Tough Love
P. J. Belden
© P. J. Belden 2014
Tough Love (#4 Hidden Secrets series)
Copyright © P. J. Belden 2014
Cover Image (Lake) by Mechelle Jackson
Cover Designed by P. J. Belden
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locale is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages for review purposes only.
This book is for my girl Shannon. We aren’t always handed the best in life, but making the best out of what we have is what’s important. You are a beautiful person on the outside as well as you are on the inside. So my thank you for you… I give you Jackson! Hehehe I hope you enjoy the story. <3 Hugs! <3
To my husband and incredible kids, the love and belief you have in me is empowering and keeps me pushing ahead. I love you all so very much!
*Author Note* Though Shannon’s name is based on a real life person that is where the similarities end. Nothing in this book happened specifically to the real Shannon.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
Sneak Peek at Kate Stewarts new book Never Me
Coming soon
Acknowlegements
About Author
Prologue
Shannon
One year ago…
When you look back at your life, what will you see? For me, I would see all the things that I couldn’t do. I will see all the things that I put last. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I wouldn’t change them for the world, but the fact of the matter was I needed (and deserved) a life. My family has always come first for me, but today I was going to put myself first and start my life on the track it should have been years ago.
Even though all my dreams and all my goals have been put on hold up until this point, didn’t mean they weren’t still there. They were just buried. They were just hidden for a little bit. Not many people I went to school with understood why I put myself last all the time. Not many understood the choices I have made in my life, but it was okay. They were my choices to make and my consequences to carry throughout my life.
My family has consumed my life, leaving me behind to try and find a crumb of a moment for just me. Please don’t get me wrong. I regret no decision that I have made. Each one has been for a just reason, but I’m not a little girl anymore. It was time that I ventured out and claimed the world around me. It was time to become Shannon Angel Mitchell.
“Sam, can you come in here?”
“Mom, you know I hate that. Call me Shanny or Shannon nothing else. Just because my initials spell out Sam doesn’t mean I have to be called it. Sam is a boy’s name.”
“Geez, you are grumpy today aren’t you?”
“What do you want mama?”
My mom was beautiful. She may not be model thin or beauty, but she was absolutely gorgeous for a fifty year old woman. She had long silver hair. No, I don’t mean gray, I mean silver. It was an odd color but so beautiful. Margret Mitchell was beautiful indeed. Her bright hazel eyes stood out against her silver hair and fair complexion. She was medium height and over the years had let go of her athletic figure she had when I was younger. She was still beautiful to me though.
“I need you to take your brother to his appointments this month. Your father and I are going to go on vacation. He loves you going with him to places.”
“Mom, I came here to tell you I just can’t do it anymore. I need to break off and do things on my own mom. I’m twenty-six years old and I can barely live in my own place right now. I had plans mom. I wanted to go to college to become a lawyer and all of that. Hell, I haven’t even dated in five years. I love you and dad. It has been hard on you guys, but it’s been hard on me too. Sebastian and Atreyu mean the world to me, but mom they are my brothers not my kids.”
“Shannon you are the only one that Sebastian trusts around him. If he was like Atreyu things would be different and you know it. But they aren’t and you are our only option. Why do you have to pick now to claim the selfish card?”
The statement shocked me and my mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? I’m selfish? You are sitting here throwing a fit because you aren’t getting your way, but I’m the selfish one? I hardly think so. I have done more with Sebastian than any of you have and even Atreyu. I have put my life on hold for them as well, all of my life the minute the boys were born. How can you seriously sit here and tell me I’m selfish?”
My mother glared at me. This is not the normal way my mother acted. She has always told everyone what a great daughter I was and all that good junk, but not today. Today she felt I wasn’t a good daughter apparently. I have given up everything to help them with Sebastian and Atreyu. My mom had had her tubes tied after countless miscarriages. They settled on the fact that I was the only child they would have.
Mom went to the doctors for a routine screen and found out that she was pregnant. At first they were completely shocked. Neither really said much for a few months. Other than ‘forty-five and I’m pregnant’ or my father saying ‘fifty and having another child’. It wasn’t until they went in for the first ultrasound that they started to get excited and then when they went in to find out the sex of the baby, they found out they were having twin boys. It was a shock for all of us, but they found their footing and got excited about the pregnancy.
I love my brothers and will do anything for them, but I needed to find me at some point.
A horn sounded down below and mom started gathering things. She walked with a few bags to the door and without turning around she said, “Give us this time and after that you can have all the time you need. You are far from selfish, Shanny, but your dad and I just need to have this moment to reconnect.” Then she walked out the door and that was that.
I am now stuck here attending to my brothers while my mom and dad have fun doing whatever they were set off to do. How fair was it that I wasn’t even asked to take care of my brother, just expected to do it?
“Sissy Shan Shan.” I hear from behind me.
A frustrated growl sounds throughout the apartment before I stomped into the kitchen to start preparing lunch for the boys
that my mother conveniently didn’t do. Slamming a pan on the stove, I grabbed out the bread and slammed the door to the bread box shut. Then grabbed cheese and butter from the fridge and slammed the fridge door shut. I know real mature for an adult, but right now I didn’t feel like one.
“Sissy Shan Shan,” came the shaky slur from behind me.
I was so angry at my mom and dad right now, but I couldn’t take it out on my brothers. My mom and dad were going to get an ear full when they got back from their trip. Turning around I smiled at my brother, Sebastian. They were adorable boys. They looked just like my dad only with my mom’s eyes. Their reddish colored hair made their bright hazel eyes pop. They were even tall for their tender ages of three, but so darn skinny. These boys ate like freaking pigs too, but always seemed to look like they get nothing at all.
“Hey Bass, how’d your play group go?”
“We didn’t go because mom said you were coming over to spend time with us,” he said, fidgeting with his shirt not looking at me.
“I am. We are going to have a month of just me and you guys. How’s that sound?”
“Uhhh… Are you angry?”
“No, not at all sweetie. You know how much I love you and Atreyu. I love being around you guys. Nothing makes me happier.”
“Yeah?” Sebastian said finally looking at me.
“Yeah, buddy. Now do you want to help me make lunch?”
Sebastian clapped his hands and moved by me to help make his favorite grilled cheese and tomato soup. It was a simple meal to make, but for Sebastian it meant it was something he could do on his own and be ‘normal’. The little things pleased Sebastian and that made cheering him up so much easier than Atreyu.
* * *
Two weeks later, we are heading back home from another appointment for Sebastian and Atreyu. Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover how I am feeling right now. Anger built up inside me the longer the time carried on. Sebastian’s night terrors have gotten worse since the last time I had him overnight. On a single hand I could probably count the hours I have slept.
Pulling in the driveway, I dragged myself up the steps on the porch and dug in my purse for the keys. Honestly, I think I’m to the point of hating my parents for never thinking of me. Just as I found the keys in my purse, I could hear the phone ringing from outside the door. Hurriedly I unlocked the door and ran for the phone.
“Hello?” I said, panting.
“Shannon Mitchell?”
“Yes? Who is this?”
“My name is Officer Lake. Ma’am, I need you to come down to the police station. We have something we need to talk to you about.”
This guy was talking in circles and all I wanted to do was get the boys down for a nap so maybe I can get a little nap myself. Instead, I have an officer on the phone that for whatever reason didn’t want to just come out with whatever he called for.
“I’m sorry Sir, but I can’t. I have my brothers and they can’t be left unattended and they have a schedule to stick to. Is there a way that someone could come here or tell me over the phone?”
“Ma’am, it is about your parents…”
“They are vacationing right now. They won’t be back for another two weeks, but when they do, I will have them call you to discuss whatever this is.”
“No, ma’am…”
“I really need to get going. I’ll have my parents call-”
“Your parents died today,” the officer blurted.
I stilled, my grip tightening on the phone. “What?” I breathed.
The officer went on to tell me that my parents were on a hike this morning and my mother had gotten too close to the edge when the ledge gave out. My father caught her wrist, but as he tried to pull her back up to safety the ledge gave away more and they both fell fifty feet. They were rescued, but went into cardiac arrest on the operating tables.
My world stopped. My hatred for them leaving was what killed them. I killed my parents. Now I had to tell Sebastian and Atreyu that our parents would never be back again. My legs gave out and I dropped the phone. I was freezing, but it was radiating from inside of me. My heart shattered in my chest. My body shook as tears fell to the floor just like the pieces of my heart had done earlier.
I felt little arms wrap around me and was surprised to find it was Sebastian hugging me. Atreyu wrapped his arms around me only moments later. I would spend the rest of my life doing right by them. They would have nothing to worry about. I’ll be here for them always. Only weeks ago I wanted to take a hold of my life and now part of my life has been torn from me. It really puts things in perspective for me.
Nothing will come between me and my little brothers. When my parents looked down on me, they would see that I put them first like they had since they were born. I would raise them like they would have. It was my fault they were no longer here. I took the very people that gave us life away from us because I wanted to be selfish. I was selfish and now I lost two very important people to me that I loved more than anything in the world.
Chapter One
Jackson
A few months ago…
Today was one of the hardest days of my life. Every day I struggled to make it through and not show my pain. How could one forget something like this? How could this day pass every year and everyone goes about as though nothing has happened? My life was destroyed and has been left in shambles since this day four years ago. My heart will never beat again. My body will never long again. I won’t put myself through anything like that again. No, this day was the reminder for me on how much can be lost. I won’t be on the losing end ever again.
Watching out for my family is all I will do from now on. I will do everything I can to make sure they never know this pain, this emptiness. Colleen is the only one that knows the truth. She is the only one that has ever asked me why I was sad. That girl can see everything. She is going to be an amazing mom. I knew that telling her my secret it will be left with her. She won’t even tell my brother. Something told me that day that she needed to know. I was right because when my brother’s world was falling apart right in front of me, the reminder of my destruction is what caused Colleen to see the light. I’ve never seen my brother so happy.
There was a time when I thought that I would be happy like that. When I thought I would be looking forward to a future, but not anymore. Now, all I see is a blur of actions and constant pain that hangs in my chest. When I sleep at night everything keeps playing over and over in my head as if I was back in that day four years ago. The echoing of screams and tears still haunt me to this day. One moment in my life changed me forever. One moment in time changed the course of my existence.
No. Love was not in the cards for me. Love wasn’t even on the table. Not now, not ever.
“Hey you,” Colleen walked over wrapping her arms around me.
“Hey.” I greeted her sadly.
“Oh God, it was today, wasn’t it?”
I nodded my head and she hugged me tighter. If it were anyone else, I think I would have pushed them away, but Colleen was different. She knew the pain of loss. It was almost as if it bonded us together. Hugging her back, I whispered that I was okay.
She pulled back from the hug and I laid my hand on her belly. I wanted to know if there as a niece or a nephew in there, but their lips were sealed. It was like they were torturing us. The first baby in the family and all that.
“It bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“You know you should really be a cop or something. You see too damn much. My niece or nephew isn’t going to get away with shit. Oh, sorry, Uncle Jack didn’t mean to use a bad word,” I said to her belly.
Colleen laughed and playfully smacked me. The baby kicked my hand and my happy smile turned sad. Some days, erasing memories would be a blessed gift, but then there are others… She was right though it does bother me, a lot.
It hurt more than I could even put into words and the anger boiled in me that all of this was kept from me and that I would never have it again.
There are some days (like today) when I say ‘why me’ and hate the world around me. I can keep a fake smile and upbeat attitude for a while, but even my mind revolts every now and again.
My family ran around. Three of my siblings are all coupled off and happy. Honestly, I was shocked to see Kayla settled down. To say that I took longer warming up to Jason was an understatement. Him and I battled back and forth a bit in the beginning. In the end, he is perfect for Kayla plain and simple. Colleen, of course I loved her right away for Carson. She keeps him in line. Nothing like seeing my hot headed brother, who thinks he’s top dog, get brought to his knees by a girl. Though something tells me there’s more to the meeting than the story they gave us. Then there was Mary. I’m not so sure about her right now, but she seems happy. Only time will tell, I guess. She couldn’t be here today because of recovering from an attack by her idiot manager. She begged us all to continue on with the party as planned that she’d hate all of us if we didn’t.
They were all so happy. Huh, happy… I haven’t known what that would be like to find myself in until my siblings started finding their happily ever afters. Just the thought made my gut turn and my chest tighten. I needed to get out of here before I completely lose it in front of my family.
“I’m going to head out. There are some things I need to do.”
“I understand hun. Thank you for coming out for a little bit. If you need me, you can call me any time day or night. You know that right?”
I kissed her cheek. “I know and you can do the same if you need anything.”
As I walked away from the baby shower/engagement party, my mind was elsewhere. It has been four years and the pain was still there like it had just happened. Some days I wish my balls were more in place so I could man up and stop being such a fucking baby, but dammit losing what I’ve lost… well you’d be a baby too.
Getting into my car and starting it, I sat there a second to get myself under control before taking off into the wall to wall traffic I’m sure to hit. It was bad enough that a week ago, my memories cost me five tickets, all in the total of about four hundred twenty dollars. Hitting the button to turn the radio on, I immediately wanted to shut it off but I just couldn’t. George Strait’s Desperately was playing. Though I believe the song was about something completely different than what I feel, it resonated with me.
Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) Page 1