“Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, Graham, I get it. I know you’re sorry. It doesn’t change that I’ve been without you for the past five years. It doesn’t change the fact every time I’ve needed you, you haven’t been there. Did you even know I lost my Grandma Mary last spring? You think I didn’t want to call you then? I’ve been trying to just get through life not having you around, okay? You’re not the only one who’s lost people, Graham. You’re not the only one who’s been through shit. It doesn’t give you an excuse or an out to give up on the people who’ve been there for you since day one.”
I unclasp his hands from around my waist and push myself to stand, taking a step away from him. I look around for my sandals, wanting to just get away from him and go back to the reception.
“No, stop,” he pleads, reaching his hand out as he fumbles to stand. “Wait, please. Dammit, Halle.”
“Wait for what, Graham? Huh? Wait for you? I’ve done that already. I’ve wasted five years waiting on you, hoping you’d come back for me. I’ve hoped all along I’d wake up, thinking one day this would all be a terrible fucking dream. But it’s not, okay? It’s real life, this is reality. This is who we are now. We can’t sit out here, staring up at the sky thinking we can go back to the way things were before. It’s not that fucking easy.”
“Don’t you think I know that? God, Halle, don’t you think I haven’t thought about how I wish we could go back? If I could go back and change everything, I would.”
“It’s not that easy, Graham! You’re not listening to me!” I yell, holding my hands up to my head.
“Nothing in life is easy, Halle. Nothing.”
Behind Graham, I see Kinsley run out the barn door. Her eyes are wide and frantic as she looks around presumably for us.
“What is wrong with you two? Why are you yelling?”
Rolling my eyes, I look back at Graham. I want to yell at him for making me so damn frustrated. I’m standing in a fucking field shouting at him about the past and everything we can’t change.
Graham reaches up, running his hands through his hair as he turns to look back at Kinsley. “Sorry, Kins. Everything’s fine. We’re just talking.”
Kinsley looks back at me. I can read the question in her eyes. She trusts Graham, but she wants to make sure I’m alright too.
“We’re fine, Kins. Sorry, we just got carried away and forgot where we were.”
“Well, everyone in here heard you so you may want to remember before you carry on. We’re about to cut the cake though, so if you want some you may want to come back in soon.”
“Yeah,” I sigh, “I’ll be back in there in a minute.”
With a head nod, Kinsley disappears back into the barn, pulling the door shut behind her giving us a little privacy. Maybe she doesn’t trust we can keep it down, who knows.
“Halle, I’m sorry. I didn’t bring you out here to dredge up old feelings or argue with you. I just wanted to forget everything that’s happened, everything going on right now and just be with you. Just you and me. You always had a way of making me forget all the bullshit going on around me. I just needed to feel that again. I needed you.”
Whatever is going on in his life is starting to wear on him. For the first time tonight, I notice the bags under his eyes and the tiredness weighing on his face. He still looks every bit of handsome he’s always been, but there’s a lost look to his eyes. I feel bad for adding to it even though we needed to talk about this.
“Is it your mom? Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. I promise. She misses you though. She’s been asking about you.”
I feel bad, it’s been a while since I’ve been by to see her. I knew Graham was home and, to be honest, I was staying away for that reason. I hate myself for it now.
“What is it then? Is it about Krate? Maverick said you guys hadn’t been following him, that he’s probably on drugs and paranoid. Is that true?”
“Halle, it’s nothing you need to worry about. I promise, everything is fine. Just things have been stressing me out at work since the opening. I’ve had some long nights with my mom, but I can assure you she’s okay. Can you please just sit with me for a little bit? Then, we’ll go back inside, and I’ll get you some cake.”
He holds out his hand to me and like the fool that I am, I go back to him. Every damn time I go running back to him.
“I never did thank you for that night in Chicago,” he whispers, pulling me close to him again. He must see the confusion on my face as I stare up at him.
“For which part exactly?”
“For coming to me, that night after we got back to the hotel from Velvet.”
I want to wince at the mention of that night, the embarrassment of how it all went down. God, it was like I couldn’t help myself anymore. I needed him so badly.
“You are so fucking sexy, Halle. Dear God,” he moans, and I swear my heart drops at the sound. He pulls me close to him again, as his hand wraps around my waist, anchoring me to him. “It took everything in me not to take you right there. I wanted to,” he groans, tilting his head up toward the sky. “Fuck, I wanted to take you so damn bad. It took every bit of willpower left in me to carry you back to your room and put you to bed. Watching you fall apart like that for me, giving me a piece of you after all this time.”
Raking my nails down his chest, I stare up at him, waiting for him to look back down at me. The need I feel churning in me now, racing through me, is running wild.
I want him so damn bad.
“Graham,” I moan. “I need you.”
Sixteen
Graham
My head whips down, meeting her gaze, and there it is. There it fucking is.
Need is written all over her face, as her legs move beneath the fabric of her dress. She’s turned on, aching for me, and she’s rubbing those sexy as fuck legs together looking for some relief to the burn she’s feeling inside her.
“Fuck, yeah, you do, baby,” I breathe out, feeling my cock grow just looking at the glossy look in her eyes. “C’mere.”
I pull her down on the blanket so she’s on her knees sitting in front of me. Lying back, I ball my jacket into a makeshift pillow, pulling her so she’s positioned over the top of me.
She doesn’t wait for direction as she climbs on top of me and I can’t help the string of swear words that follow as she positions her heat over the top of my dick. Even with my pants acting as a barrier between us, I can feel how wet she is as I rake my hands up her thighs.
When my fingers meet the lace material of her panties, I don’t even try to hold in the moan. The way she bites down on her lower lip, loving the way my body reacts to her.
If there’s anyone capable of taking my breath away, it’s Halle. Seeing her standing in front of me in lace? That’s one way to bring me to my knees. God. Damn.
“You wear these for me?” I ask, knowing how much I fucking love seeing her in lace. So fucking beautiful and delicate. She looks fucking beautiful in anything she wears, but there is a softness about seeing her in lace that brings me to my knees.
She nods her head, and I can’t help but groan, knowing I was right. She can sit here and act like she doesn’t want me. She can deny it all she wants, but she knows as well as I do, there is no stopping the pull we feel toward one another.
Sliding my finger beneath the edge of her panties, she leans back further giving me better access to her aching center. When my thumb slips across her, pressing against her swollen clit, I feel like I’m seconds away from coming in my fucking pants.
“Ooh, shit,” she moans, throwing her head back as she grinds her pussy down on my thumb.
I continue to rub circles as she rubs her pussy over me. The movement, back and forth over my dick, is enough to drive me to the edge. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to focus on her and her pleasure.
Her tentative hand reaches between us grabbing onto the belt buckle of my pants causing my eyes to shoot open meeting hers.
“I need to feel you, Graham,” she whispers. Her tongue skates out, dragging a slow line across her lip, as she lets out a heavy “please.”
It’s nearly my undoing.
We stop for a second, as her hands reach between us, hurrying to free me from my pants. She quickly stands, stepping out of her underwear, and kicks them off near me before reaching forward to pick up the front of her dress.
It’s a move so forward, so like Halle. When we were together, she would never hide herself from me. Her confidence, she wore it like a skin. It’s what I loved most about her. How comfortable she was with herself and around me.
Watching her bare herself to me, in the middle of the field with nothing but the soft glow from the lanterns in the distance, I can’t help but love her even more. She doesn’t shy away from anything, never with me.
Positioning herself back over me, I watch as she lowers herself and her bare pussy over me.
“God, yes,” she quietly moans, as she slides her pussy over my dick in one quick motion.
Her pussy tightens around me and let out a heavy breath, trying to rein in some restraint before I end this far too quickly. It’s been too long since we’ve been together, and I want to drag this out for as long as I possibly can.
Sitting up, she wraps her legs around my back as I kiss her chest, holding her to me.
Her fingers drag along the nape of my neck, into my hair as she pulls on the strands.
“This, right here,” I moan. “I’ve missed watching you fall apart for me.”
The rest of the words are left there, dead on my lips as her mouth crashes down on mine. Her body rocks against mine, taking what she needs from me. Our hips crash back and forth as we race to the edge, needing to feel more of each other but never getting enough.
“Graham,” she moans, her mouth open as she eagerly rides me sucking in every bit of air around us.
My fingers drag along the front of her dress, feeling her bare breast beneath the loose fabric. Pulling the strap down, freeing her from the confines, I groan seeing her rosy nipple peak from the cool night air.
Wrapping my lips around her, I suck and lick, alternating back and forth as she begs me for more and praises me with every yes. Her fingers wrap around the back of my head, holding me to her as she continues to ride me.
It’s the little noises she makes combined with the steady motion that brings me racing to the edge.
“Halle,” I moan against her chest, sliding my hands beneath her dress, grabbing onto her bare ass, holding her against me.
“I’m close, baby, tell me you’re close.”
I don’t want to finish without her with me.
“I’m almost…” she mutters, her words coming out broken and breathy.
Reaching my hand between us, I run my thumb over her clit as she says my name again.
“Come for me, baby,” I whisper, leaning up to kiss her.
Holding her face in my hand as her body clenches around me, we both fall over the edge together. She tilts her head back, as the aftershocks of her release race through her.
Pressing my lips against her chest, I feel the steady beat of our hearts together. Only mine feels like it’s beating again for the first time in five years.
Seventeen
Halle
All week I feel like I’ve been lost in a daze, thinking about how good it was to be with Graham again. The times we spent together when we were young are permanently etched in my memory. When he left, it was like I held onto those moments because they were the only thing I had left.
At night, I’d lie awake in bed and think about him. Those memories flashed through my mind like a camera reel. I’d replay the nights after football games when we’d drive down to the cliff. We’d go there if we wanted to hang out somewhere away from our house, where our parents seemed to always be eyeing us. I’d think about the nights when he’d sneak into my house just to lie next to me, holding me when I slept.
Those memories were always the hardest. I ached to feel his arms around me again.
That’s why when he led me down to the pond and asked me to sit with him, I couldn’t say no. We both know that so much still needs to be said between us, so much hurt from the past, about why he left. It’s not something we can get over in a day, but I do think it was the first step to healing the pain that is still there buried.
I know he’s trying, and it means a lot to me to see his name lighting up my phone. Every morning I’ve woken up to a text message from him and every night I’ve gone to bed with his voice telling me goodnight in my ear. We spent two hours on the phone Tuesday night.
For so long I thought it would be hard to visit Chicago and hear about what he has spent his time doing over the last five years. I got to listen as he shared with me about what it was like working at Velvet, living with Mason, and how all of this led him to opening Compass Security.
Taking a seat in my salon chair, I scroll through my Instagram feed looking at pictures Callum has been posting of Ellie lying on the beach in Maui. She looks so beautiful and relaxed under an umbrella, the sun beating down on her as she holds her arm up to block out the sunlight as she beams at Callum.
Halle: The photos of Callum and Ellie are making me jealous. I’m ready to leave on a jet plane to somewhere far from here.
Graham: Take me with you. It’ll be a long night for me at the office, but I love the thought of a tropical vacation with you.
Grinning, I use my foot to spin my salon chair in circles until I come to a stop facing Kinsley. She just wrapped up with a client.
“Ugh, I don’t know how you can do that. Just watching you sometimes makes me nauseous.”
Giggling, I use my toe to push off, spinning me in circles again.
“I’m easily amused sometimes,” I say with a laugh.
“You’re more like a big child.”
“Yeah, well, you’re as serious as Mrs. Maven.”
She clearly doesn’t appreciate the comparison to our ninth-grade biology teacher. Seriously, her class was like the opposite of fun. She sucked all the fun right out of you in one big whoosh.
She halts her movement, glancing over her shoulder narrowing her eyes at me.
“That’s not funny,” she replies, flicking her tongue.
The chair spins to a slow halt, as I use my toe again to push enough so that I’m facing Kinsley. Her back is to me and I watch as she scrolls through her phone, before she tosses it to the side with a huff.
“I was kidding, Kins. Geez. Everything alright?”
Tossing everything on her counter into her drawer, she slams it shut. Turning, she plops down in her salon chair facing me.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just haven’t heard from Wes all day, and it’s starting to bug me how little we talk to each other anymore. I’m sure it’s nothing but sometimes it bothers me.”
“You know he loves you. I’m sure it’s not intentional, he’s just been busy.” I smile, reassuringly. I know after talking to Brannon, they’ve been super busy at their shop.
She contemplates it for a minute and I want to ask her what she’s so worried about. She pulls her phone out of her purse, checking it. Drumming her fingers on the counter of her station, she flashes her eyes up at mine.
“Yeah, you’re right.” She pauses, sounding unsure of her answer. She takes a deep breath, looking lost in thought. I want to shake her, ask her what she’s so worried about.
“Kins, you sure that’s it? Talk to me.”
“Do you think he’d ever cheat on me?”
I nearly choke, practically falling out of my seat. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah… I mean, we have hardly spent time together lately. For a while, I used Callum and Ellie’s wedding as a way of keeping my mind off it. He blew off seeing me earlier this week. God, I just sound like this insecure twit.”
She runs her hands through her hair, shaking her head. “He’s just been acting so weird. I was looking forward to seeing him that night too. I spent e
xtra time just getting ready, I had ordered out dinner and everything. He called me and said he was on his way home, he was just too tired.”
Turning her head toward me, she looks at me as tears fill the brim of her eyes. She blinks them away, letting out a slow breath again.
“Too tired? I mean, really?”
“Okay, forget going by and seeing him. Let’s go home, get drunk on wine, and binge watch Friends. It will be perfect.”
It’s been a while since we’ve had a night just the two of us. Between preparing for the wedding and dividing my time between the salon and helping Graham’s mom, we really haven’t had a lot of extra time to hang out.
“That sounds like exactly what I need,” Kinsley sighs, as she picks up her phone, tossing it into her purse. “I miss my Halle girl and I feel like we have a lot to catch up on.”
An hour later, we’re sitting on the couch with empty boxes of Chinese takeout sitting on our coffee table like a buffet. My hair is wrapped in a towel on the top of my head as Kinsley digs through her basket of nail polish trying to decide on the perfect color.
“I’m so full,” I say, sighing as I lean back, patting my full and happy stomach.
“It was really good. I just can’t eat very much right now,” she replies. She flashes me a sad smile, before continuing to rummage through her polishes.
There are so many attractive colors, it’s no wonder she’s having a hard time deciding.
“Kins, I am sure you don’t have anything to worry about. Wes loves you. He has since we were sixteen years old when he asked to take you to homecoming and you agreed, but only under the condition that he let you clean his locker.”
Until I Found You: A Second Chance Standalone Romance (Heart's Compass Book 3) Page 11