His hands move away from the wall and begin to explore my body, sliding down my ribs and resting on my hips, drawing me closer to him. Our kiss deepens; the fire between us ignites. I’m not sure at this point if the flame can be extinguished; the neighbors are no doubt getting a show.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Brooks mutters as he drags his lips down my jaw.
“I forgot how good you feel,” I say, tilting my head back to give him better access.
Hastily, he draws his head back, looking into my hooded eyes. “I’m going to spend every fucking day helping you remember, Viv. You’re my Clover, and you always will be.”
Expecting another passionate kiss, I brace myself for impact, but instead, Brooks slowly leans in and lightly touches his lips to mine. It’s a feather-like peck that leaves my already-swollen lips tingling.
“Goodnight, Vivian,” he says through a smile.
“Goodnight, Brooks,” I breathlessly sigh.
I watch as he walks back to his car and opens the driver’s side door. He turns to throw me one last grin over his shoulder before getting in and driving away. I’m left still pressed against the house, attempting to gather myself. I let my fingertips trace along my lips, feeling the lingering effects of his kiss. Finally, regaining my composure and adjusting my dress, I find my keys and enter the house. I don’t even get my ankle-breaking shoes off before I hear my phone buzz.
Brooks: I can’t wait to get lost in my green again. Sleep well, Clover.
My stomach flip-flops at the sight of his nickname for me. I smile and grip my phone tightly to my chest. I silently make my way upstairs to my room. The house is quiet, still, just like my heart. Brooks has managed to stifle my fears and replace my missing heart. I just hope I can guard it better this time.
Vivian
“I don’t know why you need me to go with you for this,” Amanda complains, while putting her Audi into reverse and pulling out of the driveway.
I look at her, my eyes pleading with her to just get over it. “Because, Manda, he wanted to get the kids together, and he thought that if there were a few of us there, like a group family situation, there would be less pressure. His brother will be there, so I thought it would be good if you were there too.”
She exhales deeply, and then looks straight ahead. I’m sure she’s considering her options to pay me back for this. Amanda agreed to be supportive of my relationship with Brooks, but I know going with us, especially now that his brother will be there, too, is going to be a stretch for her.
“I think it will be fun, Aunt Amanda,” Emma chimes in from the backseat. Blake is completely engaged in his Leap Pad story, and is the least bit interested in the current conversation.
Amanda looks at her through the rearview mirror, and a smile tugs at her lips. “You and me will definitely have a good time, baby girl. After we see the giraffes, I’ll buy you a snow cone.”
Emma’s whole face lights up and she bounces in her seat, showing her agreement. “Okay, but Grace will want one, too,” she adds.
“Deal. Now just sit back and relax; we will be at the zoo soon. Your momma and I need to have a little talk.” She gives me a side glance, and I know she has a lot on her mind that she is going to freely unload on me. Thankfully, we only have a fifteen-minute car ride.
Emma sits back and looks out the window to watch the Saturday traffic buzz by on I-25. She loves to car watch. Since moving to the city, she loves to go on car rides just to zone into the hustle and bustle of the surroundings.
I look over to Amanda, and I see her hands gripping the steering wheel; I can tell her mind is working on overdrive. She begins to open her mouth, I’m sure to begin the lecture, but I butt in before she can get a word in.
“All right, first, before you say anything, remember that you have an audience in this car and they are sponges; anything you say can and will be used against you at some point, and more than likely in public, so keep it appropriate.”
Amanda looks in the mirror again, and I turn my head around to peek into the backseat. “They are fine; they are totally zoned out,” she says. “Besides, they have no idea what we are talking about. Just keep your voice down and I’ll turn up the radio a little.”
I sigh and look out the passenger window before looking back to my sister, who I know means well, but needs to loosen the leash a little. “Amanda, I understand that you said you would step back and let whatever this is between Brooks and me progress. However, you’re my sister and I know you’re worried that I will still end up hurt. Honestly, I’m scared of the same thing, and I’m kind of freaking out a little bit. But I’m willing to venture down that road anyway, and you know why?”
She gives me a side glance and just shakes her head, keeping quiet to let me finish.
“Win or lose, I’m willing to give him another chance, because I’m tired of being afraid. I haven’t felt this happy and this content since Will. I haven’t felt anything but numb for the last year, Amanda, and I may end up with a broken heart, but if Brooks can make me feel something again, if he can bring me back to life, then I think it’s worth the heartache.”
Amanda takes a deep, calming breath and I reach out to grab her hand. “I know you just want to protect me, Manda; thank you for that. The thing is if losing Will taught me anything, it was that there are no guarantees in life, and I don’t want to regret a minute of it.”
Amanda squeezes my hand and smiles through her teary eyes; I’m beginning to struggle to keep my own from spilling over. “Okay,” she says.
She didn’t need to say more; I know Amanda wouldn’t be a silent spectator anymore, but would jump both feet in with me. If I stumble and face-plant, she will help me up and clean the dirt off me…then hunt Brooks down and drown him in the mud I fell in.
Pulling the visor down, Amanda checks her makeup in the mirror, wiping away any running mascara. She lets out a long sigh, and I know this particular topic is officially closed, thank goodness. “So tell me about the brother. If I’m going to spend the day with him, at least give me details.”
“I’ve never met him; they are half-brothers, and his name is Lakin, but that is all I know about him.”
“Lakin?” An obvious frown appears between her brows. “Brooks and Lakin…were his parents sailors or hippies, or something? What’s with the water theme?”
“I never thought of that,” I laugh. “Really, though, I know nothing about him. I’m assuming he’s nice since Brooks is bringing him along; I don’t even know what he looks like, but I would guess that he probably looks a lot like Brooks.”
A devilish grin flashes across her face.
“Oh, no!” I warn. “Don’t you even think about it; you go through men like bottles of water, and that will just make things awkward.”
“I do not!” she protests. “Besides, if he looks anything like Brooks, I wouldn’t mind taking a drink.”
“Whatever, Amanda. You and I both know that you have the most–” I stop and turn to the back seat before whispering, “the most ravenous nether region known to man. You chew men up and spit them out. Keep your hands to yourself on this one.”
She turns to me, noticeably trying to suppress a laugh, “Did you just say ravenous nether region?”
We both burst into laughter, drawing attention from our backseat audience just as we pull into the parking lot of the zoo. “We’re there!” both children shout.
We quickly get our tickets and make our way to the spot we are meeting the rest of our group, by the giraffes; they are Emma’s favorite. Brooks, Lakin, and Grace are already there waiting for us.
As we get closer, I give Lakin a once-over and yup, he’s cute; he’s nothing compared to Brooks, but he certainly can hold his own. I steal a glance at Amanda, and yeah, she likes what she sees. She’s fluffing her hair and adjusting her sundress; she looks like she is about to go in for the kill. So much for the hands-off policy I was going for back in the car. Amanda is on a Defcon 5 manhunt. Poor Lakin doesn’t have a chance
.
Once Emma sees Grace, she grabs Blake’s hand and they race over to her. They all point at the giraffes and begin an intense discussion about what animals they want to see.
As soon as I reach Brooks, he pulls me into his arms and gives me a chaste kiss on the mouth. Pulling away, he has a huge grin on his face. “Hi,” he says.
I giggle—yes, I actually giggle. “Well, hi to you too.”
Amanda clears her throat to get our attention. I’m a little surprised that my tiger of a sister is even waiting for an introduction. Brooks tucks me into his side, and I begin the formalities.
“Brooks, you remember my sister, Amanda,” I say, and each gives a half-hearted smile and pathetic wave. The enthusiasm is just pouring from them. Maybe this was a bad idea.
Lakin smiles brightly at her, though, and grabs her hand to kiss her knuckles. “I’m Brooks’ younger brother Lakin. It’s lovely to meet you.”
Amanda tucks her gorgeous blonde hair behind her ear and gives him her best flirtatious smile. “It’s nice to meet you as well,” she says. Oh, Jesus, shoot me now. I give it ten minutes before they wander off from the group to enjoy their own animal-like behavior.
Before it goes any further, all three children interrupt their googly eyes.
“Amanda! Amanda! It’s time for snow cones!” Emma shouts as she starts tugging on Amanda’s dress.
“I heard you promise snow cones, Aunt Amanda, and I want a blue one,” Blake adds.
Amanda looks to me for help, clearly wanting to spend more time with Lakin and not her darling niece and nephew. I just raise my hand to her. “Hey, you did promise,” I tell her, offering no help at all.
She looks to Lakin, and then to Emma. “I’m not very hungry, munchkin, and we just got here; let’s check out some more animals and work up an appetite before we get snacks.”
Emma frowns and places her hands on her hips, clearly thinking over her next move in the snow cone negotiation process. “But on the way here, Momma said that you were hungry.”
“What? No she didn’t, sweetheart.”
“Oh yes, she did! You guys were talking about your Netherlands being hungry, and I think a snow cone will fix that.” Clearly, our vehicle audience had better hearing than we thought.
Everyone looks to me to interpret the four-year-old lingo, and I try my best to mutter through my best PG explanation. “Um, Manda, I clearly remember a conversation that included you being in need of something. I think our little sponge mixed up a few key pieces of information.”
When Amanda’s eyes go wide with her realization, I slowly nod at her. “I told you, no public filter, little sis.”
Amanda grabs Emma’s hand, her embarrassment showing all over her face. “Okay, kids, enough talking; it’s snow cone time. Lakin, would you like to help?”
“I would love to,” he tells her, and with that, the kids jump up and down and shout with excitement.
As they turn to walk towards the vendors, I hear Lakin tell her that he thinks it’s awesome that she speaks Dutch, and I absolutely lose it. I laugh so hard that my eyes begin to water; Amanda hears me and looks at me over her shoulder to throw her nastiest of looks at me. It only makes me howl louder, barely able to catch my breath.
“Okay, fill me in; what in the world is so funny?” Brooks asks, noticeably confused at the inside joke.
I tell him the story of her all-consuming loins and by the time we are at the picnic tables by the vendors, he too is doubled over laughing. Amanda, understanding our amusement, is shooting daggers at us.
“Oh, come on, sis that was funny. I tried to warn you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks a bunch, Viv.”
“Seriously, Amanda, don’t worry about it. Grace does that kind of stuff to me all the time,” Brooks tells her.
“Well, a change of topic would be much appreciated,” she growls.
The kids finish their snow cones, and we continue our exploration of the zoo with just as much laughter, but with fewer embarrassing filter moments. Any time the kids have their heads turned, Brooks holds my hand or kisses my forehead or cheek. I swear my body is on fire by the time our zoo trip is over. My stomach quivers from the constant butterflies, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. This day has been perfect.
We still haven’t told the kids that we are anything more than friends; it is less confusing for them, and we feel it’s best to keep our relationship to ourselves for a while. To be honest, I’m scared at what their reaction will be. There are times when I feel like I’m betraying Will’s memory by caring for Brooks, and my heart would break if Emma and Blake felt the same way. So for now, while we figure this out, our silence is golden.
Within a few hours, the kids are exhausted and our feet are sore from toting them around when their legs get tired.
I settle Blake and Emma into the car, and Lakin takes Grace to get buckled so that Brooks and I can say goodbye alone. “Thank you for today,” I tell him.
He tangles our hands together and pulls me to him. “No, thank you, Viv. This has been the best day I’ve had in a long time. Any day that has you in it is perfect.”
I smile up at him, and he leans down to kiss my forehead. “When can I see you again?”
I step back a little, but keep our hands connected. I desperately want to see him again, but I’ve been down this too-fast-too-soon road with Brooks before, and it got me shattered. I need to remember to keep myself guarded, because it’s too easy to lose myself in him. “Um, I’m not sure what we have going on this week. Let me check the kids’ schedules and I’ll text you,” I say, avoiding his gaze.
He releases one of my hands and lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Don’t do that, Red.”
“What?”
“You know what. You want to see me just as much as I want to see you, but you’re scared. I get that, but you need to understand that I’m not the same kid that you met ten years ago who was afraid of who he was, and was embarrassed of his past. I’m a man who knows what he wants, and I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life proving that you are what I want.”
I exhale the breath that I am holding and nod. A million thoughts are racing through my mind, but I can’t force any words to move past my lips.
“I’m not going anywhere; I’m not running this time. Please give me the chance to hang onto you.”
I step forward and move onto my tiptoes to reach his lips. “Okay,” I whisper against his lips. It’s his turn to let out the sigh he was holding, waiting for my answer. “Call me tonight after Grace is in bed.”
He smashes me to his chest and moves his hands to my hair. His lips meet mine, and he deepens the kiss, sending my dormant butterflies back into overdrive. He pulls back, smiling down at me with a mega-watt grin, showcasing his swoon-worthy dimples. “You bet your ass I’ll call you, Clover,” he says before he kisses my hand and walks away like he hadn’t left me with swollen lips, weak knees, and soaking panties. Great, the car ride home will be just as uncomfortable as the ride here.
Vivian
Brooks follows through on his promise to call. He calls, texts, or stops by every day for the next week. Grace has been over to play a few times, and everyone is beginning to feel comfortable with each other. So when Blake suggests a group dinner and movie slumber party with Brooks and Grace, we see it as a great opportunity to introduce the kids to our relationship.
Jen and Carly, of course, see this as an opportunity for an adult slumber party. I had thrown out all of the lingerie that I owned after Will died. I know it seems silly, but it feels wrong to wear any of it for another man. Needless to say, Jen took me underwear shopping in preparation for our sleepover. I’m not sure my Visa will ever recover.
Armed with our overnight bags and enough movie options to last until the end of time, Emma, Blake, and I make the short trip to Brooks’ for our weekend adventure. His house is somewhat secluded in the foothills of the Rockies, just a twenty-minute drive from our house in the suburbs of Denver.
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br /> We creep our way up the long, winding driveway, which is more like a gravel path. A luscious mixture of aspens and evergreens line the pathway on both sides, blocking our view of his actual home. The road begins to widen, exposing the largest, most beautiful log cabin, and I peer into the backseat to see both of my children’s mouths hanging wide open. The house is not a simple family home; it should be showcased in the Parade of Homes or Architectural Digest. The two-story behemoth features a green roof with thick solid pine logs wrapping the exterior. It looks like Lincoln Logs on steroids.
I park the car in front of the entrance, and we all sit idly in wonder of the mansion before us. “Is this really Brooks’ house?” Blake asks, his eyes still bulging out of his little head.
I slowly nod, still staring forward, “Yup, buddy, it is.”
“Wow, it’s like a wooden castle,” Emma adds.
“All right, guys, it’s just a house. We are going to have a ton of fun this weekend. Let’s go find Brooks and Grace, and please remember to be polite. No fighting this weekend, okay?”
They both agree, and we all tumble out of the car and begin lugging our bags up the stone pathway to the front door. Before we even reach the porch steps, Brooks barrels through the front door and rushes down the stairs to grab our bags; his excitement is evident in his haste as he nearly trips on the flagstone.
I hear Blake laugh, but I turn around to shoot him my best mom-glare, and he suppresses his chuckle. Emma lightly punches him in the arm, emphasizing the tone of our silent family conversation. I turn the stare her way, and she throws her hands up in surrender just as Brooks reaches us.
“Hey, you guys. I’m glad you could make it,” he says as he takes the bags out of my hands and kisses my cheek.
“Thank you for having us,” Blake responds as he hands Brooks his bag.
Brooks reaches for Emma’s bag as well, but she refuses to hand over her backpack; she hasn’t let the thing out of her sight since we got it at Target. “Where’s Grace?” she asks.
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