I cut through Aoyama Cemetery and headed over to Roppongi, which I could see in the distance. And as I rode pink petals fell from the plum trees like a fanfare parade just for me. It was a beautiful day at the height of the summer and everything was in bloom. And I couldn’t believe how green Tokyo looked. It was like being on a tropical island. ‘My beautiful Tokyo!’ I shouted, and rode as fast as I could.
Within no time I was rounding Tokyo Tower, which is like our version of the Eiffel Tower, and then cutting through Roppongi I headed towards Ginza. I whizzed past the House of Representatives, where the politicians hang out, and then heading down to the Imperial Palace I came to the moat. I rode alongside the water, and the high walls, and following them around I rode into Ginza. I couldn’t believe how fast I’d got there. The bike had opened up a whole new world for me. Leastways the world had got a lot smaller, and Tokyo had become tiny. Then I thought about Miko and I had to see her. I took a cheeky turn by the East Gate and went back the way I’d come.
Now everything was about speed. The chunky tyres gripped the road like glue and rolled over the potholes like they were pimples. I was confident enough now to look around as I rode. And at one stage I took my hands off the handlebars, just to see if I could. I overtook a taxi that was going too slow, and gave way to a lorry that wanted to back out. I felt like a real motorist then.
I blasted back up Omotesando and shot around Yoyogi Park. Then taking a shortcut I cut across the railway tracks and screeched to a halt below the twins’ apartment. I sounded my horn and sat there like a big show-off and waited for them to run out. But they didn’t, and so I parked and ran up the steps. I knocked a little too loud and I heard their grandad grumbling. Then he opened the door.
‘Are they here?’ I asked, forgetting to apologize.
‘Hiroshi’s in bed with a cold.’ He looked puzzled. ‘I thought Miko was with you.’
‘No, I’ve been on vacation with Grandmother.’
He looked more puzzled. ‘I’m sure she said she was going out with you.’
‘Can you ask Hiroshi to come to the door. He doesn’t have to come out.’
He shuffled down the hall and I heard him knock on the bedroom door. Then he came back.
‘Sorry, Yukio. He must be asleep.’
I was disappointed then. I was dying to show off the bike and I really wanted to see Miko. But it wasn’t to be, and so I thanked him and said goodbye.
I rode around for the rest of the afternoon. I swear I couldn’t get off the bike. I rode all the way to my dojo so I could show it to my sensei. Then I rode all over Roppongi and Akasaka and went down as far as the port. After that I rode all the way up to Ueno and cruised around the university looking at the girls. I would have kept going until it was dark, but when I got hungry I headed for home.
I parked the bike outside the house and took off my helmet. And then I saw Miko outside her apartment building. ‘Miko!’ I shouted. But she ran up the steps … That’s strange. Maybe she hadn’t heard me. I walked over to her place like I was walking in slow motion. That’s what happens when you’ve been riding at speed – everything seems slow. I ran up the steps and knocked on the door, but not too loud this time.
Their grandad answered. He turned straight away when he saw it was me and wandered down the hall. ‘Miko, Yukio’s here.’
I heard Miko mumble something and then he came back. ‘She said she’s taking a shower and she’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Oh. OK.’ I was kind of taken aback. ‘Well, what about Hiroshi? Is he awake yet?’
Their grandad went down the hall and came back again. ‘Sorry, Yukio, he’s still asleep.’
‘OK, I’ll call tomorrow. Tell him to get well soon.’
I was really disappointed. But I was hungry as well and I wanted to get back on the bike. So I ran back to the house and went in the kitchen.
Yoshe had made a pork broth with vegetables and there were fresh ramen noodles in the pan. I put them both on full heat and wolfed them down while they were warm. Then I put the bowl in the sink and went outside. I was surprised to see that the sun had set. I’d never known a day to go so fast. But I kick-started the engine and headed up to Shinjuku. I was dying to ride through the city with the bright lights blazing. I was even thinking of heading back to Ueno. But then I got a bad feeling and pulled over. Miko said she would see me tomorrow. She’s never brushed me off before, and she never even came to the door. And when I think about it, she must have heard me. There’s something wrong!
As I pulled out I heard a screeching sound and a lorry braked hard. The driver blasted his horn and roared out the window. I was so shaken my heart was pounding, but I was just as shaken about Miko. I took all the backstreets I could and raced back to her place. Pulling up outside, I ran up the steps.
Their grandad answered – again. He was a nice man but he looked irritated, like he was tired of seeing me. I gave him a deep bow. ‘Sorry, but I have to see Miko.’
He looked at me a little more sympathetically. ‘Dying to show her that new bike of yours, hey? I saw you riding around on it. OK, let me get her.’ He shuffled away and went down the hall. Then I heard him coming back. ‘The lights are off and they’re both asleep.’
‘But it’s only ten fifteen.’
‘What can I tell you, Yukio? She must have had a hard day. And I have to get to bed myself.’
He said it like he didn’t want to be disturbed again, and so I said goodnight and left it at that. I was about to ride to Shinjuku, but it started to rain, and so I put the bike in the garden and called it a day.
I ran upstairs to change my damp T-shirt and then I went out on the balcony. I was just in time to see their living room light go off. The wind picked up and the rain blew in on me, and so I went downstairs to make tea. The manual that came with the bike was lying on the kitchen table and so I flicked through its pages. I felt better then because I was sure I knew what the problem was. It was because we kissed, that’s all. And now she’s feeling strange about it. I suppose I’ll be a bit embarrassed too when I see her. But I’d reassure her in some way. Girls always need reassuring, I think. Leastways they do in the movies.
I took some more tea and went to my room. I put on a sweatshirt and went out on the balcony. Lightning flashed and the rain rattled on the roof. I like the rain, especially when I’m dry and indoors. I went to the right corner and looked over at their place. What I was expecting to see I don’t know. It wasn’t like they were going to wake up and come out. But just then I saw two figures sneaking down the steps. It was the twins! What are they doing? They never go out when their grandad’s in bed!
I rushed downstairs and putting on my shoes I ran outside. But I couldn’t see them and the rain was coming down really hard. I ran down as far as the railway tracks, but they were nowhere in sight. But as I ran back I heard crying. I saw them in a gap between the houses. Hiroshi had his head in his hands and Miko had her face pushed against a wall. I’d never seen them so distressed. They were so hurt they couldn’t even comfort each other.
I went to them. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ I tried to turn Miko towards me but she pushed her face to the wall. She even banged her head. ‘Miko!’ I turned to Hiroshi. ‘Hiroshi, what is it?’ I took his hands away from his face. ‘What’s happened?’ They were so upset I almost started crying myself.
‘We’re in a lot of trouble, Yukio!’
‘Don’t tell him, Hiroshi!’ pleaded Miko.
‘Tell me!’ I said.
He tried to stop crying. ‘When you went away I started hanging out with Kako. Remember that old florist in Shibuya? Well his son owed the yakuza a gambling debt. They wanted the florist to pay, but he wouldn’t. We were only supposed to smash his window.’ He started crying again.
‘It’s OK. Come on – you can tell me.’
‘Kako threw his brick and it smashed the glass. Then I threw mine … It hit the old man on the head and he fell to the floor … He was bleeding so badly!’
‘Are you going to help us, Yukio?’
‘Of course!’
He turned to Miko. ‘You have to tell him, Miko.’
‘No!’
‘If Yukio’s going to help us, he has to know … Louise said that if Miko didn’t go with Kako she’d go to the police and tell. And I’d be taken away from Grandad and Miko. And they wouldn’t be allowed to see me again!’
I turned to her. ‘Miko, tell me you didn’t!’ Her eyes closed tight and I knew that she did!
‘It’s worse,’ said Hiroshi. ‘Tell him, Miko, you have to!’
Miko took a deep breath. ‘When it happened with Kako there must have been a camera in the room. Louise has the video. I begged her to give it to me! I offered her all the money I have. I even gave her my Prada bag, but she just laughed. Riko said that if I didn’t go to work for her in one of her massage parlours that she’d show the video to Grandad … I couldn’t have him see me like that! I’d sooner be dead!’
I felt as if I was going to be sick.
Miko looked up at me. ‘I had to do it, Yukio! She would have told the police. And you know what me and Hiroshi are. They don’t like us. They’d have taken him away!’
My head was spinning.
Hiroshi came to me. ‘Do you still want to be our friend, Yukio?’
I was so confused I couldn’t speak.
‘Do you, Yukio?’
Miko took a step towards me. Her face was desperate and pleading. She wanted me to understand. She wanted help. But all I could think was, how could she have done that with him?
She saw the disgust on my face and bursting into tears she ran away.
‘Miko!’ shouted Hiroshi, and he ran after her.
I just stood there with the rain running down my face. I couldn’t move for a minute. Then I went back to the house and climbed the stairs to my room. I never dried my head or changed my clothes. I never even put the light on. I just slid down the wall and stayed there with the rain dripping from my hair.
An hour passed, maybe two. I heard a commotion in the street and a man crying. Then sirens wailed and my room lit up in red lights. I got up and went to the balcony. There were people by the twins’ apartment. And an ambulance and a police car were pulling up outside. As I flew downstairs I was filled with a sickening fear. But I ran towards the people and pushed my way through. I saw the twins’ grandad screaming in the street. His face was filled with so much pain it was like he was on fire. Two neighbours had hold of him and the woman from the swimming pool was trying to calm him down. But she couldn’t and so she threw her arms around him. I saw reflective jackets coming out of the twins’ apartment. It was the paramedics. They started to carry a stretcher down the steps.
Their grandad tried to break free. ‘Miko!’
I almost staggered. ‘She’s going to be OK!’ I shouted. But I felt myself starting to sob. ‘Please let her be OK!’ But as they neared me I saw there was a sheet over her face. And there was a rope hanging down! ‘No!’ I pushed towards the stretcher, but a big cop blocked my way. I looked for Hiroshi, but I couldn’t see him. Then I caught sight of him running. ‘Hiroshi!’ I’d never seen him run so fast. He sprinted down the street and turned the corner.
He was heading to the train tracks!
I ran after him as fast as I could. I heard the beating gong and bolting around the corner I saw the barrier come down. ‘Hiroshi!’
Hiroshi slipped under the barrier and turned towards me. Then, like he’d done a thousand times before, he calmly raised his hand in farewell.
‘No!’
He turned to face the oncoming train. There was a sickening smack and his obliterated body flew through the air.
4
It was a beautiful morning with a clear blue sky. The green trees swayed in the warm breeze and the summer flowers were flourishing in all the colours they could. I watched a bee bounce between them, and then it flew past the hem of Natsuko’s orange robe. Normally she wore white but today she wore saffron orange. I never knew that nuns wore orange. It’s such a beautiful colour. But I found all this beauty offensive. Even the sunshine was an insult. It should have at least rained. It could have rained blood for all I cared.
The older nun took Natsuko’s arm and escorted her away. She never looked at me as she passed. I don’t think she noticed I was there. Then I realized that the monk had finished praying and people were moving away. There weren’t many of them. A few girls from school, a couple of neighbours, and a kid from Hiroshi’s art class who came with his dad. We were so close we never made many other friends. Besides, suicide’s another taboo in Japan. Nobody talks about it, but thirty thousand people a year do it. I just never imagined …
I heard the girls ride away on their bikes, and when I looked up the twins’ grandad was leaving. His face was deathly pale. A ghost from one of the graves would have had more life. He gave me a look as he passed and I wondered what it meant. He was devastated, of course, and so there was lots of sorrow, but there was disappointment as well. Yes, that was it. It was a look of disappointment. It was as though he was saying, ‘I trusted you to look after them, Yukio. What happened?’
The monk who performed the ceremony had a robe the same colour as Natsuko’s. He held his hands in front of him in a dignified way and waited. Then I realized that I was the only one left and he was waiting for me to leave, and so I did. I left the Aoyama Cemetery and headed up Omotesando without seeing a thing. I don’t remember if I walked through the park or not. And I don’t remember walking back to the house. All I remember is coming into my room, drawing the blinds to block out the light and laying down.
In four days I’ve only got up once. And that was when the men came to clear out the twins’ apartment. The bigger stuff they carried down the steps, but the smaller things they threw off the landing. They threw down Miko’s dolls, which she’d kept from when she was a kid. Then Hiroshi’s easel cracked on the pavement, followed by his paintings. A guy on the ground looked at them and then scrunching them up he tossed them into the garbage. Then the guy on the landing threw down Miko’s rucksack.
‘I’ll keep this for my kid,’ said the guy on the ground. ‘Is there anything else?’
The guy on the landing glanced in the apartment. ‘No, it’s all junk. They were Buraku, you know.’
That’s what the headlines said: ‘Two Burakumin Kids Commit Suicide’. The Buraku are Japan’s untouchables and they’ve been persecuted in our country for centuries. They’re associated with slaughterhouses, and killing cattle, and other such dirty work. And so they themselves are looked upon as dirty. The twins had never so much as been near a butcher’s, but they were Buraku by birth and so, to certain people, they were known as ‘eta’ – extreme filth.
There was a Buraku kid who went to my school this one time. When the other boys found out what he was they bullied him until he left. The thing was, everyone liked him before they found out, even the teachers. And those same teachers must have known what was going on. I mean, I knew the twins were Buraku, but I told no one. How the papers found out I’ll never know. But as soon as I saw those headlines I knew there’d be no investigation. Our police would sooner bow down to the yakuza than defend the Buraku. That’s just the way it is. But who was I to talk? They might have been loathed by most people, but they were loved by me! And wasn’t I just as disgusted when I found out what she’d done? When I close my eyes I can still see her face, pleading and looking to me for help. And so I close them tighter and force myself to sleep.
In my dreams I’m back in the club. I can see Kako with Miko and he won’t let her go. ‘Let her go!’ I try to shout. But the words come out jumbled and he laughs in my face. I see Hiroshi leaving. I push through the people and run after him. But I end up crawling up the stairs in slow motion. I see him heading for the tracks. I run towards him but it’s like I’m wading through water. I hear
the beating gong and the barrier comes down. ‘Hiroshi!’ He waves farewell and the train slams into his small body.
Hiroshi, who hated contact sports, standing in front of a train. He could never have done that, not in a million years. Not unless he saw Miko. I lay there half awake and half asleep, rewinding things in my mind. If only I hadn’t taken them to the club. If only the Tanakas had gone somewhere else. If only we had sat where they couldn’t see us.
Then I see Hiroshi in the club. He’s looking up at me. ‘I didn’t know you knew yakuza, Yukio!’
I should have told him to stay away, but I decided to show off instead. ‘Some,’ I said.
I see him moving towards the Tanakas. ‘No, Hiroshi! They’re animals!’ But the music’s blasting and he doesn’t hear me. I try to fight my way through the crowd but I fall on my face. Suddenly the club’s empty. Miko’s ghost comes from the dark. She still has the rope around her neck! ‘You shouldn’t have said that, Yukio. That’s what got us killed!’
I woke up to see Yoshe’s baby boy looking down at me. He looked puzzled, as though wondering why I was in bed in the daytime.
‘Come out of there!’ whispered Yoshe.
The baby waddled out of the room and Yoshe came in with a tray. She knelt down and spoke softly. ‘Try to eat something. If you don’t, you’ll get sick.’
I closed my eyes and slept. When I opened them again it was night and I was hot and sweating. Then I saw someone sitting in the shadows. For a second I thought it was a real ghost. The face turned towards me and I saw it was Grandmother. I’d never seen her upstairs, let alone in my room.
‘You were crying in your sleep,’ she said. She stood up and raised the blinds and the room lit up in moonlight. ‘When I was a girl there was a boy. A beautiful boy. He used to look after the horses in our stables. He loved those horses, but there was a pale stallion he loved more than anything. He was never allowed to ride it, not in daylight. But on nights like tonight, when the moon was full, he’d ride it for hours. Some nights I’d sneak out of bed to watch him, to be with him. His pale skin would glow in the moonlight as he rode. Such a beautiful boy. But my father found out. One night I went to sneak out but the doors were locked. The next day they found him dead. They said that the horse had thrown him and he’d hit his head on a rock. But I saw him and that horse together; they moved as one. My mother told me that if it was meant to be, we would be together when I died, and so that’s what I’m telling you.’ She closed the blinds and opened the door. ‘I’m sorry about her, Yukio, and the other one. You know me – I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.’
Summertime of the Dead Page 4