by Meg Caddy
Our house had been cleared away. Blackened posts remained, but there was no house. Our garden was gone. The building was gone. It had been replaced by gallows.
Gallows.
Swinging with bodies. I recognised the blue uniforms of the three lawkeepers. Men who had worked so hard to keep our Valley peaceful.
‘Of course, we found out where you stayed,’ Cooper said. He was talking to Lycaea. I meant nothing to him. ‘Seems a pity the family inside were already dead. We could have had fun with them. Regardless, we decided to make an example of this place. To remind the locals of the price of defiance. I think it has a nice aesthetic, do you not? At the top of the hill. Picturesque, really.’
Gallows.
I swayed, then dropped to my knees. The soldier in front of me snarled and grabbed the rope, yanking on it. I jerked forwards, fell to my elbows in the mud.
‘Get him up,’ Cooper snapped.
The soldier swore and swung from his saddle. He stormed towards me. I waited. Anger squirmed through my body, twitched my muscles and bones towards a Shift. The soldier reached for my neck. I slammed my bound hands into his face. He reeled back. His sword was at his belt. I gripped it, just, slid it out a few bare inches. I looped my binding around it and pulled until the rope snapped. The soldier rallied and swung at me. I ducked. Drove my elbow into his gut. Cooper screamed an order. My hands were free.
‘Go!’ Lycaea bellowed. ‘Wolf, go!’
I Shifted, and it sent the soldiers around me back a few inches. I fell upon the soldier who had been riding before me, and I killed him. There was no rein or control of my wolf. There was no guilt. I was teeth, I was fur, I was snarling and a desperate need for blood.
‘Stay back from him!’ Cooper was off his horse. He held Lycaea close, held his sword to her throat. ‘He will infect you.’
Lycaea was frozen at the edge of the blade. I stopped. Crouched. Waited. Muscles tense, coiled. Panting raggedly. Covered in blood. They kept a loose circle around me. I read fear in Cooper’s face for the first time. He dragged Lycaea a step back. A thin line of blood slid down her throat where the sword bit her skin.
I was not going to leave her.
I stepped closer to Cooper. He could not afford to kill her. He had to bring her back to Leldh. He dragged Lycaea a step back, pointed his sword towards me.
‘Not a pace closer,’ he hissed.
The moment the sword was gone from her neck, Lycaea acted. Slammed her head back into his face. Drove her elbow into his gut. Cooper bent and wheezed. Blood spurted from his nose. Lycaea sprinted forwards, half-Shifting as she went. I barrelled ahead of her. The Shift knocked Lycaea to her knees; she was not quick enough. I leapt on a soldier as he started towards her. Blood. Teeth.
Something hit my back.
I was blind.
I collapsed. My body was wrapped in wires of pain. I was neither man nor wolf. I could not Shift. Strange sounds tore from my throat, filled the air. I could smell my own flesh as it burned.
Silver, I thought, and everything slipped away.
Lowell
‘Lowell. Wolf. Wake up.’
My mouth was dry. My muscles ached. Everything stank of blood. And the voice beside my head was like a rock scraping my temple.
A hand settled on my shoulder and I growled. The voice sounded again, this time stern. I recoiled. Unfamiliar scents flooded me. It was cold.
‘Wolf. Easy. Easy, Sencha.’ Lycaea. My body eased, and the rest of the world slipped into my consciousness. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust.
We were in a cell. The walls were built high about us. There was a heavy wooden door to one side; a barred window allowed a small amount of light to seep into the room.
‘Good.’ Lycaea sat back. Her face was pale in contrast to the darkness about us, and her hands clenched and unclenched in her lap as she regarded me. ‘Can you Shift?’
I pushed my shoulders back and Shifted, shuddering as pain rolled down my spine. I could feel the burns from the silver. Shifting could not alleviate those wounds. Lycaea’s hand sought mine and she squeezed it. She handed me a pile of ragged clothes.
‘These rags were on the ground when we arrived.’ I did not want to think where they had come from. ‘You were lucky,’ she added. ‘The silver was barely on you for a few moments. You have some bad burns there, though.’ Lycaea hesitated. ‘Wolf, there are waer captive here. I can smell it. The scents are faint, and I cannot tell if they come from the Valley.’
‘When did we arrive?’
‘Late last night. They brought us on the horses. Every time you looked as if you would recover, they covered your muzzle with a soaked cloth and you went under again. I thought they were killing you. I was conscious the whole way.’ She stopped, and her hand shook. She found her voice again. ‘Cooper made certain of that,’ she went on. ‘He wanted me to see it.’
‘Are you hurt?’
‘Not badly.’ She pushed her hair back from her face. ‘They haven’t taken me to Leldh yet. Soon, though.’ Accusation filled her voice. ‘You should have run, Wolf. You had a chance. You could have made it. You could have gone to the others. Don’t you understand? So long as Leldh dies, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care.’
‘You went into Caerwyn alone last time,’ I told her. ‘I wasn’t going to let it happen again.’
She dropped her face into her hands, shuddering. ‘Lowell, what if I –’
‘You will not.’ I pressed my brow against hers. ‘I trust you.’ The weight of that trust pressed her lips together.
‘How delightful.’
A pair of cold blue eyes stared at us, amused. Long fingers wrapped about the bars and Lycaea leapt to her feet, crossing to the door in a few long strides. She punched the man’s fingers, and he tugged them away with a grimace. Lycaea’s face twisted into a satisfied smirk.
‘Still too slow, Cooper,’ she snarled.
‘Not as slow as you are, Kaebha,’ he retorted. ‘Back in a cell, just like old times. Not alone this time, though.’
His face split in an unpleasant leer. He addressed me. ‘You should have chosen your friends more wisely. She will be the death of you.’
Lycaea lunged through the bars again, but Cooper was ready for her this time. He drew out a rod of silver and pressed it against her arm. Lycaea called out in pain and staggered back into me. Cooper watched without expression.
‘If you hurt him,’ Lycaea choked. ‘If you touch him, I will kill you, Cooper. I will kill you!’
Half a dozen soldiers appeared behind Cooper as he opened the door. Three of them entered the cell. I grabbed Lycaea’s arm, and she swung around to grip me. She held me tight, arms about my shoulders. I could feel her heart beating against my chest.
It was futile. They almost broke her arm to pull her away. I shouted for her to Shift, but when she tried they burned her with silver. I lunged after her, found myself knocked back with a sickening blow to the head. Sinking to my knees, all I could do was watch in stunned silence as they dragged her out of the cell and closed the door behind them. The last I saw of Lycaea was her hand, fingers splayed as she reached for me. Then she was gone.
Cooper’s voice echoed down the hallway, cutting through her curses and shouts. ‘Come, Lady Kaebha,’ he mocked. ‘The Lord Leldh wishes to see you.’
She did not return for hours. When she did, she would not speak. The silence stretched out between us like a shroud.
Lycaea’s eyes burned and sparked as she paced back and forth. Her hands trembled and her entire frame was tensed and suffused with anger. When she glanced back at me, I saw a silver-burn on one cheek. The other was swollen from where someone had struck her. Her clothes were torn, and there were purple marks on her neck, her arms. When she moved, the collar of her shirt fell, and I saw more bruises. I wanted desperately to go to her, but she turned from me, still pacing.
I opened my mouth to speak, but faltered at the last moment. I did not know how to reach her.
Lycaea moved wi
thout tiring, her form shuddering as she covered the ground between the walls of the cell. Every so often, she cast her eyes at the roof above us. There was no escape, and no way to hide from the cold. Lycaea’s pain was killing me.
‘You should keep moving.’ Her voice cut through my thoughts. I stood and followed her pacing. She went on. ‘It’s too cold to be still.’ She took my hand and started rubbing my fingers. We continued to walk, and after a while, once some feeling had returned, I took my turn in rubbing hers.
‘Thank you.’ Her voice was still as cold as the stone about us. But as I met her gaze, it was less harsh, her lips no longer drawn into their tight line. I stopped rubbing her fingers and she wrapped them around my hand. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
‘You should try to Shift,’ I tried.
She wrenched her grip from around my arm. I stepped back, startled. Levelling her finger towards me, she spat out strained words, fuelled by fear.
‘You should never have come here!’ Her voice cracked and she flung her arms out to the side. ‘I knew this would happen, I knew they would use you against me! I should have left you behind, better for you to have died in the Valley than this!’ There was a sickening thud as she slammed a clenched fist against the stone. Though I heard a quick hiss of pain, she gave no other sound, pressing her brow to the cold bricks of the wall and breathing steadily.
Her words sickened me, but I could not bring myself to blame her for them. He had hurt her, and it had shattered her fragile confidence. My mind flitted back to our journey, to our arguments and slowly building friendship and to her current fear and pain. It was tearing us apart.
Lycaea
The chamber was almost empty. Leldh liked things sparse and neat. There was a rack of gleaming instruments on the wall, and a slab in the middle of the room. Leldh relaxed on a chair at the far end of the chamber. I saw him as soon as the door swung open. Deep in my mind, Kaebha took a knee and bowed her head. I fought the compulsion. I was Lycaea. Not Kaebha. Never Kaebha, never again.
‘Kaebha.’ Leldh stood to greet me. His golden eyes gleamed in the light of the torches. ‘It has been too long.’
I could say nothing in reply. Cooper held my neck. Everything hurt. Lowell. Lowell. My mind rattled with disjointed thoughts. Kaebha, torture, silver, Luthan, Lowell. Hemanlok. Hemanlok, please. I was so afraid. Leldh smiled. He caught my face in his hands. They were gentle. Soft.
‘Cooper, where are your manners?’ Leldh demanded. ‘Find our Kaebha a seat. She is weary, and we have much to discuss.’
Cooper hooked a chair with his foot and dragged it over. He pushed me into it and bound my hands behind my back again. Fear slowed to a dull pulse in my head. They were going to hurt me. I closed my eyes. Pictured the streets of Luthan, the lush green of the Valley. Lowell Sencha’s quiet brown eyes. Hemanlok’s smirk. Moth’s gentle smile, and Dodge’s steady warmth. I could not fail them. I would say nothing. And I would not revert to Kaebha. Not this time.
Silver pressed against my cheek. Searing flesh. Agony.
‘Lycaea.’
I did not face Lowell; afraid if I did, he would see the pain in my face. Bowing my head against the wall, I controlled my stance, breathing with difficulty. I flinched away as Lowell placed a hand on my shoulder. I would not let myself feel for him. He meant nothing. Nothing.
‘Lycaea.’
And yet I wanted to turn around. I wanted his smile, his grave faith, his trust and his compassion. I wanted to know his mind. He had stripped me of my defences as surely and painfully as Daeman had. I was vulnerable now, as vulnerable as I had been to the Daeman’s will.
‘Lycaea. Turn around.’
I maintained my resolve, gritting my teeth. I wanted to seep into the stone wall. To be nothing, as I had once been with Kaebha. She had done terrible things, but she had never been forced to feel the repercussions of them. She had been able to go without that guilt and now I felt every needle of it.
Kaebha could not help me.
‘Lycaea. Please.’
At the last word, my resolve broke. I turned and Lowell was there in an instant, catching my hands. His brown eyes were bright and focused, his face set.
‘We came this far. We have to finish it.’ His fingers locked with mine. ‘I am not ready to die. Not here, in a cold cell. We need to make it out of here, together. We need to trust one another, and survive.’ He lowered his head, so his brow almost touched mine. ‘You have my heart, Lycaea. I would give you my soul.’
I pulled away from him. My heart slowed, the blood flowing sluggishly through my veins. A soul-bond. He was offering to show me his darkest secrets, the deep and shadowy workings of the mind beneath his consciousness, of the innate centre that made him who he was.
And all he wanted in exchange was trust.
Trust.
Was it too much to ask?
‘Give me your hand.’ The voice came from so far away it took me an age to realise it was mine. Lowell stretched out his hand and I took it, clasping my fingers around his. I faltered. There was a chasm between us, and he stood on the far side, trying to reach me. He could not clear it alone. I had to meet him halfway.
I opened my soul to Lowell Sencha. My mind flew, connected with a blaze of light and power. I did not flinch. The chill of the cell gave way to heat. Our souls met, moving back and forth and blending in an inexplicable dance. His deep, rich brown met my forest green, combining and humming as we explored the new sensation. In an instant, I could feel everything he did. The terror of seeing the inside of a cell for the first time. The longing for my lost family, the feeling of belonging somewhere smaller, but stepping out for a cause. I was thrumming and stinging with the pain of words past and the guilt of deeds undone. Victories that could never be savoured, so bitter their cost. I was terrified of the torment I knew was coming from Leldh. I was in pain every time my love was in pain.
After what seemed like an age, I could no longer tell the difference between our two minds. The basic, raw emotions were the same, regardless of the cause. My guilt for Kaebha’s actions, his guilt for surviving while his family perished. For leaving Kemp to unknown torments. Love for one another, foreign and faltering. My grief. His grief.
We were not alone.
There was a pressure against my lips, so faint that for a while I could not understand what it was. Memory shuddered through me. Lowell’s mouth touched mine, gentle but insistent, and I tensed. There was only Daeman in my mind then, and Lowell sensed it; he made as if to pull back. Then the darkness slipped away and I stumbled into him. The worn cloth of his shirt creased in my hands and I drew him closer to me.
We released each other only when we ran out of breath, and I pressed against the stone wall, its chill a reminder of reality, bringing me back from the extremes of emotions that the binding of the two souls had brought us. I was conscious of Lowell’s presence, his every movement vivid in my mind’s eye.
For a short while, everything was warm, and right, and good.
At midday, we heard them coming up the hall. Lowell and I waited. I kept my head down, fighting the anger that brimmed inside as they came nearer, their weaponry clanking, their footsteps loud.
The lock clicked and the door groaned open. Nine guards, armed in case one of us broke loose. It took a lot for humans to control the waer and Daeman would not risk me breaking free again. One stepped forwards, his lips curling into a lazy, cruel smile. My eyes snapped towards him and I drew a sharp breath. Cooper.
‘Two dogs,’ he murmured, his tone amused. ‘The bitch and her wolf.’ He leaned back against the wall, rubbing his chin with one hand. Lowell and I climbed to our feet. A soldier moved forwards, a rod of silver clasped in one hand. There was a hiss and Lowell shouted in pain, releasing me. I cursed and clutched his arm, holding fast.
Cooper stepped forwards. He grabbed Lowell’s hair, wrenching him backward, and chuckled. ‘Your turn now, Wolf.’
I snarled and lunged. A soldier grabbed me and forced me agains
t the wall, holding a silver knife to my throat. Lowell was dragged against the opposite wall and slammed into it. His head snapped back. There was a crack, and a smear of blood on the stone as he slumped. I shouted and started to move, but the knife at my throat pressed against my skin, burning as it made contact. I pulled back again. The soldiers began to drag Lowell away.
‘Wolf!’ I shouted, trying to grab the hand of the man with the knife. ‘Wolf, wait, don’t…’ A blow was dealt to my head. I stumbled backwards until I hit the wall, stunned. The door swung closed behind them, leaving Cooper and myself alone in the cell. Cooper smiled.
‘You know what we are going to do to your wolf?’ he asked. He chuckled. ‘We’ll reduce him to nothing.’ His blue eyes showed a flicker of pleasure, of perverse joy. ‘And you’re going to help us.’
‘I will not.’ I drove no energy behind the words. Cooper smirked, shaking his blond head.
‘Torture him or let us kill him,’ he commented. ‘It is your choice. You could keep him alive.’
I stared at him, thoughts buzzing through my mind. Dead or mad. Wolf, dead or broken. Kaebha, or Lycaea. And I had to choose. I drew a shaking breath, trying to think. Lowell would rather die. He would rather die than be tortured, and see me return to Kaebha. I would rather have died than endured the torture I did. If someone had been willing to intercede for me on that account, I would have been grateful. I knew I should let it end. Lowell would want me to.
But I needed him.