She parked her car and took a few deep breaths before opening her door and getting out. You can do this, she told herself. He deserved to know the truth.
Sandy stepped up onto his porch and knocked on the door. It took a few moments before she heard the locks click and the door open. He looked amazing. Better than she could have imagined. The night of her accident was a little blurry to her. She couldn't remember exactly how he looked that night. The man that was in front of her at the door was better looking than he was in any of her dreams. She felt her hands shake and sweat forming on her forehead. Had she made a mistake? She turned to walk away.
“This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here,” she said, as she began to step off of the porch.
His hand reached out and grabbed her. She felt the warmth of his strong grasp shoot through her body.
“You said you had something to say,” he said. “Maybe you should come in and say whatever it was. You drove all the way over here. You obviously have something on your mind.”
She was surprised that he hadn't just let her walk away. What did he care what she had to say? He probably hated her. She couldn't blame him if he did. If he didn't, he probably would by the time she left.
“Okay,” she whispered.
He let her walk in front of him. When his hand brushed against her back, she jumped. The electricity that came from his touch was so strong. Did he feel it, she wondered? She moved away from him once they were inside his house. When she looked around, she was sure her mouth had hit the floor. It was beautiful. He had done very well for himself.
“Your home is very nice,” she said.
“Thank you,” he replied.
“How long have you lived here?” she asked.
“Many years,” he said. “This was my third place with Ethan. I wanted us to both be able to have space. I also wanted him to be able to have a room for his games and computer stuff. He had dreams. I made sure he had what he wanted and needed for those dreams to come true. We did well together.”
John walked into his living room and motioned for her to have a seat.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.
“Water would be great,” she said.
He walked out of the room and came back with a cold beer and a bottle of cold water.
“Ice?” he asked.
“No,” she answered. “Thank you.”
He sat down at the other end of the couch and lifted the bottle to his mouth. She watched him closely as he drank it.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
They sat silent for a moment.
“You're not married?” she questioned.
“No,” he answered. “You are.”
She looked down at the water bottle in her hands, happy to have something in them.
“Divorced?” she asked.
“No,” he answered.
Her eyes widened as she watched the bottle resting against his lips.
“How's your brother?” she asked.
“You already met his wife,” he answered, letting her know that he knew about her conversation with Julie.
“Yes,” she said. “I did. She seems very nice.”
“I've known her since she was in high school. She's a much larger pain-in-the-ass now that she's married to my brother.”
Sandy was surprised that John still hadn't even cracked a smile.
“She definitely cares about you,” she said.
“She needs something to keep her busy. Right now, that's putting her nose in my business. She means well though. Ethan's best friend Gavin is her brother. He married his best friend's little sister. Nobody ever expected them to get together. Gavin about lost it when they did. He's happy for them now. I knew they were going to end up together. They've been fighting their feelings for years.”
“Your father,” she said.
“He died years ago,” he answered.
“I'm sorry.”
“Not your problem, but thank you. How long have you lived here?” he asked.
“Two years,” she said.
“Did you ever care?” he blurted out.
She was taken back by his question. It came out of nowhere.
“What?” she finally answered.
“About me,” he said. “Did you ever give a shit?”
“How can you say that?” she asked.
He let out a deep breath and got up. When he walked out of the room, she wasn't sure what to do. Should she leave or wait for him to come back, she wondered? He walked back into the room with a fresh, cold beer. She looked at him and closed her eyes.
“What?” he snapped.
“I'm just shocked. It's none of my business. I just have a hard time with certain things.”
John began to pace back and forth. She knew he was trying to decide on what he wanted to say. Finally, he stopped and looked at her.
“This is how I see it. Please, tell me when I get something wrong.”
She nodded and braced herself for what was about to come her way.
“I was in love with you. I thought we were going to have a future together. I was sure of it. Something huge happened in my life. My little brother's mom passed away. Our asshole father was going to let him go into the system. I made a decision to save him from traveling from home to home. I begged you to be a part of that. I wanted you to be a part of our family. I wanted, no wait, I needed you. You decided that you wanted to stay at school and make your career dreams come true. I didn't blame you. I knew that was what you always wanted. It wasn't fair for me to ask you to give that up. Am I right so far?” he asked.
Sandy nodded without a word.
“You have no idea how hard it was to decide between leaving you to help my brother or staying with you. I thought about you every fucking day. It was so damn hard to be away from you. I worked odd jobs to get a tiny one bedroom apartment for us. I worked so hard to become a cop. I was able to move up to a bigger apartment. My father gave me some money. I bought this house. Ethan had a very rough time. He had nightmares and was dirty when I got him. It took everything I had to make a home for him so he wouldn't have to live without food or clothes ever again. I thought constantly about how well you must have been doing in school. I wanted you to change your mind. I wanted you to pick me. That sounds stupid now, but tell that to a young guy in love. You never did. I never heard from you again. All these years, I wondered what could have been between us. I never got into another serious relationship. I never got married or had kids. You didn't want kids right away. That was what you said.”
John paced back and forth across the carpet in front of her. He reached up and ran his fingers through his soft, dark hair.
“Ethan had a fucked up life. I was determined to make up for everything our asshole father took away from him. He had his own room here. I gave him an extra bedroom for his computer stuff. He worked hard to prove he could be better than our dad. I watched after him so he didn't let anyone take advantage of him. My entire life was taking care of him. He's grown now. Julie turned his ass around and married him. I don't have to watch out for him anymore. He doesn't need me. As if all of that recently hasn't kicked my ass, I ran into you. You're married. That's awesome. I am so happy for you. You have two kids. That's great as well.”
He stopped, leaned down, and looked into her eyes.
“What's not okay with me about all of this you might be wondering? The fact that I wasn't gone long when you were already fucking someone else. That's what I have a problem with. Oh, wait, you didn't want kids right away. You didn't want to be tied down with my brother. I wasn't good enough to be stuck with I guess. The moment I walked out the door, you fucked someone else and had their baby. Did I mention that you married them? What I have been wondering for a little over two weeks now is, what the fuck made him better than me? If you didn't love me, you could have just told me.”
“John,” she cried.
“I've loved one woman in my entire life. I'v
e never let myself get that close to anyone again. I can't believe the time I wasted on someone that never even gave a shit.”
He fell back onto his chair and let his head fall back.
Sandy scooted forward and wiped the tears from her eyes. They were sliding down her face faster than she could stop them.
“It's not what you think,” she said through the sobs that were beginning.
“How long?” he asked. “How long after I left did you get pregnant?”
She looked at him, as he opened his eyes.
“Answer the question,” he said.
“One month,” she barely spoke. “I was drunk.”
“Did you love him?” he asked.
She shook her head no.
“Do you love him?” he asked.
She shook her head no.
“I left when our son turned twenty-one. That was two years ago. I filed for divorce right after the accident. I had finally saved enough money for a lawyer. I did love you John. I'll always love you. When you left, I was a mess. I thought about going after you. I really did. As soon as school was out, I was going to go to you. I loved you so much. It was horrible without you. I wouldn't come out of the dorm except to go to class. My roommate talked me into going to a party one night. She handed me a drink. I was so depressed. It didn't matter. I missed you so much. Before I knew it I was wasted like you wouldn't believe. I wasn't sure what was going on. I remembered blacking out.”
She stopped and looked away from him.
“When I woke up, I was in bed with a man. We were both naked.”
“Are you fucking kidding me,” he snapped.
John was off the chair and pacing again. Sandy had to finish. There was no going back.
“You didn't even know him?”
“Within a few weeks, I was getting sick. I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he acted super excited. My mom wanted me to get an abortion.”
John stopped pacing, turned, and let out a growl from deep in his chest.
“I told her I wouldn't do it. There was no way. When his parents found out, they wanted us to get married. My mom felt the same way since I didn't follow what she really wanted. She told me if I didn't marry him, she wouldn't help me anymore. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I wanted to be with you. I didn't want to be with anyone else. You had your brother. I knew you wouldn't want to raise another man's baby. One that was conceived on a drunken night. I married him. He made me quit school while he continued. I stayed home all day. He wasn't the nicest, but he was okay as long as I did what he wanted. I had nowhere else to go. My mom wouldn't agree to me leaving him. I got pregnant again three years later. He said the condom broke, but I heard him tell one of his friends that he got me pregnant on purpose. He did very well for himself. I was home with the kids. He was off on business trips. It was not a good relationship though. He didn't beat me, but he made sure I was right where he wanted me. I never had any money of my own. He didn't want me to have friends. Anyone I tried to talk to ended up giving up on me. The kids were all I had.”
Sandy knew she needed to finish the conversation and get out of John's house. It was getting hot, and she started to feel like she couldn't breathe.
“When our son turned twenty-one, I knew that I was safe to leave. Kyle's last semester of school was paid for. He already had a job lined up. Kelly was living here with her husband. My only concern was the kids. I saved little bits of the money my husband gave me over the years. It was hidden in the house. When he was away on business, I packed a few bags and left. I didn't take much. A few outfits and some necessities. There was no way I wanted any connection to him. He had told me so many times he would make my life hell if I left. It took a long time for him to figure out where I was. He begged me to come back, but there was no way that was going to happen. He has way more money than I'll ever have to fight him. All I want is my freedom. I moved in with my mom and started working. Once I finally saved up enough money, I got an apartment. I was in the process of saving up again so I could pay a lawyer. When the accident happened and I saw you, I knew there was no going back to him. The only man I had ever loved was standing in front of me. All of those feelings came back as if not a day had passed. I knew it was time to take the final step to getting my freedom. I filed for divorce.”
She took a huge breath in and out.
“I know you'll never forgive me. I just want you to know what happened and move on with life. I'm to old to be thinking about it anymore. I just want to live out the rest of my days knowing that I finally told you. I swear I was going to you. I have never had one drop of alcohol since the day my life changed forever. I love my children. I wouldn't change having the two of them. I just regret losing the one person I loved.”
She stood up, and turned to walk out.
“Who was he?” John asked.
Sandy grabbed his front door, opened it, and turned back to him.
“I didn't mean for it to happen. I never would have done anything with him on purpose.”
“Who?” John snapped.
“Luke Robinson,” she whispered.
“My fucking roommate,” he yelled.
“John,” she said.
“Go,” he said. “You need to go. I need time.”
She walked out and he pushed the door closed behind her.
Chapter 16
John thought all night about Sandy and what she had told him. He was so upset with her. The more he thought, the more unsure he became. She said she had loved him more than once. Had she really planned to be with him as soon as her classes were over for the year? Was she being honest?
The thought of her being drunk and waking up in another man's bed was hard for him to handle. She acted as if she never remembered sleeping with the guy. Did she know what she was doing, he wondered? Had his roommate taken advantage of her?
John thought back to college. He met his roommate the day he moved in. Luke seemed okay. They got along but weren't great friends. Sandy had come to their room more times than John could count. He didn't remember Luke acting out of the ordinary around her. Maybe he was interested in her the entire time. The thought made John even angrier.
He couldn't sleep. Working out wasn't helping. John was a wreck. It had to have taken a lot of courage for her to come into his home and tell him those things. He knew that couldn't have been easy. She seemed very nervous when he first opened the door and saw her beautiful face. How long had that been bothering her, he wondered? Maybe it was something that had come to the surface since the accident.
John thought about the things she said. Her mom wanted her to get rid of the baby. That was horrible. She also told her she would wash her hands of her unless she married him. What kind of a thing is that to do to her child? Some people didn't deserve to be parents, he thought. She mentioned that her husband kept money from her even though he was away on business so much. That seemed like a lot to deal with. He might not have had love, but he had freedom. She had just gotten hers two years before, but she was building her life over from nothing. He couldn't imagine having to have to do that at an older age.
John couldn't help but feel sorry for what she had been through. He wasn't sure how honest she was being with him, but seeing the tears stream down her cheeks told him she felt sad about things. She had an apartment and a job and seemed to be pleased with that. The career he thought she had went on to have had never happened. Twenty-seven years had gone by, and neither of them had found true love.
He felt bad for the way he reacted to Sandy's news. It wasn't easy for her to go to him and tell him her story, and he had flipped out on her. That probably wasn't to far off from what she expected.
The next day took forever. He sat in his patrol car thinking about her. She was probably at work as well. Was she thinking about him, he wondered? He picked up food on the way home, grabbed a drink from the fridge, and turned on the television. His phone buzzed just as he was about to eat.
Julie: Friday night. Be ready at
seven. Ethan will pick you up on the way home.
John: What?
Julie: The double date. You're not backing out on me. This is my one chance, remember.
John: Yes, one chance and then you never try it again.
Julie: Okay. You better be nice to her.
John: Hey. Remember Sandy?
Julie: Yes.
John: She came by here last night.
Instantly, his phone rang. He laughed when he saw Julie's face on the screen.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Hello to you too.”
“Spill it, John.”
“Keep it between us, got it.”
“Of course,” she said.
John went on to tell her the story of what happened the night before. She stayed silent the entire time beside a few gasps and groans. When he got to the part about it being his roommate, she let out a shriek.
“What did you do?” Julie asked.
“I told her to leave. I said I needed time,” he answered.
“She must have felt horrible. I can't imagine how she felt all those years. Being stuck with someone that she never even loved or cared about. Staying there for her children. What are you going to do?”
“Nothing,” he said. “She got it off her chest, and now she can move on.”
“That explains why she was so freaked out the day I saw her. When she thought we were together, she was upset. I'm sure she wanted you to be happy, but I can't imagine it would feel good to see it knowing she had lost you. What was her daughter's birthday again?”
“I don't remember. You need to put that idea to rest. Sandy verified that Kelly is Luke's child. You're the only person that knows anything. I just had to talk it out for a minute. I haven't been able to think of anything else all day. I thought she moved on right away and never cared. Her life was changed by one drunken night. Her entire life has been built off of that night. At least I made my choices out of love. I was so pissed when she told me, but I feel bad for her. She came back here with nothing. Her daughter had helped her a lot. She said her mom even let her stay with her at first. I can't imagine starting my life with nothing at my age. Here I am ready to retire and relax on the beach. She's just beginning to make a life for herself. I can't imagine how she feels.”
Rescue of Love (Bachelor Billionaire #4) Page 8