by Becca Dale
Oh, God, how do I make him believe me? The hours she'd spent in the car, debating what to say—the truth or a lie that would enable him to move on—had done no good. No matter what she said or did, she'd convince him that she was no better than his stepmother. She sucked in a deep breath and offered at least a partial truth. “I have to leave.”
He reached for her, but she drew back, crossing her arms to keep from throwing them around his neck. “You're scaring me, beauty.”
Tears burned in her nose and throat, but she shrugged, as if her heart were still whole. “I'm done. I'm sorry. I would never have married you if I'd known.”
“Known what?” He stepped back, hands buried in his pants pockets.
“I can't be married to you.” She took the contract from her purse and tossed it on the chair. “I shouldn't have agreed to this insanity.”
“But you did.” His rigid posture shouted at her though he had not raised his voice. “A contract is worth no more than the paper it's written on unless both parties want it. You're free to walk away. I've said that from the beginning.”
Tell me you love me and I'll stay. If he'd admit he felt something, anything at all, she would tell him the truth, but reality shone in his flint-hard stare. No matter how much she wanted to believe their marriage meant more to him, it was business, just as he'd claimed from the start. If she stayed, he'd grow to hate her. If she left, he'd get over it and move on. “Then I guess this is my notice to terminate the agreement.”
She thrust her wedding ring in his hand and walked from the room before the tears could spill, but she could not hold them back until she escaped the building. Darcy caught at her arm. “Savannah? What's wrong, honey?”
A gasp tore from her before she could stop it. Twisting away from her sister-in-law, she shoved open the door and walked out of Gavin's life and into hell.
Struggling to breathe around the pain in his chest, Gavin strolled to the windows in the reception area and watched Savannah walk out of his life. How had his marriage fallen into the shitter so fast? The night before she'd squirmed and cried in his arms, begging him to never stop. What the hell had changed?
Darcy smacked his arm. “What did you do?”
Turning, he glared at his little sister. “Nothing. It was bound to happen. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.”
He started to walk away, but Marc stepped in his path. “I don't think so. She was crying.”
Was she? How had he missed that? Not surprising since his heart had just been ripped from his chest and stomped beneath her graceful foot. “She left. I didn't tell her to go.”
“Gavin.” Darcy put her hand on his arm. “Think about it. You said yourself Savannah is different, that she commits to things hardcore. What did you do that made her walk out?”
“Nothing, damn it!”
His baby sister's look called him on his defensive crap. “Marriage needs communication to survive, remember. Don't let yours end this way.”
“She said everything I needed to hear.”
“Maybe so, but did you tell her everything?”
I'm done. I'm sorry. I would never have married you if I'd known.
His bride's words echoed in his head with the impact of armor piercing bullets. Known what? What the hell had happened in the eight hours they'd been apart? Had she lied on their wedding night? Had her tears that night been pain or something other than the overwhelming emotion she'd claimed? His fingers closed around the ring in his pocket. It symbolized commitment—something he'd thought she understood—something she did understand. Marc and Darcy were right. She wouldn't have walked out without reason. He didn't care what that reason was, he wasn't letting her go without a damned fight.
“I gotta go.” He dropped a quick kiss on Darcy's cheek and ran after his wife. Her bright purple shirt caught his eye as she disappeared around the corner onto the main street. He quickly closed the distance between them. “Savannah, wait.”
She looked over her shoulder then shook her head and took off running. The crowd separated them as people hurried home from their jobs. He was tall enough to see her ahead of him, but her slender frame enabled her to weave in and out more quickly. He almost missed her slip into a lingerie store. Did she think he wouldn't follow her?
The place smelled of women. Sexy underwear hung from the walls and lay in delicate piles on every surface, reminding him of the bridal store where he'd first seen Savannah, except even more girly if that were possible. Ordinarily such a place would make him uncomfortable, as if he were a peeping Tom looking for a cheap thrill, but he ignored the curious glances of customers while he wove through the racks to where he'd seen his wife disappear into the dressing room. Grabbing the closest thing he could find as an excuse, he followed her.
A small hand on his arm stopped him. “Excuse me, sir. You can't go back there.”
He looked down into the curious face of a salesgirl. Calling on all the charm Savannah often accused him of having, he smiled. “I saw my wife slip back to try something on, and she looked like she'd been crying. I thought I'd take this to her.”
The girl shook her head and reached for the tiny bit of sheer white fabric that made up what he assumed was a nightgown. If Savannah wore anything like it, she wouldn't be sleeping. “I can take it for you if you'd like.”
“She doesn't know I'm here.” Rubbing a hand over his hair, Gavin pretended to back down, but he didn't relinquish the scrap of fabric. “I understand. It's just that...my wife's expecting...we haven't been married long and...never mind.”
“Oh! Newlyweds?”
“Yeah.”
“I remember how hard that first year was and to add a baby. So many changes at once can be difficult.” The woman's face lit up with a smile. “Wait here.” She disappeared and reappeared in a matter of moments. “Only one dressing room is occupied and it did sound like someone was crying. Go make her day.”
Gavin slipped past the salesclerk with a grin then turned to thank her. She was in the process of hooking a rope over the doorway to close the area. With a wink, she waved him on. He felt a little like a shit for manipulating her, but finding Savannah easily justified a white lie.
Quiet sobs wrenched his heart as he paused in front of the only closed curtain. Whether she wanted to talk to him or not, he wouldn't walk away until she gave him a damned good reason or her ring was back on her finger where it belonged.
Curled up on the neon green upholstered bench in the corner of The Wicked Woman's handicapped dressing room, Savannah sucked in deep gulps of air in a desperate attempt to stop the sobs ripping through her chest.
She had done so well—held off the tears while she stared at the ultrasound screen in the doctor's office, maintained a steady voice during a discussion of her options and the chances of pregnancy with Dr. Powell, even kept her head while she handed her beautiful ring back to Gavin as if it meant nothing. As if he meant nothing.
Hiding was childish but she hadn't expected him to follow her. Tears had started as soon as she'd turned away, but his command to stop had started the waterworks in a pathetic and apparently unstoppable deluge of self-pity.
She pulled her knees tighter to her chest and buried her face hoping no one would hear her cry. So stupid, so foolish to believe in the possibility of love, to set her hopes on the idea of instant and endless connection. “Oh, God, I know I did the right thing, but it hurts so much.”
“Then why do it?”
With a gasp, she spun toward Gavin's voice. Hurt and confusion marred his strong face and his big hands twisted a filmy negligee.
“How did you find me?”
“That blouse is hard to miss.” He closed the black curtain behind him and hung a wrinkled bit of lace and organza on a nearby hook before he came to stand in front of her. “Why did you run from me?” Gentle fingers wiped tears from her cheek.
The urge to throw herself into his arms almost overwhelmed her, but the truth would not set him free. “I changed my mind.” She swipe
d at the remaining tears and tried not to sound pathetic. “I thought I could do it, but I woke up this morning and realized I can't. We've known each other a sum total of seven days.” A shaky laugh escaped sounding suspiciously like another sob. “This is insane.”
Her sweet, soldier boy knelt in front of her. He caught her knees and pulled her toward him, fingers unyielding as he held her so she couldn't escape. “Ten if you count from the day I first saw you. So what do you think you're protecting me from?”
Her stomach lurched as he hit too close to the truth. “I don't know what you're talking about?”
“Knock off the crap, Savannah. I may not know you well yet, but a blind man could tell you're hiding something.” His thumbs drew circles just above her knees as his heated gaze bore into hers. “You've been crying. That tells me you didn't want to leave. What's wrong, my love?”
The tender endearment she'd longed for echoed hollow now. “Don't call me that. I can't stand a lie like that.”
Dark brows drew together. “Answer the damned question.” When she didn't respond, he pulled her forward until her butt barely remained on the bench and her thighs embraced his ribcage. “Why did you run?”
What would he do if she laid her head on his shoulder and wept? She didn't have a right to his comfort. She couldn't fulfill the contract, couldn't give him the one thing he wanted, a family. “Let me go, Gavin. You deserve better.”
“How so?”
“I can't live like this. I can't be what you need.”
He cupped her face in both hands, refusing to allow her to pull away. “Let me judge that. I don't believe you don't want to be married to me, and since this past weekend was more spectacular than I could have hoped, I doubt you woke up unsatisfied.”
Heat crept into her face. “Wow, that sounded arrogant.”
“No, I was there, too. Am I wrong? Was it less than fantastic for you?”
“You know that's not it.”
“Then tell me, damn it.” With a sigh, he kissed her forehead tenderly. “Sorry, I didn't mean to yell, but you promised to love, honor, and cherish. What the hell went wrong between when I kissed you goodbye this morning and now? It can't be as bad as you fear.”
“What if it's worse?”
“Then we'll deal with it together.” His mouth covered hers in a slow and intoxicating kiss.
By the time he lifted his head, her heart thundered in her chest. She didn't want to let him go no matter what her conscience insisted was the right thing. “Why can't you just accept that I made a mistake?”
“Because you promised. You swore before God and our families and friends that you would honor our agreement. You don't break that kind of vow, so tell me what the fuck has you so worked up so I can fix it.”
Her heart squeezed painfully. “Some things even you can't fix, soldier boy.”
“Not if you won't give me a chance.” His voice cracked. With a trembling hand, he brushed her hair from her cheek. “Listen to me. I know I said this was business, that I'd never let my heart get involved, but I lied. I wanted you the first moment I set eyes on you. Everything else was designed to make that happen. Is that what you need to know, that my heart's in it?”
Did he mean that? “So you don't want kids?”
“Of course I do.” He laid his hand over her stomach. “The idea of your belly swollen with our child pleases me no end.”
The tears came again.
Fuck! Gavin hated to see her so sad and lost, but the idea that she didn't want to carry his child scared the crap out of him, as well. “That wasn't supposed to make you cry. Don't you want to have my baby, Savannah? Is that it? You don't want children?”
She shook her head no but did not stop her silent tears.
He rose to his feet and jerked her into his arms. “Tell me what's wrong.”
“I went to the doctor today. I can't fulfill the contract because I can't have children.” She shouted the truth, the pain in her voice slashing him open. How had he overlooked that note of despair earlier?
“You know that for sure?”
“Yes...well, no...not for certain.”
Sitting down on the bench, he tugged her onto his lap. His heart hurt. He wanted a child of his own, someone to love him without reserve, but he wanted Savannah just as much. “What did the doctor say?”
“I have endometriosis.”
“Which is?”
She perched stiffly on his thighs, as if afraid to relax against him. “Uterine cells grow in the wrong place and can cause scar tissue.”
He rubbed her back, longing to erase the hurt in her eyes. “What does that have to do with children?”
“For some women, nothing. But I have scar tissue on my fallopian tubes and ovaries. The doctor thinks I've had it for years. Maybe most of my adult life.”
He tightened his embrace, nestling her closer, but still, she would not lean on him. “Wouldn't you have known?”
“No.” Color highlighted her cheekbones. “I've always had painful cycles, but that was my only symptom.”
“Then how did you find out?”
“Kate said I should set up an appointment to make sure everything was a go before we got married. I didn't expect the wedding to happen so fast. I met with the doctor this morning. She did an ultra sound when she felt the scar tissue.” Savannah shifted on his lap. “I didn't lie to you.”
He scowled. “I didn't think you did.” He tightened his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. She smelled and felt so right. “Did the doctor say there was no possibility that you could conceive?”
“No, but she gave us only a twenty percent chance, so she might as well have.” A hick-up shook her slender form.
Us. The inclusive term cut through the rest of the bullshit, clarifying the stupidity of his fears. “I'm sorry, beauty. We'll find a way if that's what you want.”
“But the contract. You said...”
“When are you going to learn I say a lot of things that don't mean shit when it comes down to it?” He squeezed her hard as he struggled to find a way back to her. “Savannah, on our wedding night I asked you to promise me something, but you didn't answer.”
Swiping at the tears streaks on her face, she leaned on his arm to glare up at him. “I was a little distracted. Sue me.”
The huff and bluster screamed that she lied about not wanting to be married to him, and warmth thawed years of distrust. “I asked you to promise you would always be mine.”
“Wasn't that what our vows said?”
“Yeah, but I want to...need to hear it from you, in your own words, especially since you ran from me at the first opportunity.”
“I can't fulfill the contract. I failed you before we've even begun.”
“No.” Pulling her close, he kissed the dark curls tousled on her head. “I've been ten kinds of fool for not telling you the whole truth from the start. The contract was a smokescreen to keep you from thinking I had lost my mind.”
Hope sprang to life in Savannah's chest. Had she been right? Did Gavin want more than a loveless marriage? “Too late. I've thought you were insane from the moment I met you.”
His wicked grin tilted the corners of his mouth. “Savannah, do you want to be my wife, for better or worse, big family or just the two of us? Tell me the truth.”
She couldn't look at him. He still hadn't said he felt anything beyond his comment about his heart being in it. Unfortunately, his sense of honor could have been behind that, his way of telling her what he thought she needed to hear. If she said it first—what if she were wrong? They'd known each other for such a short time. Still, he claimed that falling hard and fast ran in his family...that it had worked for generations. Maybe, it could work for them. A history of success had to count for something, didn't it?
His strong arms cradled her, long fingers feathering through her hair. The image of a seven-year-old boy, watching as a woman who showed no respect for anyone took the place of his gentle mother, squeezed her chest until it hurt t
o inhale. Sucking in air, she absorbed the solid comfort of his scent before she slid off his lap to sit beside him.
Gavin scowled and his knuckles turned white when he locked them together between his legs. “Well, that sort of says it all, doesn't it?” He rose, back ramrod straight, but didn't glance her way. “I'll talk to a lawyer in the morning then.”
“Gavin wait.” She stood and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his rigid spine. “I can't promise not to die, but I'll do my damnedest to live every moment I have.”
He turned slowly, stepping from her embrace. A scowl still drew his dark brows near touching. “What the hell's that supposed to mean?”
“It means your dad screwed up. Your mom didn't.” She reached for his hand. “It scares me to say this, I've known you such a little while, but...” She drew in another deep breath, searching his face desperately for what she needed to see there. His emotions remained locked behind a soldier's mask. “Are you sure you'll be okay if we can never conceive? That's a big thing to give up.”
“We'll find another way to have kids if it comes down to it. Adoption, in vitro fertilization, fostering, there are ways.”
“Then I admit that you belong with me, Gavin. I pledge to never to leave you on purpose. I'll be right beside you as long as you want me there.”
He tugged her closer, eyes locked to hers. “What if I never want to be without you?”
“Then I guess you're stuck with me.” She touched a finger to the tilt of his mouth before rising to her toes and brushing a kiss over his lips. “Now would be the time for you to tell me what's going on in your mind, soldier boy.”
He shook his head and looked down a moment before his steady gaze lifted. “I never thought I could love someone, not like Grandpa or Darcy or anyone else in my family. Then I met you and you tossed everything I believed on its ass.” He brushed a kiss over her forehead. “I can't be without you, Savannah. I lied and manipulated and even fought dirty a few times to convince you to marry me before you slipped away. I love you. I've known that since our first dance.”