by Joyce Alec
Thinking that should she continue the conversation for a few more minutes, she might discover the truth, Alice decided that she would remain silent on the issue of her identity for the moment.
“I shall remain with you, Lord Worthington,” she said, quietly. “I will confess that I am completely stunned by your revelations, for why would a married man keep the truth of his matrimonial state a secret?”
“That is a fair question,” he replied, sounding relieved that she would stay with him. “I shall tell you all if you wish to hear it. Then I shall seek your advice on how to progress from the lowly position I have left myself in.”
Alice nodded, her eyes taking in every expression on her husband’s face.
He looked relieved, a sigh leaving his lips. “I have just come from visiting my mother. I was there late last night and spoke with her this morning before returning to London.”
“I hear she lives in the dower house, but two hours from London.”
He nodded, but did not smile. There was no delight in his eyes as he spoke of her, as though their relationship was somewhat strained.
“And did you find her well?” Alice did not know what his mother had to do with her situation, but something told her to listen carefully to what her husband had to say.
Lord Worthington’s lips twisted. “In a way. She is never pleased with me, you see.”
“I see,” Alice mumbled, thinking that his mother might have every right to be disappointed in him, given his behavior.
He laughed. “I presume you think that she must be justified in her criticism of me, and you might well be right. However, the lady has never been an affectionate one. Even as a boy, I could never please her.” His lips thinned. “It was she who persuaded my father to set stipulations in his will.”
Alice remembered, only just in time, that she was meant to have no knowledge of such things. “Stipulations?” she asked, knowing full well what had been asked of him.
He set his shoulders and shook his head. “My father wrote in his last will and testament that I must marry before his fortune, in its entirety, was released to me.”
Alice nodded. “That must have been difficult for you.”
To her very great surprise, Lord Worthington shook his head, stopping in his walk so that he might face her. “No, indeed. I did not consider it a burden in any way.”
“No?” Alice could not believe that, given how much in his cups her husband had been on his wedding day.
“No, of course not. I looked forward to choosing my own bride, for I never wished to marry without love or affection at the very least.” He smiled at her, looking a little self-conscious. “You may believe me to be quite ridiculous in such an expectation, given that very few gentlemen consider it, but I found that I could not marry for anything less.”
This certainly did not make sense to Alice, for she had only set eyes on her husband on the day of their wedding. She could not help but frown, her eyes piercing him. He did not look in the least disturbed by her perusal, simply meeting her gaze with a despondent look.
“When my mother insisted I marry right away, I chose a woman whom I thought could make me happy. I did not love her, but she was tolerable, and I believed my affections for her could grow. However, my mother did not see things as I did. She arranged my betrothal, and my subsequent marriage, without so much as asking me. As I said, I did not love the woman I chose, and upon reflection, I would have not been happy with her. However, I was upset that my mother stole that choice from me. She had no right, but what could I do?”
Alice stopped dead, feeling as though she were about to be blown over by the wind. The air was pulled from her lungs, the emotions she felt almost choking her. Had her husband been manipulated into wedding her? She had been told that he had come to the ceremony willingly, that he truly did wish to marry her, but now it appeared that it had all been a lie.
“Are you all right?” Lord Worthington asked, looking increasingly worried. “I have not shocked you too greatly, I hope?”
Alice could only make her way to a small bench, sitting down heavily and drawing in long, deep breaths. So this was why her husband had been so badly behaved at his wedding and why she had been sent to live alone for three years… He had not had a choice in the marriage. He had not wanted to marry her.
Lord Worthington took one of her hands and chafed it, his eyes searching her face. He did not understand what the matter was with her, for he did not know the truth of her identity.
“I am quite well, I assure you,” Alice croaked, feeling some warmth come back into her fingers. “I do apologize.”
His eyes did not leave hers, filled with concern. “I am sorry if what I said has caused you such distress. It was not my intention.”
Swallowing, Alice let out her breath slowly, trying hard to focus on her husband. “No, I am well, I promise you. I am surprised to hear that you are wed, for there is no mention of your wife in any regard. There are whispers, of course.”
“And I am a truly terrible man for treating my wife in such a way,” he replied, coming to sit next to her. “In truth, despite my regard for you, I must seek your advice on how to approach my wife for I have no one else to ask.” The agony in his expression intensified as he let go of her hand. “How am I to make amends to her when I have treated her in such a terrible way?”
Alice looked into his face, keeping her gaze steady. She did not see a single ounce of dishonesty there, for he was returning her gaze with an eager expression, as though desperate to hear what she had to say.
“I believe you may simply be honest with her,” she replied, slowly. “Honesty can go a long way to healing someone’s broken heart.”
“She will never forgive me,” he replied, dropping his head into his hands. “I have left her there for three years and have forbidden my mother — my conniving, manipulative mother — from visiting her, knowing that it would do the lady more harm than good. I have rarely written and have not returned to my estate since depositing her there.” He glanced up at her, his face drawn. “So, you see, I am quite the wretch and deserve every bit of wrath she places on my head.”
Alice nodded, finding that she simply could not speak. The desire to tell him who she was grew with every moment, to relieve him of some of his pain. This had never been the path she had intended to walk when she had first come to town, but her husband had changed right before her very eyes to the point that she could no longer bring herself to disgrace him in front of all society.
There was more to his story and to his treatment of her than she had first realized, discovering that she could, somehow, begin to understand why he had left her so alone, although that did not make up for it, of course.
“You are right when you say that you deserve every last bit of wrath I might place on your head,” she began softly, feeling a trembling in her soul begin to take hold. “But perhaps, I might somehow be able to find a way to forgive you. What do you think, William?”
Chapter Fourteen
“William?” he repeated, slowly, his eyes taking her in as though looking at her for the first time.
Alice lifted her chin and did not remove her gaze from his, although she was now aware that she trembled all over. She had revealed the truth of her identity to her husband and was unsure as to how he would respond. Would he be angry with her? Ashamed? Utterly astonished?
As she watched, his expression changed from one of surprise to one of shock, his face draining of color as he pushed himself a little away from her, his hands grasping the bench for support.
“You are not my wife,” he breathed, not even blinking as he stared at her. “You are Lady Emma Taylor.”
“A false name, I’m afraid, my lord,” she replied, sounding much more assured than she felt. “It was necessary so I could see exactly the kind of man I had married.”
He pressed his lips together as though holding back an exclamation of some kind.
“I grew tired of being kept up in your estate fo
r three long years with no company to speak of and no husband at my side,” she continued, her voice cracking with emotion. “I came here with the intention of shaming you before all of society, hoping that it would be the thing you needed to do as you ought and return to me.” Her vision blurred as she struggled to contain her emotions. “It appears, however, that my plan has gone awry, thanks to your sudden change of character.”
“Lady Emma,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I mean, Lady… Worthington.”
“Alice,” she stated calmly. “My name is Alice.”
To her very great surprise, the man got to his feet and stumbled away from her. She stared at him as he began to pace in front of the bench, his eyes never leaving her. She saw the way his hands shook, realizing that she had shocked him beyond measure.
“Forgive me, but I must leave you,” he said, hoarsely. “This is all too much. I am too ashamed.”
“William!” she exclaimed, rising to her feet. “You cannot simply leave me here in the park, not after all that has been revealed! There is much we need to talk about.”
“I cannot,” he said, bowing deeply. “I must ask you to forgive me again, my lady. Do excuse me.”
***
Madeline put her arm around Alice’s shaking shoulders as she wept, holding her friend close.
“I am so sorry, Alice,” she murmured, gently. “I cannot imagine what you must be going through.”
“He looked at me as though I were a wraith,” Alice whispered, through her tears. “A fearsome beast come from the past come back to remind him of all his sins.”
Madeline’s smile was sad. “You are, in a way,” she replied softly. “Now, you must stay overnight with me. I absolutely insist.”
Alice shook her head. “No, I must return home.”
“You cannot!” Madeline protested. “I will not allow you to be alone at a time such as this, Alice. You will need friends about you and, although Catherine is very busy with the season, I am sure she will wish to see you.”
Swallowing her tears, Alice patted her cheeks dry with her lace handkerchief and tried to think clearly. All she wanted was to run away, far away, to seek refuge away from her husband. Then again, if she returned home to her country estate, to her prison, there was no reason why her husband should not seek her out there. The walls slowly began to close in on her, making her break down in tears once more.
“You will stay, I insist upon it,” Madeline said firmly. “I am sure things will be clearer by the morning.”
***
However, come the morning, Alice still felt as dull and as lost as she had done the previous day. Having spent a night tossing and turning in bed, she was both pale and wane, her eyes smudged with exhaustion. She had lingered in bed for some of the morning hours, finally falling into a restless sleep that brought her, for at least some time, a little peace.
“My dear Alice,” Madeline exclaimed, the moment Alice walked into the drawing room. “How are you?” She rose at once and took Alice’s hand, her eyes searching Alice’s face.
Alice did not know what to say, not able to find the words to express the numbness in her soul, the grief, and pain that were mingled with despair. She had not thought that her husband would simply turn his back and leave her, as he had done those three years previously. She had thought that his change of character would force him to remain, to talk with her about what he had done. Now, it appeared that her hopes had been in vain. Had he railed at her, that would have been a better reaction than simply leaving her standing alone.
“You are exhausted,” Madeline said when Alice did not answer. “Come and sit down.”
Alice shook her head. “I will return to my parents’ townhouse,” she said quietly. “That is the only place I can think of where I will feel secure.” She had thought on her dilemma of where to go for some hours, realizing with relief that Lord Worthington did not know her address here in town. “If he does seek me out, can you send me a note of some kind? I feel as though I need a few days to simply hide away, to come to terms with what has occurred.”
A flash of discomfiture crossed Madeline’s face but was gone in an instant, making Alice frown slightly. Was she putting Madeline in an awkward position by asking her to act as a go-between? She did not have anyone else that she could turn to.
“Of course,” Madeline said at once, lifting Alice’s unease. “But are you sure you will not stay, Alice? I do hate to see you go when you are clearly still upset.”
Alice shook her head. “I am grateful to you, Madeline, but I need my solitude.”
“I am sorry for what happened,” her friend replied quietly. “But perhaps your husband simply needed time to overcome the sheer amount of shame and mortification he felt at your revelation.”
“Or perhaps I have been taken in once more,” Alice responded at once. “In truth, Madeline, I am not sure of the man at all anymore. He is a man with many faces, I think, and I have simply become confused over which one he is wearing.”
To her surprise, Madeline did not agree, putting her hand on Alice’s arm and shaking her head. “I believe there is more to him than you realize, Alice. Of course, there is much that you need to discuss, for the last three years cannot simply be blown away, but I trust that there will be healing for you both. In time.”
Alice was not sure what made Madeline sound so certain over such things but accepted her friend’s words regardless.
“You mean to go now?”
Alice nodded and attempted to smile. “Yes, I do. I have already called for the carriage. I will see you again soon, Madeline.”
Her friend pressed a kiss to Alice’s cheek and squeezed her hands, her eyes glittering with moisture. Alice, appreciating her friend’s sympathy, managed a watery smile before she left the room.
***
Alice sat quietly in her carriage, not even noticing the twists and turns of the road as it wound its way back home. Nor did she notice the slight smile on her butler’s face as she handed him her bonnet and gloves, her mind still weighed down with all that had occurred. Her future was now dull, laying out as barren and as bleak as it had been when she had lived those three years alone. She did not know what Lord Worthington meant to do with her, nor what he would say when they next had to meet. All she could see was the way he had looked at her, the paleness of his features as he had turned around and left her alone in Hyde Park.
A sudden scent caught her nose, making her frown. Turning to the butler, who was standing quietly to her left, she lifted one eyebrow.
“A gift of flowers, my lady,” he said, anticipating her question. “I have put them in the drawing room.”
Thinking that they must be from Catherine, whom Madeline had written to only yesterday, Alice felt her heart lift a little. “Lovely, thank you. I think I shall take tea there.”
“Of course,” the butler murmured, bowing slightly and walking away. Alice made her way to the drawing room, wondering what on earth was making such a wonderful scent. Catherine must have sent a large number of blooms for the beautiful smell to make its way through the house!
Pushing open the drawing-room door, Alice took one step in, only to be completely and utterly shocked. The entire room, it seemed, was filled with flowers. They were everywhere. They adorned the tables, the mantelpiece, and, as she took another small step inside, the floor. Vases were everywhere, although where such a great number had come from, she could not tell. The scent of the blooms wafted around her, making her heart bloom with delight and happiness.
“Who has sent all these?” she breathed to herself, picking up one delicate bloom and lifting it to her nose.
“These are all the flowers I should have sent you, these three years past.”
The flower dropped from her fingers as she stumbled back, seeing Lord Worthington, her husband, stepping into her line of vision from the corner of the room. “Lord Worthington,” she breathed, her eyes widening. “How—”
“I confess that Lady Astor told me of where
you were staying,” he said, looking more than a little guilty. “It took a great deal of convincing, but she believes me to be genuine in my affection and regard for you.”
Alice could not breathe, pressing one hand to her stomach as she saw her husband slowly advance towards her, his eyes lingering on her.
“I believe I have a great many apologies to make,” he said, now only a few steps away from her. “Not only for how I have treated you since our wedding day, but in leaving you only yesterday all over again.” He closed his eyes, as though the memory of what he had done was painful to him. “I am truly sorry, my dear.”
Her entire being was alive, her heart squeezing almost painfully in her chest as she held onto the back of a chair for support.
“I will admit that I was truly stunned by your revelation,” he continued when she did not reply. “My shame was so great that I found myself almost running away from you.” He dropped his head for a moment, before looking back at her. “How can you ever forgive me?” His voice broke, his eyes glazing over with emotion as he regarded her with an almost desperate look.
Still clinging to the chair, Alice felt fresh tears fill her eyes as they traveled over the many, many flowers he had sent her. “It will take some time for us to fully heal,” she said brokenly. “But you have changed, Lord Worthington and, even now, I believe that change to be ongoing.”
He put his head in his hands, as though he could not take in what she was saying.
“I should never have left you,” he said, his voice muffled through his hands. “You should never have been left there alone. It was as though I were punishing you for what my mother forced me to do.”
“I did not know that you were in such a difficult predicament,” Alice replied truthfully. “My father did not tell me anything of the kind.”
His brown eyes looked into her green ones as though he were seeing her for the very first time. “I do not deserve a woman like you,” he said softly. “Not after the rogue I have been.”
“But you are not that man any longer,” she replied, managing to loosen her grip on the chair and step closer.