by Mae Nunn
“Ladies, considering my track record, I feel completely unqualified to offer an opinion.”
“What a cop-out,” Becky teased.
“That’s hogwash,” LaVerne agreed with her daughter-in-law and the two fell back into comfortable work.
With the clean-up complete, Becky called to the men who were involved in a noisy baseball debate.
“Gentlemen, if y’all can forget about the pennant race for a few minutes and come back to the kitchen, there’s fresh gingerbread and hot coffee over here for you.”
Everyone agreeably padded toward the large plank-style table, chairs scraping as they pulled close to enjoy being together for the fragrant dessert.
Becky drew a thick folder from her quilted tote and handed it to Jake who kissed her on the cheek, gratitude in his eyes. A pang of envy pierced Erin’s heart as she watched the two.
“Thanks for remembering this, hon. Now we can nail down some assignments and get a jump on things in the morning.”
As Dana had predicted, Daniel’s brother had jobs for everybody. Even the five girls who’d opted for dinner and video games in the bunkhouse had assignment sheets of their own. Until the trophies were awarded and the last aluminum can had been hauled to the recycling center, everybody would be busy.
Everybody but Erin. She was feeling about as useless as poison ivy when LaVerne plunked down a box designed to hold a pair of Tony Lama’s.
“You found me some cowboy boots, already?”
“Sure did,” Becky announced. “But they’re back at our place. I’ll run them over to you first thing tomorrow.”
“Then what’s in here?”
“I’m so glad you asked.” LaVerne smirked and removed the lid to reveal hundreds of snapshots stacked tightly inside. “There’s another dozen boxes just like this in my closet.”
Erin glanced at Daniel. His elbows rested on the tabletop beside her. He grinned as he forked up his last bite of gingerbread. “Did you think she was kiddin’ when she said she was gonna put you to work?”
Her knee tingled pleasantly where he bumped his against hers. Erin gulped black coffee, imagining herself stuck inside the house sorting pictures while everybody else enjoyed the incredible scenery outdoors. She wanted to watch Daniel and Dana handle the day-to-day needs of the ranch. To catch a close-up look at the baby animals the girls talked about. To get to know everybody she’d met today. As well-traveled as she was, Erin had never been on a ranch or to a cook-off of any kind and was looking forward to the experiences. The very thought of spending her days cooped up sorting hundreds of somebody else’s pictures made her heart sink. But it was the least she could do to help after these folks had welcomed her into their lives.
“So, my job will be to organize all these photos?”
“Of course not,” LaVerne dismissed the idea. She tugged the lid back on the box and moved it to the counter.
“I’m saving that for my senior years. Besides, today you couldn’t tell a Southern Yankee smoker from a John Deere tractor. But you’ll know the difference in no time, if you get out there in the middle of things. Just watch and photograph all the preparations and rub elbows with the contestants.” LaVerne snapped her fingers at a new thought. “Why, with you winnin’ that Pulitzer Surprise thing, we might even be able to talk folks into paying to get their picture made.”
Erin felt Daniel tense beside her, he sat up taller.
“Now hold on a minute, Mama. Asking Erin to snap a bunch of random shots is one thing. Making money off her reputation is altogether another. We never agreed that would be part of the plan.”
Plan? There was a plan, and Daniel cared enough to be in on it?
Erin felt the pleasant warmth of his nearness settle around her spirit as if he’d hugged her close. Unseen by the others, she pressed her palm over his knee beneath the table. The way his pupils dilated confirmed that his attention was all hers.
“It’s okay, Daniel. In fact, it’s a great idea.” Erin’s gaze fixed on his and she nodded in agreement with LaVerne. “I’m not a portrait artist, but if people are willing to spend a few extra dollars for a good cause, count me in.”
“Let’s talk about it privately,” he closed the subject.
“So you’re willin’ to use that fancy camera and rumble with the locals?” LaVerne bulldozed ahead.
The flicker of an idea ignited Erin’s mental pilot light. It had been years since she’d accepted an assignment that had more local color than global impact. Where she might once have dismissed this as fund-raising fluff, today she recognized the importance of a small community’s generosity. She smiled at the wistful notion of human beings enjoying life instead of struggling to survive its hardships.
“Photographs of happy people are not exactly what I’m known for but I’m willing to give it a try. Besides, it’s the least I can do to repay everyone’s kindness.”
“We’re not being kind, Erin. We’re being family.”
All heads turned toward Daniel’s brother.
“You’re our Dana’s mama and that makes you one of us. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Erin murmured her thanks to Jake who gave the same half wink she’d begun to treasure from Daniel.
She lowered her eyes to hide the sting of recognition. Was the charming blink only a coy family mannerism?
And was Jake in on the plan, too?
Daniel stood on the front porch and watched Jake’s taillights shrink to the size of the fireflies that hovered over the small patch of lawn. He thought they’d never leave. For the past two hours, he’d been torn between his desire to quite literally kiss Erin for her cooperation and his urge to give LaVerne “what for” by dropping a carton of eggs on her clean kitchen floor. His mama had no business setting Erin up like that and he intended to let her know how he felt about it.
But first Daniel had to examine how he felt about Erin.
The qualities that had drawn him to her in their youth were slowly resurfacing in her reserved mannerisms, her quiet conversations, her willingness to work hard and her determination to be independent. Though she continued to be modest about her career, the unmistakable pride of accomplishment glimmered in her eyes.
Erin’s fear that had once seemed a constant presence was now an occasional shadow. But Daniel suspected the change was more a product of mind over memory than it was the defeat of demons. Erin would have to face them down at some point, just as he would have to admit to decisions that haunted him.
How many days did he have left? Should he stick with his plan? His heart thudded as he considered what failure could mean.
Though all was well at the moment, a distant fire bell seemed to clang in the back of Daniel’s mind. Erin was improving every day. So, time was running out. His intention to have her experience a loving family was a game of chance with long odds, high stakes and few possible outcomes. Any time now, Erin would realize she was fit to go back to her job and she’d leave. Or she’d figure out the Stablers were an over-the-top, crazy clan and she’d still leave. Or she’d come to understand that being part of an over-the-top, crazy clan wasn’t so bad. And after her efforts to bond with Dana, if Erin went back to her life anyway, he had no doubt Dana would fight to go, too.
The final possibility was one Daniel refused to consider. Dana was his only child and she wasn’t going anywhere. Not even with Erin.
He glanced toward the screen door. It was the end of a long day. Maybe Erin was too tired to join him on the porch glider after all. He settled on the creaky old thing aware it was a snug fit for two adults. He tipped his head back and stared into the vastness. An endless canopy of stars spread overhead like the Lord had rolled it out to welcome Daniel home.
“Father, thank You for Your glorious handiwork. I see Your fingerprints in this black Texas sky. Is this what Erin feels in an African jungle or an Indonesian rain forest? Could this ache in my chest be what she experiences when she comes close to catching that miracle? Lord, I’m trying to understand Erin
so I can think beyond my own needs. I’m trying to consider what makes her heart sing so I can accept those restless parts of her. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
His father had taught the principles of the Serenity Prayer long before Daniel knew it had a title. Soon he would have to rely on that acceptance, courage and wisdom to get him through the day when Erin would choose between two lives a world apart.
“Am I too late?” Erin’s question was barely louder than the lonely whisper of the constant wind.
“Not at all.”
As she took the seat beside him, Daniel scooted closer to the arm of the glider to make room. Even so, the length of their bodies touched; shoulders pressed, hips crowded, thigh against thigh, knee to knee. Daniel swept his arm high and then settled it along the cool metal resting his hand on the chair’s rusty corner.
They sat in silence. Their lack of words was natural, as if they did it every day.
“I apologize for what happened in there.” He was the first to speak. “Mama shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that.”
“I take it her suggestion wasn’t an original part of the plan?”
He sighed, shook his head. He knew Erin had caught that comment even if she’d let it pass.
“Erin, it’s nothing more than me and Mama agreeing to engage you in physical activity whenever we can. We don’t want you to feel like you did the wrong thing by comin’ with us instead of stayin’ in Houston with Christina the Hun. If you keep up with your free-weight exercises and rest your back regularly, we figured being outside, moving around and using your arms a lot would make up for not having daily PT. I even got clearance from your orthopedic doctor to get you on horseback for a gentle ride if you’re willing. He said it would be good for backside muscles as long as you take it easy.”
Erin leaned away and tilted her head to the right so she could look up into his face.
“How am I ever going to show you my gratitude?”
“Not necessary.” He shook his head.
“That’s where we continually disagree.” The faraway crescent moon cast a glow that illuminated her glistening eyes. “Daniel, I do not deserve to be in this amazing place with you and Dana, being treated as if I belong here. Feelings that I can’t even name are rushing up from deep inside my soul. It’s overwhelming.” She paused as if hesitant over what she’d say next. “And if I could wrap both arms around you and let half of this emotion overflow into your spirit so you could share this experience, I would.”
As his pulse quickened, Daniel let his arm drop from the back of the chair to drape behind Erin. His fingers curled to cup the shoulder he squeezed softly. As she had that night in his home, Erin sighed and leaned her body against his, turning so her cheek lay near his heart. He folded her close, his arms and emotions melting around her.
He was certain she could feel the thumping beneath his cotton shirt where her hand rested on his chest. He pressed his lips to her forehead, a kiss barely grazing her skin. They clung for endless seconds as the cadence of their breathing became one.
“Nice,” she whispered.
“Very.” His response was husky with the urge to tip her face upward, to capture her mouth against his.
The warm wind brushed them as a lone coyote howled in the distance. With his pulse a silent hammering in his ears, Daniel remembered their surroundings. He blinked away the pleasant thought of a kiss and straightened a bit in the glider.
“If that was more than the hug you had in mind, you’ll have to pardon me.” He also hoped his words covered the schoolboy jitters he felt.
Where her body still pressed to his, a shudder passed between them. She seemed to be struggling with a flood of words that needed release.
“Daniel, I’m the one who needs the pardon. You’re the kindest man I’ve ever known. What is it that makes you able to forgive?” Her voice quivered with the question.
“Shh.” He touched a fingertip to her lips. “I don’t deserve the credit you’re givin’ me. Despite all my prayers and best intentions, I’ve never been able to let go of all the anger from our past.”
He feared there would always be bitter and empty places in his heart. And at this moment with Erin in his arms again, Daniel accepted what he’d always known. Only God can soothe and fill those places and it was time to let Erin off the hook.
“I understand.” Erin gave him absolution, then pressed trembling lips tight as a fat tear threatened to spill from the corner of one eye. After gulping a deep breath she continued. “Please allow me to say this, Daniel. Thank you for raising my beautiful daughter. Thank you for being a man of your word. Thank you for protecting me when you must have exposed your own heart a thousand times to do it. And thank you for coming to my rescue when there was nobody else.” She gave up the effort to hold back her feelings and let them flow.
Chapter Eleven
Daniel felt warmth pool in his eyes. He’d cried buckets of tears over the estrangement of their little family and the pain could still break the surface at the drop of a hat. His arms closed around her, pulling her carefully into the circle of his embrace while she wept for a heartache she believed no one could understand. Sins no one could forgive.
Secrets burned in both their chests. He agonized over truths that could solidify their future or tear it apart forever. Confession would be good for his soul, but Daniel held the words in check, praying for mercy on the day when there would be no more hiding from decisions of the past.
Erin’s quiet weeping turned to embarrassed sniffles and heavy sighs as she regained composure.
“Don’t even think about making another apology,” Daniel warned as he swiped moisture from his lashes. “Letting some of the pressure leak out with tears is relief I’ve learned to understand all too well. Every night since that human-trafficking scam was turned over to my team I’ve felt like crying. The details would break anybody with a heart. Most of the dead were no older than Isadore and Elena’s boys. What some people will do for money is unconscionable.”
“Man’s inhumanity to man is incredible, isn’t it?” she murmured.
Oftentimes Daniel wished for the ability to close his mind against the images stored there. He couldn’t imagine what Erin must have witnessed in her work. “I s’pose you’ve seen more injustice and cruelty than anyone ever should. How have you kept it from making you crazy?”
She shifted in the chair but stayed in the crook of his arm.
“I don’t dwell on it,” was her simple answer.
“But your pictures bring it back to you over and over again. How can you not be affected?”
She drew in and blew out several deep breaths.
“On the battlefield, a photographer has to keep an emotional distance, just like you do during an investigation. I guess the difference is that I see so much of life through a tiny lens that it keeps me from connecting with what’s happening right in front of me. When I look at my work later, I realize I probably should have been running for my life instead of concentrating on the shot. But in that split second, the image is my only concern.”
“Still, it’s hard to even look on death, much less take pictures of it.”
“But it’s the right thing to do for people who can’t speak for themselves. Sometimes a picture is the only way to tell a story the world doesn’t want to hear.”
Daniel considered the incredible strength and wisdom of the woman pressed so near to his heart.
“Now it’s my turn to compliment you, Erin. You are the bravest lady I’ve ever known.” Worried his praise would make her choke up again, he hurried on. “But please don’t ever tell LaVerne I said so, ’cause she thinks that title belongs to her.”
The tense moment dissolved along with their brief burst of laughter. He returned to a lighter subject.
“So you honestly don’t mind being our Double-S roving reporter? It’s a bit of an insult to your credentials.�
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“As you said, life can be cruel and unjust. I’m quite content to spend a few days training my camera on smiling people for a change. I’ll go back to the trenches soon enough.”
I’ll go back to the trenches soon enough.
With her simple statement, Daniel’s full heart began to deflate. No matter how welcoming or enjoyable she found her circumstances, they were never meant to be forever. Not to Erin, anyway. Somewhere on the road between Houston and Fort Stockton, he’d stopped seeing things objectively and started pretending otherwise. He was a fool to somehow think what was growing between Erin and Dana could include him.
The high-pitched laughter of young ladies resounded in the distance like wind chimes stirred to life. Movement sensors triggered security lights that sprung to attention illuminating Dana and her four cousins. They shuffled along the pathway from the bunkhouse lowering their voices to share some private humor. Daniel stretched his arm away from Erin and pushed to his feet before Dana was close enough to see them together.
Yes, he had to stop imagining things. But more importantly, he had to make sure his daughter understood that very soon they would return to life as they’d always known it. Without the woman who was making them whole.
“Where are you young ladies headed? I thought you’d be sacked out by now.” It felt good to tease the girls. He knew full well their summer routine centered on staying up late and steering clear of LaVerne.
“Hey, Uncle Daniel,” they called. The four Becky lookalikes climbed the steps and hugged him in turn. Each skinny girl was as different from his curvy daughter as the Big Bend was from the Big Apple. They were West Texas country; handy with a rifle, a cattle prod and adjusting the hitch on a horse trailer. Dana was all about Wi-Fi, iPhones and IMs. Contrast her purple spikes and dozen silver rings with their sun-bleached ponytails and freckled noses and it was pretty clear that in these parts his girl was a duck out of water. When the rest of the Stabler clan began to arrive, Dana’s current confidence might evaporate like steam from a teakettle. He planned to give her self-image a boost via horse and lasso in the next few days.