‘Of course I did,’ he said. ‘Do you think Jupiter introduces himself as Mercury?’
‘What? That doesn’t even make s—’ My hand flew to my mouth. Then I leaned towards him and whispered, ‘You are turning into me.’
‘I will do your hair.’ Kevin’s voice wafted over me like a glacial wind. I turned my head slowly back to look at him. ‘I’m sorry?’ I asked, trying to keep the creakiness out of my voice.
‘I will do your hair.’ Everyone watched as he took a step forward. ‘I like hair. It’s dead … yet it clings to the living.’ He came closer still and gently pinched a few strands resting on my shoulder between his forefinger and thumb. ‘I like hair.’
I didn’t know how to respond. Even Bart seemed taken aback.
‘Kevin is an undertaker,’ Queenie said. ‘His family owns one hundred and ninety-seven funeral homes across the country.’
‘One hundred and ninety-eight,’ Kevin corrected.
I chuckled uncomfortably, trying to ignore the strange energy wafting off the Crime Mime. ‘I like to do hair,’ Kevin said again, raising a bag and giving a little rattle.
Well, it wasn’t like I had a lot of options. I had tried to colour my own hair a little while back as a tribute to Ryder’s fiery tresses, but I only succeeded in creating a chemical weapon on my head.
‘Well, alright then.’
‘I can do your make-up too.’ A spark of life suddenly appeared in his eye. ‘I like make-up.’
I took a slow step back. ‘Why don’t we take this relationship one step at a time?’ I took another step. ‘What do you say, Creepy? I mean Kevin?’
He folded his hands together and nodded.
‘Okay, anyway,’ I said back at full voice, ‘Bart here was just going to … to … oh my God! I didn’t even think about how you were going to get inside, Bart! They probably have a list! Or want an invitation! This is terrible! I—’
Bart scoffed. ‘Bremy. Bremy. Bremy.’ He handed me a small stiff piece of white paper.
My eyes quickly scanned the front. It had his name on it. ‘Woo hoo!’
‘Aren’t you going to ask me how I got an invitation?’ Bart asked, straightening up, and maybe sucking in his stomach.
I really wasn’t. I knew Bart was a computer genius slash God-type creature. I didn’t need him to go into another one of his endless lectures in computer speak, but I guess I kind of owed to him. ‘Please Bart, tell us, how you accomplished this wonder?’ He pursed his lips at my sarcasm, but, really, he should be grateful. I did manage to stop my eyes from rolling, and that was really hard. ‘Come on, tell us.’
Bart’s shot me another mean mime face, but also took the opportunity for what it was, and launched into the description of his superpower. He even acted out some of the bits bodily. I only tuned back in at the end as Bart said, ‘Hence I also have a security pass to enter in the back way.’
‘That’s good,’ I muttered. ‘Because they’re never going to let you in the front.’
Kevin’s eyes slowly moved to Bart. ‘What role does the mime play in love?’
I nodded. ‘What role, indeed.’ Wait. Huh? Oh right. Queenie must have told him I was here for Pierce. That was good. I wasn’t sure if Kevin should be let into our inner circle of crime fighting because who knew which side of the grave Kevin was on. ‘Don’t worry about the mime,’ I said, waving a dismissive hand in Bart’s direction. ‘He’s, uh, going to mime my feelings to the object of my affections.’
Kevin nodded.
‘In fact,’ I said, turning to Bart, ‘shouldn’t you go see about that back door?’
‘No.’
I chuckled. ‘Don’t you want to get into position for your … performance?’
‘No.’
Alright, that was it. I held up a wait just one minute finger to the dark couple, and pushed Bart back a few steps. His death glare never left Kevin.
I grabbed his white-caked stubbly chin and forced his eyes to mine. ‘You need to pull yourself together.’
He blinked.
‘We have to be on our toes. Ryder is in trouble. I just know it! And I know my father is somehow connected. He always is! And that’s means we’re all in trouble! The entire city, probably. Maybe even the world. We need to help!’
Bart’s shoulders slumped. ‘He’s an undertaker. How do I compete with that?’
I fixed him in my gaze. ‘You want to know how you compete with that? I’ll tell you how you compete with that. You pull up your big boy unitard and you do your job. Need I remind you of the night you and Queenie got together? She was attracted to the Bart who brought an entire army of mind-controlled inmates to its knees. Not this,’ I said, gesturing all over his body, ‘defeated clown.’
Yup! There was the angry furrow in his brow I had been waiting for.
‘Now you get in there and look around. See what’s what. Spot the bad guys. Make note of all the exits. Look for any cages marked Bremy. I don’t care what you do, just do your job!’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay!’ I yelled, punching him on the shoulder.
He turned towards the side alley of the museum. ‘You know this is still a stupid idea, you walking into your father’s trap, right?’
‘Stupid like a fox,’ I said, slapping him on his spandexed bottom.
He stiffened. My fingers flew to my mouth. ‘I’m so sorry!’
He grunted and walked away.
I exhaled and rolled my shoulders. Okay, one issue tackled.
I turned back to the progenitors of The Addams Family Next Generation.
‘Okay,’ I said, clapping my hands together. ‘Who wants to get Cinderella ready for the ball?’
Chapter 24
What happened next in the alley was truly glorious.
I was probably the only person in the world who could say that sentence without feeling the least bit dirty. But it was true. It was glorious. In fact, I am fairly certain if anyone had been looking in our particular direction, they would have seen the golden glow of my transformation beaming through the gap of the brick walls.
Kevin applied one last dab of lip gloss onto my bottom lip with his icy fingers—alright, they weren’t icy, but they totally should have been—just as Queenie was finishing fastening the back of my gown.
I spun around, sending the gold folds of my skirt shimmering. ‘I don’t know how to thank you two. I—’
‘We’re not finished,’ Queenie said in a clipped tone.
‘You’re not?’ I asked. ‘I mean, I don’t have a mirror, but I feel finished.’
‘I had an idea last night,’ Queenie said, turning me back around, ‘after I dreamt I smothered you with a pillow.’
I nodded. ‘I have weird dreams too. I once had this dream I was flying with Ryder, our capes rippling in the wind—never mind.’ Stupid Kevin inhibiting my free speech, but then again, I did have a good feeling about the make-up. I approved of all his colour choices. Suddenly, thin fabric wrapped around the top part of my face. ‘Queenie,’ I said slowly. ‘This isn’t the part where you kill me as a couple, right?’
I gasped as Kevin held up a mirror in front of my face.
I was … I was … so … very, very beautiful. The golden toned make-up was exquisite. The soft intricate up-do was near heartbreaking. And the thin shimmering gauze with its tiny golden gems over my eyes was mysterious, and lovely, and unexpected, and—
I leapt at Kevin, throwing my arms around him. I’m not going lie. Once I felt the wooden stiffness of his body, I kind of regretted it. But I was so happy!
I let go, and spun on Queenie with my arms wide.
‘No,’ she said with a finger point.
I swirled in a circle. ‘Again, how can I ever thank you two?’
Kevin answered first. ‘I would like to take a picture of you like this in a glass coffin.’
I froze mid-swirl and looked to Queenie. If I wasn’t mistaken, I may have seen the tiniest of conc
ern crinkles in between her brows. ‘Well, Kevin.’ I stopped to clear my throat. ‘Why don’t we just table that idea for a little while, and I’ll see if I can think of something better.’ Yup, my hugging him was definitely premature.
I grabbed the small bag with my sidekick outfit off the pavement. I had brought it, seeing as I had no idea what the evening might hold. I cleared my throat. This next part needed to be handled delicately. ‘So, where are you kids off to now?’
Queenie answered, ‘Inside.’
‘Oh, that would be super, but Bart didn’t get you guys invitations,’ I said with a frowny face.
‘I was invited,’ Kevin said. ‘My family is always invited.’
‘Queenie, can I speak to you a moment,’ I said, gently grabbing her elbow. ‘This is kind of awkward, but you need to ixn-ay on the evink-ay because I may be doing some ime-fightingcr-ay … oh, this hard,’ I said, scratching my forehead above the gauzy mask. ‘Kevin’s got to go. He knows too much. And things are probably going to happen tonight.’
‘Things you’ve included Bart in but not me.’
‘What? No. It’s not like th—’
‘Really.’
Ugh. I hated dealing with couples who had just broken up. ‘Well, you can still be in on everything. Do you want me to tell you what’s going on?’
She said nothing, which I took to mean yes. I peeked over my shoulder at Kevin, but it seemed he had gone into stand-by mode, so I launched into a hurried description of everything that had happened.
When I was finished, Queenie said, ‘Idiot.’
I sighed. She and Bart really were made for one another. ‘I am so shocked that you would say that,’ I said, dryly. ‘I realise that there a may be a few places where things could go wrong, but—’
‘Do you really think so little of yourself that you would just dive right into whatever your father has planned tonight?’
‘No! It’s not like I’m going to stick my head into a lion’s mouth or anything. And what’s he really going to do to me with all those people watching?’ My mind did flash to the runaway float, but … but … okay, he was surprising me these days with the lengths he was willing to go to. ‘We need information, and this is the only way I know how to get it. And I have to make sure Pierce doesn’t get hurt. Besides, if my father’s going to this kind of trouble to send me a message, he’s going to find some way to deliver it, no matter where I am.’ No need to tell Queenie about Nepal. All these people telling me I should go to the other side of the earth was starting to hurt my feelings.
‘Ryder would never approve of this plan. Choden would never approve of this plan. Because there is no plan.’
‘Queenie, this is something I have to do.’
‘No, it’s not.’ She crossed her black-gloved arms across her chest. ‘That’s just something people tell themselves when they do stupid things.’
This sucked. Disapproving Queenie was even worse than misanthropic Queenie.
‘I don’t know how to explain it,’ I said, looking up to the sliver of sky between the buildings. ‘I have this vision of us all working together, like we did that night at the prison. Ryder, Choden, you, me, Bart. Fighting crime. Eating samosas.’
‘Random.’
‘Sorry. I’m hungry most of the time. But the vision has us working together to make the world a better place. We all belong. That vision can’t come to life without Ryder, and I know there is something more going on with her. Most likely something to do with my father.’
She recrossed her arms over her chest.
‘Everybody thinks this is going to be a disaster, but you’re forgetting, I took the lead on thwarting—’
‘The crime of the century, so you keep saying.’ She sighed. ‘Even if I were buying into your dream, you have to know we were lucky that night at the prison. Very lucky. And we had Choden and Ryder with us.’
‘Well,’ I said with a confident nod, ‘here’s hoping my luck hasn’t run out.’
She closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘Appropriate. A death euphemism.’
‘I really wish everybody would stop talking about my dying. I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree,’ I said, not meaning that at all, and trying to think of a way to make her agree.
She didn’t answer.
‘Well, I guess I will just go inside now,’ I said without moving.
Still nothing.
‘Oh, come on. No Go team! I’ve got your back?’
Nothing.
‘Break a leg?’
I felt my pretty bronzed shoulders droop. I shuffled my way towards the mouth of the alley. Right before I turned the corner, I looked back at Queenie. ‘Just wait. You’ll see. This is really the right move.’
Chapter 25
This was totally the right move.
It didn’t take me long to rally once I stepped into the glittering decadence of the museum. Elegantly dressed tables shimmered softly under the flickering chandlers as people in evening wear milled among long dead giants with their skeletons on display for our amusement—now that felt like money. I hadn’t completely disregarded what Queenie had said, but really, I think she was just hurt I hadn’t let her in on the plan in the first place. She’d see. Everybody would see. Tonight, I would find something to prove that my father was behind Ryder acting strangely. Then everyone would have to get on board. The proof would be in the pterodactyl pudding.
I glanced at the watch of a man passing by. If I knew rich people, and I knew rich people, things wouldn’t get really going for about another hour, which meant I had at least that long to find Pierce and beguile him with my golden majesty before I could expect the sky to fall on our heads. I scanned the room. Even though most were participating with the masquerade theme, I could still recognise a good portion of the crowd. I spotted one older lady in wheelchair on the other side of the marbled foyer. Mrs Winterbalm! I loved Mrs Winterbalm. She was always telling dirty jokes at fancy parties, and how could you not love someone who is always telling dirty jokes at fancy parties? Well, her sons never liked it. I could see them too. They were never far from their mother—probably afraid that one day she’d start dropping money, and they wouldn’t be there to catch it. Currently, though, they were doing the classic scotch glass point with their conversation companions. My father’s contemporaries were always doing that. I guess your finger point had more power when it came from a hand clutching a glass of expensive hooch. It was so douchey, and yet, I was starting to feel a little misty with nostalgia. Oh! And there was the guy who always wore the cravat! I could never remember his name, but I knew he was big-time money. He still had his shock of pure white hair waved back from his overly tanned forehead, and tonight, it was a navy blue cravat that pouffed out of his sailor jacket. He always dressed nautically too, even at black tie events. I grabbed a champagne flute from a waiter passing by and raised it slightly in the air before whispering, ‘Stay strong, Cravat Man.’
I took a sip of champagne. The taste almost brought me to my knees. Champagne, beautiful, sweet champagne. How I missed its internal bubbly caress. I took another long sip. I knew I had to be careful. I hadn’t eaten since, well, the champagne was already making it hard to remember the last time I’d eaten, but it was just too much pleasure to resist.
‘Sushi!’
The new waiter walking past jolted as I made for the tray.
‘You need to cover me,’ I said.
The waiter’s eyes widened slightly.
I leaned over the tray, rolling my eyes up to his. ‘This isn’t going to be pretty.’ A moment later when I was through, I straightened and delicately dabbed the corners of my mouth with a napkin. The waiter still wore the same frightened expression.
‘Come back soon, my love,’ I whispered, gently laying the napkin back on his gleaming silver tray.
My brain swam with the influx of calories and sweet alcohol that hadn’t just come out of a bucket in a mobster’s garage. This is what joy felt like.
See? I kn
ew Queenie was just being a Debbie Downer. The universe was with me on this one. I could feel it. Just as I had the thought, I saw him making his way through the crowd, his glowing blond head towering above the rest. He smiled at everyone he passed, politely waiting to be excused as he carved his gentle path through the people. He was headed in my direction, but not looking my way. When he finally broke through the throng, I was hit with the force of seeing him in his entirety.
A tuxedo. My God, Pierce was a wearing a tuxedo. I wanted to weep. He raised his right hand to adjust his glasses as his face slowly turned in my direction. Our eyes met. He stepped towards me, smile spreading across his face. I knew … in that moment I knew … once he made it to my side, he would never leave it again. As he neared, his mouth opened to speak. I needed to fight my way through the electric connection humming between us to hear his sweet words of love.
‘Hello … friend.’
‘Dammit, Pierce.’
He smiled then sipped from the champagne he had just taken. ‘You look beautiful.’
I hopped a little into the air. ‘I know, right?’
He chuckled.
‘That sounds bad, doesn’t it?’ I asked, frowning behind my veil. ‘I just mean, that every time we’ve gone out, I’ve always looked, I mean, I was always dressed a little bit—’
‘You were always beautiful.’
‘Careful, sailor,’ I said with a smile. ‘You keep talking like that and you might have to bring this ship in.’
Pierce cocked his head in question.
‘I don’t know what that means,’ I said with a quick headshake.
‘I like your disguise too.’ He pointed to my gauze veil. ‘And you’ll need it. Cassie Mack is here.’
‘The tabloid reporter?’
He nodded.
‘Not to worry,’ I said, casting a furtive glance about the room. ‘I’ve gotten pretty good at flying under the radar.’ I glanced back at Pierce whose eyes had widened. ‘And you’d be wise to keep that sceptical look to yourself.’
A moment passed as we both looked down at our glasses.
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