by K. C. Lynn
He looks at me worriedly and nods. “Don’t be sorry, darlin’. You go. We’ll be fine. Did you want me to give you a ride?”
I shake my head, “No I need the fresh air. I’ll be back tomorrow. Thank you.”
I walk over and kiss him on the cheek. Before I can move away he wraps me in a bear hug, squeezin’ the life out of me. “Watching you this last week is breaking my heart, Grace.”
I let out a little sob, as guilt strikes deep. I’m hurtin’ Mac and I just hurt Sawyer, all because I’m hurtin’. I’ve never been a self-pitying person and I let my pain get the best of me, which just makes me angry. “I’m sorry, Mac. I never meant to hurt any of ya. I promise I’m gonna be better.”
He squeezes me tighter, which I didn’t think was possible. “Don’t be sorry, darlin’, if anyone has a right to be sad it’s you. But let your friends help you, all right? Don’t push them away.”
I nod, feeling terrible for what just happened with Sawyer. Mac lets me go. “All right, go on and get out of here. Call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Mac.” Then I’m rushing out the front door and speed walkin’ home. Pulling out my cell, I text Kayla and Julia.
Are y’all busy? Can you meet me at my house? I need some company.
I hope I’m not interruptin’ them, but I need their advice. I need to make things right with Sawyer. A second later my phone dings back:
On our way.
I shake my head and feel tears build again. I may have had a lot of pain and hurt come my way in the last 3 years, but I also have a lot to be thankful for, especially my friends.
If the bad starts to outweigh the good, baby girl, then focus only on the good, because when you’re thankful for the good, you’ll end up havin’ more of it.
Mama’s words float through my head, reminding me of what a self-pityin’ fool I’ve been. I should create a pie called Feelin’ Sorry For Myself Pie, one with yucky ingredients like lumpy oatmeal and fruitcake mashed together.
I get pulled out of my thoughts when I turn on my street to see Julia and Kayla getting out of Julia’s car.
Holy smokes that was fast. I start joggin’ over. Being able to tell I’m upset, they start towards me, meetin’ me halfway. Their arms come around me.
“Thank you for comin’.”
“Thank you for texting us when you needed someone,” Julia says softly.
“Yeah, and I especially want to thank you for getting me the fuck away from Cooper. The man-cold has hit my house and I was just about to start poisoning his fucking soup if I had to hear anymore about how serious a sore throat can be.”
We burst into a fit of laughter, something we haven’t done in a while. I hug them tighter. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a downer this week, and I’m real sorry if I hurt y’alls feelins’.”
“You didn’t, Grace. We know you’re going through a hard time right now,” Julia replies.
We pull back from each other and Kayla grabs my hand. “All right let’s go inside and you can tell us what’s going on. I brought wine, in case this was a crisis alcohol could fix. Jules, I brought you sparkling juice.”
Heading inside we take a seat on the couch and I tell them everything. I start to choke up when I repeat my last comment to Sawyer. “You should have seen his face, I’ve never felt so awful in my life. I’m a terrible, terrible person.”
“Whoa, easy there Mother Theresa, I wouldn’t go that far. Here, drink some of this,” Kayla screws the cap off the wine and hands me the bottle, “trust me, it will make things seem a whole lot better.”
Grabbing the bottle, I take a big swig and choke the nastiness down. I’m not a big drinker; I don’t like the taste of alcohol much.
“There you go, good job,” she takes the bottle and has a swig herself. “Now, first off, you’re not a terrible person. People make mistakes, and let’s be honest, although the last comment was unnecessary it wasn’t untrue and Sawyer has to know that.”
I shake my head sadly, “I know he can be like that but he never has with me.” Emotion starts to clog my throat again when I think how kind he has been to me. “I never meant to hurt him, I just let my humiliation and pain run my mouth.”
Julia rubs my back. “Don’t beat yourself up so much, Grace, like Kayla said, people make mistakes. All you can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness.”
I nod, “Y’all are right. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do, I’ll bake him a special pie, an apology pie, then I’ll take it to him.” I look at the clock and see if I start now hopefully it won’t be too late and I can take it to him tonight.
“Sounds good to me. Can we help? I’d love to learn how to make a pie,” Kayla asks excitedly.
I smile, “I’d love to show y’all, come on.”
Going to the kitchen, I turn on music, which is something I always do when baking, and teach my two best friends how to make a pie. I put extra special care into this one, hoping it will be enough for Sawyer to forgive me.
“Another one, Jack,” I shout, waving my shot glass at the bartender.
Instead of going back to the gym, and throwing my bad-fucking mood around at the guys, I decided to come to Badass Jack’s. The local watering hole is the perfect atmosphere for my crappy mood. But when the beer and loud music wasn’t enough to drown out my fucking thoughts, I started hitting the hard shit.
Jack walks over, bringing me another shot of whisky. I throw it back and welcome the burn. “You wanna talk about it, kid?”
I shake my head¸ then regret it when the room starts fucking spinning. Shit, I’m fucked. And the worst fucking part is I can still feel the tightness in my chest.
“You know what, Jack?”
“What, Seal boy.”
I ignore the ‘Seal boy’ comment from the former badass marine. “When people tell you that doing the right thing feels good, they’re fuckin’ lying.”
The older man grunts, amused. “It’s the goddamn truth. I did something that would have made my Mom proud, but the thanks I got was a swift kick to the fucking balls. And I’ll tell you another thing,” I continue shaking my drunk-ass finger at him, “the ones you have to be careful for are the sweet looking blonde ones who smell like fucking cupcakes and make delicious pies. I’m telling you, they don’t look like they could hurt a fucking fly but they’ll take your ass down hard.” Talking about it starts getting me riled up again. “I mean, who gives a shit about cupcakes and delicious fucking pies anyway?”
The older man shrugs, “I like pies. How good we talkin’ about?”
I grunt, “Real fucking good. Dangerous good. One so good that it can rip you to pieces and stomp on you good.”
Jack chuckles, “Shit that does sound dangerous; I ain’t never had no pie like that.”
I grunt again, and I’m just about to continue my drunk-ass spewing’ when something warm presses up against me. Looking over, my eyes crash with a great pair of fake tits. I already know who it is before my gaze moves up to the blue eyes that are caked with make-up.
“All by yourself tonight, Sawyer?” Jenny asks, laying her hand on my thigh, close enough to my dick that it starts standing at attention.
Well that goes to show just how drunk I am when her annoying voice doesn’t even kill my erection.
“What do you want, Jenny?”
“You,” she whispers in a sultry voice before grabbing my dick through my jeans, bringing it fully to life.
Looking her over, I notice how different she is from a cupcake. Her blue eyes, the opposite of warm amber ones, does nothing to my chest. Her straight brown hair is different than the long, wavy blonde one that feels like silk, and she doesn’t smell like a fucking cupcake.
Well fuck!
I grab her wrist, pulling her hand from my cock and yank her against me. “One night. You hear me, Jenny? One fucking night and that’s it. If you want more than that then get the hell out of here now.”
She gives me a smile, one that does nothing to make my heart pound faster. “I�
�m a one night kind of girl, Sawyer.”
Thinking about it for another second, I stand up and throw my money on the counter in front of me. I catch Jack shaking his head before I let her drag my drunk-ass out of the bar. I push away the second thoughts, that try breaking through my alcohol-induced state, and pray she kills the need I have for sweet, little blonde cupcakes.
When I turn the corner and walk towards the building that houses the apartment Cade and Sawyer share, my anxiety spikes to a whole new level. I grasp the pie tighter so my shakin’ hands don’t drop it.
Darn, maybe I should have let Julia drive me. But I had wanted the walk and fresh air to help pull myself together. I needed time to think about what I’m going to say to Sawyer. Looking at my watch, I pray it’s not too late and that he’s not already sleepin’. Julia and Kayla didn’t think eleven pm was too late, besides I don’t think I could have waited until tomorrow. I just pray he forgives me; I really don’t want to lose his friendship over this.
An elderly lady comes walking out of the building as I make my way up the sidewalk. When she catches sight of me she smiles kindly and holds open the door. “You visiting someone, sweetheart?”
I return her smile, “Yes, thank you.”
Walking in, I slow my steps; my heart is pounding so hard I’m scared it’s going to fly out of my chest.
As I get to the end of the hall I turn left and walk up to Apartment 132. Taking a deep, nervous breath I raise my hand but, before I can knock, a loud, pleasured moan comes from the door. “Fuck yes! Sawyer, that feels so good.”
Oh god!
All the breath leaves my body in one painful swoosh, and my heart sinks into my stomach. My knees go weak, and through a blurry vision I grab onto the wall to hold myself up.
“Grace?” I gasp startled and see Cade walking down the hall to me. “What’s wrong? Are you…
“Shhh!” I put a shaking finger up to my lips and shake my head pleadingly, telling him to be quiet.
Before he can say anything else, mingled moans fill the air. “Yes! Fuck me, harder!”
“Shit!” Cade curses under his breath.
Not being able to listen to this a minute longer, I shove the pie at him and start running down the hall. Once I make it outside I bend over and rest my hands on my knees, trying to pull in deep breaths through the pain in my chest.
Calm down, Grace. You don’t have a right to feel this way.
My heart doesn’t listen to my head and a small sob breaks free. Standing up straight, I start to run but don’t make it far. “Grace, wait!” Cade yells, running out of the building.
He catches up to me and grabs my arm. “Let me give you a ride home,” he says softly.
I can barely make out his hulking form through my blurry vision. Wiping my face, I nod; words are too hard to speak right now. He’s still holding the pie as I follow him to his truck. He opens the door and helps me in. When he gets in on the other side I give him directions, then rest my forehead against the cool glass of the window.
Not wanting to embarrass myself more, I continue wiping my eyes and keep in the sobs that want to break free. I know I don’t have a right to feel this way. I shouldn’t feel heart-broken and betrayed, because we were nothin’ more than friends, but for some reason those are the only emotions I’m feelin’ right now.
Cade clears his throat, “Sorry you had to hear that, Grace.” I wave away his sincere words. “Don’t be. It’s my fault.”
He grunts, “I doubt that. Most of the time, if there’s a fuck up, it’s normally Sawyer’s fault. Trust me I’ve known him a long time, his pride and ego can fuck with his judgment.”
I think about that statement. Was that why he’s with her? Because I hurt his pride? Did he have to choose her of all people?
Oh yes, I knew that snooty, annoying voice. That bitch Jenny was always lookin’ down her nose at me. Anger starts creepin’ in, mixing with my pain.
“Is it terrible of me to hope his dick falls off after?” I blurt out the words before I can think better of it.
I start to feel incredibly embarrassed, but it vanishes quickly when I chance a look at Cade and see his lips twitch before he lets out a laugh. It’s low and rusty, as if the concept is foreign to him, which I know it is. It’s the first time I have ever seen his cold, hard mask replaced with a smile, and whoa boy is it lethal. He’s always been extremely attractive, but how he looks now? Well there isn’t even a word for it.
Even though my heart is still heavy with pain, I cover my mouth and join in on his laughter.
He gets a strange look on his face, as if just realizing he was laughing. His face softens but doesn’t go back to the hard mask he normally has. “No. It’s not awful. I, for one, would find it funny as fuck.”
I smile back at him then turn to look out the window so he can’t see my tears startin’ to form again.
“You know, Cade, normally I’m a girl who always tries to see the glass half-full, but life just really sucks sometimes,” I say quietly.
He grunts, “You fucking got that right,” he pauses for a minute, then says something that will stick with me for life: “it’s good you still try to see the glass half-full, Grace. Whatever you do, don’t lose that, because once you do there’s nothing left.”
My heart becomes heavier at the pain in his voice. Turning, I see him staring straight ahead, and I can tell this tidbit of information he just shared with me isn’t something he normally does, which makes me feel pretty darn special. I have a feeling Cade knows exactly what kind of pain I have buried deep inside.
Soon he’s pullin’ into my driveway, and when he puts the truck in park I do the one thing that I have wanted to do since he opened up. Taking off my seat belt, I crawl over to his side and wrap my arms around his neck. He tenses, not expecting the gesture.
“My Mama always used to say that God never gives you more than you can handle. I personally think that’s a giant load of crap.” He chuckles and wraps his arms around me, returning my embrace awkwardly. “But she was a real smart lady, so I try to stick with that mantra.”
He doesn’t say anything back, but I didn’t expect him to. Pulling away, I wipe my wet cheeks with the back of my hand and open his truck door. “Thank you for givin’ me a ride home, Cade. It was awful nice of you.”
“No problem, Grace. Did you want to take your pie back?”
I look over at the pie with the note that’s pasted to it. “No. He should still have it. You can have some too.”
“Did you want me to throw it in his face?” He seems rather hopeful for me to say yes.
I chuckle as I hop out of his truck. Even though the thought appeals to me, I shake my head, “That’s all right, but thanks for offerin’.”
Then, before I close the door, I decide to say one more thing, “You should smile more often, Cade. It suits you.”
After closing the truck door, I run into my house and head straight to bed. As I lay there I try real hard not to let those awful moans fill my head in the silence.
I slowly come awake the next morning and wonder what the fuck happened to me last night, because I’m pretty sure I’m fucking dying. When I take a chance at opening my eyes, I quickly squeeze them shut and groan from the sudden sharp pain that spears my head.
Rolling over, I hit something; I snap my eyes open again and ignore the throbbing. My gaze lands on the sleeping, naked chick next to me, and everything comes rushing back in a hazy flash.
Oh jesus fucking christ!
I shoot out of bed like my ass is on fire, and crash into the fucking wall in my haste. Which was stupid, since it caused my big fucking mistake to wake up.
Jenny sits up, dropping the sheet, and smiles at me. “Why are you getting up so early? Come back to bed,” she pats the bed beside her.
I shake my head, then regret it when I feel like I’m going to puke. “One night, Jenny, remember? It’s time for you to go.”
Ignoring her glare, I lean down to grab my jeans from the floor
and throw them on. Walking out, I head into the bathroom to wash up, then into the kitchen for some coffee. I spot Cade sitting at the table, reading the paper.
He looks up and glares at me. I glare right back, “Save it. I’m not in the fucking mood.”
I already know what a fucking idiot I was, bringing that crazy bitch back here. Cooper warned me how many damn times, but did I listen? Nope. I let my hurt, pride and drunk-ass make the stupid decision.
Shaking my head, I walk over and pour myself a cup of coffee, then take a hefty sip. When I spot the pie on my counter, I spit the hot contents all over the floor in front of me. I whip my shocked gaze over at Cade, to see him watching me.
“What the fuck is that?” I shout, pointing at the fucking pie, as if it’s a goddamn bomb.
“What does it fucking look like? Why don’t you read the note that’s attached to it?”
Oh shit! Dread begins to rush through me. Walking over, I rip off the folded paper and start to read.
Sexy Sawyer,
This is a brand new pie I created just for you. It’s called Forgiveness Pie. I’m hopin’, after you eat it, you will forgive me for bein’ so terrible. I’m so sorry I hurt your feelins’. You mean an awful lot to me and I don’t want to lose your friendship.
Please forgive me.
Love,
Grace
I swallow thickly, and the sick feeling I have now is not for the same reason it was a few minutes ago. “Please tell me she gave this to you at the diner or something?”
I know the answer before he even says it. “Nope. Actually, when I got back last night, from the gym, I saw her outside our door with the pie in her hands, about to knock. But she froze mid-air when she heard you fucking someone’s brains out against it.”
“Oh fuck no!” I drop my head in my hands, guilt and shame filling me. I went and did the exact thing she fucking accused me of yesterday, all because of a wounded ego.
Christ, I really fucked up.
A snotty scoff breaks me out of my torment. “Oh my god, seriously? See, Sawyer, exactly what I said: pathetic.”