“Katie, I have something to tell you.”
She looked up at me, her eyes wide and waiting.
“I want you to try your best to not get too upset, okay Little Doe?”
Her expression grew serious and she nodded.
“This is the last time that I’m bringing Hamlet to school for this semester. Exams are coming up soon and we both know that Hamlet isn’t exactly the quietest creature to have around. But you’ll still see him any time you come over to stay with me.”
Again Katie nodded, but even a blind man could see that she was pretty upset about the news. She was still sulking when Declan picked her up thirty minutes later. Before Declan headed off, I pulled him aside to explain what had happened.
“Katie’s a little disheartened today because it was decided to leave Hamlet home for the remainder of the semester.”
“Any particular reason why?” Declan asked.
“Mary’s mother and sister came in today to complain that the bird’s presence in class was causing Mary to fail.”
Declan scoffed. “Right, blame it on the bird. Want me to pay these ladies a visit?” He winked, and I stifled a laugh.
“Declan, please behave. And don’t tell Katie it had anything to do with Mary. I don’t want the real reason for Hamlet’s absence to get out, because I’m sure there’s a few students who’d give Mary a lot of trouble for it. And really, I suspect blaming Hamlet was more her mother’s idea than her own.”
Declan laughed. “School politics, huh? But okay. At least Katie will still get to see Hamlet after school.”
“That’s what I told her too. And in the meantime, maybe we should keep weaning her off Hamlet. Have her spend more time with other kids instead, like Tommy. It’d be better for her socially, you know?”
Declan gave my suggestion careful consideration. “You’re right, it’d be good for her to interact more with the other kids. I’ll give Tommy’s father a call and set up a play date today. Get Katie’s mind off Hamlet.”
I smiled, glad that Declan appreciated my advice. We parted ways as I had some tests to grade, and Katie had some socializing to do.
By the time I drove home, I felt a bit better, even if I wanted to light Ms. Rose’s house on fire as I drove by it. And I felt better still when Declan called later that night and asked if I wanted to come over to his place. I said yes and smiled to myself, anticipating all the ways we would light each other on fire instead.
Chapter 19
Ivan
The entire class was devastated when I broke the news to them the next day about Hamlet. Even little Mary looked surprised.
Ms. Rose obviously hadn’t told her daughter what she had planned all along. In a way, it was a good thing. I knew how easy it was for a child to unquestioningly adopt her parent’s attitude, so at least Mary had been spared that brainwashing. Unfortunately, I had a feeling that Ms. Rose failed to inform Mary that she was to magically start doing better in class now.
Because two weeks later after exams, Mary had failed yet again. In fact, Mary had done worse on this test than she had previously, and a quick conference with the other teachers assured me that it had been the same for their subjects as well. So I wasn’t really surprised when I was called in for yet another meeting with Ms. Rose and Principal Kenton.
Today, Ms. Rose had come alone. I imagined that she felt rather embarrassed now that she had made a fuss about Hamlet and his removal hadn’t made a difference.
In all our encounters through the last few months, today was the first time I saw her this livid. Her lips were pressed tight and her eyes glinted with rage. I had to wonder just how she’d be able to sit there and pretend once again that she was a saint of a parent.
Principal Kenton, on the other hand, looked quite composed, perhaps a bit too composed, if you asked me.
Always well-dressed, Principal Kenton was a short, aging man whose balding head and mild demeanor often fooled people into believing he was a pushover, only for them to realize their mistake after.
“Mr. Davis,” Principal Kenton began. “Please have a seat and thanks for joining us once again. The last time we were all here, we agreed upon the removal of Hamlet from the classroom to see if Mary’s grades would improve. However, they didn’t, and so we find ourselves back here again to try get to the bottom of Mary’s poor performance in school.”
I waited with bated breath to hear Ms. Rose’s new excuse.
Ms. Rose cleared her throat and began, “I live close to Mr. Davis and I’m well-informed about what happens in the neighborhood. I know for a fact that Mr. Davis currently has an ongoing relationship with the parent of one of his students. And this student’s grades have miraculously improved since the child has been in his class.”
“What exactly are you insinuating, Ms. Rose?” Principal Kenton asked, leaning forward.
“Not insinuating. I’m simply stating that Mr. Davis is involved with Katie’s father, and it makes one wonder if that explains Katie’s special treatment.”
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Still, I had prepared for the possibility of someone challenging my professionalism ever since I started my relationship with Declan. “Katie’s improvements aren’t just in my class alone,” I pointed out. “When we compare her grades right across the board in all subjects, Katie’s improvements have been universal. All her teachers agree that it is reflective of how much effort she has put into her school work as of late.”
“Of course they would agree. They’re your colleagues,” Ms. Rose challenged. “But the point that I’m making is that your relationship with Declan might be seen as inappropriate and might put you and the entire school under scrutiny, not just because he is a parent but because he is a man. I’m sure other parents would think differently of you once they learn of your preferences.”
I flinched and looked away, not wanting to believe that could ever be the case.
As I looked between Principal Kenton and Ms. Rose, I saw the truth printed on their faces and I was angry with myself that I even cared what they thought.
For so many years my actions had been guided by my career as a teacher, and I wasn’t sure I could break free of the habit now. I wanted to continue being a good teacher while keeping my personal life separate.
However, it was obvious from the look of surprise on Principal Kenton’s face that he wasn’t comfortable with the idea. He quickly put an end to the meeting, saying, “I will look into the information you have presented today, Ms. Rose. Now please, leave me to speak with Mr. Davis alone.”
Ms. Rose was more than happy to leave us, believing she had won this argument. And for all I knew, perhaps she did.
I turned my attention back to Principal Kenton after she had left us. “Please,” I began. “I want to assure you that I have in no way been giving Katie any special treatment. If you review the rest of my students, you’ll see that they’ve all been excelling compared to their previous year. Mary is the only exception.”
Principal Kenton quickly waved it off. “I know, Ivan. I don’t doubt your professionalism for a moment. I’ve known you for what, five years now? And the entire time you’ve always put your students first. I know you’ll always do the right thing. I just don’t know how other parents will judge the information Ms. Rose has presented us with today.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t quite dealt with a situation like this one before. Perhaps you should keep this relationship on pause until the end of the semester, and we’ll have something figured out by then.”
I nodded, relieved at least that Principal Kenton was willing to tackle this situation in a sensitive manner.
I just wondered how Declan would handle it.
*
I couldn’t wait to see Declan the next day, though at the same time I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation. We met for lunch off the school compound, and I wasn’t really surprised when I began talking a mile a minute the moment I broac
hed the subject of the meeting.
“Do you remember the parent who came in the other day to complain that Hamlet was a distraction in class?”
Declan nodded and bit into his sandwich. “Mary’s mother?”
“Yes. Well, she returned yesterday to point out that it was unethical of me to be involved with one of my student’s parents. She even went so far as to insinuate that half the problem had to do with that fact that we’re both men.”
Declan paused and grimaced. “Oh, for God’s sake. What year is it? You would swear that we’re still living in the dark ages from the way some people carry on.” Declan put his sandwich down, clearly having lost his appetite. “Screw what other people think. If they have a problem with us, they can choke on it. I hope you didn’t take what she said too seriously.”
I shrugged. “Maybe you can afford to have that attitude, but I’m worried that in my line of work, our relationship might become a problem. I’m just not sure, so I’ve been thinking that perhaps it would be best if we ease off seeing each other for the semester. Just until this blows over.”
Declan’s eyes darkened with anger. I hated to even suggest it to him, but what else could I do?
It was beyond unfair. Declan had been so patient with me in the past, giving me the time to figure out what I wanted. Now I felt like a wimp backing away from what we had started. But at the same time I saw no other choice.
Our community was so small and close-knit that there was no way I could continue to see Declan while keeping it a secret, especially not with spies all over who seemed to have nothing better to do than gossip about their children’s teacher.
“Declan,” I began after he was silent for a minute. “Please say something.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. It’s all such bullshit. It’s unfair to you, to me, to Katie… And all for what? So someone else can shirk responsibility?”
“We’re going to figure this out,” I insisted. “But we have to be patient. Principal Kenton is on my side, so that’s half the battle. We just need to make sure the rest of the parents don’t think I’m playing favorites.”
Declan shook his head again, clearly frustrated by the entire situation. “Nobody’s going to get between us. I’m done bowing to other people’s sensitivities.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I agree, Declan. But please, I need time to figure out how to navigate this minefield.”
Declan sighed and tossed his napkin on his plate. “Until the end of the semester. But after that, something’s gotta give. If I have to sign Katie up to a different private school, then fine.”
“No. It shouldn’t come to that. Let cooler heads prevail, Declan.”
He considered it, finally giving me some leeway. “All right. I’m sure we’ll find a way.”
Though we parted genially, I still couldn’t help but feel like everything was going all wrong. This just wouldn’t do—not at all.
Chapter 20
Katie
Daddy loved her, of that Katie was sure, but she still worried about him.
For a while, he had been so happy, and it made her happy just to look at him and see him smile. She had been happy to know that whatever her dad had needed apart from her, he had found it for a little while and it made him the happiest that she had ever seen him in her whole life.
As Katie watched him from the backseat as he drove her to school, she knew that he would have been surprised at her thoughts had she said them out loud. For whatever reason, people always seemed to think that just because she was a kid and she didn’t talk much, that she wasn’t aware of what was going on around her.
But Katie liked to look, listen, and learn.
She had learned that her father was lonely one night when she had crept from her room and went downstairs to find him watching television alone on the couch. She could still remember the blank look in his eyes as he stared ahead at the TV screen. And she remembered that same look disappearing when she had walked over to hug him and settled in his arms to fall asleep.
Now the same look was back and Katie had a feeling that no matter how hard she hugged him, this time it wouldn’t go away and the happiness wouldn’t return.
Not without Mr. Davis, it wouldn’t.
Once again it was just the two of them, her and Dad against the world and she just hoped that they would be okay. She gave him an extra kiss when he dropped her off, then entered the school hall.
“Hey, Katie! Over here,” Tommy called out from behind her.
Tommy was at school early, as he usually was. He liked to joke that he was such a miserable child at home that his father couldn’t wait to drop him off at school.
Tommy was nice and Katie liked him.
He had never teased her, pulled her hair, or made fun of her as some of the other kids did, so when he had asked her earlier if he could be her boyfriend, she seriously considered saying yes. It was their secret though. Tommy had shrugged and confessed that he too didn’t know much of what being a boyfriend was all about, but he had insisted that he’d be there for her if she needed him. So she walked over to him now.
“Hey, Thomas.”
He frowned and stamped his foot. “Only my grandparents call me Thomas. Are you my grandparents?”
Katie squared her shoulders and looked Tommy dead in the eyes. She wasn’t scared of him, plus she knew for a fact that he was all bark and no bite, as she had once overheard the teachers describe him.
“No, Thomas. I’m not your grandparents. But I like to call you Thomas so I am going to keep calling you Thomas. And if you don’t like it, then just don’t reply when you hear me say your name.”
Tommy grinned and Katie couldn’t help grinning back at him as they made their way to class. On the walk there Tommy told her all about his fishing trip that weekend. He claimed to have caught a great white shark, but Katie, of course, knew better than to believe a word of it.
It was nearing midday before Katie thought about her father again, and she was surprised that she had been able to concentrate so long given how worried she really was about him.
He had tried to look cheerful as they prepared for the upcoming holidays and had done his part to help her and Grandma with the decorating. He had laughed and eaten and talked. Yet again she had found him alone watching TV on the couch many nights, with that sad look on his face. She would return to her room to worry about him, but for some reason Grandma seemed happy to see him sulking. Grandma had whispered that it must’ve meant her daddy was in love.
Love.
That was the keyword.
Daddy loved her so much that he had risked his life to save hers.
He believed she didn’t remember much of the fire that night, as she had been no more than a toddler, but she had seen it, lived it, remembered it still.
Suppose she was to tell him that the hardest part of going to school was always being worried about him… He had a dangerous job and each time she remembered the fire, be it in the form of an orange crayon or red shirt, the knot of fear would form in her stomach and she couldn’t breathe again. And the worst part was that she had never been able to find the words to tell him.
Her daddy was brave, Katie knew that.
Her daddy was her hero.
But today, she couldn’t keep her thoughts quiet. Hamlet was no longer there to distract her, and though Tommy usually acted as the class clown, today he was unusually silent too.
In fact, everything was silent in a way Katie couldn’t explain, as though they were all waiting for something to happen.
She smelled it first, a familiar scent.
An old scent that some part of her brain recognized on a primitive level of only someone who had lived through the experience once before.
The fear exploded in Katie’s throat in a wild rush of emotion so powerful that for a while she tried to get the words out, but they stubbornly remained silent and shriveled up in her throat.
Daddy.
It w
as her only thought now and she worried about his safety.
Not for a minute did she think that he wouldn’t come, not when it came to the safety of his baby and of Ivan and his town. But in the time it would take the firemen to arrive, Katie knew she needed to be a big girl now and be brave enough to do her part.
“Fire,” she whispered.
The word was choked and barely coherent, but Tommy noticed her trying to speak and leaned closer.
“There’s a fire,” she told him. “I can smell it.”
Tommy sniffed the air and she saw the moment that he smelled it too.
“I’m smelling smoke, Mr. Davis!” Tommy shouted.
Trust Tommy not to be delicate about it either. The entire class froze as they looked at each other and looked around the room in alarm. Mr. Davis immediately stopped his lecture to sniff the air, then he stiffened. Katie knew that Ivan was a believer now too.
“Everyone needs to stay calm,” he told the class, his tone carefully measured. “We don’t know what’s happening yet, but we all know the drills we have been practicing since kindergarten. So please form a line and make your way to the designated spot outside in a calm and orderly manner. I’ll alert the other teachers and classes and find out what’s going on while we walk.”
Tommy tugged Katie’s hand and she got up, surprised that her body was even cooperating as her brain had already shut down.
The fear roamed the dark corners of her memory, always alive and brewing, always waiting for just the slightest invitation to step in and make her world a dark place.
But where Tommy led her, she followed.
They were at the front of the line and her class was the first out of the building by the time the fire alarm sounded. Both chaos and movement saturated the air that now grew gray with dark columns of smoke. The fire wasn’t near the school, but the smoke was bad enough that she could smell it even from this far away.
The columns rose into the air like grinning monsters from the forest on the edge of town, and in their depths, she saw faces and things of such terror. She was suddenly very glad that Tommy was still holding her hand, which he squeezed when she edged closer.
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