Clueless as to why he couldn’t talk about it at that moment, I wondered what the hell he did for a living that made him say such a thing. Was he a spy? Did he work for the CIA or the FBI? Did those people make as much money as it seemed he had? “’Kay.” My eyes turned away from his as my mind went crazy with all the questions.
August pointed out ahead of us, directing Calum’s attention to something he was sure to love. “Is that an arcade, Calum?”
My son shot toward the open area, which was covered by a red and white circus-like tent. “Oh, yeah!”
“He’s going to beggar us in there, August,” I warned him. “And getting him out of there won’t be easy either.”
“I can take it,” he said with a chuckle.
But as we entered the area, with games making loud sounds everywhere—including the sounds of gunfire and explosions—I grew worried. “August, are you sure you’re okay with this?”
He knew I referred to his PTSD and nodded. “It’s okay. I’ve conquered the loud noises triggering an episode.”
So, if those no longer set him off, what did?
Standing back, I watched as August and Calum climbed onto a couple of motorcycles to have a virtual race, August obviously letting Calum win. “Aw, man. You beat me,” August whined to Calum. Then he pointed to some fishing game across the room. “Hey, wanna see who can catch the biggest fish, Calum?”
“Yes, sir!” Calum was off the bike, running top speed, or as fast as one little boy can go through a crowd of kids. And August was hot on his heels, having just as much fun as my little boy.
As I watched them go from one game to another, my heart pounded in my chest. August and his sister were great with Calum. Maybe it was time I was more honest with all three of them.
Maybe I would be, but not at this moment. This wasn’t the time or the place, but soon. Maybe even later, after we left the zoo.
My mind grew more and more determined as the day went on. When August grabbed Calum up, putting him on his shoulders so he could see an elusive bear who’d hidden itself in its cave, I nearly cried.
They’d barely known each other from Adam when the day started, having only spent a spot of time together in the car on the way home the other night. But there they were, acting as if they’d always known one another.
When we went to find something to eat, both of them ordered a cheeseburger, plain and dry with a side of onion rings and an orange soda. The way they laughed after saying the same thing had me tearing up.
“Jinx, you owe me a Coke,” August said after they’d said the same words at the same time.
“What does that mean?” Calum asked him with a crooked smile.
August wore a very similar smile as he explained the little saying, and then they both laughed. The sounds of August’s deep tones mixed with the high tones of my son sent chills through me.
The day hadn’t gotten away from us, and we left with plenty of time to get back home to Los Angeles. The car ride was quiet as Calum had fallen asleep, completely worn out.
August took hold of my hand, pulling it up to kiss as he drove along the highway. “Thanks for today. I’ve never had that much fun in my entire life.”
Raising one eyebrow, I gave him a questioning look. “Oh, really?”
“I mean, in that kind of way. Of course, I’ve had a few great times with you, baby.” He took my hand, resting it on top of his thigh.
“Thanks,” I said with sarcasm. “And thank you for taking us on this little outing. It did wonders for me as well,” I told him, referring in secret to my new thoughts on what I should do. I thought about when the time would be right for what I’d planned. “You should stay for dinner at my place tonight. I can whip up some pasta.”
“Or you two could come to my place, and I could have Tara whip us up something,” he said as his lips grazed the back of my hand, sending chills all through me.
His place?
It was very tempting to be able to see how the man lived—to learn that much more about him. “And Tara is your…”
“Chef.” He smiled at me with that crooked grin. “And Denise is the head housekeeper. Max is my driver, and Joel is the groundskeeper. There are a couple of younger girls who come in with Denise twice a week to do the deep cleaning. To be honest, I don’t know their names.”
“And you live where, exactly?” I had to ask. With a staff that size, it had to be somewhere glamorous.
“Hidden Hills,” he said as he glanced at me, catching my mouth hanging open.
“No! Did you know that Kim Kardashian lives there?” I was flabbergasted.
“Well, yeah, she and Kanye only live two houses from mine.” He shrugged to accent how typical that was.
“Get out! No way!” My mind could only form two words at a time. Then I had to ask again, “So, what is it that you do, August?”
“Well, at the moment, I’m working with a couple of other men to open an incredibly exclusive nightclub, catering to only the wealthiest of people. We’ve named it Swank—it’s due to open on New Year’s Eve. I haven’t asked you yet, but I can now. Will you please be my date for that, Tawny?”
“So, you’re some kind of a nightclub mogul? And my answer is yes, I’d love to be your date for that.” I wondered how the hell a former marine had gotten into that.
“Yeah, on top of other things. My fingers are in a lot of pies, so to speak.” Traffic slowed to a stop, and I found August looking out the window at the passengers in the car next to him.
“You’ll have to fill me in on all the pies eventually,” I said as I watched him.
I realized that he hadn’t heard a word I said, transfixed as he was by the people in the car beside us. Too many seconds ticked by with him motionless, then I finally heard him whisper, “John?”
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, like the calm before an explosion. One second August was fine, and the next, the name ‘John’ pealed out of his mouth in short bursts that changed to high pitched screams.
To make matters worse, his screaming woke up Calum, who began to cry, “What’s wrong with him, Momma?”
Taking off my seatbelt, I got on my knees in my seat and reached over, jerking on August’s shoulders to draw him out of the episode. “It’s okay, honey,” I said calmly, trying to get things under control. “August, it’s okay, babe. It’s not real.”
“Momma!” Calum shouted as he cried hysterically. “Momma, make him stop!”
Looking at my son, I said firmly, “I need you to stop crying, Calum. August is having a hard time. You have to be quiet now. Right now.” Being so strict with my frightened son wasn’t an easy thing to do, but it was done, and thankfully, Calum’s loud cries became soft whimpers.
Turning my attention back to August, I climbed over the console that separated us, landing sideways on his lap and putting the car into park. “August, it’s okay. It’s me, Tawny. Everything is okay. What you’re seeing isn’t really happening right now. You’re fine. Everyone is fine.”
With a loud gasp, August’s eyes finally blinked, and his screaming stopped. “Oh, God!” he grabbed my wrists as I held his face between my hands. “God…” He took deep, heaving breaths as he slowly came back to reality. “Tawny, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay now.” I stroked his face and his hair for a few moments as he continued to calm down. “I’ll drive.”
He nodded, and we both got out of the car as the people in the traffic all around us watched with gaping jaws. I saw my son’s red-rimmed eyes as he watched August walk around the front of the car, getting in the passenger side—the side Calum had been sitting behind.
My son took off his seat belt with frightened eyes, sliding to the seat behind the driver’s side. My heart broke at the sight. All of the trust that August had built with Calum had just been destroyed in a matter of minutes.
Who knew how long it would take to get that back?
Chapter Eleven
August
My episode had sp
oiled the rest of that night. After stopping at Tawny’s place to drop them off, I drove myself home. A smell of smoke hung in the air even though no flames were in sight. It troubled me as I headed into my home.
Joel, the groundskeeper, was inside talking to Tara, my chef. I was pretty sure the two liked one another, but they seemed to be taking things slow—maybe due to the fact they were both approaching sixty. But their progress was really slow, like hurry-up-before-one-of-you-guys-dies slow. But I kept that to myself. It wasn’t my business, after all.
I did ask them about the smoke though, “Did you guys smell that smoke out there? Is there a fire near here that I don’t know about?”
“No, boss. I guess the winds have picked up around the current fires out in Angeles National Forest. They’re calling them the Creek Fires. Nothing to worry about here, sir,” Joel answered.
“Cool,” I said with relief. “I’m heading to bed. It’s been a long day.”
Sleep proved hard to achieve that night. After an hour of trying, I called Tawny. “Hi, August. You get home okay?”
“I did. Are you and Calum okay?” I put my hand over my eyes, wishing that the incident had never happened.
“I’m fine. I told you I could handle that,” she said, then paused.
“Calum’s not, is he?” I asked, but I didn’t have to—I knew I’d upset the boy.
“Well, he’s young, August. You’ve got to understand.” She sighed, and I hated to hear that.
“I do understand. Believe me, I do. I just keep wishing I could go back in time and figure out what the hell triggered that episode.” As hard as I could, I tried to figure out what had caused it, but like many times before, I couldn’t.
It was crazy; I had determined that loud noises could trigger one type of episode, one where I saw myself in battle with my fellow marines and where people I’d worked with for years were killed. Once I realized that specific catalyst, those kinds of episodes came less frequently until they finally stopped. But I still hadn’t been able to figure out what the trigger was for the episodes reliving those moments with John Black.
“I think it might’ve been because I was asking you about your job and how you got your money,” Tawny offered. “When I asked you about that at the zoo, you told me that you’d tell me later, that that wasn’t the place. Since you’re home now and safe, why don’t you tell me about it now? It might help.”
She might’ve been on the right track. So, I began my tale, “I told you about the accident with John Black, but I didn’t tell you that I sued the manufacturer of that gun and won millions. The first thing I did was look for an investment firm to help me grow that money. All I wanted to do was keep John’s name alive. I wanted to make as much money as I could from the settlement money so that I could make donations to charities in his name.”
“So, you found a firm that helped you reach that goal?” she asked.
“I did. I met Gannon Forester at the first firm I went to. He’s one of my business partners now. He put the whole settlement into the same investments and ventures he’d had a ton of his money in. He made me a billionaire and helped me see my dream come true. And now I live off part of that money and invest other parts of it, all the while giving chunks to different charities each month.” I felt better about telling Tawny about this. A weight lifted off my shoulders once I realized that it must have been the line of conversation that triggered that particular episode.
For a while Tawny was quiet, and then she said, “What a weight you must carry around, August. My God.”
Did I carry a lot of weight around? I hadn’t realized that. “I don’t feel burdened by it, Tawny.”
“You may not feel it, but you hold yourself solely responsible for making sure that man’s name is kept alive. And you’ve gone to such lengths to do that, too. Going to court, suing a huge weapons-manufacturing company, winning, and then turning that money into an even bigger fortune—that’s not nothing. And you’re still not done—finding the right charities every month, that’s got to be difficult. That’s a lot to do for someone who isn’t even walking the earth anymore.”
“But he’s not here because of me,” I reminded her.
“No, he’s not here because of the malfunction of the weapon, not because of you, August.” She tapped her nails on something, and I could hear it through the phone. “If it had been your fault, then you would’ve never won that case against the manufacturer. You are not to blame for what happened to John Black, and you need to let go of that guilt. You’ve devoted your entire life to him since the accident—how do you expect to move on from that horror when it’s always lurking there at the edge of everything you do? I’m not saying stop what you’re doing—giving money to charities is a wonderful thing to do. But let the guilt go.”
Her words were making my heart do flips inside my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes. In the year that I’d been seeing Dr. Schmidt, he’d told me a number of times that I needed to reconcile my guilt with the event, but he’d never hit on that as a trigger for my episodes. And he’d never quite gotten to the core of the issue as Tawny had—never gotten me to realize the immensity of the burden I carried, however subconsciously.
Tawny had done that in record time. “You’re an amazing woman, Tawny Matthews.”
“And you’re an amazing man, August Harlow. I think we make a pretty great couple, don’t you?” she asked with a sexy lilt to her voice.
Pushing my hand through my hair, I had another thought. If I’d frightened her son, then why would she want anything else to do with me? Tawny wasn’t acting like the mother my sister said she’d be. She wasn’t taking her son and running in the opposite direction.
“A couple, huh?” I had to ask. “You’re not going to stop seeing me now that Calum’s afraid of me?”
“He’ll come around, eventually. I can talk to him, get him to understand things better,” she told me. “I don’t want to stop seeing you just because this happened. As a matter of fact, if I did stop seeing you over this, then that might adversely affect your PTSD, making it worse. I’d never want to do that to you.”
But what about her son? What about him and how he felt about me?
“Tawny, I want you to know that I’d never fault you for ending things with me. I know that your son is the most important thing to you, as he should be. And he’s afraid of me now. I would never say one harsh word against you if you ended this.” I waited to see what she’d say to that. I’d given her a pass to end it all and walk away without a fight.
“Listen to me, August,” she began. “Calum is my life. He has been for six years now, and he always will be. But you have a place in my heart that no one else has been able to take. I know we weren’t close in any real way back then, but what we did that night made us close, closer than a lot of couples are after years together. I’ve told you this before—I feel a bond with you. I don’t know if you feel it, too.”
I jumped in. “I do feel it. But why do you think two people who barely know one another have such an important bond, Tawny?”
Please, tell me Calum is mine!
My fingers crossed and I waited for her next words, which I prayed would be the ones I wanted to hear.
“That night, you took more than just my virginity. You took a piece of my heart,” she said, her voice but a whisper. “I fell a little bit in love with you that night, and spending time with you these last few days has made me realize that it was more than just some girlish infatuation.”
“You love me?” I asked, as that hadn’t even entered my mind. But I had to admit, this girl had a hold on me that no one else had ever managed.
“I have since that night, August. And I think I always will,” she said softly.
Her words echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t hold back my own confession. “I thought about you over and over these past years. I replayed that night in my head so many damn times I’ve lost count. And when you brushed my arm as you walked past me at the Science Center, I felt an electric
charge. Is that love, Tawny? Because I’ve never felt that with anyone else—not before our night together, and certainly not after.”
“I can’t tell you if that’s love, August, but I’d like to explore the idea with you.” She paused for a moment, as if thinking if there was anything else to say on the matter. “We had a long day, and it’s late—I should get some sleep.”
The phone seemed glued to my hand; I couldn’t put it down. “Wait.”
“Yes?” she asked.
“Tell me, Tawny. Say the words to me.”
“I love you, August Harlow,” she said sweetly. “Now you have a good night, babe. Call me in the morning.”
My head started spinning at those words, and I was overtly aware that I hadn’t said any words of love back to her. But I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. “’Night, Tawny.”
Lying in my bed, alone, I ran my hand over the empty space beside me. Had Tawny’s feelings about me grown into love because she’d had a constant reminder of me?
Had all those fantasies and thoughts I’d had through the years made me fall in love with her?
God knew I never gave any female half a chance to win my heart. Hell, I hadn’t slept with any woman more than a handful of times, and each and every time was purely fucking—no emotions involved. Not the way I’d been with Tawny that night. Not the way I’d been with her on our dinner date, either.
Shit, do I love the woman?
Chapter Twelve
Tawny
My feelings for August were out in the open now, to him at least. But my son was unaware of them. Any time I brought up the man’s name, Calum made a face. He’d cross his arms in front of his chest, puffing it out and telling me he didn’t like August so much anymore, and he didn’t think he wanted to see him again.
August and I had let a few days pass, talking on the phone each day, making suggestions to each other about what the best way to handle this situation would be. All the while, August never confessed any love for me, but asked, each and every time our calls came to an end, to hear the words I’d told him. So, each conversation ended with an ‘I love you’ from me, and a goodbye from him.
Nightclub Surprise Page 6