by Jen Glantz
I look at the crowd once more, particularly at the long-married couples who’ve probably heard this passage from Corinthians a million times, maybe even at their own weddings. I eye Rick and then Monica, tossing them a hint of a smile before glancing at the pastor, who’s giving me shade for my long, drawn-out performance.
Finally, I look down at the wrinkled piece of paper in my hand, covered in smudged ink and immortal words.
“Love always perseveres,” I say. And I mean it, like never before.
Trying on my mom’s wedding veil. Still at an age when I imagined I’d marry a Disney prince.
Exhausted by my flower girl duties, which turned out to involve more than throwing petals on the ground and stuffing my mouth with handfuls of cake.
Slow-dancing with my brother after said cake.
My first time as a wedding guest, at age thirteen in New York City. As my brother would say, these were the “brace face” years.
My first day in NYC! Seeing snow for the very first time, and leaving my mark—literally—on my new hometown.
West Boca Diamonds Softball’s Most Valuable Benchwarmer.
The first time I ever used Craigslist was to advertise my professional bridesmaid services. It was surprisingly more successful than trying to buy a bedbug-free couch.
Courtesy of Starfish Studios Florida
Expanding my skill set as a bridesmaid by helping my friend Mel with her wedding shoes.
Courtesy of Starfish Studios Florida
Matching tank tops is an essential part of being a bridesmaid. I have the collection to prove it.
I failed ballroom dance class in college, so I usually overcompensate by laughing loudly in my partner’s face.
Right before I asked Steve Harvey if he was hitting on me.
Listening to the producer count down in my ear before my first live TV interview.
The banner ad JDate ran on their website featuring me, mensch-hunter and pizza-lover.
A news outlet films me in my apartment one week after my Craigslist post went viral.
Tucker Carlson laughs at the idea of me being a professional bridesmaid. I whip out some hand motions to prove him wrong.
On The Rachael Ray Show to recommend last-minute desserts for couples who don’t want a wedding cake. Last time I’d baked, I set off the fire alarm, so I’m not exactly qualified for this segment.
Photo by Steve Rosen
Bridesmaid and sole witness for an Australian couple’s wedding in Times Square.
Celebratory drinks with my favorite Australian couple.
Right after fixing the bustle of this bride’s gown with hair ties at a wedding at Battery Gardens in Manhattan.
Taking a selfie with the first bride who ever hired me, and her husband, in Minnesota.
Bryn sent an invitation to Taylor Swift and saved a seat for her. Taylor didn’t show up, but Bryn got me, at least!
Posing at a water fountain in Michigan with two of my pals whom I talked into going to a wedding with me for a bride who wanted three bridesmaids.
My first gig as a bridesmaid, for my friend Alli.
Half of the wedding party for my friend Jamie, in Boca Raton, Florida.
A Brooklyn bride takes off her shoes, lets her hair down, and jumps on the bed to shake off her wedding jitters.
Just moments before I scooped up animal poop with my bare hands so the brides could walk down the aisle without ruining their silk dresses.
At Glamour magazine’s office, waiting to see their professional matchmaker.
Two minutes into a stand-up routine at the Broadway Comedy Club.
Wishing for dry shampoo and pizza as I wait for a delayed flight to a wedding.
Curling my hair five minutes before a wedding after a major flight delay. My eyes say everything.
My purple fanny pack/bridesmaid survival kit!
My smile says, “I’ve got this,” but this was the first time I’d ever used a steamer. My brain was screaming, “Don’t destroy this $6,000 wedding gown!”
Wedding guest welcome bag in one hand, blue polyester bridesmaid gown in the other, aka, me pretty much every weekend.
Proof that my wardrobe is made up entirely of T-shirts that say “Bridesmaid” on them.
My one true love who never lets me down: pizza.
With an adorable puppy named Katie Scarlet, who pooped on me right before we walked down the aisle together.
Reading a story about being a professional bridesmaid, in a bridesmaid dress, at a really prestigious literary event. Another writer brought a goat.
Speaking to middle school students with the founder of HerCampus.
Telling my life story at STORY in New York City.
Teaching a room full of entrepreneurs how to do their own PR—and warning them of the dangers of talking with your hands too much.
Trying on a bride’s wedding veil. Still at an age when I imagined I’d marry a Disney prince.
Acknowledgments
One More Thing Before You Go
This book wouldn’t exist if not for all the people who told me it never would. My ninth-grade teacher, a boss I had when I worked for a magazine, the first book agent I hugged hello, and the handful of publishers over the years, who all said the same thing: you’re not going to make it as a writer. I can’t thank you enough for telling me that I wasn’t good enough. That alone kept my fingers dancing on the keyboard and my mind racing with ways to make this happen, when it almost didn’t. And it did, because I’m not very good at listening to other people, and I’m even worse at giving up.
This book also wouldn’t be alive if not for the people who fought to get it into your hands. My agent at Writers House, Stacy, and my agent at CAA, Olivia—thank you for being my champions.
To my editor at Simon & Schuster (Atria), Jhanteigh, you saw the raw, unedited version of this book, so in some weird way, you saw the raw, unedited version of me. I must tell you this: thank you for picking up the phone when the book proposal landed in your lap to say that you wanted me to write a book that wasn’t just about wedding horror stories, but instead about what I learned from all of the bold and beautiful experiences that I’ve lived through. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me the chance to write my freaking heart out.
The stories inside wouldn’t exist if not for their main characters: the friends who put up with me, the brides who made me a bridesmaid, and the guys who were brave enough to take me on a date. Thank you for letting me tap-dance inside of your world.
To Ray, who told me, simply, that I needed to write out of order. But not out of order like a broken-down bathroom stall, but out of order in the sense that it was most important to write what I felt like writing at that very moment. His words jolted me to write this entire book in two months. I didn’t have much of a choice: what Ray says goes.
To Jess and Sarah, thank you for supporting and loving me no matter what situation I find myself in. You are truly professional best friends.
To my roommate Kerri, thank you for calling me a professional bridesmaid and for never calling me crazy—even though you have every piece of evidence in the world to do so. You have sat beside me, on our very comfortable couch, through many ups and downs over the past six years. You are the closest thing I have to a soul mate.
To Adam, a thousand thank-yous for showing me how to squeeze the positive out of every day and every challenge. And for your love; every single ounce of it.
And to my doorman, who asked me, every day for three years, when my next book would come out—this one is for you. Love, Kimmy.
But I pinky-promise you that you wouldn’t be reading any of this right now if not for my family, who love me enough to reassure me, constantly, that I can do anything I set my mind to.
To my brother, who turned Bridesmaid for Hire into something real; my dad, who is the loyal president of my unofficial “fan club”; and to my mom, who is the voice inside my head, always reminding me to never, ever give up, that I’ll never know unless
I try, and that it only takes one person to say yes. You have always believed in me, long before I was ready to believe in myself. I love you to the moon and back.
One last thing: This one is for you. Thank you for supporting me and buying this book. You are making the dream I’ve had since I was six years old come true. Please accept one million virtual hugs, and, when we meet in person, a slice of pizza, on me—one-dollar pizza, of course; I still have hefty library fines I need to pay off.
All my love,
Jen Glantz
JEN GLANTZ is the world’s first professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. She’s the heartbeat behind the website The Things I Learned From and the author of the bestselling ebook All My Friends Are Engaged. She can be found in New York City wearing old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store, or on first dates, and double-fisting slices of one-dollar pizza. Visit JenGlantz.com for more information.
@JenGlantz on Instagram and Twitter
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Copyright © 2017 by Jennifer Glantz
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First Atria Books hardcover edition February 2017
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Interior design by Joy O’Meara
Jacket Photograph by Susan Shek
Author Photograph by Julia Pitch
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Glantz, Jen, author.
Title: Always a bridesmaid (for hire) : stories on growing up, looking for love, and walking down the aisle for complete strangers / Jen Glantz.
Description: New York : Atria Books, 2017.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016034746 (print) | LCCN 2016052247 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501139062 (hardback) | ISBN 9781501139079 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Glantz, Jen. | Young women—United States—Biography. |
Bridesmaids—Humor. | BISAC: BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Personal Memoirs.
Classification: LCC CT275.G465 A3 2017 (print) | LCC CT275.G465 (ebook) |
DDC 305.242/2092 [B] —dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016034746
ISBN 978-1-5011-3906-2
ISBN 978-1-5011-3907-9 (ebook)