by T L Swan
Oh, my.
“Well, you haven’t had a date in six years.” I smirk cheekily.
He laughs. “You caught that, did you?”
I smile. “Yes, I caught that.” I take a sip. “Why haven’t you taken a woman on a date for six years?”
He shrugs and rearranges his napkin on his lap. “I don’t know. Things haven’t gone as planned, I suppose.”
“What were the plans?”
He licks the champagne from his bottom lip and I feel my insides clench. “I just…” He hesitates as he thinks. “I just always imagined I would meet the right person and everything else would fall into place.”
“The right person?” I ask.
He nods.
“You say the word person as if you didn’t mind if it were a male or female?”
“Would it bother you if it didn’t matter to me?” he replies.
I shrug. “Not really.”
He smiles sexily as his eyes drop to my lips. “I like women, if that was the hidden question. But, you already know that.”
“And you haven’t met her? Your person.”
His eyes hold mine and he shrugs. “I had a serious girlfriend in college and then when I went into the marines it got too hard to be faithful. I was young, dumb, and full of come on different continents of the world, away from her. The stopovers became…” He pauses as he thinks of the wording. “Complicated.”
“You broke her heart?”
He nods once and I can see the remorse in his eyes.
“You haven’t been in a relationship since?”
“No.”
The waiter walks over with a huge entrée platter of grilled seafood and Stace quickly reshuffles the table so it can fit.
“Oh, wow.” I smile.
“Thank you.” He nods as the waiter leaves.
“And you? You have had five boyfriends?” he asks.
My mouth drops open and I slap his hand on the table. “What? How do you know that?” I pick up the huge spoon and start to dish out my prawns. “Oh, this looks so good.”
He laughs. “Yes, the ship food leaves a lot to be desired, and I told you I checked you out.”
“Dick Tracey, now?” I smirk as I hand the platter to him.
His face falls serious. “Are you going to contact your boyfriend?”
I screw up my face. “Hell, no. He’s a twat.”
“Did you love him?”
I drop my head and he picks up my hand over the table. I shrug sadly. “I kind of thought I did.”
“Just thought?” he repeats.
“He was my first serious boyfriend.”
“The others?”
“They were nothing really. Just kid stuff.”
He waits for my answer.
“We had fun, but it wasn’t until I met…” I stop myself. Fuck. I load my mouth full of food to shut myself up.
“Until you met who?”
I shake my head and drink my champagne and then refill my glass. Oh God, stop talking you big mouthed jabber jaws.
“Until you met who?” His eyes tell me that he already knows what I was going to say.
I frown. How do I put this? “Let’s just say that you have taught me that there is more to a relationship than someone making you feel safe.”
He frowns as he takes his first mouthful of seafood. “Is that what he did? Made you feel safe.”
I nod.
“Is that what you need from a man?”
I shake my head. “No…” My voice trails off.
“What have I taught you?”
I laugh. “Why are you so serious? Can we change the subject, please?”
He shakes his head, picks up my hand, and cups it around his face. “Tell me. Please.”
I get goosebumps seeing my hand cup his beautiful face. “You taught me what it was like to be unable to…” I frown as I swallow the lump in my throat.
“To what?” He rolls my hand over and kisses the inside of my wrist, his tongue gently caressing my skin.
If I was a cat I would be purring. “To defy all logic. To want someone so bad that you don’t care about the consequences,” I whisper.
Our eyes lock and the look he gives me feels like it could get me pregnant. I’m not even joking. Get here, straddle me, and ride my fucking cock are its precise words.
Well, that’s what it says to me anyway.
As if reading my mind, he rolls his lips to hide his smile. “I think I know how that feels,” he mutters under his breath.
I drain my glass in one gulp. Stop drinking, fool.
“How did you…?” I hesitate. “How did you go from a marine to working on that ship?” I ask.
He blows out a deep breath as if knowing this question was coming. “I took a two-year gap from the Navy and was looking to pick up some casual work.”
I frown. “So, you just thought oh fuck it, I will go and work on a drug ship.”
He looks at me deadpan.
I bite my bottom lip to stop my champagne guzzling mouth up.
You really need to stop talking now, stupid.
“I was offered a job to fly a Japanese businessman on and off his ship on his private chopper. The pay was good and it was casual. Just the type of thing I was looking for. I didn’t want to be locked into a position because I was eventually going back to the Navy, and I could live in my home town while I did it.”
I sip my champagne as I listen. “Where is home to you?” I ask.
“New York.”
I smile. New York… who knew? I clink my glass with his to celebrate my new found information.
He smirks and sips his drink.
“What then?”
He shrugs. “I did that for about twelve months and it was the perfect job. I worked three days a week with no hassles.”
I frown, feeling like this story isn’t adding up.
“I got to know the guy I was working for and he seemed alright. Anyway, one day I was waiting at the helipad for him to arrive in his limo and I was approached by another man. His private pilot had recently become ill and he needed someone he could trust to take him to his ship urgently.”
I sit back in my seat, disturbed.
“He offered me fifty thousand dollars.”
I frown. “F-for one trip?” I stammer.
He nods.
“So you did it.”
He nods. “I was getting three grand a trip from the other guy.”
My heart sinks.
He shakes his head in disgust in himself. “I knew for him to offer me that kind of money he had to be into some pretty heavy stuff.” He pauses.
“But you did it anyway.”
He nods. “I was saving for a house and that would be the final deposit that I needed.”
I smile in surprise. “You own a house?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“Manhattan.”
I clink our glasses together again in celebration. “Well done.” I smirk. “How amazing. Go you.”
He smiles proudly.
“Anyway,” I say as I continue eating.
“Anyway.” He pauses. “On the way to the ship, we got to talking and he asked me what I did and I told him I was a marine engineer. He seemed like an okay guy.”
I sit still, unsure if I want to hear the rest of it. It’s like I am hearing the story of his life unravelling.
“I took him to his ship the next day and I sat in the chopper for two hours while he did whatever he did and then I flew him home. He paid me fifty grand cash.”
I frown.
He shakes his head. “I was gone from home for a total of six hours and I made fifty thousand dollars.”
“God,” I whisper.
“Anyway, I did the job and that was that. No strings, no questions asked, and I went back to working with the other guy and bought my house.”
I smile. “What an achievement.”
He smiles sadly into his glass and I know there is more of the story to come.
“Three months later he called me again.”
A lead ball starts to bounce in my stomach.
“I was living in my house, but it was shitty and needed renovation, and I was scratching for money.”
“So you did another job?” I ask.
He nods. “It started with one and then a week later another and another. It was never actually discussed how long I would work for him. He just gave me the cash and I didn’t ask questions.”
I watch him as he sips his drink.
“You knew he was bad, didn’t you?”
He shrugs. “I knew he had to be involved in some serious shit by the money he threw around and the guards he had.”
I feel sick.
“Usually I would just sit in the chopper and wait for him, but one day when we were on the ship, some shit went down and one of the crew got killed. His guard that flew in the chopper with us shot this guy dead, right in front of us.”
I frown, this is the guy Angela was telling me about.
He rubs his forehead as he remembers it. “I didn’t know what to do.” He hesitates. “I had knowingly taken them there. I had to fly them back to the mainland and then I realized that I was on his payroll. My bank accounts showed huge cash injections for over eight months. If they went down, so did I. Basically, if I didn’t fly them home and shut my mouth, I was either in jail or a dead man walking.”
“So, in effect, you were already one of them.”
He drops his head in shame.
I grab his hand over the table. “Why don’t you just leave? Make a new start.” I smile. “You could do it. I know you could.”
He fakes a smile. “You don’t just leave.”
I frown.
“The only way out is death. I’ve seen man after man get killed.”
My blood runs cold. “What do you mean?”
“They pay you so much that you get used to a certain lifestyle and you can have holidays and time off when ever you want.” He sips his drink. “It’s a perfect job on paper.”
“But you can’t leave?” I murmur.
He shakes his head. “They always find you.”
I put my head into my hands on the table. “God, Stace, bloody hell. What a mess.”
He smiles. “I’m no angel. I got what I deserved. I knew they were no good, and yet I was seduced by the forbidden fruit.”
His phone dances across the table. He frowns and turns it over, the word Mom lighting up the screen. He turns it back over and ignores it.
“Answer it.” I push it over to him.
“It’s okay. I will call her back tomorrow.”
“I insist, answer it now.” I pick the phone up and pass it to him.
He answers. “Hey, Mom.” His face breaks into a breathtaking smile. I feel myself flutter a little and my face mirrors his.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice is gentle and caring.
“I’m so glad to hear your voice,” she replies. I can hear her through the speaker across the table.
“Me, too, Mom.” He smiles.
“Where are you?”
“I’m in Bogota. Columbia.”
“Oh my God, Stace, are you safe? Are you with your friends from the ship?”
He smiles broadly and his eyes flicker to me. “Actually, Mom, I’m on a date.”
“A date?” she shrieks and he holds the phone out from his ear.
I giggle into my champagne glass.
“Who is she?” She laughs in excitement.
“Just this really cool chick I met.”
I hold my glass up to him in a cheers symbol, he grabs his glass and clinks it with mine as he throws me a sexy wink.
“What’s she like, Stace?”
His eyes hold mine. “The most beautiful woman in the world.”
My stomach does a somersault and I try to wipe the goofy grin from my face.
“Oh, let me speak to her,” his mom pleads.
He laughs out loud and I know it’s because we are drinking this champagne like water. “No way, you will scare her off.” He laughs.
“Oh, Stace.”
I hold my hand out for the phone and he shakes his head. “No,” he mouths.
I open and close my hand out for the phone.
He laughs and shakes his head again.
I stand and walk around to his side of the table and snatch the phone from him.
“Hello.” I smile nervously as I fall back into my seat.
“Hello, dear. You are out with my Stace?” Her voice is warm and loving. Oh, she sounds so nice.
“Yes.” I smile. “I’m a lucky girl.”
This time it’s him who smiles goofily.
“Is he okay? I worry about him so much.”
I fake a smile as my heart drops. She has good reason to worry. He has gotten himself in the shit up to his eyeballs.
“He is wonderful.” I smile. He picks up my hand and kisses the back of it.
Oh God, he is just so…
“Please look out for him, dear.”
Stace rolls his eyes and holds his hand out for the phone.
I smile at his embarrassment. “I will.”
“Promise me.”
I laugh as he tries to snatch the phone back.
“I promise to look out for him.” I laugh. “He’s snatching the phone back from me. Nice meeting you.” I laugh.
“Goodbye, dear. Hopefully you will come meet me in person one day.”
He takes the phone back from me and winds up the conversation, but my mind is still on the meet her in person one day parting. What I wouldn’t give to meet her in person one day.
Reality—the bitch—comes back with a thud. Stop it, it’s just one night. He hangs up the phone and I fake a smile.
He shakes his head as if embarrassed. “Sorry, my mom is…” He hesitates.
“Lovely?” I smile.
He rolls his eyes. “She is always worrying since Justin.” He cuts himself off as his face falls.
“Since Justin what?
“Died.”
“Who is Justin?”
“My brother.”
“He died?”
He nods solemnly as he picks up his drink. “Six months ago.”
I grab his hand over the table. “Oh, Stace, I’m so sorry. What happened?”
“He was a year older than me.” He smiles sadly as he remembers. “A cop.”
I frown as I listen. “He was always the good kid, did his chores first, looked out for me and Mom.” He sips his drink as he thinks, sadness falling over him. “My dad died in a car accident when we were six and seven, so Justin took on the man of the house role.”
“Did he have a family?” I ask.
He smiles and his face lights up. “Yes, Cindy his wife and Sebastian his son.”
I sit still as I watch him struggle through this conversation. You can learn so much about a person by the way they grieve. A piece of the puzzle clicks into place. The family in the photo were his brother and his family.
“We were always best friends.”
I smile and I can tell the affection he had for his beloved brother.
“Man, we got into some trouble as kids. We rode around on our bikes looking for mischief.” He smiles sadly. “I was the only one who ended up finding it and yet it was he who was taken.”
I frown. “You say that like you feel guilty that he died and you didn’t?”
He nods. “I do.”
We sit for a moment in silence. “How did he die?”
“He got caught in a case at work and wouldn’t let it go.”
I frown.
“I told him.” He shakes his head. “I told him time and time again to let it go, but he wouldn’t.”
His eyes cloud over as he remembers his brother’s death. “He thought he could bring them down and went to a warehouse alone in the middle of the night to talk to an informant.”
I sit still as I imagine the scenario, alone at a cold warehouse in the middle of the nig
ht. How terrifying.
“It was a trap. They tied him up and tortured him. Electrocuted him to death.”
My hands fly over my mouth in shock.
His eyes are cold, distant, and he stares into space. I know he is imagining his beloved brother dying alone and in pain.
“Stace,” I whisper. “I am so sorry.”
“We all have our baggage, Rosh.” He sighs sadly as he picks up my hand and re-cups his face with it. I don’t know if my hand on his face is a comfort to him, but it’s definitely a comfort to me. I dust my thumb back and forth over his bottom lip. Our eyes hold each other’s and I feel so stupidly close to this man, it’s crazy.
He shakes his head as if trying to remove the dark thoughts from his mind and raises his glass again. “Another toast.”
I smile broadly and raise my glass to meet his.
“To new beginnings.” Our glasses clink and he widens his eyes. “And non-depressing dates.”
I laugh out loud and repeat his words. “To new beginnings and non-depressing dates.”
* * *
Stace
We are seated at a bar in a cocktail lounge. It’s late, around 2am. We have had way too much to drink, but I don’t want to go home. Because then I have to let her go and knowing that I can’t even do what I want when we do get home only adds to the torture. Her lifeline was a dream of a respectable date, and damn it, I am going to give it to her if it’s the last thing I do.
I get to kiss her goodnight.
Once.
Only once.
We have talked and laughed with ease and I am surprised at just how much we have in common.
She may just be the coolest chick I have ever met.
A song comes on and I hold my hand out for her. “Would you like to dance?”
She smiles sexily. “You said you don’t dance?”
“I don’t dance on drug ships.”
“Only on dates?” she whispers in surprise.
I throw her a wink. “Only on special dates.”
We make our way to the dance floor and the song changes to some weird song I haven’t heard before.
Play that song
The one that makes me go all night long
The one that makes me think of you
That’s all you gotta do.
* * *
We sway to the music and she smiles up at me. “Look at you, dancing all date-like.”
I shake my head with a grin and twirl her away from me violently and she laughs out loud.