by F. Anstey
2. _A Grand Transformation Scene_
"Magnaque numinibus vota exaudita malignis."
Paul Bultitude put on his glasses to examine the stone more carefully,for it was some time since he had last seen or thought about it. Then helooked up and said once more, "What use would a thing like this be toyou?"
Dick would have considered it a very valuable prize indeed; he couldhave exhibited it to admiring friends--during lessons, of course, whenit would prove a most agreeable distraction; he could have played withand fingered it incessantly, invented astonishing legends of its powersand virtues; and, at last, when he had grown tired of it, have barteredit for any more desirable article that might take his fancy. All theseadvantages were present to his mind in a vague shifting form, but hecould not find either courage or words to explain them.
Consequently he only said awkwardly, "Oh, I don't know, I should likeit."
"Well, any way," said Paul, "you certainly won't have it. It's worthkeeping, whatever it is, as the only thing your uncle Marmaduke was everknown to give to anybody."
Marmaduke Paradine, his brother-in-law, was not a connection of whom hehad much reason to feel particularly proud. One of those persons endowedwith what are known as "insinuating manners and address," he had, aftersome futile attempts to enter the army, been sent out to Bombay as agentfor a Manchester firm, and in that capacity had contrived to be mixed upin some more than shady transactions with rival exporters and nativedealers up the country, which led to an unceremonious dismissal by hisemployers.
He had brought home the stone from India as a propitiatory token ofremembrance, more portable and less expensive than the lacqueredcabinets, brasses, stuffs and carved work which are expected fromfriends at such a distance, and he had been received with pardon andstarted once more, until certain other proceedings of his, shadierstill, had obliged Paul to forbid him the house at Westbourne Terrace.
Since then little had been heard of him, and the reports which reachedMr. Bultitude of his disreputable relative's connection with thepromotion of a series of companies of the kind affected by the widow andcurate, and exposed in money articles and law courts, gave him nodesire to renew his acquaintance.
"Isn't it a talisman, though?" said Dick, rather unfortunately for anyhopes he might have of persuading his father to entrust him with thecoveted treasure.
"I'm sure I can't tell you," yawned Paul, "how do you mean?"
"I don't know, only Uncle Duke once said something about it. Barbaraheard him tell mamma. I say, perhaps it's like the one in Scott, andcures people of things, though I don't think it's that sort of talismaneither, because I tried it once on my chilblains, and it wasn't a bit ofgood. If you would only let me have it, perhaps I might find out, youknow."
"You might," said his father drily, apparently not much influenced bythis inducement, "but you won't have the chance. If it has a secret, Iwill find it out for myself" (he little knew how literally he was to betaken at his word), "and, by the way, there's your cab--at last."
There was a sound of wheels outside, and, as Dick heard them, he grewdesperate in his extremity; a wish he had long secretly cherishedunspoken, without ever hoping for courage to give it words, rose to hislips now; he got up and moved timidly towards his father.
"Father," he said, "there's something I want to say to you so muchbefore I go. Do let me ask you now."
"Well, what is it?" said Paul. "Make haste, you haven't much time."
"It's this. I want you to--to let me leave Grimstone's at the end of theterm."
Paul stared at him, angry and incredulous, "Let you leave Dr.Grimstone's (oblige me by giving him his full title when you speak ofhim)," he said slowly. "Why, what do you mean? It's an excellentschool--never saw a better expressed prospectus in my life. And my oldfriend Bangle, Sir Benjamin Bangle, who's a member of the School Board,and ought to know something about schools, strongly recommendedit--would have sent his own son there, if he hadn't entered him at Eton.And when I pay for most of the extras for you too. Dancing, by Gad, andmeat for breakfast. I'm sure I don't know what you would have."
"I'd like to go to Marlborough, or Harrow, or somewhere," whimperedDick. "Jolland's going to Harrow at Easter. (Jolland's one of thefellows at Grimstone's--Dr. Grimstone's I mean.) And what does oldBangle know about it? He hasn't got to go there himself! And--andGrimstone's jolly enough to fellows he likes, but he doesn't like_me_--he's always sitting on me for something--and I hate some of thefellows there, and altogether it's beastly. Do let me leave! If youdon't want me to go to a public school, I--I could stop at home and havea private tutor--like Joe Twitterley!"
"It's all ridiculous nonsense, I tell you," said Paul angrily,"ridiculous nonsense! And, once for all, I'll put a stop to it. I don'tapprove of public schools for boys like you, and, what's more, I can'tafford it. As for private tutors, that's absurd! So you will just makeup your mind to stay at Crichton House as long as I think proper to keepyou there, and there's an end of that!"
At this final blow to all his hopes, Dick began to sob in a subduedhopeless kind of way, which was more than his father could bear. To doPaul justice, he had not meant to be quite so harsh when the boy wasabout to set out for school, and, a little ashamed of his irritation, hesought to justify his decision.
He chose to do this by delivering a short homily on the advantages ofschool, by which he might lead Dick to look on the matter in the calmlight of reason and common sense, and commonplaces on the subject beganto rise to the surface of his mind, from the rather muddy depths towhich they had long since sunk.
He began to give Dick the benefit of all this stagnant wisdom, with afeeling of surprise as he went on, at his own powerful and original wayof putting things.
"Now, you know, it's no use to cry like that," he began. "It's--ah--theusual thing for boys at school, I'm quite aware, to go about fancyingthey're very ill-used, and miserable, and all the rest of it, just as ifpeople in my position had their sons educated out of spite! It's one ofthose petty troubles all boys have to go through. And you mark my words,my boy, when they go out into the world and have real trials to put upwith, and grow middle-aged men, like me, why, they see what foolsthey've been, Dick; they see what fools they've been. All the--hum, theinnocent games and delights of boyhood, and that sort of thing, youknow--come back to them--and then they look back to those hours passedat school as the happiest, aye, the very happiest time of their life!"
"Well," said Dick, "then I hope it won't be the happiest time in mine,that's all! And you may have been happy at the school you went to,perhaps, but I don't believe you would very much care about being a boyagain like me, and going back to Grimstone's, you know you wouldn't!"
This put Paul on his mettle; he had warmed well to his subject, andcould not let this open challenge pass unnoticed--it gave him such anopening for a cheap and easy effect.
He still had the stone in his hand as he sank back into his chair,smiling with a tolerant superiority.
"Perhaps you will believe me," he said, impressively, "when I tell you,old as I am and much as you envy me, I only wish, at this very moment, Icould be a boy again, like you. Going back to school wouldn't make meunhappy, I can tell you."
It is so fatally easy to say more than we mean in the desire to make asstrong an impression as possible. Well for most of us that--morefortunate than Mr. Bultitude--we can generally do so without fear ofbeing taken too strictly at our word.
As he spoke these unlucky words, he felt a slight shiver, followed by acurious shrinking sensation all over him. It was odd, too, but thearm-chair in which he sat seemed to have grown so much bigger all atonce. He felt a passing surprise, but concluded it must be fancy, andwent on as comfortably as before.
"I should like it, my boy, but what's the good of wishing? I onlymention it to prove that I was not speaking at random. I'm an old manand you're a young boy, and, that being so, why, of course--What thedooce are you giggling about?"
For Dick, after some seconds of half-frightened
open-mouthed staring,had suddenly burst into a violent fit of almost hysterical giggling,which he seemed trying vainly to suppress.
This naturally annoyed Mr. Bultitude, and he went on with immensedignity, "I--ah--I'm not aware that I've been saying anythingparticularly ridiculous. You seem to be amused?"
"Don't!" gasped Dick. "It, it isn't anything you're saying--it's,it's--oh, can't you feel any difference?"
"The sooner you go back to school the better!" said Paul angrily. "Iwash my hands of you. When I do take the trouble to give you any advice,it's received with ridicule. You always were an ill-mannered little cub.I've had quite enough of this. Leave the room, sir!"
The wheels must have belonged to some other cab, for none had stopped atthe pavement as yet; but Mr. Bultitude was justly indignant, and couldstand the interview no longer. Dick, however, made no attempt to move;he remained there, choking and shaking with laughter, while his fathersat stiffly on his chair, trying to ignore his son's unmannerly conduct,but only partially succeeding.
No one can calmly endure watching other people laughing at him likeidiots, while he is left perfectly incapable of guessing what he hassaid or done to amuse them. Even when this is known, it requires apeculiarly keen sense of humour to see the point of a joke againstoneself.
At last his patience gave out, and he said coldly, "Now, perhaps, if youare quite yourself again, you will be good enough to let me know whatthe joke is?"
Dick, looking flushed and half-ashamed, tried again and again to speak,but each time the attempt was too much for him. After a time he didsucceed, but his voice was hoarse and shaken with laughter as he spoke."Haven't you found it out yet? Go and look at yourself in the glass--itwill make you roar!"
There was the usual narrow sheet of plate glass at the back of thesideboard, and to this Mr. Bultitude walked, almost under protest, andwith a cold dignity. It occurred to him that he might have a smudge onhis face or something wrong with his collar and tie--something toaccount to some extent for his son's frivolous and insulting behaviour.No suspicion of the terrible truth crossed his mind as yet.
Meanwhile Dick was looking on eagerly with a chuckle of anticipation, asone who watches the dawning appreciation of an excellent joke.
But no sooner had Paul met the reflection in the glass than he startedback in incredulous horror--then returned and stared again and again.
Surely, surely, this could not be he!
He had expected to see his own familiar portly bow-windowed presencethere--but somehow, look as he would, the mirror insisted uponreflecting the figure of his son Dick. Could he possibly have becomeinvisible and have lost the power of casting a reflection--or how was itthat Dick, and only Dick, was to be seen there?
How was it, too, when he looked round, there was the boy still sittingthere? It could not be Dick, evidently, that he saw in the glass.Besides, the reflection opposite him moved when he moved, returned whenhe returned, copied his every gesture!
He turned round upon his son with angry and yet hopeful suspicion. "You,you've been playing some of your infernal tricks with this mirror, sir,"he cried fiercely. "What have you done to it?"
"Done! how could I do anything to it? As if you didn't know that!"
"Then," stammered Paul, determined to know the worst, "then do you, doyou mean to tell me you can see any--alteration in me? Tell me the truthnow!"
"I should just think I could!" said Dick emphatically. "It's very queer,but just look here," and he came up to the sideboard and placed himselfby the side of his horrified father. "Why," he said, with anothergiggle, "we're--he-he--as like as two peas!"
They were indeed; the glass reflected now two small boys, each withchubby cheeks and auburn hair, both dressed, too, exactly alike, in Etonjackets and broad white collars; the only difference to be seen betweenthem was that, while one face wore an expression of intense glee andsatisfaction, the other--the one which Mr. Bultitude was beginning tofear must belong to him--was lengthened and drawn with dismay andbewilderment.
"Dick," said Paul faintly, "what is all this? Who has been, been takingthese liberties with me?"
"I'm sure I don't know," protested Dick. "It wasn't me. I believe youdid it all yourself."
"Did it all myself!" repeated Paul indignantly. "Is it likely I should?It's some trickery, I tell you, some villainous plot. The worst of itis," he added plaintively, "I don't understand who I'm supposed to benow. Dick, who am I?"
"You can't be me," said Dick, "because here I am, you know. And you'renot yourself, that's very plain. You must be _somebody_, I suppose," headded dubiously.
"Of course I am. What do you mean?" said Paul angrily. "Never mind whoI am. I feel just the same as I always did. Tell me when you first beganto notice any change. Could you see it coming on at all, eh?"
"It was all at once, just as you were talking about school and all that.You said you only wished---- Why of course; look here, it must be thestone that did it!"
"Stone! what stone?" said Paul. "I don't know what you're talkingabout."
"Yes, you do--the Garuda Stone! You've got it in your hand still. Don'tyou see? It's a real talisman after all! How jolly!"
"I didn't do anything to set it off; and besides, oh, it's perfectlyabsurd! How can there be such things as talismans nowadays, eh? Tell methat."
"Well, something's happened to you, hasn't it? And it must have beendone somehow," argued Dick.
"I was holding the confounded thing, certainly," said Paul, "here it is.But what could I have said to start it? What has it done this to mefor?"
"I know!" cried Dick. "Don't you remember? You said you wished you werea boy again, like me. So you are, you see, exactly like me! What a larkit is, isn't it? But, I say, you can't go up to business like that, youknow, can you? I tell you what, you'd better come to Grimstone's with menow, and see how you like it. I shouldn't mind so much if you came too.Grimstone's face would be splendid when he saw two of us. Do come!"
"That's ridiculous nonsense you're talking," said Paul, "and you knowit. What should I do at school at my age? I tell you I'm the same asever inside, though I may have shrunk into a little rascally boy to lookat. And it's simply an abominable nuisance, Dick, that's what it is! Whyon earth couldn't you let the stone alone? Just see what mischiefyou've done by meddling now--put me to all this inconvenience!"
"You shouldn't have wished," said Dick.
"Wished!" echoed Mr. Bultitude. "Why, to be sure," he said, with a gleamof returning hopefulness, "of course--I never thought of that. Thething's a wishing stone; it must be! You have to hold it, I suppose, andthen say what you wish aloud, and there you are. If that's the case, Ican soon put it all right by simply wishing myself back again. I--Ishall have a good laugh at all this by and by--I know I shall!"
He took the stone, and got into a corner by himself where he beganrepeating the words, "I wish I was back again," "I wish I was the man Iwas five minutes ago," "I wish all this had not happened," and so on,until he was very exhausted and red in the face. He tried with the stoneheld in his left hand, as well as his right, sitting and standing, underall the various conditions he could think of, but absolutely nothingcame of it; he was just as exasperatingly boyish and youthful as ever atthe end of it.
"I don't like this," he said at last, giving it up with a rathercrestfallen air. "It seems to me that this diabolical invention has gotout of order somehow; I can't make it work any more!"
"Perhaps," suggested Dick, who had shown throughout the mostunsympathetic cheerfulness, "perhaps it's one of those talismans thatonly give you one wish, and you've had it, you know?"
"Then it's all over!" groaned Paul. "What the dooce am I to do? Whatshall I do? Suggest something, for Heaven's sake; don't stand cacklingthere in that unfeeling manner. Can't you see what a terrible, mess I'vegot into? Suppose--only suppose your sister or one of the servants wereto come in, and see me like this!"
This suggestion simply enchanted Dick. "Let's have 'em all up," helaughed; "it would be such fun! How they will lau
gh when we tell them!"And he rushed to the bell.
"Touch that bell if you dare!" screamed Paul. "I won't be seen in thiscondition by anybody! What on earth could have induced that scoundrellyuncle of yours to bring such a horrible thing as this over I can'timagine! I never heard of such a situation as this in my life. I can'tstay like this, you know--it's not to be thought of! I--I wonder whetherit would be any use to send over to Dr. Bustard and ask him to step in;he might give me something to bring me round. But then the wholeneighbourhood would hear about it! If I don't see my way out of thissoon, I shall go raving mad!"
And he paced restlessly up and down the room with his brain on fire.
All at once, as he became able to think more coherently, there occurredto him a chance, slender and desperate enough, but still a chance, ofescaping even yet the consequences of his folly.
He was forced to conclude that, however improbable and fantastic itmight appear in this rationalistic age, there must be some hidden powerin this Garuda Stone which had put him in his present very unpleasantposition. It was plain too that the virtues of the talisman refused toexert themselves any more at his bidding.
But it did not follow that in another's hands the spell would remain aspowerless. At all events, it was an experiment well worth the trial, andhe lost no time in explaining the notion to Dick, who, by the sparkle inhis eyes and suppressed excitement in his manner, seemed to think theremight be something in it.
"I may as well try," he said, "give it to me."
"Take it, my dear boy," said Paul, with a paternal air that sorely triedDick's recovered gravity, it contrasted so absurdly with his alteredappearance. "Take it, and wish your poor old father himself again!"
Dick took it, and held it thoughtfully for some moments, while Paulwaited in nervous impatience. "Isn't it any use?" he said dolefully atlast, as nothing happened.
"I don't know," said Dick calmly, "I haven't wished yet."
"Then do so at once," said Paul fussily, "do so at once. There's no timeto waste, every moment is of importance--your cab will be here directly.Although, although I'm altered in this ridiculous way, I hope I stillretain my authority as a father, and as a father, by Gad, I expect youto obey me, sir!"
"Oh, all right," said Dick indifferently, "you may keep the authority ifyou like."
"Then do what I tell you. Can't you see how urgent it is that a scandallike this shouldn't get about? I should be the laughing-stock of thecity. Not a soul must ever guess that such a thing has happened. Youmust see that yourself."
"Yes," said Dick, who all this time was sitting on a corner of thetable, swinging his legs, "I see that. It will be all right. I'm goingto wish in a minute, and no one will guess there has been anything thematter."
"That's a good boy!" said Paul, much relieved, "I know your heart is inthe right place--only do make haste."
"I suppose," Dick asked, "when you are yourself again, things would goon just as usual?"
"I--I hope so."
"I mean you will go on sitting here, and I shall go off to Grimstone's?"
"Of course, of course," said Paul; "don't ask so many questions. I'msure you quite understand what has to be done, so get on. We might befound like this any minute."
"That settles it," said Dick, "any fellow would do it after that."
"Yes, yes, but you're so slow about it!"
"Don't be in a hurry," said Dick, "you mayn't like it after all whenI've done it."
"Done what?" asked Mr. Bultitude sharply, struck by something sinisterand peculiar in the boy's manner.
"Well, I don't mind telling you," said Dick, "it's fairer. You see, youwished to be a boy just like me, didn't you?"
"I didn't mean it," protested Paul.
"Ah, you couldn't expect a stone to know that; at any rate, it made youinto a boy like me directly. Now, if I wish myself a man just like youwere ten minutes ago, before you took the stone, that will put thingsall right again, won't it?"
"Is the boy mad?" cried Paul, horrified at this proposal. "Why, why,that would be worse than ever!"
"I don't see that," objected Dick, stubbornly. "No one would knowanything about it then."
"But, you little blockhead, can't I make you understand? It wouldn't doat all. We should both of us be wrong then--each with the other'spersonal appearance."
"Well," said Dick blandly, "I shouldn't mind that."
"But I should--I mind very much. I object strongly to such a--such apreposterous arrangement. And what's more, I won't have it. Do you hear,I forbid you to think of any such thing. Give me back that stone. Ican't trust you with it after this."
"I can't help it," said Dick doggedly. "You've had your wish, and Idon't see why I shouldn't have mine. I mean to have it, too."
"Why, you unnatural little rascal!" cried the justly-enraged father, "doyou mean to defy me? I tell you I will have that stone! Give it up thisinstant!" and he made a movement towards his son, as if he meant torecover the talisman by main force.
But Dick was too quick for him. Slipping off the table with greatagility, he planted himself firmly on the hearth-rug, with the hand thatheld the stone clenched behind his back, and the other raised inself-defence.
"I'd much rather you wouldn't make me hit you, you know," he said,"because, in spite of what's happened, you're still my father, Isuppose. But if you interfere with me before I've done with this stone,I'm afraid I shall have to punch your head."
Mr. Bultitude retreated a few steps apprehensively, feeling himself nomatch for his son, except in size and general appearance; and for somemoments of really frightful intensity they stood panting on thehearth-rug, each cautiously watching the other, on his guard againststratagem and surprise.
It was one of those painful domestic scenes which are fortunately rarebetween father and son.
Overhead, the latest rollicking French polka was being rattled out, witha savage irony of which pianos, even by the best makers, can at times becapable.
Suddenly Dick drew himself up. "Stand out of my way!" he criedexcitedly, "I am going to do it. I wish I was a man like you were justnow!"
And as he spoke, Mr. Bultitude had the bitterness of seeing hisunscrupulous son swell out like the frog in the fable, till he stoodthere before him the exact duplicate of what Paul had so lately been!
The transformed Dick began to skip and dance round the room in highglee, with as much agility as his increased bulk would allow. "It's allright, you see," he said. "The old stone's as good as ever. You can'tsay anyone would ever know, to look at us."
And then he threw himself panting into a chair, and began to laughexcitedly at the success of his unprincipled manoeuvres.
As for Paul, he was perfectly furious at having been so outwitted andoverreached. It was a long time before he could command his voicesufficiently to say, savagely: "Well, you've had your way, and a prettymess you've made of it. We're both of us in false positions now. I hopeyou're satisfied, I'm sure. Do you think you'll care about going back toCrichton House in that state?"
"No," said Dick, very decidedly: "I'm quite sure I shouldn't."
"Well, I can't help it. You've brought it on yourself; and, provided theDoctor sees no objection to take you back as you are and receive you asone of his pupils, I shall most certainly send you there."
Paul did not really mean this, he only meant to frighten him; for hestill trusted that, by letting Boaler into the secret, the charm mightbe set in motion once more, and the difficulty comfortably overcome. Buthis threat had a most unfortunate effect upon Dick; it hardened him totake a course he might otherwise have shrunk from.
"Oh," he said, "you're going to do that? But doesn't it strike you thatthings are rather altered with us now?"
"They are, to a certain extent, of course," said Paul, "through my follyand your wicked cunning; but a word or two of explanation from me----"
"You'll find it will take more explanation than you think," said Dick;"but, of course, you can try, if you think it worth while--when you getto Grimstone's."
"When I,--I don't understand. When I,--what did you say?" gasped Paul.
"Why, you see," exclaimed Dick, "it would never have done for us both togo back; the chaps would have humbugged us so, and as I hate the placeand you seem so fond of being a boy and going back to school and that, Ithought perhaps it would be best for you to go and see how you likedit!"
"I never will! I'll not stir from this room! I dare you to try to moveme!" cried Paul. And just then there was the sound of wheels outsideonce more. They stopped before the house, the bell rang sharply--thelong-expected cab had come at last.
"You've no time to lose," said Dick, "get your coat on."
Mr. Bultitude tried to treat the affair as a joke. He laughed a ghastlylittle laugh.
"Ha! ha! you've fairly caught your poor father this time; you've provedhim in the wrong. I admit I said more than I exactly meant. But that'senough. Don't drive a good joke too far; shake hands, and let us see ifwe can't find a way out of this!"
But Dick only warmed his coat tails at the fire as he said, with a veryungenerous reminiscence of his father's manner: "You are going back toan excellent establishment, where you will enjoy all the comforts ofhome--I can specially recommend the stickjaw; look out for it onTuesdays and Fridays. You will once more take part in the games andlessons of happy boyhood. (Did you ever play 'chevy' when you were a boybefore? You'll enjoy chevy.) And you will find your companions easyenough to get on with, if you don't go giving yourself airs; they won'tstand airs. Now good-bye, my boy, and bless you!"
Paul stood staring stupidly at this outrageous assumption; he couldscarcely believe yet that it was meant in cruel earnest. Before he couldanswer, the door opened and Boaler appeared.
"Had a deal of trouble to find a keb, sir, on a night like this," hesaid to the false Dick, "but the luggage is all on top, and the man saysthere's plenty of time still."
"Good-bye then, my boy," said Dick, with well-assumed tenderness, but arather dangerous light in his eye. "My compliments to the Doctor,remember."
Paul turned indignantly from him to the butler; he, at least, wouldstand by him. Boaler would not see a master who had always been fair, ifnot indulgent, to him driven from his home in this cold-blooded manner!
He made two or three attempts to speak, for his brain whirled so withscathing, burning things to say. He would expose the fraud then andthere, and defy the impudent usurper; he would warn every one againstthis spurious pinchbeck imitation of himself. The whole household shouldbe summoned and called upon to judge between the two!
No doubt, if he had had enough self-command to do all this effectually,while Dick had as yet not had the time thoroughly to adapt himself tohis altered circumstances, he might have turned the situation at theoutset, and spared himself some very painful experiences.
But it is very often precisely those words which are the most vitallyimportant to be said that refuse to pass our lips on a sudden emergency.We feel all the necessity of saying something at once, but the necessarywords unaccountably desert us at the critical moment.
Mr. Bultitude felt himself in this unfortunate position. He made morewild efforts to explain, but the sense of his danger only petrified hismind instead of stimulating it. Then he was spared further conflict. Adark mist rose before his eyes; the walls of the room receded intoinfinite space; and, with a loud singing in his ears, he fell, andseemed to himself to be sinking down, down, through the earth to thevery crust of the antipodes. Then the blackness closed over him--and heknew no more.