He swallowed hard. “About Mary.”
“Jah. Sometimes I think I’ve raised bright young men, and other times I’m sure I’ve raised idiots.”
Andrew nearly choked. “What?”
“You’ve sat on this farm for three whole days when you should be over at Bitsy’s place talking Mary into marrying you. What in the world are you thinking?”
“You . . . you don’t care if I marry her?”
“Care? Andrew, if you don’t marry that girl, my heart attack will be on your head.”
Andrew studied his mamm’s face. “But . . . but . . . some of the fraaen were saying that they wouldn’t want Mary for their sons. She’s . . . well . . . she has a baby.”
Mamm blew a puff of air from between her lips. “Stuff and nonsense. The ones who really know Mary aren’t saying that. You’ve got to quit listening to the gossip, Andrew. It wonders me why you are sitting here talking to me when you could be over at Bitsy’s with Mary. She’s going to need a little convincing.”
Andrew felt the pain and uncertainty of their last conversation all over again. “I told her I wouldn’t go back to Honeybee Farm until she invited me back.”
Mamm’s mouth fell open. “Why did you go and do something stupid like that?”
“I don’t want to put any pressure on her. She doesn’t even know if she’s going to stay in the community.”
“Well, she’ll leave for sure and certain if you don’t do anything to talk her out of it. Girls want to be chased, Andrew. How can she know how much she loves you if you stay away? You should know that. I didn’t raise any thick children.”
“I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to force her,” Andrew said.
“From what I’ve seen of Mary, you can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Do you love her?”
“More than anything.”
“Then you need to make her sure of your love. She won’t choose you if she’s not sure. Mary needs somebody to fight for her. You can’t fight from a mile away.”
“What if I make a pest of myself?”
“The smallest pest can bring down the mightiest oak.”
“Whatever that means,” Andrew said.
Mamm smirked. “The bark beetle never thinks a tree is too big to eat.”
“This is not the best comparison, Mamm. Bark beetles kill trees.”
“I’m just saying that the early pest catches the worm.”
Andrew chuckled. “It’s getting worse.”
She poked him in the ribs. “Go now, before I give you the spatula.”
“I need to finish the crib first.”
“For goodness’ sake, Andrew, how long will that take?”
“A couple of hours. And I need to take Alfie and Benji with me.”
Mamm sighed in resignation. “I had hoped to make them spend the day thinking hard on their sins, but you don’t have much of a chance with Mary without their help.”
“Oh, ye of little faith.”
“They’ve been trying to get you and Mary together for weeks. What do you think the walkie-talkies were for?”
Andrew stared at his mamm in a dumbfounded stupor. “How . . . how could they have known I’d fall in love with her? She’s not my kind of girl.”
Mamm pressed her lips together in frustration. “Benji has an uncanny sense about such things. I don’t like it. He’s going to get himself and his bruder into all sorts of trouble.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow. “He’s like you, Mamm. He got it from you.”
Mamm’s eyes grew wide. “You’re right. I always know more than my sons think I do.” She got to her feet and pulled Andrew with her. “Why are you still lollygagging? Finish that crib and go talk Mary into marrying you.”
Andrew was already halfway across the yard. “Tell Alfie and Benji.”
“I’ll make sure Alfie wears a shirt, but the rest is up to you.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mary planted a kiss on ElJay’s cheek. “Today is ElJay’s due date.”
“I’m wonderful glad you’re past delivery,” Bitsy said. “It was a trial.” Bitsy came from the kitchen and held out her hands for ElJay. “All done eating?”
“All done,” Mary said, handing her precious bundle to the one woman Mary could always count on, no matter what.
Bitsy was ElJay’s official burper. As she’d told Mary, Bitsy couldn’t feed the baby, but she’d use any excuse to hold her as much as possible. Mary sat back and watched as Bitsy draped ElJay over her shoulder and walked around the great room, bouncing her gently and patting her on the back. There was a thin line of dried spit-up down the back of Bitsy’s navy-blue dress, from the shoulder to the hem, from earlier this morning. Bitsy didn’t believe in burp rags.
Bitsy had opened every window in the house, trying to coax a breeze into the room. The birds whistled their tunes, and Mary was certain she could hear the humming of a million honeybees from Bitsy’s distant hives. This was a gute place, a place where Mary could be quite content for the rest of her life. She leaned her head back against the sofa and tried to push away the anxiety that seized her. The rest of her life seemed like such a long time.
Mary didn’t even look when she heard a buggy pull in front of Bitsy’s house. There had been a constant string of visitors since she’d brought ElJay home from the hospital. They always brought something to eat and their warm hearts to share with Mary.
Mary pressed her hand to her heart. She had tried hard to talk herself out of loving these people, but she couldn’t do it anymore. There were still some who avoided her, like her own parents, but there were so many others like Serena Beiler and Hannah Yutzy who genuinely cared about her and truly wanted to be friends. Mary couldn’t push them away as easily as she had wanted to believe.
But even if no one had come to see her after the buplie was born, Mary would still be bound to the community by Andrew himself. She loved him with every breath she took.
Bitsy was holding the buplie, so Mary answered the door. Her heart tumbled over on itself. Mary’s mamm stood on Bitsy’s porch holding an envelope and looking as uncertain as if she’d just gotten off the boat in a foreign country. “Mary, I . . . didn’t expect you to answer. I thought Bitsy . . .”
Mary swallowed past the lump in her throat. Mamm had come to see Bitsy. “She’s holding the baby,” Mary said, unsure how to cross over the wasteland that stood between her and her mater.
Mamm fingered the envelope in her hand. “I just came to drop this off. It was misdelivered to our house.”
She handed it to Mary. It was addressed to Mary from Evelyn Giles, Josh’s stepmother. “Denki,” Mary said, trying very hard to keep bitterness from creeping into her voice. She had forgiven Mamm weeks ago, hadn’t she?
Mamm brushed her hands down her dress, as if she’d finally finished some burdensome chore that she never wanted to do again. “I need to go.”
Mary didn’t hear Bitsy until she came up right behind her. “June Coblenz, if you don’t get in here and meet your new granddaughter, I’ll consider you the most heartless woman in the whole gmayna.”
Mamm seemed to wilt under Bitsy’s stern gaze. “I can’t stay. Adam is expecting me.”
“Adam is expecting you to mete out just punishment to your daughter. For once in your life, bite your tongue and come hold the buplie.”
Mary half expected Mamm to storm down the stairs and drive her buggy away at top speed. Instead, she lifted her chin and stepped tentatively into Bitsy’s house.
“Sit down, June,” Bitsy said when Mamm seemed to have no intention of bending in any direction.
Mamm sat stiffly in the chair, and Bitsy handed her little bundle to Mamm. Mamm held ElJay as if she’d never touched a baby before and stared out the window as if actually looking at ElJay would mean some sort of surrender. Mary’s heart ached. Bitsy shouldn’t have bothered trying to force Mamm to love her grandchild. She would not be moved.
Bitsy took Mary’s hand and pulled her t
o sit on the sofa. Bitsy’s warmth and unyielding backbone gave her more comfort than Mary would have expected. They sat in silence, watching Mamm stare out the window, seemingly heedless of the wiggling baby in her arms.
It took all of Mary’s restraint not to cross the room and snatch her baby away from her mater. Mamm treated Mary’s greatest treasure like an armful of laundry.
Mamm’s lips began to tremble. She stared faithfully at the window as her whole frame began to shake. Then a tear rolled quietly down her stony cheek. ElJay made one of her little baby noises, and Mamm looked down at her. A small sob escaped Mamm’s lips, which came out more like a gasp of air. “She’s the most beautiful buplie I’ve ever seen,” she whispered, before she disintegrated into a pile of tears and clutched ElJay to her chest.
Mary couldn’t speak. Bitsy didn’t try. They sat in silence and let her mater cry until she couldn’t cry anymore.
Mamm kissed ElJay on the cheek and looked up at Mary. “We should have read the prayer book more as a family.”
“What?”
“Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what I could have done better. If I’d kept a cleaner house or taught you better or not worked you so hard, maybe things would have been different. I failed you, Mary.”
“Ach,” Mary said. “I made my own choices. It doesn’t mean you were a bad mater.”
“Jah, it does. You wouldn’t have left if I’d done something different. I ask Gotte’s forgiveness every day.”
There was so much pain in her voice. Mary couldn’t stand it. “Mamm, you are not to blame. This was all my doing.”
Mamm pulled a tissue from Bitsy’s box and wiped her nose. “You hurt us, Mary.”
Mary could feel Bitsy getting antsy beside her. “You may have been hurt by Mary’s leaving, but that doesn’t mean you have to hurt Mary in return.” Bless her, Bitsy always said what needed to be said, no matter who she offended.
Mamm eyed Bitsy as if she’d just said something crazy. “We would never hurt Mary.”
“You barred her from her own house.”
“Of course we did. She showed up at our door as if nothing had happened. As if she wasn’t with child. As if she hadn’t broken our hearts and run off with that Englischer. Mary has to learn that she can’t treat people that way.” Mamm pinned Mary with a piercing, indignant eye. “We couldn’t let you come back home. We had to teach you a lesson. There are heavy consequences to sin. We wanted you to suffer them.”
Bitsy held perfectly still, even though Mary could feel her anger taut as a wire. “What do you think, June?” Bitsy said. “Has Mary suffered enough to satisfy your bloodlust?”
Bloodlust? That was harsh but totally lost on Mamm. She hadn’t lived in the Englisch world like Mary and Bitsy had.
“We asked you not to take her in,” Mamm said. “You cheated Mary out of a chance to learn a lesson.”
Mary knew all this about her parents, but she couldn’t seem to stop her hands from shaking. Bitsy noticed. Her eyes filled with concern, and she gave Mary’s hand a squeeze. “It’s time for you to go, June,” she said, leaping to her feet.
“Jah-jah,” Mamm stuttered, realizing she was being dismissed but unsure what to do about it. She was the one who had told them she couldn’t stay.
Bitsy took ElJay from Mamm’s arms as quickly and as gently as she could. “Please don’t come again unless you can act less like a badger and more like a mammi.”
Mamm was so surprised at the sudden turn of events that she walked out the door without even an argument. Apparently she remembered one more thing she had to say before she left. She turned and pointed at Mary. “Repent now or suffer Gotte’s wrath. It’s your choice.”
Bitsy cradled ElJay in one arm and slammed the door with the other. Mary had no doubt that if she’d had three arms, she would have picked up her shotgun. She rocked ElJay back and forth as if to comfort her, even though she was fast asleep. “That was a lovely visit. We should do it again sometime.”
Mary was too upset to laugh, but she wanted to. “Let’s do it again soon.”
“I’d better put ElJay down before I accidentally squeeze too hard.” Bitsy laid ElJay in her bassinet, stood up straight, and stretched back her shoulders. “I shouldn’t have said that thing about the badger. Now I’ll have to take her a cake and apologize.”
“You don’t have to apologize. We were all a little upset.”
Bitsy waved away her suggestion. “I don’t mind. I’m always apologizing for something. It’s why I bake so much.” She sighed and sank to the sofa. “I hope you know that just because I think your parents should take you in doesn’t mean I want to get rid of you. I’d just as soon have you here than anywhere else. I was trying to make your mamm own up to her stubbornness.”
“I know, but I can’t stay here forever.”
“I’d say you can, but I know you better than that. Are you still chewing on the idea of freedom versus Andrew?”
Mary settled into the sofa next to Bitsy. “I love him, Bitsy, but I don’t know if that will be enough in the end. I want the freedom to make my own choices.”
“And you don’t think you can do that if you’re baptized?”
“Andrew says that in some ways I’d be freer here.”
Bitsy nodded. “I’m not especially fond of Andrew, but he’s right about that. You may not get to wear Calvin Klein jeans, but you wouldn’t be stressed out trying to make ends meet or trying to fit into a world that you can’t really make sense of. You wouldn’t have to leave ElJay with Evelyn while you seek your fortune.”
“I don’t need a fortune. I just need enough for me and ElJay.”
Bitsy propped her elbows on her knees. “No offense, Mary, but you’ve been gnawing on that bone for far too long. It’s plain to everyone that freedom isn’t the most important thing to you.”
“Jah, it is. After all I’ve told you, you know it is.”
“If freedom was the most important thing to you, you would have chosen to rid yourself of this baby months ago, like Josh wanted you to.” Bitsy looked up at the ceiling. “Dear Lord, please keep Josh away from any and all other girls. He needs to grow a brain first.”
Mary gazed at ElJay sleeping in her bassinet. She was less than two weeks old, and already Mary couldn’t imagine life without her. She felt ill at the thought of what Josh had wanted her to do.
Bitsy grimaced, and Mary sensed she was trying to smile, as if to temper what she’d said about gnawing on a bone. “Freedom is wonderful important to you, for sure and certain, but love is what drives you. Your love of a tiny speck of a baby overcame your need for freedom.”
Mary’s heart flipped like a pancake. “But maybe with ElJay, I can have love and freedom.”
“I don’t think so. If that’s how you want to define freedom, isn’t it the same thing with Andrew?”
“Nae, because the minute I get baptized, I’m no longer free,” Mary said.
“That’s about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Your definition of freedom changes from minute to minute.” Bitsy glanced up at the ceiling, but she didn’t talk to Gotte again. “You say you want freedom.”
“Jah.”
“Freedom to do what?” Bitsy asked.
“Freedom to live life how I want to.”
Bitsy drew her brows together. “Well, little sister, how do you want to live your life?”
Mary thought about that for a minute. “I want to live my life with joy.”
“Well then. There’s your answer.” Without another word, Bitsy went to the kitchen, and it sounded like she was rearranging her pots and pans.
Mary fell silent, unable to form a complete thought or a complete sentence. Bitsy always thought she made so much sense, but Mary had no idea what her answer was supposed to be. How were joy and freedom connected? Could love exist without freedom or freedom without love?
Bitsy banged pots and pans around for another few minutes while Mary sat on the sofa, her world swirling in chaotic circles
around her head. “What did your letter say?” Bitsy said.
Mary picked up the envelope. “I forgot.” She had hoped, prayed, that Josh would give up the idea of custody, but maybe he hadn’t. Maybe this was already a summons from his lawyer. Her hands trembled as she stared at the writing on the envelope. She would move to Canada and live as an outlaw rather than give up her baby. So much for her freedom, Bitsy would say.
The walls seemed to close in on her. She had to get out, if only for a few minutes. “Bitsy, will you watch ElJay while I go outside for some air?”
“Under the apple trees is especially nice this time of year.”
Mary put on her bonnet and stepped outside. She hadn’t been out since she’d had the baby, and the air smelled sweeter than she remembered. With the letter clutched in her hand, she took her time getting to the orchard. She’d given birth less than two weeks ago. She wasn’t up for anything but a slow stroll just yet.
The trees were brimming with big, beautiful apples, not quite ripe. The smell of sweet apples ripening on the tree was intoxicating. Ten beehives sat on the other end of the orchard in the shade, and the honeybees going in and out were as thick as a cloud.
Mary closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened the envelope. Instead of something official and sterile, there was a handwritten letter inside decorated with hearts and stars in Evelyn’s distinctive hand. Dear Mary, I sent Josh to find you, and as usual, he managed to mess up the whole thing. The short and long of it is, I want you back. To be honest, I like you more than I like Josh and would just as soon kick him out if he wasn’t related. He has agreed to move to my upstairs bedroom. (It was either that or move out.) That leaves the entire basement for you and the baby to live in, rent-free. I don’t even know if you had a boy or a girl, but I can’t wait to see my grandbaby and give him some loving. Please move back. I’ll pay for your schooling and tend the baby anytime you want. And if you’re worried about Josh, he started dating a new girl last week. He barely remembers you. I hope this makes you happy and not sad. He was never really good enough for you. Call me! Evelyn.
Mary breathlessly read the letter three times. Evelyn was offering her more freedom than she ever could have imagined. She wouldn’t have to work while she went to school. She could study to be anything she wanted, and Evelyn could take care of the baby. She was big and loud and motherly and got alimony payments once a month.
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