“Well?”
“If you must know, she and I were close before all of this happened. How could we not be? She was the most reliable officer I’ve ever had. And she looked at me with a kind of respect that, well, very few can show. And, as I’m sure you’ve found, her advice is always extremely insightful.”
Calvin said nothing.
“So I came to depend on her more as an equal than as a subordinate. A partnership was born. But I kept one thing from her.”
“The Organization.”
“Exactly. And as we both know, in this game, the more knowledge you have, the less safe you are—I couldn’t tell her because I wanted to protect her.”
“Meanwhile,” said Calvin, “she realizes you’ve been keeping secrets from her and misinterprets it—she thinks you don’t trust her. And now she wants to prove something to you.”
“No. She had no idea I was keeping secrets up until the very, very end. It wasn’t until Harkov’s marines boarded my ship that she realized I’d been lying to her, and the whole crew, about everything. If she’s still ‘impassioned’ when my name comes up, it’s because she feels betrayed that I deceived her, no other reason.”
Calvin didn’t push the matter but believed there was more to the story. “Thanks for your information,” he said. "I should return to my ship now. My crew and I need to mourn our dead."
"Yes, indeed," said Raidan. “But don’t forget to have your defense officer contact me with details about the engagement in Abia, as agreed."
"I won’t forget," said Calvin, unsure what Raidan would find useful about it—he already knew the Fifth Fleet destroyed itself. "Miles will contact you as soon as he’s able."
"Good," Raidan scribbled a series of numbers onto his paper, then tore it off and handed it to Calvin. "Have him use this frequency."
Chapter 32
Its blackness was appropriate. The vast, deep, ever stretching ocean of space.
Calvin had stood there, gazing out the window, long before anyone arrived. The tranquil quiet offered a kind of solace he needed.
Silence. Like death. And, not for the first time, Calvin wondered about his own mortality, and of those who'd passed away. Realizing he too would follow that path. Maybe sooner than later. Would he ever see them again? Or were they, and all mankind, doomed to be lost forever?
He thought of Monte the most. His old friend. Yesterday a person but today only a memory. What would he do without him? And as the scene of Monte's death replayed in Calvin's mind, over and over, he felt his eyes grow warm. But no tears flowed. He didn’t let them.
He watched the open-nothingness for some time before the others came. Shuffling quietly onto the observation deck—everyone not on duty. Then he put on a mask and addressed them, the mask of the charismatic captain who could inspire his crew to soldier on. Even though, deep inside, he felt empty.
He went through the motions of a funeral in space, one of the worst duties a captain must do. He’d already done the worst duty, contacting next of kin. He'd spoken to no one, left only messages, but it was still hard telling someone their loved one had died, and knowing it had been, at least partially, a result of decisions he himself had made.
Now here he was.
Speaking words he'd prepared mixed with words that came to him in the moment. "...we remember our dead. Our friends. Our colleagues. Our family. They died bravely. They died nobly. And they died with dignity. Fulfilling their duties to the final degree. Every one of us here owes them something, for it was us they died defending. Let us remember them for not just who they were, but what they were. Heroes…"
He led them in a moment of silence and many bowed their heads. Calvin closed his own eyes. But instead of darkness he saw visions of the exploding ship. And thought of his friends’ souls forever wandering the infinite wilderness of space. Perhaps freer in death than ever in life.
He again addressed his officers and their eyes fell on him. They were in pain, but resilient. And seeing their strength gave him a little more. He found eloquence he never knew he had, and he spoke about each of their dead in turn, as individuals, recalling from his own memory what an honor it had been to serve with them. After each, a shot from the main gun lit up the windows and darkened again, like the sun of that person’s life setting for the final time.
Monte was the most difficult to speak about, because Calvin had been very close to him. And trusted him more than any other person since Christine had died. But he didn't linger there. He gave the doctor his proper honors, and continued down the list. According to order and rank.
The honor of being last went to the Major, who'd sacrificed himself to save Calvin. And when Calvin spoke, he made an extra effort to find the right words. The faces of Special Forces looked up at him, strong but crestfallen. They had admired their CO. And now he was gone. But seeing them, desegregated from the crew, camouflage peppered through a room of black-and-silver, was heartwarming. Showing a kind of unity Calvin never would’ve thought possible, considering how they’d fought against each other not long ago. But, he supposed, even more recently, they’d fought side by side. And died side by side.
Once he finished honoring the Major, another shot fired from the main gun, followed by four volleys of six from the smaller guns. And Calvin gave them a final thought to ponder.
"I lied to you all earlier."
His words rippled like a shockwave, but he continued.
"Intel Wing did not give me back my command. I seized it, so we could go to Abia. And I dragged you all with me. Which is why I will not compel any of you to stand, or hang, beside me...
"But, I am going to keep moving forward on this road. And I am going to uncover the truth. All of it. And I invite you all to come with me. But you deserve to know the cost of doing so. No one you love will be safe. And the government will hunt us. They will call us criminals. They may even kill us. But, I believe, history will remember us differently. As those who took a stand when no one else could. Warriors in an invisible war."
He told them how he and Raidan had spoken and how he believed that, together, they could rid the Empire of the threat so deeply inside it. The same one that had stolen away twenty-four of their own.
"But to anyone who chooses not to follow me down that dark road, you can book passage back to your families once we reach Gemini. I promise you. And you can go, shamelessly, with your heads held high. And no one will begrudge you for it."
Then he paused and looked them over once more. "It'll be another twelve hours before we arrive. You have until then to decide. Dismissed."
Miles and Sarah lagged behind as the others filed out. They said nothing but their eyes were supportive and he was glad to know that, whatever was coming, he wouldn't have to face it alone. Shen would have stood there too, Calvin knew, but he had already been moved to the Harbinger's burn ward.
The last to leave was Summers Presley. She'd been completely silent the whole time and did not make eye contact with him or anyone. She just stared out the window for awhile. Calvin wanted to say something to her, but he didn't know what. He decided to just leave her be.
To his surprise, she broke the silence. Barely more than a whisper at first."I'm sorry," words quiet enough Calvin thought he'd imagined them. He wasn't sure what to say and hesitated.
Summers continued, "for what I did to you, here," her eyes searched over the empty observation deck. "I am sorry. And..." she paused, finding a little strength, "you were right. There is something wrong with the Fleet. What happened... I don't know... I don't understand it..." she looked past him and out into space. "But something is wrong. I can accept that now."
Again Calvin was speechless, barely able to believe what he was hearing. And he could tell this was very difficult for her.
"Thank you," he said quietly, not sure what to add. Thinking that, after all that had happened, Summers was as much a victim of circumstance as he was. “You could walk away from this, you know?” he found himself saying. She didn’t follow, so
he continued. “You weren’t part of this—what I did. The Fleet would take you back. You could walk away from all of this and no one would hold it against you.”
“I would hold it against me,” her words were quiet but forceful. “After what I saw—what we all saw—how could I just walk away? How could anyone?” She glanced down at her hands, as if they were stained red. “I’m no one’s tool anymore. Not Raidan’s. Not the Fleet’s. Not yours… no ones.”
There was a fire in her. The fire of someone who’d been betrayed too many times. Someone who didn’t trust anyone or anything anymore.
“So… are you coming with us, then?” asked Calvin. Not sure what to expect.
She nodded once. "I believe in what you’re doing. You are trying to find the answers. Discover what’s wrong with the Fleet, so order can be restored. If I can help with that goal, I want to. If nothing else, I have to try…" she spoke slowly, with some difficulty, "Just... promise me one thing.” Her eyes met his, looking deadly. “Be careful trusting Raidan." The strength of her gaze took him off guard.
"I will," Calvin promised.
Her eyes stayed with his for half a second longer, bright and unreadable, then she turned and swept out of the room without another word.
Leaving him alone again. The first to come and the last to leave. He turned back to the window and pressed his hand against its cold surface, thinking about what’d just happened. But before long his thoughts twisted back to the violence on the Rotham ship, particularly Monte’s death. And in his mind he offered a silent farewell to his dear friend. He leaned his head against the glass and closed his eyes as several choice memories poured through his mind.
Only then did the tears flow. And he let them, without a sound. His eyes burned and cheeks grew damp, but it gave him peace.
Chapter 33
Raidan sat at his desk, where he'd remained since Calvin had left.
It was peaceful and quiet, aside from the occasional clinking of bottle to glass. He drank another swallow of whiskey and let out a satisfied sigh, letting himself relax even more.
He had a lot to think about now that he'd finally met the young Intelligence captain who'd been pulled into something much larger and deeper than he could hope to realize. In a way it was kind of sad. Regrettable, at least, that one so young and talented would have to be ruined, needed to give up everything, despite complete innocence. But it was for the greater good. There simply was no other way.
Calvin Cross, I do not envy you. You have the second worst position in the galaxy now.
In a way, Calvin reminded him of himself. When he used to be happy.
Hopefully you have more wisdom than I did, at your age, Calvin. Otherwise you won’t survive long enough to be useful. And far too much depends on you.
Raidan took another sip and thought about what was stored below and how, in a few more hours, the fate of an entire planet would be decided.
He shook his head and set the bottle and glass aside, then scribbled a note on his stationary for Tristan to pass along via kataspace.
It read: "We're coming, and the package is coming with us. Fifteen hours. A.R."
End of Book One
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