by Mae Nunn
“Out where? What contestants?”
Right. She hadn’t told him about the ranch.
“I’m in Fort Stockton, Texas at Daniel’s family home. They sponsor a big barbecue cook-off for charity. I’m helping out by taking some pictures.”
“Wow! You were right all along about your recovery time. The suits upstairs will be pleased to hear it.”
Erin noted the excitement in his voice, no indication of bad news at all. She was careful to keep a relieved sigh to herself, not wanting J.D. to be offended by a lack of faith in his word.
“So, what’s up? Do you need me to coach somebody who’s been filling in for me?”
“No, ma’am. I need you to come off the bench and get back in the game.”
She sat upright, moved to the edge of the seat.
“What?”
“We have an assignment and you’re the perfect person to handle it. It’s the story of wounded troops forced to recover in the field. You’ll understand their struggles and they’ll identify with your injuries. Nobody will expect you to be full tilt already, so if you have to take it slow, we’ll make accommodations. What do you say, Erin? Can you be ready to deploy to Iraq in ten days?”
Iraq? Ten days! Emotion squeezed her throat and choked any response. J.D. probably expected cries of elation but all she could think of were objections. This opportunity was what she’d aimed for, what she’d prayed for. This had to be confirmation that God was calling her back to embedded service. Or could it be His way of telling her to make a personal choice instead of laying the decision on Him?
She needed time to think.
“That’s a tight deadline, boss.” Even to her ears it sounded like an excuse. She tried for something closer to the truth. “I may have overstated my abilities just a bit. I wouldn’t want this clunker arm of mine to put another person’s safety in jeopardy because they’re trying to cover for me.”
“We’ll support whatever capability level you’re at, Erin. Having limitations will only endear you more to the troops and bring a deeper level of realism to your work. Our broadcast affiliates have been contacted about the possibility of shadowing you on the job and they are hot for this story. Not only will it get you back to the work you love, and help shine a light on the growing issue of wounded warriors, I daresay it may put you in contention for another Pulitzer.”
The prize didn’t matter. Any attention she could bring to her soldiers would be motivation enough.
But what about her reasons to stay put? She’d spent all afternoon dreaming about the good she could do for the boys’ ranch right up the road. Boys who might grow into men and serve their nation at home just as Daniel was doing.
And what about Daniel and Dana?
Her family.
That’s the way she thought of them now. But thinking it and living it were completely different. She’d survived a bumpy ride to come to this point in life and deserved time to weigh the impact of her decision.
“Can you let me get through the weekend? As I said, things are running a hundred miles a minute right now and I can’t drop this on Daniel until the fund-raiser is over.”
“Sure thing, no problem,” J.D. agreed. “Let’s talk first thing Monday. I’ll send a car to take you to Midland where you can catch an eastbound flight. That’ll leave plenty of time to get you ready to roll. You have your new equipment with you?”
“Of course.”
“Perfect. That’ll save a stop in Houston.”
“I left a few personal items there.” She was thinking of her portfolio. Then a smile lifted her eyes as the football jersey crossed her mind.
“Daniel can ship anything important and we’ll hold it here for you, like always.”
Even without a few days to think it over, it seemed a fait accompli. If things could fall into place so easily, it must be right.
Just in case, she’d make the best of what time she had left.
People wrongly assumed it was an act of charity on Daniel’s part to give up his vacation time each year to work the fund-raiser. The truth was he got more out of the experience than he ever put into it. Not only was he back home being spoiled by his mama and reconnecting with his only brother, he had the added benefit of time on a working ranch with Dana teaching her lessons she might never learn in the city. Throw in a Texas-size barbecue that helped fund a home for troubled boys and it didn’t get any better.
At least that’s how he’d felt before Erin came back into their lives. He’d worked around the clock to convince the world he could raise a child alone. Even before the day he pinned on the Ranger badge and outwardly declared his allegiance to the State of Texas, he’d made his personal priorities clear. He was on the job and available to his team 24/7.
Unless his daughter needed him.
He’d used his devotion to single parenthood to ward off well-meaning matchmakers and attractive suitors, and he’d successfully persuaded everyone he was happy.
Everyone except himself.
During his quiet time with God each morning, Daniel had begun to pray that one day his marriage would have another chance. He was beginning to feel like a man whose one day had come.
Throughout the hectic weekend of food preparation, tasting and judging, Erin seemed to be everywhere Daniel turned. Up close they exchanged modest touches and shy glances. From a distance her easy grin and wave let him know she was continually aware of his presence. Whether she was taking portraits of contestants or snapping candid shots of folks who’d driven down to the Double-S for the best selection of barbecue in the country, she was available to the family at all times.
And no job was beneath Erin. She helped at the cotton candy stand, carefully twirling and bagging huge wads of the sticky pink stuff as if it were spun gold. She did her time in the ticket booth, making change and guiding newcomers to the tasting tents. She directed foot traffic during the judging and even entertained anxious contestants with stories of strange foods she’d encountered in her travels.
To soften the effects of Dana’s proud bragging, Daniel overheard Erin quietly downplay her accolades more than once. As expected, his daughter, whose fashion sense tended to ostracize her at these country events, made the most of her celebrity-by-association status. Dana printed news items off the Internet and brought along some of the magazines he’d saved over the years. When a West Texas cousin poked fun at her spiked hair or Goth clothes, she fired back with her new ammo. Properly impressed, most of them shut right up. Yep, Dana was in hog heaven.
Daniel could only guess Erin seemed to be on cloud nine as well. She was living in the moment like it was her last day on earth, always smiling and offering help, as if she couldn’t get enough of their family and friends. She was a bottomless pit of questions as well as a tireless storyteller of exciting events in exotic places.
He was certain Erin was happy.
Still, something in Daniel’s gut said it was too good to be true. A comment from her first night in Houston played over and over, a sound bite stuck in his head.
“As soon as I can physically manage on my own, I’ll get out of your life.” She’d never recanted that promise. And one kiss did not a new promise make.
Seeing her in action this week left little doubt she was able to manage most things on her own. Independence was second nature to Erin, so she had to be considering their circumstances, thinking about her next move. Was she trying on life as a family woman, cloaking herself in the comfort it might offer? Or was she just making fond memories to salve everybody’s hurt feelings when she left?
This time the devastation would extend far beyond his own heart to include each person she’d touched with her kindness and courage. But his loss would be the greatest because she would take away a piece of Dana’s heart and Daniel’s relationship with his only child could never again be exclusively theirs.
Confronting Erin now might burst their bubble of happily-ever-after existence, exposing the situation for the fake that it was. There was no win in that, only the possib
ility that forcing the issue would hasten the inevitable. Daniel prayed it was God’s will that the fragile perception would one day become rock-solid reality.
But, just in case, he’d make the best of the time he had left.
Erin scooted over, happy to make room for Daniel to flop down on the colorful quilt topped with an old tablecloth that she and Dana had spread in the shade. Before them was a banquet of smoked barbecue to make Thanksgiving dinner look like KFC takeout.
“You two are gonna give me a heart attack.”
They’d laid out paper platters of ribs, brisket, chicken and links along with roasted corn, baked beans, coleslaw and buttered biscuits. In the center of the feast, an empty popcorn bucket donated by the local theater awaited discarded bones that would be picked clean.
“There’s enough fat here to send Goliath for a cholesterol check.”
“Oh, hush.” The back of Dana’s hand thumped him on the forearm. “You’re skinny as a rail to begin with and we’re going to burn it all off when the cleanup starts, so dig in and enjoy.”
For the next half hour the three exchanged more moans than words. They communicated through finger licking, lip smacking, eye rolling and head bobbing. Erin believed she’d come to fully understand the science and skill of barbecue in the past few days. Today she learned there was a sign language, as well. When the cardboard container in the center of their picnic was filled with bones, corncobs and paper napkins, Dana doled out much-needed moist towelettes. Then she leaned back on her elbows and breathed in the fragrant scent of wood-smoked meats mingled with natural outdoor aromas.
“On days like this, I understand why the cousins are happy out here in the middle of nowhere.”
“I know what you mean.” Erin nodded. “I get the same feeling in the Saudi desert. I can completely relate to why the Bedouin people wouldn’t consider living any other way.”
Daniel finished wiping his hands and made a two-point toss of his wet nap into the garbage pail. “As a man who’s spent a lot of time in these parts, I prefer to be where I can rinse the grit out of my teeth and have it stay like that for days at a time. I’m just a big sissy that way,” he drawled.
Erin loved Daniel’s easy willingness to expose his need for creature comforts. He told her stories about car stakeouts that had lasted for days and takedowns that had morphed into wrestling matches. He was a cowboy at heart, but he had a special appreciation for hot showers and indoor plumbing.
“Well, big sissy, it’s about time for the dessert judging. Shall we head over there to get in on the final tasting?” Erin asked.
“Oh, that’s right!” Dana hopped to her feet and grabbed her father by the hand. She tugged with bull dog tenacity pulling him to the soles of his boots. “Come on, Daddy. Let’s go see how your entry does.”
“Aww, prizes don’t matter. I’m fulfilled by the appreciation in my little girl’s eyes when she’s got a mouthful of warm cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream.”
“Nice try, but I know how much you want that blue ribbon,” Dana insisted.
“What makes you say a thing like that?”
“Last Christmas I gave you a new kitchen calendar. Before you even noted my birthday, your wrote WIN FIRST PLACE—in all caps—across the dates for this week.”
“Hmm, did I really do that?”
“Yes, Daddy.” Dana giggled.
Erin enjoyed the sound. It was a sweet melody that Daniel had been hearing since the day their daughter’s funny bone was first tickled. How many more precious moments had they shared, just the two of them? Daddy and baby girl, having and needing only one another.
“You run on ahead and get us a good spot in the judging arena,” Daniel suggested. “Check to see if Aunt Becky saved us a seat. She’s carried on all week about that sticky marshmallow cake of hers, so she’s probably on the front row practicing her acceptance speech.”
Dust kicked up from Dana’s feet as the heels of her boots pounded the ground in the direction of the covered arena.
Erin walked close at Daniel’s right side. He captured the hand she intentionally brushed against his. She longed for him to change their course, to lead her behind the barn where they could steal a kiss like high school sweethearts. Though he shortened his stride to match hers, he continued on toward the judging.
“You’re having a great time, aren’t you?” she asked, even though the answer sparkled in his eyes.
“I love doing this event with my family. Daddy used to donate whatever we could afford to the boys’ ranch each year but it was never as much as he wanted to give. He would be so humbled to know the family funds a perpetual trust in his name. After all these years, the community still remembers Percy Stabler for something more important than cows. You’ll see on our last night at the sunset service.”
If J.D had his way, she wouldn’t be there for the memorial service to honor the patriarch of the Double-S.
“Does it get any easier for you to leave the ranch as the years go by?” she asked.
Daniel slowed for a moment as he considered her question.
“Mama still complains, but it’s not hard on Dana and me because Houston really is home for us. But this year, it’s gonna be different because of you. Erin, in a short time you’ve made a lasting impression. It’ll be tough on everybody when we say our goodbyes, so let’s not dwell on that today.”
They walked the rest of the way without speaking. Hundreds of animated voices in the distance absorbed the silence while Erin marveled at Daniel’s comments, at his calm.
He was expecting her to go back to her old life and he wasn’t even going to try to change her mind. Just as he had sixteen years ago, Daniel would respect and honor her personal needs.
The black-and-white terrors that had driven her at eighteen seemed light years away. At thirty-four, a myriad of colorful emotions bound her to those she’d once abandoned. It would take true courage to change the course of her life at this late date.
And according to her sister, Erin Gray was a coward.
Chapter Fourteen
Jake sat at the head of the kitchen table with the fund-raising financials on a spreadsheet before him.
“After we pay the recycling and garbage services we are still above our goal by $2,200.”
A cheer went up from those who’d gathered at the ranch house after the prizes had been awarded to celebrate another banner year.
“I think we can draw even more people next year if we have a big fireworks finale,” Dana suggested.
LaVerne’s family room erupted with objections. Jake held his hands up to silence the wisecracks.
“City girl, wildfires really tick off the neighbors, so we try to avoid a shower of sparks over dry grassland in the summertime.”
“Good point, Uncle Jake.”
“Every now and again…” He winked at Erin.
She was feeling like such a traitor. Here she stood in the midst of people who’d welcomed her unconditionally. They’d never raised the unanswered questions, hadn’t once given voice to the criticism she surely deserved, and always made her feel part of the family. Whatever Daniel and LaVerne had said in preface to Erin’s arrival must have been nothing short of life threatening. If comments had been whispered in private, they hadn’t made their way into polite conversation. Not an insignificant accomplishment with a gaggle of young girls on the property.
And tomorrow at breakfast, Erin would repay their kindness by announcing she’d likely be gone before dark. These good folks deserved better, but she owed J.D., too. He’d given her a chance when she was nobody. He’d put his reputation on the line for her more than once and she’d always repaid him in spades. How could she do any less now?
“You’re awfully quiet.” Daniel settled on a bar stool beside her. With his blue ribbon hanging around his neck, he was so adorable she had to smile.
“Just tired, I suppose.”
“You’re in good company.” They were all exhausted. “But everybody will be right as rain a
fter they sleep till noon tomorrow.”
“Noon?” Erin had been roused by activity in the kitchen before five every morning.
“Me and my big mouth.” His handsome face took on the guilty look of a boy caught rifling Christmas presents on the twenty-fourth. Daniel glanced at Dana to see if she’d heard him. “I just blew the punch line.”
“Then go ahead and tell me the joke.”
“We always take a break the day after the competition wraps up. The campers can see themselves out the gate and everybody meets at Jake and Becky’s for a late meal with no barbecue on the menu,” he stressed.
“By early afternoon we have the ranch to ourselves again. Then we take it slow for a couple of days and look forward to the sunset worship the night before we leave for home.” He checked for eavesdroppers and lowered his voice to a whisper. “The girls decided it would be a good prank to let you think you’d overslept. Now you’re going to have to pretend or you’ll get me in trouble.”
Father, give me the words to tell Daniel the truth, she pleaded from her spirit.
Erin pressed her palm to his shirtsleeve and squeezed his arm as if to draw from his strength.
“I need to speak privately with you and Dana.”
The grip of Erin’s fingers on Daniel’s forearm said his world was about to be rocked. The dread he’d been brushing away as wasted worry now settled heavy, a weight on his spirit. His Ranger instincts reminded him daily that the worst could happen, but he’d begun to hope Erin wouldn’t let it come to that. He’d freely given trust though she hadn’t earned it. Hadn’t even asked for it. If his heart got crushed, there was only one person at fault. Himself.
He signaled for Dana to join them.
“Let’s take a walk down to the bunkhouse so we can have a family meeting.”
“What’s this all about?” Dana quizzed her father as soon as the three excused themselves and stepped into the warm night air. “Did I do something?”
Though her face was in shadow Daniel knew her expression well. Like every child, her first reaction when anything went wrong was to assume guilt rested on her head. Though there was nothing to substantiate it, he knew his daughter had always felt somehow responsible for her mother’s absence from their lives. Whatever was about to happen, he prayed Dana would not internalize the blame.