He scribbled down the address. It looked to be just a few blocks over from her rental. “Thanks Avis; you’re a peach.”
She giggled. “Good luck.”
He ended the call and stared at the address. It was now or never.
Five minutes later he pulled into Suzanne’s new driveway. He walked up the steps to the front porch. Two large terra cotta pots filled with mums lined each side of the door. He rang the doorbell and waited.
The pounding in his chest quickened as he heard the lock turn on the other side of the door. The door swung open, and he was right where he’d dreamed of being for the past few weeks.
Face to face with Suzanne.
***
Suzanne felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She’d been expecting the delivery guy from Ashley Furniture. Today was the day she was finally getting her new, brown leather couch. But that definitely wasn’t a couch on her porch. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
He grinned. “That’s all you can say? Do you have any idea how much trouble it was to track you down?”
She waved him inside. “I can imagine.” If you’d have called me after you left, you would’ve known I moved.
He hesitated for a moment before giving her a quick hug. “So a new house and a new job? You’ve been really busy since I left.”
She fought to keep her face neutral. Hugging Nick and breathing in his familiar smell made her want to throw caution to the wind and see if his long-distance offer was still on the table. But she couldn’t do that. She deserved more. “I think I told you that my lease was up and they were selling the place. Well, I decided I was ready to buy.” She gestured around the living room. “What do you think?”
Nick glanced around and nodded. “It’s nice. I’m happy for you.” He grinned.
“Thanks. I moved in about a month ago, and it’s been really fun to fix it up the way I want. There’s still some painting to do, and eventually I’d like to put down laminate flooring, but I really like it so far.” She smiled. “And Charlie loves the backyard. It’s way better than the rental.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. It was much shorter than it had been when they met. He looked like a real grown-up now and not someone clinging to his frat boy days.
“So why are you in town anyway? I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.” After a few weeks, she’d come to terms with the idea of never seeing Nick again. She hadn’t been happy about it, but figured it might be for the best. In hindsight, she definitely felt like she’d cared more for him than he had for her. That was a tough pill to swallow, but she had to trust that God had someone even better in store for her—someone who wouldn’t be afraid of his feelings.
He sighed. “I came to see you. I made a huge mistake before. I spent the past two months trying to get back into the swing of writing and traveling, but my mind kept drifting to you.”
“Why didn’t you call?” She’d spent the first three weeks after he left with her phone practically glued to her. But his call never came. And then she’d turned her phone in at work and figured that was it. It was time to move on.
Nick shrugged. “I hoped an in-person visit would be more effective. I knew I needed to see you face to face.”
“So what exactly do you mean when you say you made a mistake?”
“I’m trying to change my ways. I’m thinking of putting down roots somewhere.” He shrugged. “And I just hoped that would be enough for you to consider continuing to see me.”
Suzanne sighed. “Nick, I care a lot about you. And I wish I could give you the answer you want. But I’m doing my thing here. It isn’t easy, but I’m doing it. I bought the house, and I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. It’s a lot of change in a very short time.”
“And I think what you’ve done is wonderful. I know what a big step all of that was for you.”
“Right. I told you once that I wasn’t going to let my fear of the unknown hold me back any longer and I meant it…except where my personal life is concerned.”
He furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
“I know that you’re saying you want to change and you want to find a more permanent life and all, but from where I sit it would be very hard for me to trust that you can go through with it.” She wished she could believe him. And it wasn’t that she thought he was lying per se, but she just didn’t think he was really ready to change.
“I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to hear me say that I was going to settle down. And that’s what I’m saying.”
“But you haven’t actually done it yet, have you? When did you even get here?”
He coughed. “A couple of hours ago.”
“So this is really just a plan, right? If I agree, then you’re going to settle down and put down roots, but if I don’t agree, you’re gone again? Off to who knows where?”
Nick scratched his chin. “Pretty much.”
She wanted to say yes. But it just didn’t feel right. “I can’t be the reason.” She shook her head. “Because then if this doesn’t work out and you’ve put down roots and settled down just because you think that’s what I want, you are going to resent me. If you’re ready to have a home—a real home—with a ob that doesn’t have you flying around the world at a moment’s notice and stable friends and all that goes along with it, that’s great. But the fact that you’re here without any of that leads me to wonder if you’re really serious.”
Nick’s jaw tensed. “Suzanne, you know that I…” He grew silent.
You what? Love me? If only he could say those words she might be able to believe that he’d changed his ways. But from what she could tell, this visit wasn’t very well thought out. He was the same Nick he’d been two months ago when he’d made it clear that all he was capable of was a long-distance relationship.
“Never mind,” Nick said finally. “I shouldn’t have come. I wanted to see you though.” He sighed. “I really have missed you.”
But not enough to call. Not enough to keep in touch. Not enough to definitively say the words she’d hoped to hear. “I’ve missed you, too. I hope you’ll let me know if you come into town again.” She smiled to try to take some of the tension out of the situation. “But next time a little notice might be good.”
He nodded. “I’m happy for you. The new house and the new job…. It looks like you’re really on a good path.”
Suzanne managed a tiny smile. “Thanks.” She walked him to the door, once again wondering if she’d ever see him again.
Nick waved and headed outside to the car.
Suzanne shut the door behind her and considered what he’d said. Could he be serious about wanting to change? Only time would tell. But she wouldn’t hold her breath. Since they met, Nick had regaled her with one tale after another about his travels and adventures. He wouldn’t give up that freedom easily.
Chapter Nineteen
Nick paced the length of his old bedroom. All summer he’d stayed at his grandmother’s and managed not to step foot in here. But when he’d gotten back from Suzanne’s yesterday, Grandmother had ushered him up the stairs.
“I put clean sheets on your old bed,” she’d said. “While you’re here, I hope you can go through some of the things in the attic and in your closet.”
When the St. Claires bought Nick’s parents’ home, most of the belongings had been moved to Grandmother’s attic. Nick hadn’t even gone up there during the two years he lived in her house while he finished high school. Maybe it was finally time to face it. It had been twelve years after all. Besides, it shouldn’t be his grandmother’s responsibility. She might give off an air of toughness, but losing her family had taken a huge toll on her.
Nick sat on the bed and picked up a framed picture from the nightstand. It was the last portrait his family had ever had made. They’d gone to Destin, Florida, for a week at the end of July every year for as long as he could remember. It seemed like half of Memphis went to Destin on vacation because they always ran i
nto people they knew from school. That last summer, Nick had begged his parents to let him drive his own car, but his dad wouldn’t hear of it. “You boys are getting older and are always running in different directions. For this one week, we’re going to spend time as a family.” They’d had such a wonderful time, tossing the football on the beach and eating seafood until they were stuffed. Nick’s dad had given his mom a gift certificate to a spa, and she’d spent a day getting pampered. They’d come back home sun kissed and rested and as close as ever. And in less than two months, everything had changed.
Nick slowly climbed up the stairs to the attic. Boxes and furniture filled the large space. He rifled through the first box he came to. Austin’s stuff. His little brother would be twenty-six now. Maybe he’d have married young like Ryan did and already have a kid or two. Austin had looked up to Nick so much, and Nick had always tried to set a good example. What would you think of me now, little brother?
Nick opened a large box and pulled out his dad’s old letterman jacket. Nick used to wear it when he was in junior high and dream of the day he’d have one of his own. His dad had been so proud of him for his football skills. But he’d been even prouder the day Nick had become a Christian. Nick could still see Dad’s broad smile and his tear-filled eyes. He’d hugged him and told him he was proud and that someday he hoped he’d get to see Nick’s kids have their own relationship with Jesus.
Nick sat down in an antique-looking rocker. It had been the one his mother had used to rock him and Austin. She had such high hopes for her boys from day one. She’d taught them both to read before kindergarten and always made sure to talk to them about things going on in the world. He and his mom had discussed everything from politics to relationships when he was a teenager. “Find a woman who loves the Lord as much as you do and who wants to serve Him,” she’d said once when Nick came home grumbling about girls. “Keeping the Lord in the center of your relationship is the key to a good marriage.”
A good marriage. Nick had spent the past few years doubting he’d ever get married or have kids of his own. But lately he’d been wondering if there was more to life than travel and adventure. His time in New York had seemed empty. And he was pretty sure he knew why. Suzanne had gotten under his skin in a way no woman ever had. His family would’ve loved her if they’d gotten to meet her. He had no doubt about that.
A tap at the door made him jump.
Grandmother smiled from the doorway. “I’m glad you’re looking through these things. I’ve sat up here many times over the years just to feel close to them.” She shuffled through one of the boxes.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
Grandmother looked at him with confusion written all over her face. “Whatever for?”
“Leaving you here alone. Never coming to visit.” His voice broke. “Trying to pretend that none of this happened.”
She walked over to him and clasped his shoulder. “Nicholas, I never held that against you. I was always happy that you were off living your life, and I’ve prayed for ten years that you’d somehow find peace with the past.”
Nick nodded. “I’m finally getting there, I think.”
“They’d want you to live a full life, you know. One full of family and friends. You don’t have to be alone.”
He stood and hugged his grandmother. “Does that mean you’ll let me stay here for the holidays?” he asked with a grin.
“I’d like nothing more.” She returned his smile. “Now what do you say we go eat at Huey’s? If you can make a toothpick stick in the ceiling, I’ll buy your dinner.” She winked and walked toward the door. “You coming?”
He nodded. “I’ll be down in just a minute.” Once she was gone, he pulled out his cell phone. “Ryan?” he said once his friend picked up. “You’re not going to believe what I’m about to tell you, but I hope you’ll agree to help an old friend out.”
***
Suzanne glanced around the table at her friends and grinned. “Thanks for coming y’all. I know this is a crazy time of year for everyone.” She’d cooked a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for them the Sunday after Thanksgiving. She’d gone to Mississippi to see her family, but had made it back to Memphis that morning in time for church and spent the rest of the day breaking in her new kitchen.
“Don’t be silly,” Jade said. “It might be a busy time for normal people, but not for us. I mean, Emily has probably had her holiday shopping done since last July and you know I haven’t even started yet.”
Emily laughed. “Not true. I still have one gift to buy. I never know what to get my boss.” She narrowed her eyes at Jade. “But have you seriously not started shopping yet? It’s already almost December. You totally stress me out.”
Jade shrugged. “At first I thought I was going to make gifts. You know I’ve been doing a lot of painting lately, and I thought that could be a nice, personal gift. But I sort of ran out of time. And then I thought maybe I’d do something that mattered like make donations in people’s names to their favorite charities or have trees planted or something.” She dramatically put her head in her hands. “But that didn’t seem personal enough.”
“So you’ve been putting off the actual shopping, right?” Suzanne asked.
“Yep.”
Emily grinned. “It’s like I always say… Jade puts the ‘pro’ in procrastinator.”
“Whatever. It’ll get done.” Jade sipped her sweet tea. “So, Suzanne, if you need a shopping partner, call me. I mean, I’m sure you’re not totally done like Miss Overachiever here.” She grinned. “But you’re probably further along than me.”
“That sounds great. Maybe next week we can go to the mall out in Collierville.” The outdoor mall was the newest one in town and one of Suzanne’s favorite shopping spots.
“I want to hear what happened with James,” Emily said. “I really had high hopes for that one.”
Suzanne sat down at the head of her brand-new dining table. “I just wasn’t quite ready. He’s a very nice guy though.” She raised an eyebrow in Jade’s direction. “You want his e-mail?”
Jade shook her head. “No thanks. I’m on a dating sabbatical.” She chuckled. “I made the mistake of going out with that teacher again, and this time he took me to the worst restaurant I’ve ever been to. It was a buffet, and I promise you the only thing edible was the croutons on the salad bar. We each filled up a bowl with croutons and that was our dinner. I thought for sure he’d at least offer to drive through McDonald’s or something after that, but he didn’t.” She shook her head. “It’s like I’m cursed.”
“More like you should stop giving losers like that second chances.” Suzanne smiled. “Although it does make for some entertaining stories.”
Emily patted the table to get their attention. “I’m sorry you had another bum date, Jade, but I’m with Suzanne. Our get-togethers wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t have a bad date story to tell.” She turned to Suzanne with gleaming eyes. “Back to you and my doctor friend. Why do you think you aren’t ready?” she pressed.
Suzanne propped her chin up on her hand and tried to figure out how to explain the situation without sounding like a complete basket case. “I don’t think I’m quite over Nick yet.”
“Seriously?” Emily let out a breath. “That guy is no good for you. I mean, he comes into town and acts like he’s crazy about you and then wants a long-distance thing.” She shook her head. “Airplane Nick wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Or whatever the saying is.”
Suzanne nodded. “I know. If I really thought he wanted a normal, stable relationship, I would’ve said yes. But from everything I’ve seen of him, he just wants his freedom.”
“Sounds a lot like someone else we know.” Jade directed her gaze at Suzanne. “And you’ve changed. So why can’t he?”
“I’m not saying he can’t change. I’m saying that I don’t think he wants to. Not really. If he’d cared about me enough, he never would’ve left Memphis in the first place, right? It’s not like he
had anywhere to go. He can do his job anywhere. So as far as I’m concerned, he chose freedom over me. It’s that simple.” Except that it wasn’t that simple. Because as much as Suzanne had tried to forget Nick, she hadn’t been able to so far.
“But you’re happy, right?” Emily pressed.
Suzanne nodded. “I’ve never been happier with certain aspects of my life. I started praying with a purpose a few months ago. I’ve always prayed, but I guess in the past my prayers were sort of vague. Lately, I’ve started being really specific. I think that’s helped me a lot. I started a prayer journal, and it’s been really neat to be able to look back and actually see answered prayers.” She shrugged. “Of course, sometimes the answer isn’t what I’d hoped, but every time it ends up being exactly what I needed.” She grinned. “Buying the house and starting the new job were both things I prayed about many times. And in each case, the path I was supposed to take became crystal clear.”
“That’s awesome,” Jade said. “I know you’ve really struggled over the past months, especially since your grandpa died. I’m glad to know that you’re in a good place.”
Suzanne nodded. She was in a good place. For once in her life, she wasn’t afraid of what the future may or may not hold. A tiny part of her still missed Nick, but she knew that eventually she’d move on.
And when she met the right guy, she’d be ready for a commitment. There’d been a time when the thought of marriage and kids made her want to hyperventilate. Even planning weddings at Graceland had been a challenge sometimes because when the bridal march would play, she’d start to get queasy.
But now the thought of commitment didn’t scare her. Nick had shown her that there were guys out there she was compatible with. She needed to be patient. Just as she’d seen with the house and with the job, God had perfect timing. If the house had come along even a year ago, Suzanne wouldn’t have been ready for homeownership. And if the job had come open six months ago, she wouldn’t have applied. But the timing for each of those decisions had been right.
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