by E. A. James
CHAPTER ELEVEN
When she regained consciousness, Margaret wasn’t sure where she was. She kept her eyes shut tightly, afraid to open them. She was lying on the ground. She must have fallen forward when she blacked out. The images of the night flashed through her mind.
She was with Michael. They were watching a movie, and then he tried to rape her. That much she was sure of. But what happened next was too strange to be true. She remembered a gorilla. A gorilla? That couldn’t be right. It couldn’t have been. But something did come in the room; something did save her.
She reached her hands up and ran them through her hair, taking a deep breath before opening her eyes. When she did, she looked around the room. Everything seemed to be in order. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. She tried to push herself up to her feet, but as she did she saw him.
In the far corner of the room was a gorilla. It was large—larger than any gorilla she had seen before. It was huddled into a ball, but its eyes were fixed on her.
She ducked back down quickly, trying to hide, but it was too late. She heard the animal begin to move towards her. Under the seats, she could see its massive hands and feet getting closer. When it got to the front row, standing only ten feet away from her, it stopped.
She began to feel dizzy, and she was afraid she would pass out again. She forced herself to take deep breaths. If she lost consciousness there’s no telling what the animal might do to her. She had to stay alert. Maybe she could at least attempt to defend herself. The gorilla stared at her but didn’t move.
The look on its face seemed like one of sadness. It tilted its head to the side and took one hesitant step forward. As it did she backed herself up, trying to keep the distance between them. It took another step, and she scooted back again. After only a few shuffles backward she felt herself hit the wall. She was trapped! The animal continued coming towards her, though.
When it reached her, it sat down abruptly. When it leaned forward she wanted to scream, but before she could, he rested his head gently on her chest and looked up at her.
The eyes! There was something about his eyes that seemed familiar to her. She looked at them closely, and as she did she felt her hands stop shaking and her breathing become steadier. They were the same dark blue eyes that she had looked into for the last month. It was Joshua!
CHAPTER TWELVE
“I don’t understand,” she said more to herself than to him. “How… How is it possible?”
They were no longer in the theater. They were in his room. When he transitioned back to his human form, the scene was so intense that it caused Margaret to pass out again. She tried to replay the images in her mind. In one instant she was sitting in the corner of the cinema, with a gorilla resting his head on her lap. And then, almost in a flash, the animal began to shake violently and right before her eyes, transformed into the man she had come to have feelings for secretly.
He had carried her back to his room, where he dressed quickly and waited for her to come to. When she did, she was lying on his bed, and he was sitting next to her, running his hands through her hair.
“I don’t know why it happens,” he said to her remorsefully.
“How long?” she asked softly.
“My entire life,” he answered slowly, letting the words wash over her. “For as long as I can remember, at least.”
“Is that why I have to chain you up every night?” she said, finally putting all the pieces together.
“Yes. The shifts—they’re becoming more intense, more frequent. I can’t control it,” he admitted.
“Does it happen every night?” she asked.
“You already know the answer to that.”
“So, the mornings that I come in and you’re… you’re naked?”
“Yes. Those are the nights that I shift.”
“But that’s almost every other day!”
“It didn’t use to happen so often. In the past, I could even control it. I could decide when I changed. But now, it seems like the beast inside me is controlling me, not the other way around.”
“That’s what you meant when you were talking about being mentally strong,” she said as everything fell more and more into place.
“Yes,” he admitted. “It’s something I wish I could take hold of. But sometimes I just feel so filled with rage and anger that it consumes me.” He stood to his feet quickly, covering his face with his hands. He let out a soft groan, almost like saying the words was causing him to feel the rage right then. “It’s ruining my life, Margaret!” he exclaimed loudly.
She pushed herself up and rushed over to his side. “What do you mean?” she asked, putting her arm around him, trying to comfort him.
“Everyone thinks I’m losing it!” he continued to speak emphatically. “I had to sell my company! I couldn’t risk going into work every day. The high-stress and constant fights with clients were starting to make it too dangerous.” He turned to face her. His face softened slightly as he looked down at her. “I’ve had to lock myself away here. I haven’t left my home in years,” he said in almost a whisper. “They’re written articles on me, I’ve seen them. ‘Billionaire loses his mind and his company’ was probably the worst of the headlines.”
She took him by the hand and led him back to the bed. “Is it really that bad?” she asked.
“Last night was the worst,” he said quietly. “Your date…”
“Michael,” she said under her breath. “What happened to him?”
“I can’t tell you.” He turned away from her as he spoke.
She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her again. “Tell me, Joshua.”
“I killed him, Margaret.” As he said the words a cold shiver ran up her spine. “I don’t know what came over me. But I saw him on top of you like that, and I just… I just lost it! I had to protect you. I had to save you somehow.”
The mixture of emotions she felt left her speechless. She was grateful for his actions, but at the same time the realization that he killed someone was still heavy on her heart.
“I understand if you want to leave. If you don’t feel safe here anymore,” he said reaching his hand out and running it along her chin.
“I’m not afraid of you,” she said looking him deep in the eyes. She couldn’t ever be afraid of him. She knew him. He was kind, and gentlemanly, and sophisticated. He didn’t scare her—her made her feel safe.
“Maybe you should be,” he whispered as he leaned in closer.
She didn’t answer. She just wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his face to hers. As they kissed passionately, her body began to ache for him. She ran her hands down his back, feeling his strong, defined muscles. He pulled away slightly and lifted the shirt off over his head. She slowly removed her dress, her whole body trembling with anticipation. When they came together again, they collapsed into the bed in a rush of passion.
He delicately kissed her body, moving from her neck to her chest, then to her stomach, sending a tingle down her spine. With each gentle peck, her body surged with desire. She ran her fingers through his hair, her hands shaking.
When he looked up at her, his eyes were filled with a spark of excitement. She pulled him back up to her, and as he kissed her neck, she nibbled at his ear. His hands ran up and down her body, feeling her soft skin under his fingertips. She pushed him up off of her and onto his back. She positioned herself on top of him, letting the sensation of being with him fill her completely. She let out a soft cry of pleasure as he reached up and pulled her down on top of him. He pulled at her hair, and she sank her teeth into his neck. Their bodies moved as one, the experience becoming more intense and passionate as they let themselves become lost in the moment.
There was no regret. There was no holding back. She gave herself to him completely. His strong arms and muscular frame enveloped her, making her feel completely safe. The feeling of being with him left her overwhelmed with passion and comfort. She didn’t want the experience to e
nd. She wanted to be with him forever, to always have his body close to hers. Everything about being with him was absolutely perfect and left her wanting more.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
When she woke up the next morning, she felt like her life had somehow changed. Something inside her had been released. She didn’t feel like the shy, awkward girl who came to the city with nothing. She felt renewed, strong, and confident. But when she rolled over to wrap her arm around Joshua and pull him close, all those feelings left at once. He was gone.
She sat up quickly, searching the room. He was nowhere to be seen. A sinking feeling began to form in the pit of her stomach as she dressed and slipped out into the hall to look for him. She found him where she knew she would—in the sitting room. “You left,” she said softly as she walked up behind him.
“We need to talk, Margaret,” he said to her coldly, not turning to address her.
The feeling in her stomach became more intense as she walked around to the front of the couch and sat down next to him. His eyes were fixed on the floor, but she could still see that they were filled with sadness. “What is it?” she asked nervously.
“What happened, between you and me last night, it shouldn’t have,” he said, sadness and remorse heavy on his voice.
Although she had an idea of what he would say, hearing the words vocalized still sent her world crashing down around her. “I don’t understand,” she said, trying to keep the tears from escaping.
He turned and looked at her slowly. “It’s not safe for you, Margaret.”
“But I told you, I’m not afraid of you. I trust you!”
“You shouldn’t.” He took her hand in his. “I don’t trust me.”
“But you said,” she tried to interject. “You said that I calmed you, right? That being with me helped to relax you?”
“You do, Margaret. Honestly, you do.”
“Then why…?” She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
“Because,” he said letting out a long sigh. “Because, like I told you, it’s getting more intense—harder to control. Being with you helps for now, but in a month?” He reached out and brushed the tears from her face. “I can’t risk hurting you. If I ever did anything to you…” his voice cracked slightly. “I couldn’t live with myself if I ever did anything to hurt you.”
“You wouldn’t do that!” she exclaimed.
“I would like to think that, too,” he admitted. “But after what happened with Michael, I’m not so sure I can believe it. I don’t know who I am right now. I haven’t for a long time.”
The room fell silent as they sat, staring into each other’s eyes. Margaret couldn’t stop her heart from aching. “So, what now?” she said in a hushed tone.
“There’s only one option.” He looked away from her as he spoke. “I’m sorry, but you have to leave, Margaret. The arrangement between us needs to end.”
She wanted to argue with him; she wanted to change his mind, but she couldn’t find the words. His mind was made up, and there was nothing she could do about it. She stood without saying anything and began walking towards her room.
When she got to her room, she stood motionless for a minute. Where did she go now? What did she do? She looked around the room and an overwhelming sadness filled her. It wasn’t because she had to leave the high-end penthouse or the lifestyle she had let grow on her. It was because she had to leave him. “Do you need help?” she heard Joshua ask. She hadn’t noticed that he had followed her down the hall.
She turned slowly to look up at him, the tears flowing freely from her eyes. “I don’t have anywhere to go,” she sobbed.
“What?” he asked, a look of concern and hurt crossing his face.
“I came here, to the city, with nothing. I have no friends; I have no life, no money, nowhere to go!” As she spoke he reached his arms out and wrapped them around her, pulling her into his chest. She buried her face into him and cried softly. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her.
She pulled back slightly and wiped her palm along her cheeks, trying to dry her tears. “When I came here I wanted adventure. I wanted to find something new and exciting. And I did. I found it with you.” As she spoke she saw the pain in his eyes. “You’re the only person I can really trust,” she said quietly.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked her softly.
“Of course,” she replied.
“You’re the only person, besides Henry and my family, who knows about me. I’ve kept my secret hidden from everyone—my colleagues, my friends. I’ve never felt so completely comfortable with someone as to share that side of myself with them.”
“Then don’t make me leave,” she begged.
“I’m very sorry. I wish I could do something to fix all of this. I wish I could be someone else for you. But I can’t, Margaret. I can only be who, or what, I am.” He held her out at arm’s length. “I will arrange for you to stay in one of my apartments in the city.”
“No,” she replied firmly. “I can’t let you do that.”
“I insist,” he said pulling her close to him again. “Like I said. I just want to know that you’re going to be okay. Please let me do this for you.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“I know, mom! I’m really excited. The play is great! Everyone loves it!” Margaret exclaimed into her phone. “You and dad will be able to come see it, right?”
It had been three months since she left her position working for Joshua McGuire. At first, adjusting to life without him was harder than she thought it would be. From time to time she still found herself instinctively looking down at her watch when 11:00pm got close. And in the mornings, she still woke up at 6:45, even though her alarm wasn’t set to go off until 8:00.
The apartment he put her up in was nice. It wasn’t as extravagantly elegant as his penthouse, but it was still much more than she could have ever dreamed of getting for herself. It was in a great neighborhood, and right down the street from that acting agency that Joshua hired to represent her. She didn’t expect him to do that for her. He didn’t even tell her it was him who did it. When she got the call, she was completely in shock. She could never afford to hire an agent, especially one as top-of-the-line as the person she was speaking to! But when they told her they got her information from a reliable and notable source, who believed in her so much he was footing the bill for their services, she put the pieces together.
“Closing night is on Friday,” she continued speaking to her mother. With the help of the agent, she was finally able to land her first officially paid acting job. Rehearsals had been long and intense, but she loved every minute of it. She had even made a few friends who were also performing in the play.
“Great! I can’t wait to see you both!” she said as she dropped the last of her items into the cardboard box in the center of the now empty bedroom. The acting role she got had paid so well that she was able to get her own place. It was smaller than where she was currently living, but it was going to be hers.
“Love you, too. Bye.” When she hung up the phone she stepped back to take in the moment. She had a sense of accomplishment. Everything in her life was going perfectly. Still, one thing was missing—Joshua. He was constantly on her mind. She worried about him. She just wanted to know if he was okay. She had considered calling him a few times, but her better judgment prevented her from actually going through with it.
She pushed the thoughts of him from her mind and continued to move from room to room, making sure that all of her things were packed up. When she reached the kitchen, the chime of the doorbell stopped her. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Confused, she walked over to the door and pulled it open.
What she saw made her heart leap into her throat. “Joshua!” she exclaimed as she stepped back quickly, stunned.
“Margaret,” he said formally. “Can I come in?”
“Of course!” she said, stepping to the side and motioning for him to enter. “Is everything okay?” she asked. She didn’t exp
ect to see him ever again. Maybe he was here because something was wrong?
“No,” he said when they reached the family room. He took her hands in his and pulled her down onto the couch next to him. “Nothing is okay.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked, scared and worried.
“I was wrong to send you away, Margaret. I need you.”
“What?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her heart began to beat faster.
“I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since the day you left. I feel hopeless, almost lost without you! I tried to force myself back into my old routine, but it didn’t work. The house feels so empty without you. I feel empty without you.”