“Harmony, baby, take off your clothes,” Jake ordered quietly as he moved to the bathtub and pulled the shower curtain closed.
“Wh-what?” she asked dumbly, watching as he turned on the hot water and started the shower. “Are you insane?” she whispered, shaking her head from side to side.
“No, I’m not,” he answered gently. “But I think right now that you’re skating that thin line between sanity and insanity. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t blame you. You took a hell of a hit tonight. Personally, if I thought I could get away with it, I’d shove one of Honor’s pills down your throat myself,” he continued, pushing a big hand through the curtain and testing the temperature of the water.
“No way in hell,” Harmony denied, her eyes flashing dangerously as she shook her head. He could go straight to hell if he thought he could drug her to get his way.
“Yeah, I kind of figured you’d say that. So, I’m compromising by getting you in a shower where maybe the hot water will help dissolve some of the tension that’s threatening to break your spine in half. Look, hearing everything you listened to would fuck with anybody, but what you have to know here is that I’m not your ex-husband and I’m not leaving you. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.” Straightening, he turned to face her. He hated that ravaged look etched on her face. Knowing that he’d been part of what had dimmed the light in her eyes fucking killed him. He couldn’t fix what Tanner had done to her or Honor, but he could do his part to make it right.
And he would.
Whether she wanted him to or not.
“I don’t want this, Jake,” Harmony retorted, shoving a hand through her hair and biting her lip.
“No, you want it, you’re just scared to take the risk, Harmony,” Jake countered. “I’m worth the chance, darlin’. You give me time and I’ll prove it. Although, since I’m not going take no for an answer, it’s a moot point,” he added, taking the three steps it took to reach her and hooking his fingers in the elastic waist of her yoga pants. Pushing them over her rounded hips, he stripped her with quick, efficient hands, ignoring her muttered protests.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, slapping his hands as he tried to pull her soft sweatshirt over her head.
“Taking care of you,” he returned, sweeping the orange University of Tennessee sweatshirt over her head and muffling her complaints for a moment. Dropping the material on the floor, his lips twitched when her baleful eyes met his.
“I don’t want you to take care of me. Have you not heard a word I’ve been saying to you?” she asked irritably as he reached for the front clasp of the plain peach bra she wore. Pinching the top of his hand when he unhooked the metal clasps with a flick of his fingers, she hissed, “I want you to leave.”
“I’ve got perfect hearing,” Jacob replied, watching as the satin cups parted and her breasts fell out of the material. His body responded accordingly, but he shoved past his primal instinct to push her against the wall and sink into her body. She needed a lot more than an orgasm from him right now. “Apparently, you’re the one that’s deaf because I’ve told you every way I know how to say it that I’m not going anywhere. You’re mine, Harmony. Heaven, too. And for the record, I’ve never seen anyone that needs somebody to take care of her more than you. You’re strung so tight that the string is threadbare, darlin’. You don’t always have to be the strong one. Sometimes, it’s okay to let somebody else take the load from you.”
“And you wanna share my burden, Jake?” Harmony asked derisively, gritting her teeth as she felt his warm, rough palms slide over her hips and push her underwear down her legs. God, the man had nerve. He’d misled her. He’d let her believe that she actually might finally have a shot at good and normal. Then, like the other man she’d been involved with, she’d found that everything she thought she knew was wrong. He wasn’t just an uncomplicated guy that ran a security agency. He was a hardened DEA agent bent on revenge for a wrong done his family many years ago. He’d arrived in this town prepared to use her family in whatever way he needed in order to achieve his own ends. He’d kept silent when he knew a dangerous man was going to walk back into her life and threaten her family. And now he claimed that he wanted to lighten her load?
Fuck him.
“You’re so full of shit, Jake.” She crossed her arms over her chest, oblivious to the coolness of the room. “The sad part is that you actually think I’ll let you convince me that you give a damn about any of us. Here’s something you should know; you’ll never be able to do it. Give up and go home. You might not be a rapist or a wife beater, but you’ve definitely got the deceitful aspect of Tanner’s psychotic personality down pat. For years, I believed every line he fed me, and he didn’t mind using me either. He certainly didn’t mind hurting my family. Unfortunately for you, though, I’m all used up. I had a bellyful of his bullshit, so I’m full.”
“Using you?” Jake repeated quietly, his jaw hardening as he met Harmony’s accusatory gaze. “You think I’m using you?”
“I think you’d do anything you had to do if it meant getting your vengeance for Nessa’s death, but you’re out of luck. I’m not dragging another snake through my family’s garden.”
Scrubbing the heels of his hands over his eyes, Jacob groaned in frustration. “Now you’re just grasping at straws, looking for shit to throw between us. Get in the fucking shower before I strangle you with my bare hands, Harmony,” he warned, dropping his hands back to his sides.
“That’s already been tried before, too. Tanner tried to strangle me several times during the course of our not-so-happy union. I’m really good at holding my breath,” Harmony informed him, her eyes flashing with satisfaction when she scored a direct hit and he paled in front of her.
“Stop it,” he bit off, stiffening. “Stop comparing me to him. You know, Harmony. You know I’m nothing like him. Acting like a bitch isn’t going to make me leave you. It’s beneath you, so knock it off.”
Harmony gasped. “Did you just call me a bitch?” she asked softly.
“No,” he retorted harshly. “I said you’re acting like one. You don’t want the comparison, change your attitude. Now, get in the damn shower,” he said, jerking his head toward the tub as he reached for his own shirt and stripped it over his head.
Eyes widening as she watched his tanned hands go to his leather belt, she blinked slowly. “You don’t actually think….”
“I’m done with this shit,” he muttered, bending as he jerked off his boots with quick hands before shoving his jeans and boxers down his legs. Hooking one hand around her waist, he put her over his shoulder before she could finish her question.
“Put me down, you son of a bitch!” she screeched as he swept one long arm out to open the plastic shower curtain and climbed over the side of the porcelain tub. “I swear to God, I’ll scream the house down, Jake. I want you to….”
Sitting her down with a jarring thud, Jake pushed her under the spray with one hand while he slapped his other palm over her still moving mouth. “That’s enough, Wildcat!” he growled, wincing when her teeth closed around his flesh and bit. Backing her against the wall, he held her with one palm and the bulk of his body while he kept his other hand over her mouth. Her eyes shined with the promise of grim death if he turned her loose and he knew that he was finally getting somewhere when she softened against him. “Go ahead, keep biting me, babe,” he invited harshly against her ear. “All this temper tantrum is gonna do is earn you a spanking. Is that what you want? I promise I won’t do any permanent damage, but I swear to you that you’ll remember to sheathe those teeth before you come at me again.”
Suddenly, Harmony released his hand from her bite, staring at him with scornful eyes as the water drenched her hair and her chest rose and fell quickly underneath his splayed palm. “Smart choice, darlin’,” he remarked quietly, slowly moving his hand from her mouth.
When she opened her mouth a second later, he’d been prepared to hear a lot of things. He’d expected her to scorch his
ears, to curse him at the top of her lungs, maybe even throw a punch. He hadn’t been ready at all for the choked sob she made as her body pitched, her legs unable to support her.
He caught her before she could face plant in the bottom of the tub. Instead, he controlled her fall, going down to his knees behind her when she slid to her haunches, folding her legs under her ass and wrapping her arms around her body. Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as her head bent, her chin resting on her chest, his heart broke when her first ragged cry echoed in the shower. “Baby,” he whispered, resting his nose against the nape of her neck as she shook in his arms.
“The first man I ever thought I loved raped my baby sister, Jake. I was married to that man. I went to bed with that man. I had a daughter with him. I trusted him for a long time. And that same man kidnapped, raped and tortured my baby sister. He was able to do that because of me. ME!” she wept, her cries wracking her body as she rocked back and forth, warm water skating off her skin. “I’m responsible for this! Every fucking bit of it was able to happen because I brought him into this family! I can’t let it happen again. I can’t! I can’t!” she keened, her raw cries rending through her small body as she quaked in his arms.
Tightening his arms around her, he pulled her back against his chest. “Harmony, this isn’t your fault.” He felt her soggy hair rubbing his throat as she shook her head against him. “Baby, it’s not. It’s not your fault. It’s not Zeke’s fault as much as he tried to convince me otherwise. It’s not anyone’s fault, but Tanner and the four other men that attacked Honor.”
“How can you say that?” she gasped through her tears. “I brought him here. I might as well have handed Honor over to him on a silver platter. God, I hate myself,” she sobbed.
“Stop it,” he growled against her ear, his arms contracting around her. “You didn’t do this. He did this and as God as my witness, I’ll make sure he pays for it, baby, but I can’t stand watching you try to shoulder the blame for the actions of a psycho piece of shit. Can’t you see that you were as much a victim as Honor was? I saw the pictures, honey. I read the medical and police reports. I’m lucky that fucker didn’t kill you the night you confronted him. That bastard could have taken you from me before I ever found you. He could have taken Heaven from us before she ever arrived. He’s going to pay for every single thing he’s done, but none of it, Harmony…none of it is your sin to carry around like an onus on your back any more than it’s Honor’s or Zeke’s. Jesus, that poor bastard is as determined as you to hold himself responsible for what happened six years ago.”
Lifting a hand, Harmony wiped her wet cheeks. “It’s not Zeke’s fault.”
“Not yours either, but you’re determined to take responsibility for something you had no control over, too. Go figure.” Jake reached for the sponge on the shelf above them and squirted some of the smelly soap from one of the many fancy looking bottles on the ledge into it. “Seems to me this is a family trait that you guys have going here.”
“He’s always felt guilty. He was the last one to see her before… before…”
“I got it, darlin’,” Jake murmured, sliding the sponge against her back as she bit back another sob. “Still doesn’t make him culpable.”
“I know that.” Harmony sighed, her shoulders slowly relaxing as he worked the soapy sponge over her shoulders. “I’ve never thought Zeke was to blame for anything. Neither does Honor.”
“You might have to remind him of that for the next few days. Ice and I got him calmed down once we got him outside, but there is a new hole in the side of your barn that I’ll need to take care of sometime tomorrow.”
Looking over her shoulder in alarm, Harmony’s eyebrows lifted. “What happened?”
“Well, it started with Zeke hurling a log through it and then he decided to add his fist for good measure.” Shrugging, Jake slid the sponge down her arm. “I can’t blame him. If Honor hadn’t been inside the house, it would have been worse.”
“God,” Harmony moaned, closing her eyes. “Is his hand okay?”
“His hand’ll be fine, babe,” Jake assured her calmly, squeezing the excess water out of the sponge over her neck. “It’s a little bruised, that’s all. He’s with Honor now and believe me, he’s not gonna be moving from her side all night. Cain was taking Faith home when I came upstairs. Ice was escortin’ Miss Orla to her house and was gonna grab a couple of hours shuteye himself.”
“And Patience?”
Jake snorted. “When last I saw Patience and Abel, that poor bastard was trying to pry her bottle of tequila out of her hand and get her into the car. Don’t worry. He’ll take care of her.”
“Yeah, but will his idea of taking care of her end with him turning the gun on himself?” Harmony muttered, leaning against him in spite of herself.
Jake laughed. He couldn’t help it. He had a feeling before Patience and Abel ever found their way to happiness, they were all going to enjoy a long, drawn-out show. “They’ll be okay, Harmony. Everyone’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that,” she argued, shaking her head.
“No, you’re right, I don’t,” he admitted softly. “But I’m gonna do my best to see that they are, Harmony. You just have to trust me, Harmony.”
“No, I really don’t, Jake. I don’t have to trust you. I don’t even have a reason to trust you. Not a single one,” she pointed out tiredly, climbing back to her feet inside the shower.
Turning her toward him, Jake growled, “Look at me, Harmony. I’m standin’ here naked as a jaybird, beggin’ you to just give me a shot. You think I do that for every woman I’ve been involved with? Not a fuckin’ chance. If she didn’t like my explanations, if I ever chose to give her any, I never gave a damn. I just moved the hell on.”
“Then move the hell on,” Harmony snapped, her wet hand flying out toward the shower curtain.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, damn it! I can’t. I love you. Nobody, Harmony, nobody save my family has ever had that from me. That’s why I’m still standin’ here. I get that you’ve been hurt. I accept that you don’t trust your judgment. We’ll work through it, and I’ll prove myself to you. But I’m tellin’ you, that you don’t get to show me heaven and take it away from me. I warned you that once you gave yourself to me, that this was the way it would be.”
“You saw what the last man I let in here did to us,” Harmony whispered, her eyes never leaving his face. “He ripped Honor and me apart. You witnessed the fallout tonight.”
“I did, baby, but I’ll remind you as many times as it takes you to get this; I’m not him. I’m never gonna become him, and even with everything that’s gone down, I know I’ve never given you a single reason to think I’d be like him. You judge me based on the things that I’ve done, Harmony. Yeah, I fucked up and kept the fact that I was a DEA agent from you. I didn’t spill my history or tell you the reasons that brought me in to Paradise. I should have prepared you, and I’ve got to live with the fact that because I didn’t that bastard was able to get to you, Heaven, and Honor today. I fucked up. If I’d known everything, though…if I knew then what I know now, you have to know that I would have done things differently.”
Cradling her face in his hands as the water cascaded over them, he held her confused eyes with his. “Whether you know it or not, you’ve got all of me now, darlin’. The good and the bad. There’s nothing else. I’ve never given that to any woman before you. I couldn’t. Cards on the table? I never trusted any woman enough to know all that makes me who I am. Not until you. Don’t tell me that when I finally work up the courage to offer that to a woman… my woman, she’s gonna throw it back in my face. I made mistakes, baby, but did I do anything that can’t be forgiven?”
Determination shined in his eyes, but behind that, there was something else. It was a softness that she never saw when he looked at anyone else except Heaven and in her heart, she believed every word he spoke. “No,” she allowed painfully, her heart skipping a beat as she reali
zed she truly still loved him. “You haven’t done anything that couldn’t be forgiven.” Leaning her forehead on his chest, she realized how exhausted she was. “I knew if I let you in my heart, you’d complicate my life. I knew it,” she groaned, rubbing her nose against his hairy chest.
“A wise man once told me that fallin’ in love was easy. Stayin’ there, though, that’s where a man has his work cut out for him. Not everybody can do it, but he said when you found the right woman… a woman who was worth the backbreaking ache, then the work was worth the pain.” Bending his head, he touched his lips to the top of her head. “You’re the right woman, Harmony. I know you are.”
Her arms wrapped around his waist and Harmony tilted her head back to meet his tender gaze. “Who told you that?”
“My dad,” he replied. “Smartest man I ever knew. Still thought he was full of shit about all that, though. Right up until you walked into my life. Then, I knew. Everything he said was true.”
Staring up at his loving face, Harmony wanted what he offered her, the unconditional love and support that she saw burning brilliantly in the depths of his eyes. She wanted it so badly she could taste it. She wanted to return it to him. Her heart hammered in her chest as she felt him against her, warm and real and alive. “You think I’m worth the pain?” she whispered, her arms tightening around him.
“Even the pain is sweet with you, darlin’,” Jake replied gently. “So, yeah, I’ll take the pain if it means that I get you with it.”
“I really hope you mean that.” Harmony buried her face against his chest. “I think it’ll break me if I find out later that’s just a line.”
“I’m a tactless bastard, Harmony.” Jake chuckled against her temple, his arms embracing her. “I don’t think I’d know how to deliver a believable line. I love you. It’s that complicated and that simple, darlin’. Almost the second I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. And everything I’ve done since then has been to try and convince you of that, too. I’ve got a whole highway of regrets, honey, there’s no denying that, but none of them are going to stop me from making this work with you.”
Hard as Stone (Passion in Paradise: The Men of the McKinnnon Sisters) Page 37