cause me any trouble.
December 23
Oak Park
9 A.M.
The morning sunlight peeked through the bedroom curtains. Kate lay under the covers, dreaming that she was lying on a large rubber raft in a clear blue pool. On a terrace beside her, Peter sat at an umbrella table, wearing a thick white robe, sipping freshly squeezed orange juice, and reading the paper. The children had gone to the beach for the day, and Kate was luxuriating in the peace and quiet.
Suddenly she heard a loud knocking sound.
"Hey! Anybody home?" a voice shouted. "Ya better hurry or you're gonna miss your plane!"
Plane? Kate thought as she started to wake.
Oh, no! Kate sat straight up in bed and stared at Peter in wide-eyed terror.
"We did it again!" They screamed simultaneously.
In a flash they burst out of bed and started to wake the others. Moments later the three-story house was a mass of hysteria as the McCallisters dressed and got ready to leave. Still pulling on a blouse and slacks, Kate ran to the bottom of the third-floor stairs.
"Kevin!" she shouted.
Kevin opened the door from the third floor and rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Yeah?"
"Get dressed!" Kate gasped. "We're not leaving you this time. And wear your warm blue coat. It's cold out."
"Sure, Mom." Kevin yawned.
A few minutes later the front door burst open and fourteen hastily dressed people dragged their luggage outside. Their shirttails flapped in the winter air, their shoelaces were untied and their coats unbuttoned as they hurried into the two airport vans waiting in the driveway.
Kate stood on the porch and directed traffic. "Our McCallisters in the first van, the other McCallisters in the second van!"
Uncle Frank came out of the house lugging a heavy suitcase. "I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip," he mumbled, "but you people give the worst wake-up calls!"
Kate grabbed him. "Do you have the plane tickets?"
"Leslie's in charge of the tickets," Uncle Frank said. "I'm in charge of hotel reservations."
Kate let him go. A second later Aunt Leslie rushed out of the house waving the airline tickets.
"Got 'em, Kate!" she gasped. Peter came next, panting for breath.
"Why is it that every time we go on a trip, we leave in a state of confusion?" he asked.
"We'll have all vacation to ponder that," Kate replied. "Do you think everyone's out?"
"I hope so."
"Okay," said Kate. "Lock up."
While her husband locked the front door, Kate ran to the van holding Frank and his family.
"Leslie!" she banged on the van's window.
"What?" Leslie rolled the window down.
"How many do you have?"
"Seven."
Kate ran to her van. She needed to count seven more heads. She started with herself and Peter, then added Buzz, Linnie, Megan, Jeff . . . Kate's jaw fell open. Only thirteen!
"Kevin!" she cried out in a panic.
Kevin stuck his head out from the front bucket seat and waved his boarding pass at her. "Cool your jets, Mom. And this time I'll carry my own ticket. Just in case you guys try and ditch me."
Kate breathed a huge sigh of relief.
"Everyone present and accounted for?" the van's driver asked.
"Yes," Kate said "Go!"
The vans roared out of the driveway. Next stop, O'Hare Airport and their plane to Florida . . . if it hadn't left yet.
December 23
O'Hare Airport
9:55 A.M.
With five minutes left before departure time, both vans screeched to a stop in front of the American Airlines terminal. People and bags began pouring out of the vans' doors.
"Hurry everyone!" Peter shouted as skycaps in black and red uniforms quickly tagged the luggage and threw it onto baggage carts. The families rushed into the terminal, but Kevin lagged behind. The batteries in his Talkboy had run low.
"Dad." He tugged at his father's tan overcoat. "I need batteries."
"I don't have any," his father hastily replied, but Kevin knew that wasn't true. His father always carried extra batteries in his brown travel bag. Kevin reached for the bag.
"Not now," his father said, pulling it away.
"Come on." Kate tugged at the shoulder of Kevin's coat and guided him toward the doors. "Everyone to the plane. Let's go!"
"Wait a minute." Kevin pulled away. "I really need batteries."
Near him, the skycap handed Frank the stubs from the luggage tags. Then the man rubbed his thumb and fingers together.
"Oh, uh . . ." Frank patted his pockets. "Uh, Peter? Can you tip this guy? The smallest bill I have is a twenty. I'll pay you back of course."
Kevin had heard that one before. Peter put the brown travel bag on the baggage cart, took out his wallet, and gave the skycap his tip. Kevin waited until his father put his wallet back, then he quietly took the bag.
"What's our gate?" Peter asked, momentarily forgetting about the bag.
"E-fifteen. It's all the way at the end." The skycap looked at his watch. "You better run."
Peter ran inside and Kevin followed. The other McCallisters were jogging down the concourse ahead of them. Keeping one eye on his father's tan overcoat, Kevin unzipped the brown bag. Inside he found a Polaroid camera, his father's wallet, an address book, an envelope filled with cash, and a package of batteries.
I knew it, Kevin thought. Still following the tan overcoat, he tore open the package of batteries and started to replace the used ones in his Talkboy.
Kevin didn't realize that his father wasn't the only man in O'Hare Airport that morning wearing a tan overcoat. As Kevin concentrated on putting the new batteries in the Talkboy, another man in a tan overcoat stepped out of a snack bar and started to rush toward his plane. Kevin saw the tan overcoat and kept following.
As the man hurried through a gate and into a jetway, a blonde ticket agent took his boarding pass and added it to the others in her hand. As she started to close the jetway door, Kevin raced up.
"Wait for me!" he shouted. But as he hurried toward her, he tripped on his shoelace.
Oof! Kevin slammed into the ticket agent and a hundred and fifty boarding passes fell to the floor.
"Gosh, I'm sorry!" Kevin panted as he got up.
"Don't worry about it." The ticket agent kneeled down to pick up the passes. "Are you on this flight?"
"Yeah," Kevin said in a rush. "And so's my family. But they're already on the plane and I don't want to get left behind."
"Do you have your boarding pass?" the agent asked.
"It's . . ." Kevin pointed down at the boarding passes scattered all over the floor.
A man wearing green coveralls came up the jetway from the plane.
"We gotta close up here," he said. "They gotta go.
"But he dropped his boarding pass." The ticket agent pointed at Kevin.
"They can't leave!" Kevin cried. "This happened to me last year and it almost wrecked my Christmas."
"You're sure your family's on this flight?" the man asked.
Kevin nodded. "My dad got on just before I crashed into this lady."
"All right." The man turned to the ticket agent. "I guess you should board him and make sure he locates his family."
Kevin and the ticket agent hurried down the jetway and into the plane. "Do you see your family?" the ticket agent asked.
The plane was a wide body and the aisles were crowded with people taking off their coats and putting carry-ons in the overhead bins. Kevin spotted the tan overcoat. The man wearing it had his back turned. "That's my dad."
"Good," said the ticket agent. "Take any open seat and have a Merry Christmas."
Kevin found a place to sit and put his blue coat in the overhead bin and his father's brown travel bag under the seat in front of him. He glanced around to see if any members of his family were sitting nearby, but the aisle was still crowded and he didn't see any familiar faces. That bothered him for a moment, but he decided they must've been spread around the plane in random seats. Kevin settled back and slipped on the earphones of his Talkboy. It was going to be a long, boring flight, and he figured he'd better entertain himself.
Not far away, another jet was also pulling away from its gate. In the first-class section Peter and Kate were still settling into their seats.
"I never thought we'd make it," Peter said as he sat back and relaxed. Next to him Kate bit her lip and furrowed her brow.
"Something wrong?" Peter asked.
"I don't know," Kate replied. "It's that feeling.''
"That you forgot something?" Peter asked.
"I know I didn't," Kate said. "But I can't shake the feeling . . ."
Peter took her hand in his and squeezed. "It's just bad memories. That's all. We did everything, we brought everything. We're all here. There's nothing to worry about."
Kate smiled weakly and tried to relax. It had been a year since they'd all tried to take a Christmas vacation together. She just hoped this one would go better than the last.
December 23
LaGuardia Airport
New York
11:30 A.M.
As his jet touched down on the runway, Kevin looked up in surprise. Wow, the time had really passed quickly. All around him people were getting up and filing out of the plane. Kevin got his coat and the brown travel bag, and walked up the jetway. He waited by the gate and looked for a familiar face. Dozens of people passed, but none of them were McCallisters. Finally the flight crew came out pulling their bags behind them. Kevin looked back into the jetway. It was empty.
That's weird, he thought. Where's my family? It was possible that they'd all been sitting in the front and had gotten off before him. But then why didn't they wait? Kevin started down the crowded concourse, searching every face he saw, but his family wasn't there. He ducked into the men's room and looked at the feet inside the stalls. One pair of shoes looked vaguely familiar.
"Dad?" he knocked on the stall.
"Get lost," a man's voice replied.
He knocked on another stall. "Uncle Frank?"
"Get outta here!"
Kevin left the men's room. He didn't understand it. They wouldn't just leave him. Not after what happened last year. Back on the concourse he noticed something else strange. Everyone was wearing coats and hats and gloves.
Was Florida having a cold spell?
Kevin decided to go to the ticket counter. A ticket agent was speaking into a phone nestled on her shoulder while she typed on her computer. Standing on his tiptoes, Kevin could barely see her over the counter.
"Excuse me, ma'am." His words came out in a rush of nervousness. "How come it's so cold outside? Isn't it supposed to be in the seventies? And also, how come I don't see any palm trees or senior citizens in shorts?"
The ticket agent scowled at him. "I'll be with you in a minute." She turned back to her call.
Kevin sighed and lowered himself to the floor. He noticed that a wall of large picture windows lined the terminal. Through the windows he could see a city skyline looming in the distance.
Suddenly Kevin felt queasy. He turned back to the counter. The ticket agent was still on the phone, but he waved at her anyway. Finally she put her hand over the receiver.
"What is it now?" she asked irritably.
"I know you told me to wait, but this is an emergency." Kevin quickly pointed toward the picture windows. "What city is that back there?"
"New York," the agent said.
New York!!!?
Kevin's eyes went wide and he grabbed his head. "I did it again!"
The ticket agent stared over the counter at him. "Is something wrong?"
"Where's Florida?" Kevin quickly asked.
"About fifteen hundred miles that way." The agent pointed south.
Kevin was in a state of shock. He walked slowly toward the picture windows. There was no doubt that the city out there was New York. He could see the pointy top of the Empire State Building, and the World Trade Center towers looking like two long building blocks turned on end. It was unbelievable! His dumb family was in Florida. He was in New York.
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