Their scents mingled. He couldn’t smell it, but she could. It was…pleasant. More than pleasant. It felt familiar, real.
He relaxed back onto the cot, hugging her to him as he lay flat. He didn’t radiate a satisfied afterglow. She didn’t either. What they’d done was an urgent form of support and mutual attraction. But it would complicate their life.
Under her ear, his heart hammered a steady beat. He stroked her bare back. She might get chilly in a few minutes, but for now, she was surprised steam wasn’t rising from them.
“I feel like you’re thinking what I’m thinking,” she said.
He chuckled. “That this was great, I want to do it again, and oh my God, what about our kids?”
She giggled. The weight of the last two decades slipped away, but new weight was piled in its place. “Yes.” She propped herself up on his chest. “I don’t know how they’d take it.”
“They’re going to take my memories, Armana. I might not remember any of this in a week or a month.” He massaged circles in her back that were deceptive in their normalcy, as if nothing was wrong. “I don’t want to forget you, but if I don’t have to tell Cassie and make her worry, then I won’t. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I don’t relish telling my son who hasn’t completely forgiven me that I’m sleeping with his mate’s dad.”
“Then this is between us? For now, until we know what’s going on?”
She traced her fingers along his jaw, her new favorite hobby. “Tonight is between us. But just know, it’s not so I can go laugh about you to anyone. I’m with you like this because you’ve won me over. I like being with you. And I like sex—with you.”
The corner of his mouth hitched. “You might have to tell me a few more times.”
They might not have to rotate shifts keeping watch. They were going to be awake. For one night, she threw caution out the window and took what she wanted.
Chapter Seven
Gray held the door open for Armana with a crutch. She breezed out, giving him a saucy look. He didn’t need a shifter’s senses to tell him the sway of her hips was exaggerated, and he liked it.
He closed the door and descended the stairs to stand beside her. His gaze caressed her face. “It’s going to be hard to pretend we’re nothing more than friends with survival in common.”
“Yes, it will.” Did the sadness in her eyes match his own?
Probably. He couldn’t risk Cassie questioning his stability by questioning his decision to sleep—or not sleep—with her mother-in-law. He definitely couldn’t risk Armana’s relationship with Jace.
Gray didn’t care much what Jace thought about him, as long as he didn’t try to interfere with his relationship with his daughter. But Armana would need Cassie’s good opinion in order to heal the rift between her and her son.
Family drama sucked and Gray wasn’t going to leave Armana and their kids to wade through it all while he went back to eating supper alone at his tiny kitchen table, oblivious to the paranormal world around him.
He wanted one more kiss from Armana, but they had to meet the Guardians at the base of the trail. One kiss wouldn’t be enough when he’d found pure bliss in her body not an hour ago.
She’d mentioned their scents mingling already because they’d been so close together for the last couple of days, but she hoped the desire would fade as they sweated their way down the trail. Yet they couldn’t stop themselves. He’d been in that rickety folding chair and she’d crawled on top of him.
Geez, he felt nineteen again. Old enough to discover the wonders of sex and be able to do something about it. But they had to hide it from their children like they were nothing more than teens hiding from their parents.
His ankle felt better after a night of moderate rest. It’d been propped up, even during all the…activity. The food hadn’t been tasty, but it’d been more than edible and he started down the trail recharged, with no whispers in his head.
Armana stayed behind him like when they’d come up the trail. The narrow dirt path was wide enough for his feet, and the terrain was flat enough for his crutches to find purchase.
They worked their way down slowly. Armana didn’t prod him on. It was like they were both resisting the end to their forced rendezvous. Birds chirped around them and the canopy of leaves saved them from the worst of the sun’s rays. The parking lot was almost in sight.
“Jace?” Armana sidled around Gray without disturbing his trek. “There are two of them waiting for us and one is Jace.”
Gray increased his pace. Armana wasn’t going far from him, but both of them wanted to know if Jace’s presence meant the cause of the danger had been removed.
As the trees thinned close to the trailhead, another vehicle came into view. A black SUV, like what the Guardians preferred to drive. Jace came around the front, his icy gaze landing on them immediately.
Jace nodded to someone in the direction of the car Armana had ditched. Gray ducked his head to see what was going on without losing his footing. An unfamiliar man was jimmying the lock on the driver’s side. A triumphant look crossed his face and he opened the door. After he got in, the engine started and he drove off.
The bodies had to be smelling by now. Or maybe not. Gray didn’t know anything about dead bodies. Did shifters have their own decomposition timeline?
Armana crossed to Jace, her arms folded, but instead of seeming standoffish or defensive, Gray thought it looked she was trying not to tackle him with a hug. “Jace. Is it over?”
Jace inclined his head, his expression grim. “It is.”
Chapter Eight
Armana rolled to her side and dragged the comforter over her. Then kicked it back off. She sighed and changed positions to her other side.
She couldn’t sleep. In her small square room with only one dresser and a two-foot-by-two-foot closet, there was nothing else to do on these restless nights.
She knew what she wanted to do. But Gray was in the guest bedroom in Jace’s cabin.
It was over. She should be at peace, but she wasn’t, not while Gray’s fate hung in the balance. Paralleling that concern was her pride in Jace and his ability to pursue the flesh traders and shut them down.
Her son had to leave soon to track down the victims who had been sold before the Guardians had caught up with the traders and “cleaved through them like butter,” to quote Jace. He also thought this wasn’t the end of the trouble they’d face. He suspected the trafficking ring had burrowed into their people, using greed and power to spread like a disease.
Of course there’d be more. There were always more bad guys to chase. More rogues going feral. The eternal struggle to keep their people’s secrets. Sometimes she missed her role in it all, when she’d been useful to Bane. To keep watch over his pack, he’d often relied on her observations—which mates were arguing, whose young would leave to start packs of their own, which pups were simply hotheads or actively fomenting discord—as well as her advice on how best to use the information she provided.
As technology had advanced, she’d embraced it to communicate with other packs, essentially running background checks on all new arrivals wishing to becoming members of the pack—or those who’d suddenly left for other packs. She liked to think she’d laid the foundation for the current ways packs connected to disseminate information.
Talking to Gray gave her some of that level of importance, of being needed, back. The intimacy was another part of her past she missed.
If her son ever found out… It’s not that she wasn’t an adult and couldn’t have sex with who she wanted. They were shifters and they relished the skin they were born in. It was that it had the potential to hurt Cassie, and she knew it, and that was what Jace wouldn’t take lightly. He might see it as a slight against him and how much she really cared for him when she seduced Gray within a day of knowing him.
She couldn’t deny how much she’d hurt her son when she’d abandoned him to the human prison system and hadn’t even sto
pped in for a visit. When he’d been arrested, she’d taken Maggie, shuttered the windows, and unplugged her phone. He’d be justified doing the same to her if he found out about her and Gray.
Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she sat up. Might as well go for a run. The grounds weren’t silent during the night. The Guardians had incorporated vampire trainees, but a gym with barracks had been built on another part of the property to keep the night and day creatures functioning without disturbing the much-needed rest of either.
She kept on her nightshirt and walked through the quiet lodge. Hanging her top on a hook by the front door, she waited to shift until she got outside. Flowing into her wolf, she stretched on her haunches, then took off at an easy pace.
As she loped through the trees, up and over hills, the fresh night air invigorated her. For so many years, she’d missed this. The freedom. The exhilaration of physical feats her human form couldn’t accomplish.
Picking up her speed, she bounded through the woods, keeping her senses open for danger, whether it was from rogues like what Jace and the other Guardians hunted or the random camper popping up unexpectedly.
She detected nothing.
She slowed.
She turned and trotted back in the direction she’d come and thought about the real issue keeping her awake. Gray was safe. She’d been around long enough that she knew no matter how much Commander Fitzsimmons argued for Gray’s dependability, the Synod would adhere to the one major rule they existed under.
No humans shall learn of their existence. Only mates were given a pass, and that had been a recent development. Some members of the former government that Commander Fitzsimmons helped overthrow had hunted human mates. Species purity, they’d claimed. Keep our bloodlines strong, they’d touted.
Bane had detested human mates. More to protect, more mouths to feed who couldn’t hunt for themselves. It didn’t help that many human mates were females and Bane had been a male of his time, complete with many of the stereotypes. She was grateful Jace had been too young when Bane died to remember any of Bane’s complaints and insults toward human mates.
They hadn’t talked about Bane and Keve since they’d reunited. When Jace was younger, he’d asked questions. Armana had answered succinctly until Jace’s curiosity was sated or he’d gotten discouraged and quit asking.
The trip back took longer. She must’ve covered a couple of winding miles and now she meandered.
Her head wasn’t clear, but she felt better and maybe could get some sleep. She wove through the cabins. No one was up and moving. The security patrols had stayed out of her way. They’d know it was her, and a shifter going for a midnight run was nothing unusual.
She was almost to the lodge when footsteps crunching on the gravel disturbed the night. She listened, but security wasn’t rushing to handle the situation.
Without changing forms, she made an arc around the lodge. A long figure strolled along the unpaved road leading away from the lodge. Gray had his head tipped back, going slow on his crutches, like he was gleaning information from the stars.
She decided against changing back to her other form. Her nudity wouldn’t keep a relaxed atmosphere between them, and after their flight for survival, he should be moderately accustomed to her wolf.
He whipped around when she was feet away. The surprise on his face was almost comical when it melted into relief.
“Armana.” He put his hand on his chest. “I think I was an inch away from a heart attack.” His voice was low, like he didn’t want to upset the peace surrounding them. “Couldn’t sleep, either?”
He continued his walk. She fell in beside him.
“Jace said the commander wants to see me in the morning. He wasn’t…hopeful.”
She wished she could express how critical it was for their people to maintain their strict standards of safety and secrecy. But it’d fall flat. He wasn’t a threat to them. He could be, unknowingly, but then they all could.
He was a person, someone they all cared about. In her short time with him, she’d come to see him as…a friend? More than a friend, of course, with how they’d behaved last night. But she could so easily rely on him.
It’d been so long since she’d had a partner in life. She didn’t need one, but it was nice.
It’d been so long since she’d had a friend. A real friend. During the last twenty years, she’d kept all her acquaintances at arm’s length. She’d gone to birthday parties, baby showers, and even a wedding or two. She’d attended office retirements and going-away bashes, but in each instance, if she hadn’t attended, it would’ve gone unnoticed.
She hadn’t been important to anyone except Maggie, and while it was still true, Maggie had her own mate, her own life, and was making her own friends.
Walking with Gray tonight was more than nice. It reminded Armana that she needed to get back into the world. She needed to matter again.
She’d gone from young and idealistic to a leader’s mate to a mother to…nothing. A shadow that drifted through other people’s worlds and barely made them blink.
Good thing she’d stayed in her wolf form. Tears might moisten her eyes and Gray might ask her what was wrong. She wasn’t confident she could tell him without sobbing.
She hadn’t cried since the night she’d buried her mate and son. The other half of her soul had gotten ripped away from her and only desperation had helped her survive it.
Her need to survive was over. The only choice was to wither away from her nothingness or thrive.
The only problem was she didn’t know how to do either one.
***
Gray pushed his eggs around his plate. He should eat but food tasted like ash and his stomach was clear about its lack of desire for sustenance.
Cassie was doing the same on his right. Her mate had shoveled his food in and cleaned up his spot. Jace was in the other room, cleaning and gathering his equipment. Gray suspected Jace was giving him time with Cassie.
Gray would’ve rather stayed somewhere else last night and let the couple have their personal reunion in private. Cassie and Jace had disappeared for a couple of hours after he was done at the lodge. By the time they’d gotten back, Gray had made himself scarce, holing himself up in the guest room with a book.
He hadn’t seen a word of it even though he’d stared at it for hours. The voices had bugged him.
They don’t want you here.
You’re a nuisance.
Crazy old man.
That voice he hated the most. It had popped up after he turned forty-five. He had that damn voice to thank for his rigid workout regimen. He’d made it through three decades with his disease, but that voice grew along with his fear of truly becoming a crazy old man.
At least his daughter wouldn’t be alone, no matter what happened to him. Cassie had found herself a good man…a good shifter. Jace looked like a thug who’d jump you for your wallet and keys. But he was a levelheaded young man. Cassie had explained the rash decision he’d made when he was younger that had landed him in prison. As a father to a young girl, Gray couldn’t hold it against the guy for what he’d done.
If Jace thought trouble could come at them again, Gray hoped the powers that be listened to him. Selfishly, it also meant he could hold on to his memories longer, be around his daughter more, and…be close to Armana.
Leaving bothered him. Forgetting this beautiful place with its supernatural creatures who took care of his daughter and regular people like him, not being a full part of Cassie’s life, tore him in two. All he’d gone through the last few days he’d do over again because for the first time since she was a little girl, he’d had a solid role in her life. He knew her, not the Cassie she orchestrated for his benefit.
A mournful sigh pulled him out of his thoughts.
“Peanut?”
She placed her fork next to her plate and propped her cheek in her hand with her elbow on the table. “This sucks, Dad.”
He smiled and hoped it didn’t look as empty as
it felt. “I know. And if we go back to the way it was before, just know that I’ll take whatever you can give me. I might not understand why I can’t visit here or see your home. I’ll try to understand why you don’t visit often, but it doesn’t matter. Having you safe has always been my priority.”
In those frantic days when they’d been living off the grid, her safety had been paramount. One reason his condition had deteriorated so badly was because the reality of raising her on his own had made his mind buckle.
Her eyes glistened. “God, Dad. You know I’m not an emotional person, but this is killing me. I like having you around and it doesn’t seem fair.”
Tears broke free and rolled down her cheek. She swiped at them but ended up burying her face in her hands.
Gray expected Jace to rush in, but his commitment to giving them space was strong. Gray scooted his chair around and gathered Cassie to him, holding her like he’d done when her mom had died.
He didn’t bother blinking back his own tears. Cassie had nailed it. It wasn’t fair. He’d found the woman of his dreams, had the prefect child, and within months he’d lost them both. Years later, he’d gotten his daughter back, only to partially lose her again. The only solace he took in any of it was that it wasn’t his mind that had failed him this time.
But there was the apprehension that it’d fail him afterward, when it was critical he maintain the status quo. For his daughter’s sake.
He clasped his hands around her shoulders. Her sobbing decreased until she fell quiet. They hugged each other for several minutes before Jace cleared his throat from the kitchen entrance.
“Time to go.” Jace’s gaze was glued to Cassie and his arms were crossed. He wanted to go to his mate.
A Shifter's Second Chance Page 10