"It's alright," I said smiling. "I would probably just bore you to death."
She shook her head.
"No," she started. "Definitely not. I love shopping with friends!"
And who said we were friends...?
"Oh," I said in return. "Now I know what to do next time."
Silence surrounded us for a few moments until one of us broke it. I was surprised. It was Nathan who spoke up. When he opened his mouth, my heart instantly beat faster, and not to exaggerate anything, I felt my stomach turn. I felt really nervous just by hearing the sound of his voice since I didn't know if he had forgiven me or not. He looked apathetic as always, but his eyes contained some feelings, ones I couldn't tell.
"Taylor and I were planning on eating," he said. "You should join us."
I immediately declined. What the hell was he thinking? I disapproved of his sister's guts. I know that I should just be patient since she's my ex's sister after all, and it was important to uphold a good reputation to family members, but she started it, the bragging, the degrading. I just stayed silent the whole time. Okay, maybe not so much.
"No, I shouldn't" I said, turning away, as my back faced them.
Before I could leave the two of them and their oh-so grandiose lives, Taylor got a hold of my elbow. She then put both her hands on each of my shoulders to turn me around and what faced me wasn't the immature nineteen-year old who had tried to impress me, but it was a sympathetic sister who cared so much for her brother whom I loved. All feelings of anger and disappointment disappeared from my mind and I realized that I should have just accepted her and her stupidity. She was Nathan's family after all.
"You should."
I mustered up a smile. "Fine."
* * *
"How's New York?" Taylor asked, starting the conversation. "Last time I went there was last year, a long time since I must say."
She was actually treating me decently now in the presence of her brother who just stayed silent the whole time. Nathan was seated beside me, and he hadn't opened his mouth to talk to me which saddened me. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was like my other best friend. I used to tell him everything, but now, everything had changed. I felt like he had closed himself to me.
"It's good, colder, but still fun," I answered as I forked my salad.
"How's the shopping?" she asked. "I swear, last year, I bought a gazillion things and some I still haven't even used."
I was starting to like her. Though, she was still immature, she treated me like we were close, like good friends who haven't seen each other in a long time. The conversation went on as we talked about the most random topics from New York, to Europe, to beaches, and lastly, to relationships.
"I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago," she said, suddenly opening up to me.
"Yeah, why?"
That was probably the most obvious question. Taylor didn't look bitter and I was surprised. She actually looked like she didn't really care about what had happened. Here, we were, in a restaurant where almost everyone could hear our talk and she was mindlessly telling me about her love life. I didn't know if I should stop her or what, and so, she continued.
"He cheated on me," She answered.
I let out a very small squeak right then and there not because of what she said, but because I felt a hand on my knee. A familiar touch covered my leg, and I looked to my side, to Nathan, who was merely looking at his sister as if he didn't know what he was doing. After a few moments, he turned his head to me, and we were somehow locked in each other's gazes. I broke it off, seeing as what we were doing wasn't right, as I ignored his continuous stares and pretended like I didn't know what he was up to. I was in the middle of telling Taylor a story, an embarrassing one that had happened to me a couple years ago when she cut me off and told me she had to go.
"I'm sorry I have to leave you guys," she said. "I promised to meet a friend, and I totally forgot about her."
Before Nathan and I could stop her, she put her money down on the table and quickly left the restaurant. What was she trying to do? Leave Nathan and me alone to talk? So likely.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, when I didn't bother starting up a conversation. "What are you trying to do?"
I looked at him, wide eyed, and my mouth hanging open. Did he just ask me those questions? He sounded like he didn't like my presence that I was just wasting my time in California. He hadn't forgiven me yet.
"I actually don't know either."
"Bullcrap," he said, and that made my temperature rise.
"You're making fun of me again, aren't you?" he said, as he pulled me back down on my seat when I stood up.
I wanted to leave. I didn't want this kind of conversation with him. I hated his questions.
"You're being mean."
"I'm not," he said, his tone ignorant. "I'm just simply asking you things."
I turned to him, and stared at him. Disbelief clouded my eyes with the way he looked at me apathetically. Sine when was he 'emo'? It was if he didn't like the presence of people, or my presence sad to say. He was blocking me out. He was an animal, emotionless. Scratch that, even animals had emotions. His eyes were looking back at mine. They looked cloudier and closed to the world. What was he turning into? He wasn't the person whom I used to love, the one I wanted to get back with. I realized right then and there that he didn't love me…anymore, and that depressed me.
"Let me save you your time," I said standing up immediately to leave before he could get a hold of my arm once more. "Bye, Nate."
* * *
"You look so pretty!" Riley said once she saw me.
I was wearing a cocktail dress in the colors of pink, black, and red. The dress exposed the whole of my back while the neckline went really low. It wasn't really too revealing…well, for me anyway. Layers of light pink and red transparent cloths overlapped the black, and for some reason, I looked punk in a formal way.
I smiled at Riley who was beaming right back at me. She wore a yellow body-hugging dress which superbly complimented her curves. Beside her stood Anthony in a tux, and he too was grinning.
"You look pretty," he said, making me smile. "Wait 'til the rest see you."
I smirked back at him before I hooked my arm around Riley's as the three of us headed to the ground floor of their house to meet the guests. The garden was crowded and I estimated that there were at least two hundred people who had been invited. This was definitely some kind of Christmas party. I separated from the couple since I knew they wanted their alone time even though what they were telling me was completely different. I walked around, sipping a few cocktails, when I bumped lightly into someone's hard chest. I looked up, and came face-to-face with a blonde-haired guy with the greyest eyes. He was hot, and to tense me up all the more, his hands rested on my shoulder to steady me. Embarrassed, I smiled sheepishly at him, while he, in return introduced himself.
"Marc," he said in a deep British accent which instantly caught me. "And yours?"
"Alex."
We remained smiling at each other until he took hold of my arm and led me around the party. I was glad that I was able to make a friend in a matter of hours seeing as that I only arrived in California a short while ago. I also didn't want to be the tail of Riley and Anthony since I wasn't that desperate to be in the company of someone, and aside from that, I didn't bother looking for Taylor since when I had last seen her, she was engaged in an animated conversation with a big group of guys and girls which Nathan was a part of, but he, as I saw, looked out of place. I shook thoughts of him away from my head and focused on Marc who was being so nice to me at the moment.
"So where are you from?" he asked. "You're a new face."
I laughed.
"I'm from New York."
He brightened up and then said, "That's cool. I went there last month and the weather wasn't still a bitch yet. It was awesome, the lights, the people, the crowded streets."
"I love the city too!" I said. "So many things to d
o! I love it when my surroundings are fast-paced."
"Ditto," he returned and he could only smile at me. "So where do you study? And what do you do?"
"Well," I started. "To answer your first question, I study in Ridgeway, and for the second, I model."
I looked around since I didn't want others to think I was hooking up with this guy. Sure, he was hot; we could relate to each other; and he was such a darling, but I still wanted one person who now, I couldn't get. I looked at that person and surprisingly, he was staring back at me. While I gazed at him in shock, he on the other hand, eyed me with…anger? I turned back to Marc. Nathan couldn't be mad…I hadn't done anything wrong.
"Hey, cool, I model too," he said not at all sounding arrogant. "Do you have any upcoming projects?"
I nodded.
"Yeah, not so many since my rents want me to focus on my studies, but -"
"Same here!" he said in a loud voice which caught the attention of a couple of old people in front of us. "They've been antagonizing me about how it's not really important to be working full-time when I'm nineteen, but I love doing what I do."
My eyes shined. There was a connection. Sarcasm.
"Damn! It's like your living my life! How come I haven't seen you before?" I asked.
"Where do you model most of the time?" he questioned grinning.
"Most of my shows are usually in New York, L.A, and Paris," I responded. "You?"
"Oh, I see, I see!" he said enthusiastically. "I usually do shows in Miami, Milan, and San Pablo. It's a bummer I only met you now."
Before I could reply, I found myself jumping onto Marc's lap since a big black dog was sniffing one of my toes about to lick it. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around my waist to shield me from the animal that was being pulled away by its owner. After a few minutes, the dog was now completely gone so Marc started to loosen his grip on me, but someone entered and decided to start a scene.
"What are you doing, Alex?" Nate asked me through cloudy eyes.
He looked dashing and handsome in a tuxedo just like the way he usually was. His hair stayed messy, his face apathetic, and that made my mind work overtime again. Why was he making me suffer with his cold eyes? I hadn't done anything wrong. It was he, with all the questions a while ago that I had no choice but to walk away from him. And here he was, entering my life when I was starting to enjoy it. He looked at Marc in anger…and what was that I saw…jealousy?
"Do you know him?" The guy, whose lap I sat on, asked.
Before I could answer, Nathan stepped in and said, "Yeah, she's my girlfriend."
Marc looked shocked and immediately let go of me as he handed moi over to Nate. He said goodbye and left me after giving me a small peck on the cheek which made Nathan tense. I turned around to face my ex-boyfriend who was looking, as always, indifferent. I was thinking of following Marc and was about to walk away when Nathan wrapped his arms around my waist. He said nothing, and we both stood there, my back against his constricting chest while his chin rested on my head.
This was wrong, so wrong. He wasn't my boyfriend anymore, though I wanted him to still be. He was embracing me, his arms tight against mine. We definitely looked like a couple, and I could only sigh and ask him to let go of me. He didn't follow and I had no choice but to use force.
"Let go of me," I said, trying to slap his arms away. "I thought you didn't want me to be here."
He couldn't answer; his arms loosened their grip; as I took the opportunity to walk away. I put my right leg in front of my left and started to walk, but he said something that stopped me in my tracks. He told me to stay. I turned around and punched his chest.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, as I pulled him with me.
We entered his house and into the kitchen which was empty, and this, I found, was a better place to have a private conversation. I let go of my grip on him as I leaned against the counter with the palm of my hands on the ledge for support. Caging me, he neared me. His arms extended as his hands covered mine. Our proximity to each other was very close and only a couple inches of space separated my lips from his. This was so not right. This was where my self-control had to come in.
"I don't know," he answered which made me try to push him off of me, but I obviously failed. His iron chest remained unmoving as it only constricted and loosened with every breath he took. "I don't know what I want. How about you?"
"Me?"
"What do you want?" he asked, gazing at me deeply.
My arms were starting to hurt from hanging, so I had no choice but to put my hands over his shoulders. At this moment it was comfort over morals. Sue me.
"I want you to let go of me."
His lips curved up into a very thin smile and after, he said, "I'm not even holding you."
"But you're close to me."
"It's still not touching," he said, and then he smirked.
He was actually smirking; he was showing some kind of emotion which I had no idea why but it made me so happy. The butterflies inside my stomach were dancing away, and all I could do was smile sheepishly back at him and so, he questioned my sudden enthusiasm.
"Why are you smiling?" he asked. "You looked like you wanted to kill me a while ago when you were with that guy."
"Why are you smirking?" I question in returned. "You haven't been smiling since."
"Since when?" he asked, and once more, he looked serious, his smirk, gone.
"That's the end of my sentence," I said.
I knew what he was trying to do; he wanted me to admit something. For some reason, I felt like he wanted to talk about what happened in New York, the Guess pictorial, but I didn't want any more complications. I wanted to leave that as it was. He was playing mind games with me, and I hated those things.
"Huh?" he asked, obviously confused. "I don't get you."
"What I meant was that, that was the end of my sentence. Since it wasn't supposed to be continued."
"It should."
"And why is that?" I asked, my turn to smirk.
"Because it's like the introduction to a clause. It has to have something after," he said in a childish manner, which made my heart flop in admiration.
He looked so adorable, like a kid who stood taller than me. I was still leaning against the ledge of the kitchen counter, but he on the other hand, decided to lean with me, our arms brushing. This, I must admit, was sending tingling sensations from my veins to my heart, and I couldn't stop it. I still really liked him, loved him still.
"Says you," I said.
"No. It's like a rule. Since can never be that last wor-"
"It can."
"That's crap," he said, grinning from ear-to-ear.
"And you're confusing me," I replied. "So you better stop it."
He smiled and all I could do was return it.
"Why are you smiling?" he asked, his grin still on my face.
"I could ask you the same thing."
This made him close his mouth and he remained silent. We still stood beside each other, skin against skin, and the quietness of the room was enveloping us. I couldn't stand the eerie surrounding so I spoke first.
"It's good you're brightening up again," I said. "Stay like that."
He looked at me.
"I will," he answered. "It's been a long time since I actually was happy. I've been moping around, being emo, you know."
"Yeah?"
"Uh-huh," he said. "Ever since you left me."
* * *
Chapter 24: Know the Steps
* * *
I woke up late the next morning, precisely at around eleven, and when I got up from my bed, I immediately took a bath to get my day started. I stepped into the shower and let the warm water soak me as it refreshed my whole body. I did my normal routine of soaping then shampooing before I left the stall to brush my teeth and apply some moisturizer for my face. I was fully awake now, and so, I left my bedroom to meet with the others, who I soon found out were lounging by the pool area, which was indoors.
I nodded at her and gave her a, "Uh-huh."
All in her bikini and their board shorts, Riley, Anthony, and Nathan were splashing water amongst each other as they laughed and shouted in chorus. My best gal friend was protected against Nate's annoying act by her boyfriend nonetheless. With his arms wrapped around her, she felt secured like nothing was going to harm her, well, except for the tickles. Unaware of what Anthony had in mind, she didn't see the part in her future wherein she wanted to leave his side. She started shouting profanities but Anthony ignored the curse words she targeted at him.
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