“You’re more than just friends with Mzatal, too!” he retorted, voice sharp and tinged with frustration. “What do you want me to say? It’s okay, I’ll share? That’s not happening.”
“No, no! It’s not that,” I protested, aching for him and for me. Or maybe it was exactly that. Shit. Why the hell hadn’t I kept my big mouth shut and played the I-don’t-know-and-I’m-confused game to let this blow over? “Never mind,” I said. “Forget everything I just said. You asked what my relationship with Mzatal means for you and me, and I don’t know what it means.”
Ryan pulled his hand from mine. “Yeah. Right. Forget what you said. Like that’s going to happen.” He shot to his feet, stalked several steps away and stood with his back to me, right hand opening and closing repeatedly. “He might not be into monogamy and all that, but what about you?” he demanded. “You’re from here. Are you throwing all that away because he doesn’t have the same values? Oh, wait. Maybe those aren’t your values?”
The ache blossomed to agony with the vehemence in his tone. All perspective on the Ryan-Szerain quandary evaporated, and I stood. “Fuck you, Ryan,” I said to his back, using my pain to fuel my anger. “Fuck you and your values. You think I’m some kind of slut now?” I took a shaking breath. “In the past year and a half, I’ve slept with exactly two men—Rhyzkahl and Mzatal. TWO,” I repeated loudly. “And I’ve loved two: you and Mzatal. It’s not like I fucked my way through the demon realm or jumped straight into Mzatal’s bed! I was trying to tell you that I still had—have—you in my heart, that there was room for you there in whatever way you’re willing to have me.” I realized I was crying, realized that the pain was real and that this was fucked. “I went through HELL, and Mzatal put me back together,” I continued, voice rising to a shout, “and I don’t need you or anyone else judging me for the relationship that followed.”
I didn’t wait to hear what he came up with next. I turned, fled up the stairs and to my room, pursued by a stream of loud and mostly unintelligible curses. Channeling all the fury and pain that boiled through me, I slammed my door, threw myself on the bed and sobbed like a heartbroken teenager.
A few minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I sat up, snarled, “Go away, Ryan! I don’t need more of your shit!”
Jill answered. “Nope, it’s me.”
Relief swept through me. Exactly who I needed. I wiped my eyes. “Come in.”
She opened the door, and I did a double take. When I’d left, her pregnancy had been showing, but now, at about eight months along, it was showing and even more prominent due to her petite frame. “Damn. You’re preggers.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” she said as she moved to sit beside me on the bed. “Glad to see you still have those awesome detective skills. I came over for a visit and walked in on a major throwdown. Now, tell me. What the hell did Ryan do to you?”
As though on cue, the basement door slammed with violent force.
I wiped my eyes again. “Shit. We were talking. It was nice. And then he said he knew Mzatal and I were together and asked what that meant for him and me.” She offered a tissue, and I paused to blow my nose. “And shit,” I continued, “I didn’t even know what to say, so I said something dumb about how I loved Mzatal but loved Ryan too, and not just as a friend. As soon as I said it, I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but by then it was too late, y’know? He got all pissy and ‘what, you expect me to share?’” I sighed, still feeling the sting of his response. “I told him that wasn’t what I meant but later thought maybe it was. And I told him I didn’t know what any of it meant for him and me.” I looked over at her. “I was floundering, but doing okay up to that point. Then he got really assholeish and started going on about how I’d thrown away my values. Fucking shit! My goddamn values.” I exhaled a shuddering breath as some of the tension melted. Simply being able to vent my frustration helped. “And that’s about the time I told him, ‘Fuck you and your values’ and some other stuff and came up here.”
“Oh jeez. What you said!” Jill put her arm around me and gave me a squeeze. “You’ve been away a while, and it sounds like you’re used to talking pretty openly about stuff.” She wrinkled her nose. “Ryan’s a guy and, well, you know how he is.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I do.” Yet I knew what she didn’t. Ryan wasn’t just a guy. I knew the Ryan-Szerain struggle, had a better understanding of his moodiness and the challenges he faced. It was no wonder that, after Szerain tasted a sliver of freedom, he fought to reclaim it, even if it unbalanced his entire prison, Ryan included. I needed to remember that before doing or saying shit that would screw them both up. Away from the heat of the moment, that knowledge sparked a stab of guilt.
I should’ve been able to keep it together better for both of us. I sighed. Too late now to worry about it. “Jesus, woman,” I said. “You’re really pregnant.”
She grinned and laid a hand on her belly. “A bit. She’s feisty!”
“It’s the tail,” I said with as straight a face as I could manage. “I’ve heard they’re usually twice as long in demon-human babies as—” I ducked and laughed as she grabbed a pillow and swung at me.
“You are EVIL!” she yelled, but laughter danced in her eyes. “You’re damn lucky I asked Zack a long time ago if I was going to have to push out something with wings. Plus, I’ve seen the ultrasound. Bitch.”
I grinned. “Yeah, I figured you’d had an ultrasound by now, and didn’t think you’d be so calm if it had four arms.”
“Two arms and two legs,” she stated firmly. “No wings. And no tail.”
I resisted the urge to tease her more. “Got any names picked out yet?”
“Nothing that’s stuck. And Zack won’t commit to anything.” Her amusement slipped away. “He won’t even talk about it anymore except to say it’s too soon to name her.”
“Too soon?” I gave her an incredulous look. “She’ll be here in a month!”
“I know, but he won’t budge,” she said with a touch of resentment. “He’s so weird sometimes.” Then she gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Enough of that. What’s next for you?”
“I’m back on Earth to find Idris.” I quickly filled her in on who he was and the search for him, and how special he was to both Mzatal and me. “So to really get the ball rolling, I have to summon Mzatal tonight.” A scowl tugged at my mouth. “That’s sure to set Ryan off again.”
Jill shifted to face me more. “Yeah, about that.” She narrowed her eyes in the way that told me she wasn’t on board with something. “Did I hear you say you told Ryan you loved Mzatal? You do? Really?”
My scowl deepened. I didn’t need anyone else judging my relationship. I took a deep breath and did a mental pygah. “He’s really special to me. We worked closely for two months before we slept together. And it’s been another four months since then. So, yes. We’ve grown really close.”
“That’s cool,” she said unconvincingly. “I wanted to check and be sure. But he has to be a miracle worker to raise my opinion of these lords.”
“Trust me, babe, he has the miracle worker part covered,” I told her fervently. “I’m telling you, I was in bad shape after Rhyzkahl damn near destroyed me.”
Her brow wrinkled. “That’s about all you said when you came back last time. What did Rhyzkahl do to you?”
I hesitated, then stood and stripped off my shirt. “This is what he did to me.”
Jill’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my god.”
I lifted my arms, turned a slow circle to give her a clear view of all twelve sigil scars that covered my torso, front and back. One for each demonic lord, and then one more whose purpose had been to harness and focus the power of the other eleven.
Naked horror filled her eyes. “Why? How?”
I lowered my arms. “It was a ritual meant to turn me into a thrall, a tool for him to use to further other plans. And, to lay the foundation to recover an arcane blade similar to the one he used to carve these into me.” I pulled my shirt on again.
“As for the how, he slugged me, bound me in strappado position, then took his knife to me. Both shoulders dislocated, fractured cheekbone, mental and emotional torment, and . . . the scars.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yep. That about sums it up.” My mouth tightened. “Oh, and this was after he made love to me in the middle of the ritual circle.” I sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “Stupid. Blind.”
Jill pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, babe. I want to kill him.”
I returned the hug. “Mzatal got me out of there before Rhyzkahl could finish it.” I said. “He healed me, but it was a lot longer before I could trust anyone, myself included.” I sighed. “There were so many signs that I missed or ignored.”
Jill echoed my sigh. “Probably because he was a hunk. And I sure didn’t help matters by telling you to ignore Ryan and enjoy the sex.” Guilt flashed across her face.
I pulled back to look into her face. “No, don’t do that,” I said sharply. “Your advice was spot on with the knowledge you had. I had a lot more information, a lot more clues. Some were obvious in hindsight, though subtle at the time, while others were like glaring neon signs. He even went on my computer, for fuck’s sake!” I blew my nose on a fresh tissue to get rid of the last gunk from my cry. “He knew how lonely and needy I was, and he used it, knew I’d be blind to his bullshit because of my stupid angst.”
“He played you hard,” she said, a scowl deeply etched on her face. “He needs to get taken down for sure. Motherfucker.”
“I’m with you there.” I gave her hand a light squeeze. “Anyway, Mzatal’s been really good for me,” I said, smiling. “I’m stronger now. Not just physically.” I chuckled. “I’m a forged-in-fire bitch.”
“And you have muscles,” she noted, leveling a proud smirk at me. “I thought you were allergic to exercise.”
I let out a laugh. “Well, now I’m allergic to getting my ass kicked. Funny how the threat of serious bodily harm can change your attitude.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Guess it’s worse than the Beaulac bad guys.”
I thought of the Mraztur. “Lots worse.” I tilted my head. “If you stay late tonight, you can meet Mzatal when I summon him.” Then I groaned. “Which reminds me, I have to go back down to Ryan’s basement to charge the storage diagram some more. Shit.”
“I confess, the thought of meeting Mzatal weirds me out,” she said, “but I also want to see what the hell you’re up to.” Then she wrinkled her nose in sympathy. “I don’t know what to say about the Ryan-in-the-basement situation.”
“Fuck it.” I shrugged. “Zack gave me the location of a chocolate stash. I think it’s time to hit it.”
She blinked at me. “Zack keeps a chocolate stash?”
“Well, he might have put it there in anticipation of my return.” I dragged myself off the bed and out the bedroom.
Jill scramble-waddled to follow as I headed for the utility room. “That’s probably true. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a secret chocolate addiction.” There was a touch of resentment in her voice. Not the first time I’d heard it either.
I found the stash in the promised location, then set the big box of assorted goodies on the kitchen table. “Okay, chick. Spill. Is something going on with you and Zack?”
She fished out a miniature bar. “Nothing a little chocolate won’t cure,” she replied.
I could respect that. For now at least. We settled in to eat chocolate while she caught me up on the local gossip, and I shared fascinating, bizarre, and gross stories of my time away. As much as I’d grown to love my life in the demon realm, I’d really missed this sort of interaction.
“Don’t you love the new fridge?” Jill asked with a covetous gaze.
“It rocks,” I agreed. “What other so-called minor changes have those two made to my property?”
Gleefully, she proceeded to give me a rundown. Several projects I already knew. The fence and gate, porch railings and steps, basement bathroom. But there was more. A full obstacle course and running trail through the woods, new washer and dryer on order, plans to enclose the back porch, and a host of miscellaneous fixes and changes.
My mood declined as she spoke. I pinched the bridge of my nose, struggled against a bizarre sense of violation. Who the hell did they think they were? Who told them they could swoop in and take over the house my grandfather built and make so many changes without me?
I took a careful breath, told myself that this resentment hadn’t come up when I saw the spruced up porch and steps. It was simply the stress of the murder victim and the fight with Ryan that had me out of sorts. The two men had done nothing I wouldn’t have wanted on my own. Every bit of it had been undertaken in a spirit of friendship and caring while I’d been off learning how to save the world and myself. Plus, it had to have cost a fortune.
“It’s awesome,” I admitted truthfully, and was rewarded with a shimmer of relief in Jill’s eyes. She’d been in on it too, I realized, and she knew me well enough to understand how I might feel about the many changes to my home. I gave her a smile. “Y’all are awesome. Thanks.”
The front door creaked open, and I heard the jangle-clunk of keys dropping onto the table by the door.
“Honey, I’m home!” Zack called out.
“Don’t you dare ask if dinner is ready,” I hollered back.
The lanky blond agent sauntered into the kitchen. “I was thinking more along the lines of lunch.” He leaned down and gave Jill a lingering kiss, laid his hand on her belly. “Or I could just have chocolate right here,” he said, kissing a stray bit from the side of her mouth.
Jill beamed. “Chocolate and I can make a sammich for you.”
“Mmmm,” he said, then straightened. “That would be good, but I need to get with Ryan. He didn’t answer his damn phone. Don’t know why he has one if he isn’t going to answer.”
I winced. “We had a bit of an argument.”
Jill’s face tightened briefly at Zack’s statement, and she gave a jerky nod. “Ryan. Sure. But you’ll come back up when you’re done, right? Feels like I haven’t seen you in days.”
“Yeah, sure, sweetie. You know this has been a crazy couple of months.” He moved over to me, gave me a quick hug from behind. “Rough day, sunshine.”
“No kidding,” I said. “I’m ready for it to be over.”
“Before you know it,” Zack said and headed to the basement. He gave two sharp cop knocks, went on through, and closed the door behind him.
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m giving him five minutes, and then I need to get down there.”
Jill snorted and shook her head. “I guarantee he won’t be back up here in five minutes.”
“He and Ryan have been busy?”
“Ever since you left for the demon realm again.”
Crap. I knew it had to be the result of Zack easing Szerain’s confinement. Sure, it was a good thing for Szerain since it relieved some of the tortuous pressure, but it also meant it was more challenging for Zack to maintain him.
I reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. “There’s a lot of stuff on Earth that’s been set in motion with Katashi and the Mraztur,” I told her. “Zack and Ryan’s task force focuses on weird stuff, so maybe they’ve been busy with some of the fallout.” It was thin and lame, but it was the best I had since I couldn’t tell her the truth.
And why was that? I suddenly wondered. Why the hell couldn’t Zack save her some grief and tell her something about Ryan-Szerain? She already knew Zack was a demon, and even though there were all sorts of oaths surrounding the reasons for Szerain’s imprisonment, they seemed to have loosened in the past several months. Surely Zack could drop a hint or three?
“You think that’s what Ryan and Zack are doing?” she asked, dubious.
“I don’t know. I just know everything’s weird.” I sighed and stood. “And I need to get into my damn basement. Be back in a few, babe.”
“Okay. I’ll be here babysitting the chocolate.”
Chapter 8
I headed to the basement door, knocked twice. “Sorry, boys,” I called out, “but I need to charge my diagram.” I turned the knob and pulled, but the door didn’t open. Locked. Annoyance curled through me. It was probably exacerbated by the general shitty nature of the day, but in that moment, I didn’t care. It’s my goddamn house, I fumed. You can do all the repairs and cleanup and additions you want, but you don’t fucking lock me out of any part of it.
I went up on tiptoes to retrieve the key from the top of the doorframe, but even unlocked the door still refused to budge. Annoyance shifted to outright indignation as othersight revealed a clever little ward. Zack’s work, I knew, and completely impervious to my attempt to unwind it.
Controlling the urge to pound on the door and yell, I once again knocked.
When Zack finally opened the door, I leveled a glare at him. “I need to get into my basement to start my summoning prep.”
Zack regarded me, his face serious. “Will you do so quietly?”
The question didn’t do anything to improve my mood. “Sure,” I snarled. I pushed past him then headed quietly down the stairs, moved to the storage diagram and crouched. I deliberately didn’t look in Ryan’s direction, mostly out of pique though with a good measure of guilt. Sure, he’d been an ass to me, but I’d lost it when I should have walked away, considering his circumstances. Out of my peripheral vision I could see him supine on the futon, eyes closed. So much for making a statement by not looking at him.
Shifting to sit cross-legged, I started feeding potency into the diagram. Zack returned to kneel near Ryan’s head, clasped his hand and spoke soothingly in demon. Ryan was certainly unaware, maybe sleeping, but Szerain never slept—part of the horrible nature of his imprisonment.
Fury of the Demon kg-6 Page 9