“I know Ma,” I replied, whispering out of the side of my mouth. “But Gary stormed out this morning, raging mad, and I haven’t seen him since.”
Linda paused.
“But what did you fight about?” she asked, her eyes confused. “You were literally just married yesterday, this makes no sense.”
And I shook my head, shrugging, red coloring my cheeks. This was not the time to tell my mom, or anyone, that I’d rubbed my kitty on my groom’s face while he was sleeping. I’m not sure which part was worse … that I’d done that to an unconscious man, or that my new husband, who was supposed to adore my kitty, had stormed out in anger after he found out.
So I just shook my head, shifting gears.
“I’m sure Gary will come around,” I said reassuringly. “He’s probably just running a little late, maybe he needs to get gas for the car.”
But to my utter embarrassment, that asshole didn’t show up. Didn’t come to his own wedding brunch, leaving me humiliated in front of assorted family and friends, making apologies and excuses when we should have been putting on a show as lovebirds, cooing at each other, romantic with stars in our eyes.
“Well,” said my mom tightly. “I hope this is a one-time thing for your sake.”
I nodded.
“I know, Ma, I know,” I said soothingly. “I’m sure Gary will come around, this was just an aberration, he’s usually really responsible and kind.”
But the look in my mom’s eyes wasn’t so sure. Maybe Linda knew something that I didn’t, or maybe it was the fact that she’s been married four times, but my mom’s instincts proved right. Because my new husband had gone certifiably crazy, he pulled the plug on our union just like that. Gary never moved into our new apartment, never moved his stuff in, never applied for the extra parking space we’d talked about. Instead, the incident on our wedding night opened a can of worms and I realized the man I’d married had been a mirage, a figment of my imagination.
Because almost immediately, gossip started circulating that Gary was seeing a pretty blonde thing on the side, someone young, perky and skinny, the whole boobs on a stick thing.
I was aghast, horrified and beyond hurt, the pain terrifying because it was so unreal. Maybe I’d fucked up during our wedding night, maybe I shouldn’t have face-fucked Gary while he was sleeping, maybe I’d crossed some invisible line and I was willing to admit that. But an affair? After we’d just been married? We’d literally just signed the wedding certificate, this was a nightmare come true.
And who the fuck was this chick? How had this blonde girl come out of nowhere? The ramifications left me gasping for air, a dying fish. We’d just celebrated our big day, how could this be happening?
But like a slow-motion car crash, news kept on filtering out and the house of cards came crashing down, lie after lie after lie piling upon one another, becoming a giant snowball of lies. Because Gary had known this girl for a while, she was a student at the community college where he taught, a tiny blonde thing who was barely legal, tanned and toned and skinny, probably weighing a hundred pounds.
And Gary really was fucking her. Really, truly fucking her, that “waiting until we’re married” spiel had been a giant deception because she was pregnant with his child, her tummy already growing big with a boy or girl, I have no idea which. And the realization was crushing. All the lies he’d fed me were just that, lies. There was no “special occasion,” no “special event” where we learned about each other’s bodies, exploring, touching, kissing passionately while bringing each other to our first orgasms. No, Gary had been pounding this other woman all along, spurting his seed into her so much to the point where she was actually pregnant, this ho was going to have the child of a married man.
So I was devastated, beyond terrified at what I’d discovered. I was a wreck, cold sweats pouring down my forehead, my knees, neck and back clammy and chill, my brain half-dead with shock. I thought about disappearing for a while, treating myself to the whole Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love world tour, but I don’t have that kind of money. I have a job, bills to pay, responsibilities, and I couldn’t just jet off for months on end while finding myself and rebuilding from the ground up.
So I stayed state-side and filed for divorce, like what a regular person does. I moved out of our joint apartment as soon as I could, as soon as the broker presented me with an option that was cheap and affordable. Sure, the fifth floor tenement wasn’t ideal because I didn’t want to live a student lifestyle again, but fuck, I couldn’t stay in that huge apartment anymore, not when I’d heard Gary was planning on moving his new paramour there, setting up a nursery for his new child.
So here I am. I’d just fucked my delivery man because I was starving for love, my marriage had been a complete sham, my life in tatters. My supposedly strong launch into wedded bliss had collapsed when brushed with a feather, and all that was left were broken pieces, my heart, my body, my soul shaken to the core, my belief in destiny and happily ever afters destroyed, my confidence in shreds. Even more perverse, I was a divorcee who was still a virgin. Can you believe it? It sucked, but I was ready to change that asap … hopefully, with a little help from my gorgeous delivery man.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Tucker
The girl seemed to disappear into her head for a moment, her brown eyes going contemplative, shutting me out even though her body was still nude on the bed, spread out in its glory for me to see. It’s not that things were awkward, it’s just that the brunette seemed faraway, thinking thoughts that had nothing to do with our intimate session.
I decided to get things started.
“Hey, I’m Tucker,” I said, holding out my hand.
And she jolted a bit, looking at my big hand for a moment, staring before putting her soft palm in mine.
“Laurie,” she murmured, coloring a little.
Well, that was awkward. We were two strangers who’d just exchanged a shit ton of fluids while lying on a big queen size bed, and we were shaking hands like we’d just been introduced at a party. Um, yeah, awkward.
But I’m a guy who rolls with the punches, so I kept it going, casual, light-hearted, with some humor, oh yeah, a sense of humor never hurt.
“So how long have you lived here?” I drawled. I was completely naked but what the hell? I’d let her get an eyeful, appreciate my masculine form.
Laurie blushed again, this time trying to turn a bit so that the curve of her arm shielded her breasts, but I lifted an eyebrow as in, “Really? After all that?”
And the girl blushed even harder, but at least she stopped trying to hide herself.
“Moved in today,” she said ruefully, sweeping a hand towards the boxes outside. “I wanted to take a hot shower but couldn’t find any soap or shampoo so I had to call you guys for a special delivery. Guess it worked, huh? My soap and shampoo came,” she smiled.
I nodded towards the living room.
“Your package is the other room,” I drawled. “I dropped it as soon as the clothes came off, as soon as those jeans dropped off your bod. You always use jeans to cover yourself?”
And the brunette laughed then for real, throwing her head back, those curls a glorious mass down her back.
“The jeans were the only things I had,” she explained ruefully. “Honestly, everything’s super disorganized and shoved randomly into different containers, I probably have kitchen utensils mixed with books, it’s so messed up.”
“Well, you could have used the sheets on the bed to cover yourself,” I said, quirking an eyebrow at her. “Like a toga of sorts.”
And the girl colored again before smiling at me.
“I didn’t even think about that,” she admitted, staring at the pale yellow coverlet. “I guess I just grabbed the first thing at hand, and that happened to be my dirty jeans,” she said, pulling her mouth into a rueful grin. “Although these sheets are pretty dirty now too, I’ll have to find a spare set somewhere in the pile out there,” she sighed.
And I laughed
a deep belly laugh then. These sheets were more than a little dirty, they were positively disgusting with our sex fluid. I’d come, she’d come, there were droplets of pussy juice and semen everywhere, not to mention the huge pool of sperm she’d been lapping not minutes before.
But there were more important things than laundry to think about now, so I tried to get to know her a bit despite the fact that we’d just fucked each other silly.
“So, where you from?” I asked casually. This was a pretty common question, no one was actually from New York and I didn’t think it’d set off any warning bells.
But this girl was different.
“Um, the Upper East Side,” she hedged, not looking at me.
Okay, that was fine. Being a rich kid from UES was no problem, you couldn’t help what you were born into. But I could tell Laurie didn’t want to talk about it, so I went in another direction instead.
“What do you do for work?” I asked again, curious about the beautiful girl. Her job obviously couldn’t pay much, this place was really small and old, although it was spic and span. But I wanted to keep things light and besides, New Yorkers always ask each other about their jobs, sometimes even sharing salary information with complete strangers.
“I work for the City,” she said softly, looking at me. “Have you heard of HRA? We administer things like SNAP and public assistance.”
Oh fuck. Ms. Holmes was a real do-gooder because HRA stands for Human Resources Administration and SNAP was the City’s name for food stamps. Laurie was definitely into helping the downtrodden.
“So how’s the job?” I asked. “You’re probably an angel at work,” I added, “So many people must appreciate you.” Because although I never talked about it, once upon a time my family had used food stamps, there’d been a few times when we didn’t have enough to eat and the extra had filled a much-needed void.
And she smiled at me then.
“I do translation work,” she explained. “There are so many people who don’t speak English but need help accessing public benefits, so I help translate signs and brochures into different languages so that we can reach all New Yorkers.”
I cocked my head at her.
“And which language do you translate into?” I asked.
She bit her lip.
“Spanish … and Mandarin Chinese,” she said.
I whistled through my teeth. Holy shit, this was one smart girl. If she’d said Spanish, I would have been duly impressed with that alone, being a one language guy myself. Shit, I barely even speak English sometimes, so Laurie was already one up on me.
But Spanish and Chinese? That was fucking impressive. The two languages are nothing alike and it only confirmed my assessment that there was a lot more to this girl than met the eye. Despite living in this humble apartment, she had to have a rich background because you can’t learn Chinese without going to some fancy immersion classes, without taking a trip to some Asian country. So I just whistled again.
“How’d you pick those languages up?” I asked. I expected the brunette to babble on and on about exotic trips abroad, how she had friends who lived in far-flung locales and went on fancy jaunts. But instead, she shook her head.
“Rosetta Stone,” she replied, referring to the tapes that any John, Dick or Harry could buy for a hundred bucks a pop. “I listened to the recordings over and over again until I was fluent.”
Now I was definitely impressed, revising my initial impression of the brunette. She’d been able to learn not one, but two languages from listening to tapes? Holy shit, that put most college students to shame. And as if reading my mind, Laurie nodded.
“Yeah, we didn’t have enough money for me to go to college, not even community college, so I went the next best route. I bought some tapes with my savings and just kept listening to them until I was fluent. I practiced here and there with my neighbors, the people who owned a bodega on the corner, and soon I was good enough so that when I applied for a job with HRA, I passed the translation test with flying colors.”
I nodded, really impressed. Shit, Laurie was the real thing. I’d come in for a quick fuck because the woman was just my type with a curvy body and horny, slutty ways, but I’d stumbled upon a gold mine by accident. The brunette was smart, resourceful, sweet, and not at all stuck-up, helping new immigrants access public resources.
And I growled again, barely able to believe my luck, but I had no time to process it just now.
“Listen, what happened was amazing and I’d love to chat with you more, but I gotta fly,” I said, checking my watch. NYC Concierge tracked us with a fucking GPS service and they could always see where we were, how long we stayed at each stop. And right now, I was already way over my limit, if someone was watching there’d be some hard questions to answer once I got back. “I gotta jet, okay? It’s been great, but it’s my ass if I don’t.”
And the girl nodded slowly, watching with wide eyes as I hauled my massive form off the bed, fumbling for my boxers, pulling on the grey jacket and baseball cap. Yep, I was just the delivery man, anonymous in nondescript clothes. But I didn’t want this to be fly-by-night, so I leaned down and kissed her, pressed my lips against her soft, plush ones, the pink pout opening slightly, inhaling the sweet scent of her breath.
And fuck, but Laurie was so delicious, so curvy and nubile on that bed, still nude, still flashing her tits and cunt that I almost ripped off my clothes and jumped back in with her, ready to stroke, to take, to devour. But I couldn’t. Fucking Homer from Human Resources was going to be on me if I didn’t get my ass moving, so I forced myself to stride into the living room and pick up my bag by the door, the canvas grimy and careworn.
The brunette followed me out, this time wrapping herself in a bedsheet, her curvy form only highlighted by the swaths of cloth.
“Thanks for delivering my package,” she said softly, those caramel eyes warm, limpid, nodding to the brown box lying on its side on the floor.
And I bent to kiss her again, breathing deeply of the essence of this woman.
“No prob,” I rumbled, my eyes alive as I took in that sweet, sweet figure. “No prob at all.”
And just like that I was gone, taking big steps down the stairwell as the door closed softly behind me. But what Laurie didn’t realize was that I had every intention of seeing her again. I’d made my delivery, sure, deposited loads of my semen onto her, spraying that curvy form with creamy, viscous white … but I hadn’t gotten into her body yet and couldn’t wait to begin.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Laurie
I sat at my desk, my chin propped in my hands, staring at the gray acrylic fabric while seeing nothing.
“Laurie, Laurie, Earth to Laurie,” chimed my friend Tanya.
I sighed, spinning my chair around. Tanya stood in the doorway to my cube, her scrawny frame propped up against one of the cube walls.
“Tan, you gotta be careful,” I sighed again. “I know you weigh like ninety pounds, but these are cubes, not real offices. If you lean against the wall like that, it’s gonna collapse and you’re gonna be in a pile on the floor.”
Tanya snorted while twirling a piece of frizzy blonde hair. The tiny woman was one of my most beloved friends and had a funky style all her own. She mixed and matched her clothes, coming up with eclectic combinations that clashed but somehow worked. And she always, always wore a pair of statement glasses. Today’s frames were angular and purple, almost like goggles if you asked me but hey, that was Tanya.
And you couldn’t keep my friend down, especially not when she was feeling sassy.
“Good, if this thing collapses and I get injured, then I can file for workers’ comp and retire on the payments,” she snorted. But the blonde straightened, taking her weight off the gray fabric at least.
“How was yesterday?” she asked, a concerned look sweeping over her face. “Your move go okay?”
My friend was the only person at work who knew about the horrible betrayal by Gary, so she was asking with good intentions, i
nquiring into the fucked-up soap opera that was my life. But how to explain? That Gary had been blown out of my head, my heart, by one amazing experience with a stranger? That I’d let the delivery man come in and fuck me so hard, so thoroughly that I didn’t care about Gary anymore, my past be damned?
But that was hardly a PC answer especially with a million people buzzing away in the cubes around us. So I just smiled and said lightly, “Yeah, I survived. It sucked moving things five stories up without an elevator because I probably strained my back, but I survived.”
And Tanya just laughed then.
“Tell you what, we both file for workers’ comp and then take a vacation together. How about it, hon? Whaddya say?” she asked, crossing her eyes at me.
And I had to laugh then. We’d be such a cliché, government employees who milked the system for all it was worth, getting disability checks while sunning ourselves on a Caribbean cruise. But I knew my friend was joking so I giggled again.
“Nah, I’m okay, I’ll survive,” I said. “But listen, what does Saunders want with us today? I thought our signs were really great, I mean people don’t need that much help with restroom directions.”
I was talking about the icons we’d designed with the outline of a man and a woman on them, along with the words “washroom” in various languages. They’d be mounted in various government buildings like City Hall and the public library, but honestly, you don’t need translation for this stuff. People can already tell from the pictures which one is “Men’s” and which one is “Women’s.” But our boss was an idiot of Dilbert-like proportions and didn’t hesitate to create unnecessary work, making things up just to drive us crazy. And Tanya didn’t hesitate to mince words either, nailing it on the head.
“That fucker has lost his mind,” she whispered, rolling her eyes. “Saunders is such a fucking douche, always wanting us to stay late yet yelling at us to ‘be more productive.’”
The Billionaire's Kitten: A Fake Marriage Romance Page 42