When Light Leads to You

by C. R. Ellis

  “It’s…I can’t…no words…” I trailed off, shaking my head and looking down to watch as Dean’s hips pulled back and rocked into me. Each thrust was the best possible combination of bliss and torture. Bliss because the way he read my body and anticipated exactly what I needed—faster, slower, harder, softer—was something I’d never experienced before. Torture because I knew sex with Dean was slowly ruining me for any other kind.

  And that was a terrifying thought.

  “That’s right. Feel it, Jas. The way this feeling isn’t something words can describe,” he said, moving at a slower, sweeter, very un-Dean-like pace.

  I nodded, lacing my fingers together behind his head to pull him down for a kiss.

  “So fucking good,” he murmured against my lips, building his pace back up, and consequently drawing out my orgasm.

  “Oh, my God. Dean,” I begged, my stomach clenching as I felt myself pulse around him. I flexed my legs and rocked up as much as I could. I’d never before felt the need to chase an orgasm this way, but I was desperate. He made me desperate. I bit my lip and locked onto Dean’s eyes. “I’m close.”

  Sensing exactly what I needed, he swiftly leaned back and pushed onto his knees, my legs now braced against his shoulders. The position didn’t give me much more mobility, but I didn’t need it. Not with the precision and intensity of Dean’s movements.

  Dean’s eyes dropped so he could watch himself fucking me. I followed his gaze and watched as he pumped his hips. Seeing it—us—was enough to drive me right over the edge.

  I moaned his name as the pleasure hit full-force.

  This, my orgasm—or, more accurately my Deangasm—was all-consuming. It was the same feeling I got from kissing him, only ten times more intense. It made me shake and bite my lip. I gripped the sheets and mumbled nonsense and profanity like they were the only words I knew. They practically were at this point; that’s how jumbled my brain was.

  I felt him everywhere. In my head. In my bones.

  In my heart.

  “You’re so beautiful when you come, Jas,” he panted, watching me intently.

  Those words were enough to start the orgasm cycle all over again.

  My expression must’ve relayed this to Dean because he brought a hand down on me, applying just the right amount of pressure on my clit as his thrusts picked up steam.

  “Keep going,” I begged. I could see the light at the end of my Deangasm tunnel, and it was closing in on me.

  Three more swift pumps, and we were both crying out together, our releases seconds apart.

  He pulled out after a minute, and I immediately wondered how much recovery time he’d need before we could go again. Jesus, he’s turned me into a sex addict. Well, more of a sex addict.

  After disposing of the condom, he crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around me. I’d never really been the cuddle-after-sex type, but that’s all I wanted to do right now with Dean. Well, that or have more sex. Because Deangasms were a thing now, and they were fan-fucking-tastic.

  “That was the first time you’ve told me I’m beautiful,” I said, tracing patterns along his chest.

  “What?” he sputtered.

  Shit. Was that a weird thing to say?

  “Um, it’s not a big deal,” I quickly backtracked.

  He froze and leaned over me to flip on his lamp. With the light on, he turned to me wearing an intense frown that produced two lines between his brows. “Are you serious? That can’t be right. Not even before…?”

  We were on our sides now, face-to-face, him studying me intensely while I considered his question for a few seconds. I racked my brain for a memory of him saying anything to that effect, but came up empty.

  “I’m pretty sure, yeah. Dean, it’s really not a big deal. I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’ve kinda spent the last several years actively avoiding opportunities to speak. Plus, it’s not like I thought you hated the way I look. I mean, you can’t exactly fake the boner reaction to a person’s looks.”

  He cupped my face and held me in place. “It is a big deal, Jas. It’s a huge deal. Of course I think you’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful to me.”

  I laughed. “Let’s not get carried away. I had the body of a pre-pubescent boy until I finally got tits and modest curves. You and I both know there was nothing beautiful about thirteen-year-old Jasmine.”

  His head shook, and he brought his lips down on mine for a quick kiss. “That’s not true. Your heart, Jas. It’s always been beautiful.” He ducked down and pressed kisses all over both of my breasts before coming back up. His gaze lingered south of my face, and he lifted his hands to cover a breast with each hand. “Nothing against these masterpieces, but they’re not even my favorite part of you.”

  “Why are you covering them?” I laughed and pushed them together, creating a little more cleavage. “It’s not like they can hear you.”

  “You don’t know that. But seriously,” he said, drawing my eyes back up. “Jasmine, you are gorgeous. Stunning. Exquisite. So pretty. A total knockout. And I’m sorry I haven’t told you before now. I’m an idiot.”

  I smiled and brought my hand up to stroke his cheek. “Well, you’re a sweet idiot. When you’re not being a cocky idiot,” I quipped.

  He laughed and gave my tits a squeeze before pulling me into his body.

  For a while, we just laid together—Dean planting kisses on my head every so often, and me tracing figure eights on the inside of his forearm.

  “Jesus Christ,” he mumbled suddenly, letting out a chuckle.

  “What?”

  “I said the words ‘you’re so beautiful’ to you for the first time, and then immediately followed it up with ‘when you come.’ Could I be any more of an asshole?” he asked with another laugh.

  I laughed with him and shook my head against the crook of his neck. “You’re really beating yourself up here, huh? Have I even told you how beautiful you are?”

  “No, but that’s different. You’ve said other things that convey that sentiment. You look at me, and I can see it in your eyes.”

  “Dean, you’re over thinking this. You look at—”

  He shifted my body and pressed a finger to my lips. “No. I’m fixing this. No more talking from you. Okay?” He paused so I could nod in agreement, but didn’t remove his finger. When I did, he adjusted our bodies so we were face-to-face again, this time gently tracing a finger over my collar bone, down my shoulder and arm.

  “You’re beautiful when you smile. You’re beautiful when you laugh. You’re beautiful when you’re happy. You’re beautiful when you’re thinking really hard about something. You’re beautiful when you sleep, and even when you’re grumpy in the mornings. You’re beautiful when you sing, even though you can’t carry a tune to save your life. You’re beautiful when you’re mad at me, and especially when you scowl at me. And you’re really fucking beautiful when you look at me like you are now,” he finished, keeping his eyes locked with mine until I leaned onto my forearm and grabbed his face with the other hand, bringing our mouths together.

  With this kiss, I wanted Dean to feel me echo everything he’d just said to me. I wanted him to know how beautiful he made me feel.

  When Dean finally pulled back, it wasn’t because he was finished kissing me.

  He just had other plans for where he wanted to kiss me.

  Chapter 23

  Jasmine

  The list used to include Dean Preston. Now it’s down to dessert and alcohol.

  Jasmine Winters’ list of areas in which she’s able to maintain self-control

  I watched Dean move around his kitchen, effortlessly making a breakfast I would’ve ruined by now. I “borrowed” another NYPD shirt from Dean after he turned the last one into a vest. He wasn’t getting this shirt back, either. I just had to make sure he didn’t go all caveman on me and rip this one off too. I was lost in my thoughts, but couldn’t take my eyes off of Dean’s tan, shirtless body as he cooked our breakfast.

&
nbsp; I studied his back and shoulder muscles while he worked, weighing my desire for him against my desire for breakfast. The ripples of his muscles were more enticing than the bacon he was cooking—and that’s saying something, because bacon is like sex in food form; even if you regret it later, it’s so damn delicious at the time that you just don’t care how you’ll feel later.

  He glanced my way and caught me staring. “Like what you see?” he asked, flipping a pancake with one hand and then bacon with the other.

  “I always enjoy the sight of sizzling bacon. It is a little distracting to have you shirtless in the same line of sight though,” I teased, dipping my fingers into the remaining pancake batter.

  He smirked, but it was short-lived when I smeared the pancake mixture all over his face and neck. I laughed and took a step back. His green eyes widened in disbelief.

  Jasmine 1, Dean 0.

  His eyes stayed on mine as his hands slowly turned off the griddle and stove. He moved toward the bowl of batter and gripped it.

  “I cannot believe you just did that.” He wiped away some of the batter, but it continued to drip down his throat and onto his chest. I had the strongest urge to fling myself against him and lick the batter off.

  I gulped and took another step back, though it didn’t do much good when he took one large step toward me. My eyes went wide while his glinted with humor.

  Knowing payback was inevitable, I slowly pulled my arms into the shirt to take it off. It was my only line of defense against the batter, but it was now my shirt, and I didn’t want it to become a casualty of war. Plus, after how much appreciation he’d shown my tits this morning, it was worth a shot to see if they could distract him enough to drop the batter.

  “Uh, what…the hell are you doing?” he asked as his eyes traveled the length of my torso, his hands still wrapped around the bowl like he was about to toss it on me.

  “You already ruined one shirt I was planning to keep; I’m not letting this one go down too.” I pulled it off and tossed it to his couch, out of the danger zone. Would he still get me back if I flung myself onto his couch, too? Probably.

  He laughed. “And here I thought you were just trying to distract me.”

  “Oh, well, that too. Is it working?” I asked, thankful the kitchen island still separated us by a few feet.

  “Not in the way you’re hoping for.”

  Dean sidestepped around the island to bring himself to my side.

  Fuckballs.

  He smiled and dipped his fingers in the batter slowly, one by one. Could he be any hotter? I wanted to lick each one of his long, perfectly skilled fingers. But something told me he was on a mission for payback. After snapping back to reality, I made a dash for the bedroom.

  He was faster and closed the distance between us, engulfing me in his free arm. I wiggled futilely, only succeeding in transferring some of the batter from his chest to my back.

  He made a tsk-tsk sound against my ear. “Looks like the tables have turned, Goldie,” he murmured. I was already more turned on than wary of his payback, so I was momentarily distracted by the familiar pulsating desire between my legs when he brought his batter-covered hand up and smeared it all over my chest and neck.

  I shrieked when the coolness of the batter hit my skin. “Ugggghh!” I didn’t even have time to get used to the feeling before his mouth came down on my neck and licked the batter off.

  I spun around in his arms, seeking his mouth with mine. I’d planned to find the bowl of batter and pour it on him, but all thoughts of our pancake batter battle were lost as soon as his mouth hit my skin. Instead, I launched myself against him, and he scooped me up to match his height. We were chest-to-chest, batter drying into crusty goo on our skin, but that didn’t matter.

  “Never start something you can’t finish, Jas,” he said between kisses, laying me back onto his island.

  I smiled. “How do you know this isn’t the ending I was counting on?”

  “I should probably call Jade and get my key from her soon. And, not that I want this morning to end, but shouldn’t you be going to work soon?”

  Dean wrapped his towel around his hips and flashed me that panty-melting smile. “I wasn’t scheduled to come back from New York until today, so I figured I’d play hooky.”

  “Really?” I squealed, feeling excitement bubble up at the thought of keeping Dean all to myself for the whole day.

  “I have a small confession regarding your key,” he admitted, smiling sheepishly. “I actually have it. I forgot that Jade left her copy of your key here when she moved out, and by the time I remembered last night, you were already passed out.”

  My jaw dropped. I should’ve been freaked out that Dean had access to my apartment key all this time, but I wasn’t. It kind of freaked me out that I wasn’t freaked out. Up until very recently, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sleep with him or smother him. And, truthfully, I knew those two wouldn’t be mutually exclusive going forward.

  But when his emerald green eyes locked onto mine and softened, I couldn’t help feeling like this was how it was meant to be.

  He cupped my face and brushed his nose against mine. “Hey. You’re not mad, are you? I’m sorry I didn’t give your key back to Jade.”

  “No. As long as you weren’t using it to watch me sleep.”

  He rolled his eyes, but his lips tilted up. “Only once or twice.”

  “That’s not creepy at all.” I smiled, throwing my arms around his neck. “I suppose I can forgive you on one condition.”

  “Anything,” he acquiesced, kissing the top of my head.

  “You have to finish making breakfast. I’m about to get hangry.”

  He laughed. “I think I can manage that. As long as you aren’t giving me come fuck me eyes.”

  I faux-gasped and grabbed the spare key from his hand. “I would never!”

  “Babe,” he deadpanned.

  “Well, not when I’m this hungry, anyway.”

  Dean wouldn’t tell me what he’d come up with for us to do, only that I shouldn’t wear heels. So I went casual with a tank top, jeans, and turquoise Converse. Motivated by my desire for the bacon I could practically smell from my apartment, I quickly threw on some makeup and straightened my hair before heading back across the hall.

  A furrowed brow and frown weighed heavily on Dean’s features as I walked into the kitchen. I followed his gaze in time to see that his annoyance was directed at his vibrating cell phone.

  “Dean? What’s wrong?” I asked, drawing his attention.

  His scowl disappeared, and he immediately pulled me in for a kiss. “Nothing now.”

  I lifted a brow.

  He sighed and tightened his grip on my waist. “Natasha has called a couple of times since last night. I was hoping to put off talking to her again until after Nate leaves to come visit.”

  Fucking Natasha.

  “Do you know what she wants?” I asked, forcing my jaw to unclench.

  “No. But she left a voicemail. Here, let’s listen.”

  He put his phone on speaker after pushing play on her message.

  “I just wanted to say thank you again, for dinner the other night. I really enjoyed reminiscing about all the good times we had. I was thinking maybe we could take a trip to the Hamptons when you come up to move Nathan. I’m sure Charlie would give you a couple extra days off if he knows it’s for Nathan. Of course, I know Nate can’t go to parties, but it would still be a fun little getaway. Anyway, let me know, darling! Talk soon.”

  I didn’t know which bothered me more—the part about them reminiscing, or the way she was obviously comfortable enough with whatever the status of their relationship was to ask him on a fucking trip.

  Dean read my mind and immediately grabbed my hand and glued his eyes to mine. “Dinner was for Nate’s graduation. I didn’t reminisce, she did. I swear, Jas. Nothing happened.”

  The sincerity in Dean’s eyes refused to let me doubt his words.

  “What about the other times
? It just seems like you’ve gone up there an awful lot.”

  “No. I haven’t touched her since we broke up last fall. You have to know the only reason she’s still in my life is for Nate’s sake.” He paused, moving his hands up to my neck and tracing his thumb across my cheek. “You’re right, I have gone to New York a lot. Probably too many times. It’s just…I’ve been worried about him. In January, he was out with some friends who thought it would be cool to shoplift. He would’ve gotten arrested if not for the fact that an old friend of mine from the academy was the arresting officer. He knew who Nate was and called me. Fortunately, I was able to get it all worked out, and he was released into Natasha’s custody without anything official going in his file. I guess I’ve just been a little paranoid since then.”

  Holy shit.

  I knew Dean compensated for losing Lilly by being overly-protective of those he cared about. After hearing that, I couldn’t blame him.

  But still, he needed to know Natasha was a hard limit for me.

  “Dean, I understand why you’re protective of Nate. After everything you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s a smart kid who had the misfortune of making the wrong friends. But you have to know…Natasha is totally using Nate as a way to keep you in her life. You see that, right?”

  He paused, like he was searching for the right answer.

  “You also have to know that I’m not okay with it. I don’t want to be that girl who forbids you from seeing her, but I just…” I trailed off, squeezing my eyes shut on a sigh. “Can you understand how this feels from my perspective?” I asked, peeling my eyes back open.

  “Of course,” he said immediately. “I can fully understand your perspective, Jasmine. I haven’t exactly given you an abundance of reasons to trust me. Obviously, I’ll set her straight and make sure she understands we’re never getting back together. But I can’t promise that I won’t have to go up again between now and moving Nate to Boston. Would it help for you to come with me?”

  I hesitated, considering his suggestion when another idea occurred to me. “What if there was an easier solution? What if Nate just stayed in Texas for the whole summer? You’d be completely free of Natasha, and I’d have longer to get to know him. And you’d get to spend more time with him, obviously.”