Secret Life

by David M. Jacobs

Abduction victims report other neurological problems associated with sight. Seeing brightly lit colors, “lights,” or even “figures” at inappropriate times is a disturbing consequence of abductions. The visions may be large and disruptive to the normal course of the day’s activities, but more often than not they are seen through the corner of one’s eyes and are a constant annoyance. We have not discovered the stimulus for this condition within the abduction scenario. Melissa Bucknell went to an ophthalmologist for this problem and was told that it was a common and somewhat normal neurological condition for an elderly person—but she was twenty-six years old at the time.

  Muscle Pain

  Temporary muscle aches throughout the body are often associated with events done during an abduction. The pain might be severe and last for a few days. In one instance, Janet was on a table while two Beings had their hands on her shoulders; her head was bent back at a sharp angle as if she was trying to look directly behind her. The Beings stared intently at her as she lay in this position with her body rigid, and one Being performed a gynecological procedure at the same time. The next day she had severe cramps in her neck and shoulders, and the pain persisted for twenty-four hours.

  Nosebleeds and Earaches

  Nosebleeds, “holes” in the nasal passages, and ruptures in the eardrums are also common ailments associated with abductions. The nosebleeds occur in both children and adults. People wake up with their pillows soaked with blood. Physicians have examined the holes but have found no readily explainable causative factor. Abductees frequently complain of blocked nasal passages that make breathing difficult. Similarly, people with ear punctures find blood on the pillow in the morning, and some abductees endure a form of tinnitus, an irregular ringing in the ear.

  Discharges and Vaginal Problems

  Unusual discharges sometimes occur following an abduction. A woman might notice a brownish substance coming from her vagina or her navel. A frightened fifteen-year-old Patti Layne went to the school nurse the day after having an abduction experience because a brown liquid was coming out of her bellybutton. The nurse was unable to identify the substance or explain why it was leaking from her navel.

  Abductees’ unusual vaginal problems can indicate recent abduction experiences. After being abducted, one woman woke to find that the interior wall of her vagina was hemorrhaging. She was unaccountably fearful of going to her gynecologist, and she soaked through twenty tampons in one day before the bleeding finally stopped. After another abduction she discovered perforations in her vagina.

  It is not unusual for a woman to have her hymen ruptured during an experience. One abductee reported that at her first regular intercourse her hymen was not intact, and she experienced no pain or blood associated with the sexual activity. During hypnosis she remembered that her hymen had been torn during an abduction when she was seven years old.

  Then he looked between my legs. And I said, “That’s not nice; you shouldn’t do that.” He said, “I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to look inside.” So this light came on somewhere…. There’s this big light between my legs. And I could just see this big light kind of burn my eyes.

  The light was not focused on your eyes, though, is that correct?

  The light was focused between my legs. Then he stuck something in it, and it really hurt. It just really hurt, and I couldn’t move.

  Was this an instrument of some sort, do you think?

  Mm-hmm.

  Can you get a sense of the shape of it?

  Whatever it was it fit, but it hurt. It just ripped right through in there. It just ripped me right, it felt like I was ripping. I know there was some blood there. It felt kind of dripping and wet.

  (Name omitted upon request, 1970)

  Later she stated that she felt they had torn her hymen.

  Pregnancy

  The problem of unplanned or inexplicable pregnancy is one of the most frequent physical aftereffects of abduction experiences. Usually the woman feels pregnant and has all the outward signs of being pregnant. She is puzzled and disturbed because she has either not engaged in sex or has been very careful with proper birth control. She has blood tests and the gynecologist positively verifies the pregnancy. Typically, between the discovery of the pregnancy and the end of the first trimester, the woman suddenly finds herself not pregnant. She has no miscarriage, no extra-heavy bleeding or discharge. The fetus is simply gone, with no evidence of the rare phenomenon of non-twin “absorption,” in which physicians theorize that a nonviable fetus can be absorbed into the woman’s body.

  During the first trimester the woman may decide to terminate the pregnancy. At the appointment, the physician begins the procedure and is stunned to find that there is no fetus in the uterus. In Janet Demerest’s case, the physician was so surprised to find the fetus gone that he became angry at the attending nurse for in some way causing the mix-up. The nurse had to gesture to him to be quiet lest Janet hear his anger and confusion. The “Missing Fetus Syndrome” has happened to abductees enough times that it is now considered one of the more common effects of the abduction experience.

  PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA: POST-ABDUCTION SYNDROME

  Many abductees, whether they are aware or unaware of their abductions, suffer from what Dr. Ronald Westrum first identified in 1986 as Post-Abduction Syndrome (PAS).1 PAS involves a multiplicity of psychological symptoms that are caused by abduction experiences and has its greatest effect on unaware abductees. While similar to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, it differs in that the external forces compel the abductee to repress the memories of traumatic events, even though the abductee may want to remember them. Furthermore, the abduction episodes are repressed even though many do not have the classic violent traumatic content of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Finally, PAS is generated not only by past experiences, but by ongoing events as well.

  The severity of PAS varies greatly from person to person, ranging from mild to debilitating. Many unaware abductees act or think in ways that are inexplicable to them; they wonder about the origins of their unusual thoughts and behavior, but they are unable to discover them. Some PAS victims operate normally in society; others are so anxiety-ridden that they have great difficulties functioning in everyday life.

  It is very important to note that many symptoms similar to those of PAS also occur in people who have not had abductions. Having one or a number of the symptoms does not necessarily mean that the person has been abducted.

  Sleep Disturbances

  The most common of all PAS problems are sleep disturbances. For the average adult, sleep can be something to look forward to for relief from the anxieties and tensions of the day. Abductees often view sleep very differently. It can be a time of terror and distress. They desperately need sleep, but an irrational fear makes them afraid to close their eyes. They may be scared that “someone” will come into their room, or that “something” will happen to them while they sleep. To reduce the fear, these abductees often sleep with lights, the radio, or the television on. Some sleep with all three on. Their spouses have to check the house to make sure that no intruders are around. The doors to the bedroom and to the closet have to be closed. Even after this ritual, abductees still have terrible bouts of insomnia. When they close their eyes, their minds become flooded with terrifying images of hideous Beings staring at them with large horrible eyes. These images are so frightening that many abductees will stay awake as long as possible rather than chance seeing them.

  When they do fall asleep, frightened abductees often have difficulty staying asleep and wake up many times during the night. Their dreams can be vivid and disturbing. They have visions of lying on a table, of being surrounded by small, large-eyed creatures, of “operations” being performed on them, of seeing strange-looking babies; and there may be a horrifying sexual component to these dreams.

  Both ongoing and past abductions can be half-remembered as very frightening, lifelike dreams. When the victims wake up in the morning after having an abduction experience that is n
ow relegated to a “dream,” they are shaky and nervous—a feeling that might last for a few days. They feel exhausted, even though they presumably got their normal amount of sleep. Then, inexplicably, they may be seized with the desire to rearrange the furniture in their bedroom in the unconscious belief that their fears will disappear if their room is different from before.

  Abductees may develop strong fears of their bedroom and sleep in another room from then on, all the while telling themselves that they are foolish or stupid to act this way. They sometimes find that they can go to another person’s house and sleep soundly, but when they return to their own room the sleep disturbances begin again. Often boys and girls and even young men and women living at home prefer to sleep on the floor next to their parents’ bed, even though they may be embarrassed to do so, but being in the room with their parents gives them a feeling of safety that they cannot get in their own bedrooms.

  Fears, Anxieties, Depression

  Fears, anxieties, and sometimes serious depression are frequent symptoms of PAS. Sometimes the fears are minor annoyances that do not have any great effect on the abductee’s life; at other times they may be serious, life-changing problems that the abductee wrestles with. The fears that grip adults and children alike seemingly have no basis in reality. The abductees cannot point to a specific traumatic event in their childhood that might have provoked the phobia. They understand that their fears are completely inappropriate, but they are unable to control their illogical and perplexing feelings.

  Abductees may be extremely afraid of being alone. They find that they must be with someone at all times and particularly at night. This is not because of loneliness, but because they are scared that “something will happen” if they are alone, although they are not overly frightened of burglars.

  Some abductees suddenly develop seemingly irrational fears of stretches of road or of fields. They may have traveled the same route for years without giving it a thought, but one day they become inordinately afraid of it. They stop traveling on that stretch of road, and go miles out of their way to avoid it. Child abductees who have played in a nearby park every day suddenly are afraid to go there and never want to play there again. They may have suffered strange missing-time episodes at these places, and they will agonize over what happened to them for many years. Other abductees develop strong fears of their basement, their bedroom, or their backyard. Riding on escalators or elevators can provoke anxiety.

  Visiting physicians can be extremely stressful. Although most women find a routine visit to the gynecologist an uncomfortable but necessary event, many abductees are seized with panic when they must go. Some women abductees never visit gynecologists. They dread the thought of a doctor performing an internal examination on them, and even though they tell themselves that their fears are silly, they become hysterical when the procedure is begun. As a result they forgo yearly checkups, which can endanger their health. One twenty-seven-year-old abductee had gone to a gynecologist only three times in her life, and the last time she cried uncontrollably throughout the examination.

  When anxiety becomes acute, panic can plague the victim. Abductees may be seized with a panic attack at any time with no recognizable stimulus. As fear overcomes them, their hearts “race,” they breathe rapidly, they become flushed, and they may hyperventilate. A life-threatening fear overwhelms them. These attacks may become so severe and debilitating that they can prompt agoraphobia: Abductees become so consumed with worry about suffering a panic attack that they are unable to leave their homes to carry out their daily routine. One abductee sometimes suffered attacks while she was teaching her high school class. They became so frequent that she was afraid to go to the market because she once experienced an attack there and had to abandon her cart and run home. This type of panic can interfere with work, and with social and family relationships. Panic attack victims find that they cannot drive alone or even be alone at home at night. When the attack starts, even being with someone does not diminish the fears.

  Abductees commonly suffer from moderate to severe depression. They may break out in tears for no apparent reason, or have episodes of withdrawal. They may even contemplate suicide to alleviate the pain. If they are unaware of the origin of their malady, the depression is usually not amenable to normal psychological treatment.

  Unaware abductees can have inexplicably exaggerated emotional reactions to normal activities. For instance, they might wake up in the morning with intense feelings of euphoria. They ride the crest of an emotional high that seems to have no cause and that may last for several days. One young woman woke up feeling extremely euphoric. When she rode her bicycle into town she had the inexplicable feeling that she was falling in love with every man who looked into her eyes. Conversely, abductees might feel an almost overpowering rage at someone for simply staring at them, while this might not have ever bothered them in the past. Animals with large eyes might provoke great anxiety in abductees, who sometimes inexplicably develop aversions to deer, rabbits, monkeys, cows, and even inanimate objects. Ken Rogers was a small child when his mother brought him a souvenir “tiki god” from a trip she had taken; the face and eyes of the souvenir so frightened him that he threw it out after having it for one day. One unaware abductee had several abductions from his car. After the last one, he sold his car and gave up driving for several years but did not know the reason why.

  Obsessions and phobias relating to “borderland science” are also a common symptom of PAS. For example, after an abduction, some unaware abductees suddenly become obsessed with unidentified flying objects. They buy every book they can get on the subject, compulsively talk about it, and seem unable to concentrate on much else. Yet a few days or weeks before, they had little or no interest in UFOs. Others go to the opposite extreme and are inordinately repelled by the subject of UFOs. They refuse to entertain the notion that there “might be something to it.” They dislike talking or even thinking about it. They become extremely angry when the topic is raised and may leave the room so that they do not have to participate in a discussion. Their attitude is so negative that it assumes the dimensions of a phobia.

  Some abductees experience extreme emotional reactions when they see illustrations of aliens in a book about UFOs. The pictures rivet the abductee as she stares at them in stunned horror, unable to take her eyes off them, all the while wondering why she is reacting in this manner. Others will pick up a book on abductees and have a powerful yet puzzling reaction to it, becoming extraordinarily emotionally involved with its contents. They might break into tears and sob for no apparent reason. Still others become inordinately frightened by such books and are unable to read them through to the end.

  Memories or dreams can become an obsession as the unaware abductee desperately tries to understand their meaning. It is common for abductees to feel that in some way they left their bodies, usually during the night. When they floated out of bed they were often accompanied by someone they believe to be a deceased relative or an angel.

  A few unaware abductees claim not only that they have had out-of-body experiences but that they have also experienced what they call astral travel. They know that they have in some mysterious way experienced a strange displacement in location. One minute they were in one spot and then seemingly the next instant they found themselves in another place. They might be aware of this occurring several times during their lives. The only way that they can reconcile what has happened to them is through the only available cultural explanation—astral travel—no matter how ill-defined that might be.

  Other PAS anxieties are related to babies. Some women develop “avoidance” postures toward babies. Even though they may have already had children, they find that they do not like babies very much or claim to be “not a baby person.” Sometimes babies generate not only anxiety in them but even fear or dread. Others react in a completely opposite fashion and become convinced that they once had a baby that has since been taken from them. They have the inexplicable feeling that they were once pregn
ant and actually gave birth. Some women can become so obsessed with the “missing baby” that they may even substitute a doll for it to assuage their baffling feelings of desire and guilt.

  Missing Time

  Missing-time episodes are common in abductees’ lives. They are unable to account for a “lost” period of time, which might be as short as an hour or two or as long as a day—and sometimes even longer. Trying to understand the origin of the missing time can torture the victims. It makes no sense. They have no explanation, and yet they know it happened.

  Psychosexual Dysfunction

  The basic reproductive procedures that occur during an abduction experience can fundamentally influence the psychosexual development of the individual. This is especially true for young abductees, who are most vulnerable and impressionable.

  Consider this scenario. A young girl is taken on board a UFO occupied by strange-looking creatures. She is stripped naked and cannot physically resist. Every inch of her body is examined and touched. Her genitals are probed and manipulated. By the time she has reached sixteen years old, she might already have had a number of traumatic internal examinations that have been stored in her unconscious mind. As a boy, the events surrounding the taking of sperm can be just as traumatic and humiliating.