She sighed and settled back in. ‘All the more reason.’
My eyes trailed over Pierce’s sleeping form. His features rode that perfect line between handsome and rugged. But all the beauty aside, what I liked best about his face was the openness that just seemed to shine through. He had looked so careworn the last few times I had seen him, but today, sleeping, you could see the boy he once was, and the man he had become—one who still believed in right and wrong.
I got up, and with every step I took towards him, the invisible hand gripping my heart squeezed a little tighter.
‘Pierce,’ I said softly.
He didn’t move.
‘Pierce.’ I touched his shoulder. His arms flew wide as the back of the chair smacked onto to the floor.
‘What! What’s happening!’ Pierce yelled, flailing on the floor. His eyes finally found mine. ‘What’s wrong, Bremy?’
‘We need to talk.’
Chapter 48
I led Pierce up to the rooftop of Bart’s store, so that we could have some privacy. The day was getting off to a gloomy start, but at least there were a couple of old milk crates for us to sit on.
We positioned ourselves across from each other, and Pierce reached out to grab my hand, but then his fingers moved up to point to my neck. ‘Are you okay? You have a mark there.’
‘I do?’ My hand flew up. Huh, the skin felt a little tender. What the … son of a Ricky!
‘Bremy, what’s going on?’
I looked at him, his eyes all rounded in concern, and it once again occurred to me that I really didn’t want to do this. ‘Pierce,’ I began, ‘I know … I know we’re not really going out, but … we need to break up.’
He closed his eyes, and shook his head. ‘I knew I should have told you about Jenny sooner. It’s just—’
‘No … no.’ I squeezed his hand. ‘This isn’t about Jenny. I mean, I could hardly get mad at you for that after all the lies I told when we first met.’
‘Then what is it?’ He searched my eyes. ‘Is it this Ricky guy? I kind of sensed at the museum … he kept looking at you … I—’
‘No.’ I breathed in deeply, trying to loosen some of the tightness in my chest. ‘Not at all. I barely know the guy. And I don’t think we have much in common.’ I took another breath. ‘Pierce, you’re so good and sweet … and I admire you more than maybe anyone else I’ve ever known.’
He smiled, but there was worry in his eyes. ‘That doesn’t sound bad.’
‘I think maybe in part,’ I paused, trying to find the right words, ‘I think I’ve been trying so hard to make things work between us because, well, if you liked me then I wasn’t a bad person.’
His eyes widened, wrinkling his forehead. ‘Bremy, you’re not a bad person.’
‘I know.
‘I mean it.’
‘I know,’ I said, again squeezing his hands. ‘I think I really do. At least, I’m getting there. And I believe you think that. So that’s not the problem either.’
Pierce just waited with his big, blue eyes pleading for me not to take Christmas away. Dammit! I didn’t want to take Christmas away either! I loved Christmas! But I didn’t see any other way.
‘The problem is,’ I said, pausing to bite my lip, ‘you don’t believe I can do this.’
‘Do what?’
‘This,’ I said, gesturing around. ‘Everything we’re …’ I stopped to pat my chest ‘Everything I’m trying to do here. Save Ryder. Stop my father. Face Jenny.’
He began to speak, but I stopped him with a hand.
‘And you know what? You’re probably right,’ I said, smiling sadly. ‘Pierce, you’re so practical. And responsible. And trustworthy-ish. The whole Jenny incident notwithstanding.’
This time he jumped in. ‘And you’re so daring, and fun, and you have faith, and you—’ He stopped, his eyes darting, as though looking for the right words. ‘You just try when no one else will.’
I continued on. ‘Not to mention the fact you’re kind. You’re smart. You’re really, really hot. You’re everything I’ve been looking for. So in a weird way, I,’ I paused, almost backing out of what I was going to say next, ‘I love you more for doubting all of this, but …’
‘But?’
‘I love me less.’
He looked as though I had slapped him. After a moment, he said, ‘I don’t want to make you feel that way. I don’t want that for you. I’ll stop—’
I lunged forward and kissed him.
A moment or two later, I pulled back and said, ‘I think maybe, it’s just that, we’re both not ready. That’s why we never even really got started.’
A shaky breath escaped his lips. ‘We never could seem to get any traction.’
‘We … we just need more time, I think.’ Not really sure if I thought that at all. The pain in my chest certainly didn’t seem to think so. ‘Maybe we were trying to finish ourselves with each other. We were looking for the things we couldn’t give to ourselves.’
Pierce’s eyes widened. ‘Bremy, that’s … that’s really, profound.’
‘I know. I’m kind of scaring myself right now.’
‘So this is it?’ Pierce asked, leaning back. A little rain started to fall. I watched a drop land on his cheek.
‘Yeah,’ I said softly. ‘This is it.’ I leaned in for another kiss.
Pierce looked confused.
‘Well, almost it,’ I added quickly. ‘There’s a little more kissing first.’
***
Pierce wanted a moment to himself up on the roof, so I headed back down to join the others. Bart stopped me before I even made it down the stairs.
‘Bremy! You’ll never guess!’
‘What?’
‘I think Queenie’s breaking up with Kevin!’
‘Actually, Bart, it turns out that … you know what, never mind.’ I couldn’t help but think a little bit of doubt was good for him.
‘I mean, they’re in the kitchen, and he’s making these loud honking noises that sound kind of like—wait, why do you look like that?’ Bart asked, suddenly peering into my face. ‘What’s going on there?’ He swirled a finger around my eyes. ‘Are those happy tears?’
I took a deep breath and said, ‘I broke up with Pierce.’
Bart stared at me a moment then yelled, ‘You moron!’
I let the breath out. ‘I knew I could count on you for sup—’
‘What were you thinking? You can’t do any better than that!’ He pointed up the stairs. ‘Nobody can do better than that!’
‘Yes, I know. Thank you.’
‘Seriously. He saved my life! And this is how you repay him? What were you thinking?’
Suddenly Queenie stepped out of the shadows in front of Bart and flicked him between the eyebrows.
I watched Bart gulp before saying, ‘Please Mistress, may I have some more?’
‘Alright, let’s get this together, people.’ I rolled my shoulders. ‘We don’t have much time. We have a fashion show to prepare for.’
‘Would you like me to go?’
We all looked up to Pierce standing at the top of the stairs.
I was about to say no, when Bart yelled, ‘Please don’t leave us!’
‘You’d better stay,’ I added. ‘Bart doesn’t know who he wants to have custody of him yet.’
‘Him! I want him!’
Thankfully, Queenie grabbed Bart by the ear, and we headed out to the other room.
***
We spent the majority of the day eating a lovely array of finger foods and drinking tea. Who knew Bart had such awesome refreshments? Unfortunately, with our lack of information, the planning didn’t amount to much. Yes, I was going to the fashion show. Yes, it was another set-up. Yes, my father probably had something horrible planned. But there was a chance Ryder would be there, and it was our best chance to get her out. If that meant I sacrificed myself back into the St. James fold, then so be it. Sure, the others argued that they weren’t about to let that happen, but I was r
esolved. There was a chance my father was telling the truth about Jenny needing me, and if that was the case, I had to go back anyway. Might as well get Ryder out at the same time.
Everyone agreed to come along as my entourage. I doubted my father would just release Ryder without a catch, so we had to be on our toes. Queenie provided the appropriate outfits, and Bart hooked us up with ear buds to communicate. But given the amount of stress eating we were engaged in, I would say we all knew the odds were not in our favour.
‘Before we go,’ I said, getting to my feet. ‘I’d like to say a few words.’
I waited for Bart to interject with a smart-ass comment, but surprisingly he didn’t. I wiped the sweat from my palms against my legs then said, ‘I just wanted to say that I know I’ve made some bad decisions lately.’ I looked around at all the faces in the room. It suddenly occurred to me that I trusted each and every one of them. Well, maybe not Kevin, but … no, even Kevin. ‘But the good news about all the craziness is that it has forced me to come to a conclusion.’ Everyone waited.
I put my hand on my chest. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’
I let that sink in. Suddenly Kevin clapped his hands together, waited a few moments, then clapped again. My eyes flashed to his. He looked back at me, hands hovered for another clap. Bart snorted.
‘Not yet, Kevin.’
He dropped his hands.
‘You see, I used to know how to be Bremy St. James. And the thing about being that Bremy St. James was that I could do whatever I wanted … say whatever I wanted … and there were never any consequences, or, if there were, I didn’t have to deal with them. But I don’t want to be that girl anymore.’ I shook my head, making eye contact with everyone. ‘I want to be a crime fighter. But the problem with that is I don’t have any specialised training. I don’t have any gadgets, and frankly, I’m not even in good shape.’
‘Preach!’ Bart yelled.
Queenie slapped his arm with the back of her hand.
‘But I’ve also realised something else about myself.’
Silence.
‘What I do have is the desire to help. In fact, sometimes I can’t stop myself from helping even when I probably should. But that’s the key word here. Helping.’ I looked around at everyone again. ‘We’re all here today to help. To help Ryder. To help my sister. To help this city. I would say thank you to you all, but I know it’s not my place. It’s just who you all are. I’m not a hero.’ I patted my chest. ‘I’m a sidekick. In a way, we’re all sidekicks. And … well, I say, it’s time to get our hero back.’ Silence once again fell upon the room. A confused look came over Bart’s face. He cocked his head to the side and said, ‘That wasn’t half bad.’
‘Really?’
‘Six. Maybe six and a half.’
‘Come on,’ Pierce said. ‘Eight at least.’
‘Yes,’ I hissed, making a fist, and dropping my elbow to my side. I flashed him a smile. He had looked uncomfortable most of the afternoon listening to our planning, or lack thereof, but he had done his best to be supportive in not expressing his doubts.
‘I like this side of you. It’s good,’ Bart said. ‘And you need to be on the top of your game if you’re going to face The Angel of St. James.’
‘The Angel of St. James?’ I blinked a few times. ‘The Angel of St. James? Wait … is that what people are calling Jenny?’
‘Oh … didn’t anyone tell you that?’
‘Because, sure, that’s fair,’ I said, feeling my eyes go a little wild. ‘I get Little Chicken and Strange Brenda, and she gets The Angel of St. James.’
‘You’re wrong about one thing, though,’ Queenie suddenly announced, redirecting the conversation. ‘It is a little about you. I’m here for you, and you don’t have to say thank you.’ We locked eyes. ‘You’re welcome.’
‘Hey!’ I said with a point. ‘My catchphrase … almost.’
‘You needed to edit it,’ Queenie said. ‘It was clunky.’
‘That was even better than her speech, my love,’ Bart whispered in Queenie’s ear.
‘Don’t call me that,’ she replied, without looking at him.
‘Yes, Mistress.’ Suddenly, a new voice, coming from the backroom, entered the mix. ‘If I may, I would also like to say a few words.’
My eyes flew to the doorway.
Choden.
Chapter 49
‘Hello, Child,’ he said, smiling. ‘I mean, Bremy.’
My cheeks flushed hot. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What do you think he’s been doing here?’ Bart asked. ‘He’s been in the kitchen. Making all the food we’ve been eating.’
‘You have a kitchen?’ I asked, eyes flashing to all the empty, crumb-ridden plates. I looked around the room. No one else looked surprised to see Choden, not even Kevin, but then again, he probably didn’t know who Choden was. ‘I take back everything I said about trusting all of you.’
They looked back at me confused.
Oh right, I hadn’t said it out loud. ‘You know what I mean.’ I folded my arms over my chest and looked down at the floor. I peeked up a little at Choden, trying to figure out why he was here, but not wanting to get my hopes up at his sudden appearance. Our fight, his lack of faith in me … it had really hurt.
Choden met my eye. ‘As I said, I would like to also say a few words, if I may.’
I nodded tightly.
‘These past few weeks have been very difficult, knowing that I was unable to protect my daughter.’
‘Choden,’ I said, immediately jumping to his defence. ‘You—’
He put a hand up. ‘That is perhaps why I have overstepped with you.’
I held my breath and waited.
‘I am very worried about what this day holds in store for you, for everyone here.’ He paused. ‘But I never wanted you to feel as though I would not stand with you against your father.’
My eyes went all stingy again. I didn’t know what to say. I was so torn. On the one hand, I was glad he was here. On the other, I felt guilty. I had practically given Choden an ultimatum. My way or the highway. ‘I don’t want you to feel you have to come with us and get yourself killed just—’
‘Killed?’ Kevin asked, abruptly.
‘Have you been listening to anything we’ve been saying?’ Bart asked, before giving him a pointed look. ‘I tried to explain this all to you last night!’
‘I thought you were … unwell, Crime Mime,’ Kevin said, not meeting his eye.
Bart swatted him on the back of the head, then flashed me a look.
‘If you have a better way,’ I said to Choden, ‘maybe we should talk about it.’
‘No,’ he said, firmly. ‘This is our best chance to help my daughter. I do believe your father has more planned, but there is a chance Indira will be at this show, and I cannot let the opportunity slip away. Nor can I tell you what you should or should not do. It is your path.’
‘Um, okay, well … yay!’ I said, skipping towards him. He opened his arms for a hug. ‘I know what’s at stake here,’ I said quietly, so only Choden could hear. ‘I’m not going to take any chances when it comes to Ryder.’
He pulled back and looked at me. ‘I know this.’ He smiled. ‘I would like it, however, if you would also promise not to take any chances with yourself.’
***
There are some moments in life when it doesn’t matter how impractical, or how painful: black, knee-high, stiletto boots are the only option. This was one of those moments.
The heels of my boots clicked down the filthy pavement of the side street that led to the fashion district. I felt like a giant, couture monster in my awesomeness. Oh sure, I’d probably need foot surgery later in life, but I needed these boots. Why? Because they went with my cape. That’s right. My cape.
It wasn’t quite the superhero cape I had imagined—Queenie and Bart had yet to resume work on that. In fact, you might even be tempted to call it a poncho, but I wouldn’t. I might slap you. It was black, with lon
g slits up the sides that allowed my arms to move freely. The fabric cuts also offered the most tantalising of glimpses at the slick, short dress I wore underneath. The only thing breaking up the midnight fashion between my dress and boots was the daring shot of thigh that peeked out as I walked. To complete the look, my hair was bundled up on top of my head in a perfectly manufactured messy bun. Pierce, Bart, Queenie, and Kevin followed behind in matching suits. Choden kept his Nehru jacket, but switched to black for the occasion. We looked just like those guys, in that movie, walking down the street, right before they light that other guy on fire and cut his ear off. Or was it after? Doesn’t matter. That’s what we looked like. We even had the matching sunglasses.
I stopped a few feet from the mouth that opened to the larger street. I could hear the hubbub of paparazzi in the distance. I closed my eyes, and inhaled the scent of their frenzied energy while the rest of my group filed in behind me. This moment here was mine to shine. I had bumbled my way through so much lately and helped so little. But today we needed to get into this show. Dark Ryder’s life depended on it. And this was something I could do.
‘Prepare yourselves,’ I said, gravely. ‘And remember, don’t show fear. They feed on it.’
I strode out into the street. ‘Bremy!’
‘Look! It’s Bremy St. James!’
A crowd of paparazzi, their faces covered with camera lenses, surged towards me.
I held my arms out wide. Each click and snap of the lens filled my soul.
Then the barrage of questions hit me, rapid fire.
‘Bremy! Bremy! Is it true that you’re Dark Ryder’s sidekick?’
‘Have you been moonlighting as Little Chicken?’
‘What about the drugs and alcohol, Bremy?’
‘Where are you living?’
‘Has your father disowned you?’
‘Where have you been!’
I smiled. ‘Everyone. Everyone, please. This evening isn’t about me. It’s about the beautiful designs of … of …’ Oh crap! Whose fashion show was this again? ‘It’s about the beautiful designs. Please, we’d like to go in.’
‘Bremy! Bremy! Look here!’
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