by Pentabu
I find myself being greeted by a topless young man instead.
When I saw that a site labeled “cake recipes” was added to my favorites,
I opened it thinking, “Are you actually going to bake me a cake, Y-ko?”
Instead, I was treated to men locked in a writhing embrace.
I’ll never forget the despair I felt at that moment.
You get the idea.
My concentration was entirely focused on my computer.
But.
Just recently, when I was doing some studying for class,
I needed to check something within the Six Codes of Japanese law.
Normally, when studying, I go to my large textbooks,
but on a whim, I decided to pull out my pocket edition instead.
For a pocket edition, it’s actually rather large—not a size you could actually fit into your pocket.
The books come in a case, too.
I walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out the pocket edition of the Six Codes.
Nice and light. So much more handy to carry.
As I turned the case over to shake the contents out…
Roy x Ed
Boy’s School Love
Academy Heaven
BE x BOY GOLD
… Yes, I see.
And what happened to what actually belongs in there?
Trivial battles.
2006/03/27 15:57
The other day at Y-ko’s place
when I saw yet another of her BL publications sitting on the table,
I asked something that had been weighing on my mind rather persistently.
ME: Don’t you ever get bored of always reading these pornographic comics?
Y-KO: What? Don’t call them that!
ME: … But that’s basically what they are.
Y-KO: No, they’re not! You idiot! You colossal idiot!
ME: Idiot…?
You don’t need to go that far…
Y-KO: Besides, you read that stuff, too, don’t you?!
ME: Not in the least.
Y-KO: … What about ero-games?
ME: Never even played one before.
Y-KO: … M-moe anime!
ME: Nope.
Y-KO: … Come on, can’t you at least try to be a normal otaku?
ME: Huh?
What exactly is a “normal otaku,” anyway?
Y-KO: You’re not getting the proper intake if all you watch is Gundam!
ME: It’s entertainment, not nutrition!
Y-KO: Oh, fine… I’m going to buy you some erotic manga that will suit your tastes! Just wait!
ME: You don’t have to bother!
Y-KO: Let’s see, I’m guessing you would be into… cosplay-style?
ME: I don’t want any!
Y-KO: …? But you like cosplay, don’t you? Turns you on?
Don’t be shy now. Let the nice lady show you how it works.
I get the feeling that if I let this nice lady show me “how it works,”
it’s going to end up with a lecture on BL…
ME: … Look, I’m just not into two-dimensional characters. There’s nothing sexy about it.
Y-KO: ……… So, no ero-manga, no ero-games, no ero-anime…
What the hell do you find to be moe?
ME: What kind of question is that?
……
If I was forced to say one thing, I guess it would be “Y-ko moe.”
I mean, the only reason I “like” cosplay is because you’re the one wearing it.
… But I can’t. I can’t say it.
It’s too embarrassing to say with a straight face!
Y-KO: …? Cat got your tongue?
What in the world do you find moe? What pushes your buttons?
Ummm…
ME: If I had to say something…
Y-KO: If you had to say something?
ME: Three-dimensional moe.
There.
The perfect answer for me.
That includes Y-ko, of course.
Y-KO: … Th… three-dimensional moe…?
ME: Yep. Three-dimensional moe.
Y-KO: ……
ME: ………?
Y-KO: ………… You…
ME: …… You?
Y-KO: … heretic!!
She denied herself as an answer…
ME: What do you mean, heretic? What’s the proper answer, then?
Y-KO: Two-dimensional, of course!!
ME: … Is that a fact?
Y-KO: I know what to do!
ME: What?
Y-KO: I’ll show you what’s so good about two dimensions!
… I told you, two-dimensional women don’t have any appeal to me.
…… Is there anything I can say that will get through to her?
ME: ……… All right. But in return—
Y-KO: … Huh? What will you do?
ME: I will show you what’s so good about three dimensions.
Y-KO: … Huh?
ME: With a bodily demonstration.
Y-KO: What?!
On the bed… mostly.
Trivial battles 2.
2006/04/02 21:52
Now, then.
In response to Y-ko’s question of what pushes my buttons,
my answer, “three-dimensional women,” was instantly and definitively cut down,
but I’m not giving up yet.
… So, the question proceeds, what now?
Hmm.
Well, in response to her challenge,
I did announce that I would teach her the benefits of three-dimensional love.
Since I had deftly (and surprisingly) seized the reins,
it was my turn to be on the attack for once.
Y-KO: Th-the benefits of three dimensions?
ME: Well, I prefer to skip the lecture and go straight to the hands-on part of the lesson.
Y-KO: … Huh? Wait!
ME: So, will you be taking your clothes off yourself, or do I need to do it for you?
Proceeding straight to the main course, the event par excellence of three-dimensional love!
But of course, there is always that third option “with the clothes on.” Ha-ha-ha!
Y-KO: Taking them—? What?!
ME: … I’m only kidding.
Y-KO: …… You’re getting too used to this. No more whispering in my ear from now on.
ME: Why, thank you. I’m blushing.
Y-KO: That wasn’t a compliment, Sebas.
ME: My name isn’t Sebas.
Y-KO: Of course, Uke-Sebas.
ME: Not Uke-Sebas, either.
If anything, I’m in a “seme” mood. The S side of S and M, if you will.
There are days when even I am in that kind of mood. Days my native warrior’s blood threatens to reawaken.
Y-KO: Now you’re just changing the subject! We’re supposed to be talking about two-dimensional characters!
ME: We were, and then I told you how I don’t care about them in the least.
Y-KO: Starting off: Evangelion!
ME: No, listen to me.
Y-KO: You have to find Rei hot! It’s a prerequisite!
ME: Listen.
Y-KO: Or wait. Is Pretty Cure a better starting point? How about Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura?!
What can I do?! said the frantic gaze that Y-ko set on me.
… Actually, I was just wondering the same thing about you, my dear.
……… Really. What’s to be done?
Aha… Got it.
In the words of some ancient person (I think)…
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Change of plans.
ME: … All right. Let’s start with Pretty Cure.
Y-KO: … Huh?
ME: Then we can move on to Sakura, followed by Evangelion.
Y-KO: Okay…
ME: Then I will have awakened to the lure of Rei Ayanami, and by extension, all 2-D girls.
Y-KO: … Yeah.
; ME: Ultimately, I will go on a shopping spree of ero-games and girly anime DVDs, culminating with a flood of cute little figurines that I will display on every flat surface of my room.
Ah, the delights of two-dimensional moe.
Just saying this stuff is creeping me out!
ME: And once I’ve fully converted to the side of two-dimensional girls, I will, naturally, lose all interest in you, my dear.
Y-KO: … No way.
ME: Huh? You don’t like that?
Y-KO: Not at all. That’s really creepy.
ME: What a funny thing to say! You were the one recommending this course of action!
Y-KO: Shut up! I don’t want that, okay?!
ME: Even though two-dimensional moe is the norm, and three-dimensional moe is heretical?
Y-KO: Stop making things so confusing! A maiden’s heart is conflicted and complicated!
Maiden?
ME: That’s funny, because after your birthday, you’re going to be twent—gff!!
…?!
She hit me!
Talking to an older girl about her age is taboo.
Alas, Y-ko, I think the time has passed when you are allowed to call yourself a maidbkjasfhrkqwel.
Cheating.
2006/04/09 21:23
That’s right, “cheating.”
In your relationships,
where do you draw the line in your definition of cheating?
Going on a blind date.
Hanging out alone with another girl.
Kissing another girl.
There are many places where you could draw the line.
… Not that I would do that, you know?
I’ve never cheated on Y-ko, nor do I ever plan to do so.
However.
Listen to this.
It happened to me a few days ago.
I’m in my senior year of college as of this spring.
With the new year comes the usual headache of choosing new classes to take.
Plus, there are courses held over spring break,
and I found that I was often spending the night at a friend’s house from one of my classes.
Let’s call this friend Koji (not his real name).
I’ve known him since our first year at school,
and we’ve both done favors for each other, standing in for the other during roll call, etc.
One day…
ME: I’m going to stay over at Koji’s place so we can talk about our course loads.
Y-KO: Yeah? Okay.
Another day…
ME: I’m gonna go over to Koji’s to do some work.
Y-KO: Sure thing.
And another…
Y-KO: Do you have anything planned tomorrow?
ME: Tomorrow? I was gonna go over and eat dinner with Koji.
Y-KO: … Hmm… You’ve been over with Koji an awful lot lately…
ME: Huh? I have?
Y-KO: Yeah… Gasp! Are you… getting bored with me?!
ME: Of course not!
Y-KO: I mean… I mean…
… You mean what?
She looks like she has something to say.
Y-KO: Every single day, Koji this, Koji that…
ME: Uh, it’s not every day…
Y-KO: Do you really love Koji that much?!
You philanderer!!
ME: Wh-what do you mean, philanderer?!
Y-KO: Shut up! You’re cheating on me!
ME: What do you mean…? Besides, Koji’s a guy, you know…
Y-KO: Which is exactly why I’m worried!
ME: You don’t look like you’re worried. In fact, you look like you’re enjoying this.
Y-KO: W-well, only because I was just imagining you and Koji locked in a loving embrace…
ME: Don’t do that. Do you have any idea what you’re saying?!
Y-KO: It’s only imagination… but I can feel a sudden nosebleed coming on!!
ME: Look, just settle down, take it easy. No—shut up.
Y-KO: Only for a bit! Just a little tiny bit!!
ME: Only what for a bit?
Y-KO: I… Oh, I can’t say! I’m sorry, I just can’t!
ME: … I see.
Y-KO: It’s just you and Koji with your shirts off, and you’re—
ME: You don’t need to describe it.
Sorry, Koji (not his real name).
Evangelion.
2006/04/16 18:51
Well.
Are you all familiar with Neon Genesis Evangelion?
Even if you’ve never seen the show,
you might have heard the name before.
Even now, a decade after the show was originally aired, the two heroines,
Rei Ayanami and Asuka Langley Soryu, are incredibly popular and well-known characters.
Even in the comments section of this very blog, I receive very welcome messages recommending the show to me.
But since I don’t have a lot of time to watch that stuff
and I don’t have the courage to go and rent it in person,
I must admit that I had never seen this thing we call Eva.
Until now.
Y-ko’s friend Yumi (age twenty-something, housewife and fujoshi),
being in possession of the entire series on DVD,
brought the show over to Y-ko’s for a viewing party, to which I was invited.
In actuality, it was more like a “make sure I see Evangelion” party.
My very first Eva.
To be truthful, I was expecting to be blown away.
Now, enjoy the tale of my first Eva viewing.
Y-ko’s place.
Today is the day of my very first Evangelion experience.
I was conflicted. I didn’t know if I really wanted to take this major step,
but everything in life is a character-building experience, so…
I can’t deny the fact that I had an interest in seeing this series,
which left an undeniable impact on our culture.
Okay.
I’m ready. I step into Y-ko’s apartment.
Y-KO: Aha! Here he is!
YUMI: Hello.
ME: Hi. My name is—
YUMI: Uke-Sebas, right?
… Why is it that all of Y-ko’s friends greet me with this?
Are you describing me to all your friends using that term, dear?
Once I had assured her that I was not a Sebas, and certainly not an uke,
I took a seat next to Y-ko.
YUMI: So, I hear this is your first time seeing Eva, Sebas?
Y-KO: It’s true. He is so picky about this stuff!
YUMI: Well, we’re watching this for your sake today, Sebas!
Y-KO: If only this would help him get over his finicky nature…
… Excuse me?
You sound like a mother griping about her son’s taste in food, Y-ko.
YUMI: Well, I’m sure he’ll be hooked.
Y-KO: Of course. By tomorrow, all he’ll be able to say is “Ayanami moe.”
I will not.
I will never in my entire life say such a thing!
ME: … Oh, right. Here, I bought some cake.
I offered the cake I brought over in the hopes of diverting the topic.
If there’s one thing women love, it’s sweets.
You can’t hope for a better item to change the subject of a conversation.
YUMI: Wow! How thoughtful of you!
Y-KO: You see?! This is his Sebas-ness coming out!
YUMI: Incredible! You’ve got him disciplined to the bone, Y-ko!
Y-KO: Don’t worry! Pretty soon, he’ll be the perfect Sebas in any situation!
YUMI: That’s great! A Sebas-raising project!!
Y-KO: I’ll make him into the perfect man!
Yumi and Y-Ko: Da-ha-ha-ha-ha!!
……
The conversation has taken an unfortunate turn.
I suppose you might call this a major backfire.
Dammit.
I have a
feeling that nothing I do will turn out right.
Maybe it’s time to retreat and regain my footing.
Then again, I have a feeling that steady footing will not be enough to win this fight.
ME: Well… I’ll go make some tea or something.
YUMI: Ooh! Is this going to be real fancy tea?!
Y-KO: Yes! Just wait until you see what my Sebas cooks up!
ME: All you have here is Lipton, Y-ko…
Just wait until you see, indeed.
YUMI: But a real Sebas can overcome that.
Y-KO: Yeah.
ME: Don’t be ridiculous.
Besides, I don’t even know how to make tea the authentic way.
I’ve never learned how to do it.
I headed to the kitchen, half in retreat.
I know my way around Y-ko’s house.
I heated up some water in the pot.
Sigh…
As the sounds of women squeaking and giggling drifted through the door,
I vaguely watched the rising steam puff out of the pot.
Well, at least Yumi seems like a nice person.
She brought those DVDs just so I could watch them.
She’ll probably explain stuff about Evangelion so that I understand everything the first time.
I guess I should just be gracious and accept their consideration.
I put the tea bags into the tea server and poured the hot water in.
After a few minutes, I poured the tea into the cups I had set aside.
There we go. Perfectly normal, acceptable tea.
Not particularly great,
but not particularly awful, either.
Suddenly, as I was pouring the second cup, I noticed something.
The chattering had stopped.
……?
Next, I realized that the TV was on, when it hadn’t been earlier.
Wait a minute.
They’re already watching the show!!
They’re totally sucked in! They haven’t given a single thought to me!!
Just wait, okay?!
All it takes is ten minutes tops for me to get the tea ready!!
Come on,
I thought you two fujoshis cooked this little event up so that you could show ME Evangelion!!
… Can I go cry just a bit?
I’m influenced.
2006/04/20 22:59
People are easily influenced.
Evangelion was pretty good.