She quirks an eyebrow. “Do you?”
Annoyed, I clamp my back molars hard. Then I say more assuredly, “Yes. I do.”
“Because hanging back with your unit instead of standing before them as their leader will not earn you their trust.” She pauses. “Or their respect.”
I start to argue that I was just instructing them in sword fighting, but arguing with her will only make me seem childish. Though my father was a bastard, he at least taught me how to take criticism well. Instead, I ask the question that’s been plaguing me. “Are we to be co-leaders, then?”
Her eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if I’m to lead them, shouldn’t I be the one setting the time for the meetings, training, and so forth. And”—I stare into her gray eyes—“shouldn’t I be privileged to the same information as you?”
She smiles, her lips curling up on one side. “You should.”
I wait. I’m ready for her to fill me in on all the happenings, but her silence is nearly as painful as a slap to my face. I have nothing but respect for the former Nactue leader, but I’m glad she will retire soon. Her sarcasm and blatant disrespect for my position is grating on my nerves.
As I wait for her response, I glance around the courtyard. Then from my peripheral, I catch the slightest movement of Carina’s hand reaching for her sword. I take a staggering step back as she draws it from her belt and points it at my chest. Delayed but on guard, I pull my own sword and meet hers before it slices into me. Our blades meet with a shrill clang.
Confused, I take another step backward as she advances. Her blade swipes the air before me, just grazing the cloth of my uniform over my stomach.
“What’s wrong with you?” I ask, blocking her next attack.
She laughs, but doesn’t respond, which is proof enough for me that she has lost her mind. No wonder the Council has retired her early.
“For some reason,” she grunts out as she thrusts her sword, “the empress has chosen you. But I can see something in your eyes—something you’re hiding, holding you back.”
Blocking her next swing, I lunge and meet her blade, rebounding against her force. Our eyes lock, and I feel as if she’s looking through me—can see the mercury swirling, the gears turning beneath my skin.
We hold our locked position, our arms trembling. “There’s fear in your eyes,” she says. “You cannot lead the Nactue harboring fear—”
I step into her space and push her backward, forcing her off balance, and extend my sword. My arm taut, I hold the tip of my blade inches from her chin. “It’s not you who I have to prove myself to.” I suck in a breath. “I serve my empress and my deities. It’s them I have to impress.”
Carina straightens, ignoring my outstretched blade, and sheaths her sword. “You’re right.” Her eyes meet mine once more. “You don’t serve me, nor do you have to impress me. But you’re wrong about proving yourself to them.” She turns her back to me and stalks toward the other side of the courtyard, the opposite side of the training facility. Before she pushes through the door, she turns and says, “You must prove it to yourself.” Then she’s gone.
The air in the courtyard no longer feels calm and safe. The stone walls that held me in an embrace of serenity now seem to press in, confining me. My head spins. And suddenly everywhere I look my father’s face appears.
Haunting me.
It taunts me, and anger burns my core. I glance down. Silver streaks the skin over my knuckles, swirling like fire-hot magma, and reaches its spidery web across the top of my hand.
Then, I’m right back in my musty apartment—my mother cooking over the stove, my father bursting through the front door in a panic . . .
My father raced over to me and grabbed my thin arms, then dragged me across the room.
I screamed, and my mother rushed into the room with fear lacing her eyes. “Roland. What are you—?”
Her words cut short as my father revealed a syringe. “The officials are after me,” he panted out. “I have to hide the mercury.”
Before my mother could scream her protest, my father stuck the needle into my arm and pushed the plunger down. Fire coursed through my veins, searing me from the inside out. He clamped his hand over my mouth to stifle my scream.
My mother beat against his back, but it was no use. When the officials kicked in the door, he’d already beat her into a lifeless lump and hid her away, and disposed of the evidence. They ransacked our home, tearing into files, photos, overturning furniture, and breaking into the walls.
But they never found the stolen mercury.
It ran through my veins.
I close my eyes, seeing the memory play vividly across the backs of my eyelids. Pressing my lips together tightly, I push down the rage that boils just under the surface of my skin. Then I cleanse my lungs with a deep breath.
As I open my eyes, I try to focus on my mother’s words, words that should mean more to me than the harm my father caused that night, and more than the words Carina used so callously and has no idea the pain they elicit.
The goddess Alyah saved my life. I’m here for a reason—a purpose.
I turn and head back toward the training facility, determination marching my steps forward. Carina has left. I don’t know if she’ll return.
And I don’t care.
As I step into the room, I take in the wide eyes of the Nactue, and say, “I’m your leader. From now on, you’ll take orders from me.”
I do not fear Carina. Or anyone else.
Lilly raises a quizzical brow and trades a look with Willa before they both fall into line with Missa and Van. The Nactue stand before me, looking for my direction.
Hell.
In the heated moment with anger burning my insides, declaring my leadership role felt right. Now, I’m not sure what I’m doing. I press my fingers to my temples and think about everything I’ve learned through years of training in the protectors. And while we’re here training—possibly for an attack we have no way to prepare for—I wonder who is keeping watch over Empress Iana.
I close my eyes and center my thoughts on her. Then I feel the connection to the empress—the tiny pulse of her life force through the Nactue bond.
The former Nactue are watching over her. They left here early to guard her. Councilor Henna had them placed with the empress while Carina trained us—Councilor Herna wanted Carina away from the empress.
My eyes snap open in alarm. I’ve been taught that the Nactue bond will alert us if she’s in trouble, that I can feel her life force to know when she’s safe—but should it give me this much information? Do the other Nactue sense it in detail?
Shaken, I step forward and say, “Run through your usual warm up drills. I’ll be back in a moment.”
I start toward the double oak doors, but Lilly catches my arm. “Kal, is everything all right?” Her deep amber eyes show the worry she must be struggling with inside.
“Yes,” I say, nodding. “I just need to ask something of Councilor Herna.”
She grips her fist and cracks her knuckles as her mouth pinches together. “Let me know what’s going on.”
I give her a quick smile. “I will. I promise,” I say. And I mean it. I won’t be like Carina, keeping secrets and leaving everyone to wonder and panic. “Now stop cracking your knuckles before they’re too gnarly to wield a sword.”
She bats my arm and turns back to warm up with the other Nactue, and I head out the doors and into the corridor. While I’m making my way toward the Council’s chamber, I recite everything I need to say in my head. My face is flush, and I can almost feel the mercury rising to the surface of my skin. Whenever my emotions run high, the mercury makes itself known. Like I’m a blasted thermometer.
Alyah, have mercy.
A guard raises her hand as I reach the chamber doors. “Who are you here to speak with?”
“Councilor Herna,” I say, forcing my voice steady.
She nods and opens the door. “Protector Kaliope
is here to seek council,” she says, her head peeking between the cracked doors.
I’m surprised she knows my name. But then surely it’s already known among the protectors who took the leadership role of the Nactue. I’m flattered for a moment until she opens the door wider and I spot Councilor Herna. My elation plummets.
“Come in,” Councilor Herna says, not looking up from a document spread across the dark wood of her desk.
Thanking the guard, I slip past her and into the chamber. There are no other members of the Council present, and the still room echoes my every step. I stop before her desk and stand at attention with my hands linked behind my back.
Finally, she looks up. “How can I assist you, Protector Kaliope?”
Swallowing down my nerves, I lift my chin. “Protector Carina has appointed me in charge of training the Nactue.” I won’t out Carina for attacking me or abandoning her post. I’m not a rat, and from what I saw through the bond, Carina already has enough issues with the councilor. “I’d like to be informed of the happenings in Court, the situation in Perinya, and be given a detailed training procedure for the Nactue.”
Her pale, thin lips spread into a half-smile. “Very impressive. I was wondering how long it would take for Carina to shirk her duties and for you to step up. Not long at all, I see.”
My lips part, ready to cover for Carina again, but she continues. “Protector Carina is very head-strong, and although that’s a fine quality to have in a leader”—she eyes me sternly—“it can also be detrimental.” She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. Her tan tunic hangs loosely at her thin wrists. “For now, I’d like you to keep up the routines you learned in the protectors. Honestly, there’s not much Carina can teach you anyway. Your Nactue will learn more by simply jumping in and doing.” She clears her throat. “As for Perinya, there is still no word.”
The room swallows her last statement, silence building uncomfortably between us. I nod once. “I will lead them in training, but I’d like to know when we will take charge of guarding Empress Iana.” This is bold of me to demand, but I can’t possibly learn my role any other way.
“Normally, there’s a two-week transition. But since Protector Carina has abandoned her station, it doesn’t seem as though you and the Nactue have a choice.” Her chair scrapes the floor as she rises, then she walks around the desk to stand before me. “Tomorrow, you will bring the Nactue to the empress’s quarters and join the former Nactue. With so many protectors watching over the empress, she’s assured much more protection in this uncertain time, and you’ll be able to learn your duties that way.”
Bowing my head, I say, “Thank you, councilor.” Then I meet her steely eyes once more. “And if word comes—”
“When the messenger arrives, you’ll be contacted to join the meeting.” She smiles. “Again, I’m very impressed. I think you’re already handling your position quite well.”
“I will do all that I can to protect the empress and Cavan.”
Her eyes scan my face, and their corners crinkle as she smiles. “You’re dismissed.” She turns her back to me and walks to her chair. “Take the rest of this day to explore the palace. Have the Nactue get acquainted with their surroundings.” She faces me before taking her seat, her eyes hard. “I fear it may be the only rest you’ll get for a long time.”
After I gather the Nactue, we set forth to explore as Councilor Herna advised. I glance at my transmitter, hoping an order from the councilor or someone else will flash on the screen. I feel as if I’m wandering aimlessly, the confidence I held earlier waning as my anger with Carina fades.
Why did Carina abandon me? Whatever is between her and the Council has nothing to do with me, and I’m floundering. Couldn’t she wait until after I’ve been trained to throw a tantrum? Or is this the norm for her—doing exactly what she wants when she feels like it.
Once we reach the top level of the palace, I lead the four women behind me toward the empress’s quarters. I want to know the area we’ll be guarding greatly in the future. Our rooms are on the opposite side of this wing. Close, but still far enough away that Empress Iana maintains her privacy.
The air is heavily scented with lavender and myrrh. Tiny tendrils of smoke waft up from a brass burner in the corner as we enter the rooms.
Kai, the former Nactue with the red eye makeup, stands guard before the empress’s chamber in the large, open receiving room. She nods her head to me as I approach.
“The empress is being dressed for her daily prayer ritual,” she says. “It’s at this time every day, and she requires three Nactue to escort her.”
“Thank you for this information,” I say, and I’m grateful that Kai’s expression doesn’t convey the annoyance Carina’s held. Maybe I can tag along with her and learn the empress’s schedule, at least. “Are the other former Nactue inside her chamber?”
“Lisa and Jordan are, but Cara monitors the palace temple, awaiting our arrival with the empress. Carina usually waits with her, but I’m not sure where she is today.” She glances toward the stained glass window, avoiding my eyes, and I wonder if Carina told any of her protectors about what transpired in the courtyard. I’m still unsure as to what transpired. Was that some sort of lesson? Was she testing me? Or does she simply go around randomly attacking people.
Turning to my Nactue, I place my hand on the pommel of my sword and straighten my back. “Lilly and Willa, you’ll monitor the temple while Van, Missa, and I escort the empress. This will be our regular routine at this time.”
Willa gives me a subtle wink, and I nod. She and Lilly have always taken their training and duties seriously, never allowing their relationship to hinder it. I trust them completely, and they work together to make an amazing team. The empress chose wisely when she selected them as her guards.
The Nactue all check their transmitters, marking the time, and then Lilly and Willa head toward the lift, already taking up their stations. I turn back to Kai. “I hope Cara doesn’t mind them joining her to learn their duties.”
Kai lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug. “She’ll probably welcome the company. Ever since the attack on Perinya, nothing has gone according to plan for the transition.” She checks her own transmitter quickly. “At this time, I should be receiving my vissa display and meeting with the Council to be welcomed into the Signaught. But maybe tomorrow, if all goes well.”
The chamber doors part and Jordan and Lisa lead Empress Iana into the room. The empress is dressed in white, nearly transparent garments. Silver beads dangle from the bottom of her silk choli, clinking together against her stomach. The front of her hip scarf reaches mid-thigh, and the sheer material flows to the floor behind her. Her arms, stomach, and legs have been painted with an array of colorful henna. It swirls over the canvas of her skin in ethereal beauty, as if the goddess Monique painted the empress herself.
The purity of her presence fills the room, stealing the air from my lungs, and my chest tightens. Even the incense stills as her perfumed sandalwood sweeps over me. The goddess’s bond must strengthen when she’s close, because my desire to protect her heightens, making it impossible to think of anything else.
I step to the side and the other Nactue line up beside me, making a clear path for Empress Iana to walk past. Jordan and Lisa take the lead, walking ahead of the empress, and I motion for Van and Missa to walk beside them. After Empress Iana passes, I fall into step behind Kai, guarding the back.
On our way to the palace temple, Kai relays that the empress doesn’t ride the lifts, as she dislikes small, enclosed areas, so we move in a large group down the spiral staircase. Once we reach the bottom after descending four levels, Empress Iana turns in my direction.
“Protector Kaliope,” she says, her voice tinkling and soft, like a melody. “Please walk beside me.”
Surprised and slightly daunted, I hedge toward the center of the pack and walk an arm’s length from the empress. Her hand reaches out and she takes me by the arm, pulling me closer to he
r side. I’ve never been this close to her—never touched her—and I’m worried that with her insight, she’ll see right through me; past my skin cells and into my blood, where the mercury swirls and the gears spin.
I’m prepared for rejection from the others if it comes to that, but I’m unsure if I could bear the empress’s revulsion. She’s the closest thing to a living deity in this world, and it may break my heart.
I peek over at her. She walks with her head held high, gliding as if she’s the goddess Farrah personified.
White stone colonnades mark the entrance to the temple, reaching toward the top of the open palace ceiling. Statues and wall carvings line the front, and colorful wall-hangings drape toward the floor between the columns.
As I prepare to stand guard in front of the high stone doors, Empress Iana steps before me. “I have much to seek from the goddess today,” she says. “I’d like for you to join me in prayer, Kaliope. We leaders must never stop praying.”
Bowing my head quickly, I say, “Of course, empress.” Then I follow her into the incense-filled temple, the sweet, perfumed scents mingling together to tickle my nose.
Rows of stone benches make up the seating area of the temple, and stained glass windows depicting the goddesses from stories I’ve heard growing up run floor-to-ceiling at their end caps. The empress leads me toward the dais, where a bronze carafe sets near a burner emitting the aroma of amber powder, white sage, and sandalwood—scents to purify, heal, and bring spiritual awareness.
Empress Iana kneels before the dais. A massive statue of the goddess Farrah looks down on us. I follow suit, kneeling beside her. I close my eyes and pray to Alyah for strength and the continued healing of my body. Then I pray to Farrah to protect the convoy, and to send word from Perinya soon.
After a long moment of silence, where I lose count of the minutes, Empress Iana lifts her head. “I chose you as head of my Nactue because I see much of myself in you, Kaliope.” She looks over at me. “Goddess Alyah has made me aware of your condition—your struggle with mercury and cybernetic parts—and I want you to realize that it is not a weakness.” Her amethyst eyes bore into me, and my mouth opens, dry.
Of Silver and Beasts (Goddess Wars) Page 4