by Jodi Thomas
“It doesn’t matter, Beth,” he whispered, thinking her touch was branding him far deeper than any scar.
She stood and unbuttoned his shirt. As she spread it open, her fingers touched the scar at his throat. He forgot to breathe as she kissed his throat. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his skin still wet from her kiss.
He snapped like dry wood struck by lightning and pulled her mouth to his. She might be worrying about scrapes and cuts on his body; didn’t she know that she had healed his heart?
At first she held back, not pulling away, but not completely relaxing. His hand molded over her as his mouth showed her how dearly he needed her. When she finally melted against him, out of breath and liquid in his arms, he lifted her, taking her with him into the shadows.
Moving the few feet to his bed, he laid her atop the pile of boxes and newspapers. “Now it’s my turn to check you for scars.”
“I don’t have any.” She laughed as she shoved the mail aside and tried to scramble off the bed.
“I’ll have to make sure.” He tugged her back and began unbuttoning her blouse.
She leaned back, letting him have his way without protest. “Oh, all right, but you won’t find any.”
He kissed his way down her throat. “I need you so much,” he said, forgetting everything but her nearness.
“I know. I haven’t been able to sleep without you.” She began unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and pushing it from his shoulders. “I need to feel you near me.”
When he moved closer, she whispered, “Against me. Touching me. Loving me.”
He kissed along her body as he undressed her and gave her what she wanted. Returning to her lips, he asked as he kissed her mouth, teasing it open, “You won’t shoot me if I pull the ribbons free tonight? It’s time we stopped playing, Beth, and started feeling.”
She didn’t answer, but lay back, her eyes closed, as he pulled open the ribbons of her camisole one by one.
The sight of her took his breath away. She was so beautiful and she was waiting for him to love her. It seemed there had been no great storm of passion that consumed them, but a gentle rain that brought them together. She was here, in his bed, wanting him as much as he wanted her. All the reasons no longer mattered. This night would be only him and her. This night they’d make a memory that would hold true all their lives.
He moved his fingers over her, loving the way he made her feel almost as dearly as he loved touching her. When he looked in her eyes, he saw passion and need and . . . love. He also saw Beth, his Beth, the strong woman she was, the one woman he’d dreamed of touching like this.
Even as he kissed his way over every part of her, he knew she was giving him not just the gift of her body but of her love. She’d said she loved him once. She might never say it again, but once was enough.
He spread his hand wide and moved it slowly down from her throat, feeling across her soft breasts, sliding across her flat stomach and lower into the warmth between her legs.
“What do you want from me?” he whispered against her cheek. He was on the edge of insanity and needed her to say the words before he fell completely off.
“I want you to love me,” she answered in a soft cry. “I want it to be real between us.”
She wanted to be loved, and if he couldn’t say the words, he’d do his best to show her how he felt. He claimed her mouth, catching her moans in a deep kiss as his hand began to please her. She crossed over into passion with him, hungry for more, but he didn’t break the kiss, not until he moved above her. Then he held her gaze, wild with hunger and need as he entered her.
She cried out softly in pain, but he didn’t stop and she didn’t turn away. In the firelight shadows he watched her newborn obsession rise. Other times, they would make love in darkness with eyes closed, but this time, this first time, he wanted to see into her soul as they mated.
His chest lowered against her breasts and she shook with pleasure, then whispered his name as he felt her body relax. Only then did he find his own pleasure. As the world rocked, he held her so tightly he feared he might have hurt her.
When finally he was able to speak, he whispered, “Are you all right?”
She rolled against him. “I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”
They laughed and teased and caressed as the night aged. Andrew had never felt so complete.
Finally, she took his hand and wrapped it between her breasts. “Good night, my love,” she mumbled, already asleep.
He closed his eyes, drifting with all the feeling. As he fell asleep, Beth filled his dreams just as she filled his reality.
Sometime deep into the night, he felt her patting him and left one dream for another. Beth in his bed.
“That was wonderful.” She sat up, pulling the covers with her. “Does it always feel so good?”
“No. I think we’ll get better with practice.” Even in the shadows she was so beautiful he had trouble thinking. “Shouldn’t we be asleep?”
“No, I woke up and had questions, so, since you’re the only one who can answer them, I had to wake you up too.”
He smiled. Still spoiled rotten; at least she hadn’t changed. “All right, ask away.”
“So, it really gets better?” She didn’t sound like she believed him.
Andrew leaned close and molded the sheet over one of her breasts.
“How soon can we practice again, Andrew?” She pushed his hand away.
“Practice what?” he said as he slipped his fingers beneath the sheet and captured her breast. He knew she would be tender, but the slight ache would be sweet with memory, so he molded her flesh and felt her breathing quicken.
“That’s a good start, Andrew. A very good start.”
“Beth.” He loved the way her velvet curves brushed against him, begging him for more. “People don’t talk about this. Not before and certainly not afterward.”
“Why not?” she asked. “I loved it when your mouth covered my breast the same time you—”
He ended the discussion with a kiss. A long, deep kiss, that she was more than ready for. Her hunger for more both surprised and delighted him.
When he finally kissed his way across her cheek to her ear, he whispered, “If you’ll stop talking we could start practicing again.”
She shook her head and pulled away. Without a word, she wrapped a quilt around her and crossed the room. When she returned with her brush, she sat on the end of the bed and brushed away the tangles in her hair.
The sight of her reflected in firelight almost stopped his heart. As she raised her arms, the quilt dropped to just below her breasts. “I’ll come to you when I’m ready,” she finally said, “but I’ll tell you the truth first.”
He waited, feeling the need for her building again, twice as strong as before. At this rate, she’d kill him, for he wasn’t sure he’d ever get enough of this woman.
“Andrew,” she said, pulling the blanket higher, “I love you. Not the kind of love people talk about after meeting, but the forever kind. I know you don’t want to love me, but I can’t help loving you. I’ll not try to stop you when you go, but whether you are with me or not, I’ll not stop loving you.”
He felt like his heart lodged in his throat and he couldn’t say a word. He watched as she stood, dropped the quilt, and moved beneath the covers. Curling against him, she drifted off to sleep as if her confession had totally relaxed her.
He brushed her hair away from her face and wrapped it around his hand. For a while, he let his mind float backward in time to the months he’d been with Hannah. She’d been shy and needy for attention, but never passion. For the first time, he saw her clearly. She hadn’t loved him as completely as he’d loved her. There had been times she’d agreed to sex, but he wasn’t sure she’d liked it and she’d never spoken of it. They’d both wanted to be a family, but she’d only said she loved him when he’d asked. She’d never just declared it as a proclamation, asking nothing in return.
Beth had been
open, even letting him watch her body as she combed her hair. He’d enjoyed mating. Even now, in sleep, she cuddled against him as if waiting for him to catch up with her and do it again. In all the mix of stories she’d told, first to save him and then to save herself, he’d learned her and he knew that this one time she hadn’t lied. She truly loved him.
He brushed his hand over her warm body as he kissed her throat. “Wake up, dear, it’s time to make love again.”
She stretched, pushing her breasts against his chest. “Wake me up with your hands on me, Andrew.”
And he did.
CHAPTER 35
THE NEXT MORNING ANDREW OPENED ONE EYE AND saw Beth rushing about fully clothed, unfortunately, and making coffee.
“Wife.” He said the word as if it were an endearment. “We’re going to have to cure you of this infernal habit of waking up early. Come back to bed.”
She laughed and came to him, carrying a cup of steaming coffee. “We promised we’d have breakfast with the kids, so you have to get up.”
“No, come back to bed.”
She smiled. “I’d like to. Last night was wonderful, Andrew.” Setting the coffee on the table, she perched on the edge of the bed. “The first time was all new and I was half afraid I’d do something wrong; the second time was slow and I felt like I was floating; but the third time . . . The way you did that thing with your—”
He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. After a quick kiss, he said, “Are you always going to talk about it? Beth, people just do it, they don’t talk about it. I don’t think it’s proper conversation over breakfast.”
“Why not? I think it would be fun to write a book about making love. Of course I’ve got a lot to learn first, so I’ll have to practice and I’ll have to use a pen name. My papa would kill me.”
He cupped the back of her head and kissed her again. She might be headstrong, but she was adorable, and her talking about what they’d done filled his mind. He’d never made love so completely, and one night’s taste of her body would never be enough.
When she giggled, he pulled away and raised an eyebrow. “You’re teasing me about the book?”
“Of course. How else will I get you to kiss me so early? Have you ever noticed you always kiss me when you want to shut me up?”
He reached to kiss her again.
She moved away before he could make his brain work. His woman was teasing him. No one ever teased him. Not lovingly. Not for fun.
“You’re sleeping with me tonight, and I plan to make you pay by torturing you with the promise of a morning mating, then moving out of reach.”
Her sweet innocent smile was back. “Sounds like fun. I’ll make a note to allow time for that next time, but right now you have to get dressed.”
They were still laughing as they walked toward the main house hand-in-hand. All he wanted to do was spend the day in bed, but she had other plans, and Beth wasn’t a woman easily talked into changing her mind.
“Are you sure your leg is strong enough for this walk? It’s almost a mile to the house.”
He gripped her hand as he shortened his step to match hers. “I’ve been walking a little more each day. In truth, I think the bath helped more than anything, but I’m not moving back to the main house. While I’m here, I’ll stay at the cabin.”
He looked at her. “And you’ll be staying with me at night.”
She was silent. An ocean of unsaid words floated between them. They might talk about their mating, but they’d never talked of a future. He knew it was too late to walk away with his heart, but how would she react if he told her he wanted what they had to be real? She’d said she loved him, but she hadn’t asked for love in return.
He held her hand tighter, wishing everything could stay exactly like it was now. Only he knew it couldn’t. The world never stopped spinning and changing. There was so much he had to say to her, but he wanted it to be the right time, the right place.
As they walked in the crisp morning air, she told him about the horses raised on their ranch. Andrew only half-listened. Everything between them had changed last night in the little cabin. They’d changed. He’d stopped fighting his need for her, and she’d told him she loved him. The feelings were too raw to talk about. For now, it seemed all right to pretend there was only today.
Colby and the boys rushed out to greet them, Levi talking as fast as he could and Leonard smiling. Colby had already taken them riding at dawn, and Levi claimed he rode faster than the wind.
Andrew didn’t miss the way Colby stared at Madie when she stepped onto the porch. She smiled at him.
“Mr. McLaughlin,” Colby said, pulling off his hat as they entered the house, “I was wondering if I could have a word with you two before we go in with the others.”
“Can this wait until after breakfast?” Andrew asked.
“No, sir,” the cowboy answered.
Andrew nodded and crossed to the study with Beth beside him. “We must have trouble if it has to be talked about before we eat.”
“No, sir,” Colby answered, but he had the look of a man about to be shot.
Andrew studied him. “Just say what you need to say, Colby. You know we’re on your side whatever happens.”
Colby made an effort to stand still. He cleared his throat twice and started. “Since you’re the closest thing Madeline has to parents, I thought I’d ask you if I could marry her. We talked about my place last night, and she said she wouldn’t mind living out on a ranch. I’d have to teach her to ride and shoot, but she says she’s willing to learn.”
Beth shook her head and moved forward to protest, but Andrew spoke first. “Are you sure you could provide for her?”
“I can. I got a nice house on my land, and I’m planning to run three hundred head come spring. There’s a spot for a garden behind the house, and my grandma planted apple trees down by the stream. She and the baby wouldn’t want for anything.”
“Have you asked her?”
“No, not directly, but I mentioned it.” Colby looked nervous. “I thought I’d talk to you first. Then, I’d tell her to pack.”
Andrew swore he could feel the heat firing from Beth.
“You’ll do no such thing,” Beth snapped. “You’ll ask her, right and proper, and if she says no, you’ll walk away without saying a word to hurt her feelings.”
Colby looked at Andrew and asked, “That’s how it’s done? I don’t see no need of it. She’ll marry me if I tell her to.”
Andrew had no idea how it was done. He and Hannah just spent an evening talking and went to the courthouse the next day. She moved her things in that night.
He cleared his throat. “That’s how a man does it, Colby. It’s her decision, not yours. If she says no, you walk away.”
Colby didn’t look happy. “Then call her in now and I’ll ask. I don’t want to do any more planning if she’s not smart enough to say yes.”
Since Beth looked like she might hit Colby at any moment, Andrew asked her to go get Madie. While she was gone, he talked to the kid. Andrew felt like he knew little more than Colby about women, but Colby knew nothing.
Madie seemed frightened when she stepped into the study. “What’s wrong?” she questioned. “Breakfast is ready.”
“It will wait,” Colby said. “I have something I want to ask you in front of witnesses.”
Madie straightened, but her eyes showed her fright.
Colby awkwardly took her hand. “Madeline, will you marry me and come live with me?”
“All right,” she said. “But I’ve been thinking about what you said last night and, if you won’t sleep with me until after the baby comes, I want to stay here until then.”
“But—”
She raised her head. “Mrs. McLaughlin said I was to speak my mind when I came in here. I love you, Colby, but I want a real wedding in a church with a white dress. I want a hope chest to bring with me that’s full of all the things I’ve made, so your house will be my house too.”
Colby frowned, glanced at Andrew, and then made up his mind. “All right. You stay here until the baby’s born and you’re recovered. It will be easier on you having other women around, but we marry now. I have to leave at dawn tomorrow and I’ll know you’re my wife before I go.”
“But why?” Madie asked. “The wedding can wait a few months.”
“No,” Colby answered. “I need to know that you belong to me. I need a wife and you need me.” He looked at Andrew as if remembering what he’d been told. “We’ll make a good life together, you and me. I’ll be kind to you.”
“Do you love me, Colby?”
The cowboy blushed. “How could I not, Madie? I should tell you it wasn’t something I planned, but when I left you in Fort Worth, you refused to leave my head. I need to be on my ranch, but I needed to see you more. The only peace I’ll get in this life is if I have you with me.”
Madie agreed. “Then we go to town today. You can find a preacher and ask if we can borrow the church. I’ll buy a dress from the store.”
Beth straightened like a soldier hearing the battle call. She’d planned parties for years; a wedding wouldn’t be that different. “The McMurrays keep a little house next to the church in town. You can dress there while we make all the plans.”
Andrew shook his head. “We can’t leave the ranch. This is the one place we know we’re safe. Beth, this doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Beth moved away from him. “We’ll take guards. It will only be for a few hours, and Madie will have the wedding she wants. You don’t understand how important it is for a woman.”
He looked over at Madie and Colby. They were both kids, probably having no idea how hard their lives would be, but as they looked at each other, he saw all he needed to see. They belonged together.
“All right. I’ll talk to Tobin. We’ll go in early and make sure everything is safe. All of you can drive in under guard later. Two hours in town. No more.” Andrew reasoned that the only threat was Peterson, and he wasn’t likely to pull anything in the middle of town. Besides, Peterson just wanted the map, and maybe Andrew dead. He wasn’t after anyone else. “Two hours,” he repeated, as if he thought they could pull off a wedding in that amount of time.