by Sara Beitia
“That was you following us at the movies, wasn’t it?” Albert says.
“Naw, that was Kogen,” MacLennan answers. “I didn’t even know you were there. I was following him. I found you that night because he found you. And when he started chasing you, I stopped following him and started following you. And I’ve been following you ever since, because I thought you might be going to her. To Lily. I figured you’d found her when you stopped here.”
Albert doesn’t understand. “Why do you want to find Lily, if you’re not helping Kogen?”
“He’s lying,” Olivia says flatly.
MacLennan drives a fist into his palm. “I’m trying to explain, if you’d just shut up a minute.” He pauses, and when neither of them say anything, he goes on. “I know you both think I’m scum. And yeah, at first I was helping Kogen. He had me cornered with that shit about the night of Lily’s accident, and he threatened to go to the cops if I didn’t help him get that diary back. He kept telling me he was trying to help Lily, and he also kept hinting that you”—he’s pointing at Albert—“had something to do with Lily being gone. I wanted to believe him. Not just because it was easier. But he started really pressing on me about getting that book back, and it was freaking me out. And then I just started to wonder, what was in that book that he wanted it so bad, you know? So when I stole it from you—”
“You read it,” Olivia says. “You knew. The night you gave it back to Perry to destroy, you knew. You knew it was evidence.”
Albert grabs her by the wrist to stop her from flying at MacLennan again. He wants to hear the rest of the story before they kick the crap out of this asshole, this false friend, this coward. He wants to hear the guy out before they do whatever they have to do to keep him from being a problem, if it isn’t already too late.
“Yeah, I read it. Didn’t feel good about doing it, and felt even worse about it once I saw what was in there. But Kogen was so strange about it, I had to know. But you have to understand, that guy is crazy dangerous. I couldn’t just keep it from him. I was afraid he’d do something to me, or my family.”
Olivia snorts. “That would suck, wouldn’t it?”
“I didn’t have a lot of time to come up with a plan,” MacLennan snaps at her. “Kogen was leaning on me hard once he knew I had it. So I took some photos with my cell phone before I gave it to him.”
“You did?” Albert has not expected this. It was actually a smart idea, from MacLennan.
“And I called the cops right after I left the gas station and texted them the pictures.” By now MacLennan is sitting on the ground, as is Albert. Olivia stays back, now on her feet.
“You know,” MacLennan says slowly, “I almost didn’t look at her diary before I gave it back to him. I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened. What I would’ve done. It would have been so much easier just to try to believe that Kogen was the good guy and I was helping Lily by helping him.” No one says anything. “When I think about it, I feel like I might puke. But I did read it, and now I’m definitely the newest name on your stepfather’s shit list, Liv.”
Still no one says anything. Albert is by now wide-awake and aware of how cold the air is. “Finish the story,” he tells MacLennan. “We need to hear the rest.”
“There’s not much left to tell,” MacLennan says. He tells them briefly how things have changed in Little Solace in the short time since they’ve left. After the pictures came through, Demiola and then Andersen had a lot of questions and wanted him to come in to make a statement. He didn’t want to let Kogen out of his sight, so they had to settle, after making a couple of empty threats, for hearing MacLennan’s version—of the long and kind of sordid story of how and why Kogen was blackmailing him—over his cell while he drove. But in light of what the photos showed, even as poor quality as they were, it was too bad to ignore. It seems the police decided to overlook MacLennan’s own shady behavior because they brought Kogen in for questioning.
“The cops even thought he might have had something to do with Lily’s disappearance,” MacLennan tells them. “I don’t think the guy’s in jail, but he’s definitely in deep crap, according to Andersen.”
“I thought Andersen and Kogen were friends,” Albert says, though it’s really a question.
“I guess they were,” MacLennan says. “But Andersen’s a cop, and the stuff Lily wrote was … bad. Kogen’s denying everything, of course, but somehow the TV news and the newspapers got ahold of it, and he had to deny the story to them, too.”
Albert wonders if MacLennan had something to do with that, and how Lily will react to the fact that her private misery is now public.
“If you’ve been following us, how do you know all this?” he asks.
MacLennan holds up his cell phone in the pre-dawn dark, the little screen glowing. “I’ve been talking with Andersen, and seriously, if you’d looked at a newspaper or a TV in the last few days, you’d know all this, too. It’s all over the place. They’ve been looking pretty hard for you guys. I told Andersen I knew you guys skipped town and that I thought I could find you. He didn’t like it, but I also told him that I thought you might be going to Lily and since he needs Lily’s statement before they can charge Kogen, he didn’t have much choice. Especially since I didn’t tell him where I was looking. He doesn’t know I actually found you. Yet.”
The first thing to pop into Albert’s head is, It’s not too late. Still, he doesn’t get his hopes up yet—not without knowing what MacLennan wants or if he’s planning to be a problem. Glancing over at Olivia, he can barely make out her face, though he can see that she’s looking back at him and probably having the same thoughts that he is.
“So,” MacLennan says, leaning forward. “What was the plan—for the three of you to run away? Where’s Lily?”
So he doesn’t know. Albert silently thanks whatever thin luck they have that MacLennan didn’t come across them sooner and overhear them talking about The Last Good Place.
Albert thinks of lying, of telling MacLennan that they don’t know where Lily is, but Olivia speaks first. Albert’s heart crawls up into his mouth and he’s terrified that in her anger she might blurt out their idea of where to find her sister.
Instead, she demands, “Why are you doing this, Patrick? Why are you stalking us?”
“I’m trying to help,” MacLennan says. He sounds sincere, Albert thinks, and that grates on him. Like, who is this guy to help them now, after all he’s done that has hurt Lily?
Olivia presses him. “Did the cops promise to cut you a deal if you brought us in?”
MacLennan is on his feet now, clearly angry. “I’m in enough trouble over all this—with my parents, with the cops, with that psycho Kogen. I don’t need this shit, too. Just forget it, all right?” He turns and walks away.
Albert follows MacLennan and grabs his shoulder. MacLennan reaches up and clamps his hand around Albert’s wrist, then whirls around to look down at him, still crushing his wrist in his grip. Albert is forcefully reminded of the massive size difference between himself and this football player upon whom he’s so stupidly laid his hands.
Trying not to flinch, he says, “No, we can’t just forget it. Not until we know what you’re planning to do after you leave.”
MacLennan finally lets go. Ignoring Albert’s question, he asks again, suddenly, “Where is Lily hiding?”
“We thought she’d be here,” Albert says. “But she isn’t. It doesn’t look like she ever was.” He leaves it at that.
“Don’t say anything else,” Olivia says. “He’s got no reason to want to help us, or Lily.”
“That’s not true, Liv,” MacLennan says. “I feel horrible about … what Kogen did to Lily, and then there’s what I did—the accident, and then I actually helped the piece of garbage. I just want to help find Lily and bring her back, so she can talk to the police herself and make sure the guy’s locked up, you know? But if she really isn’t here, I’ll have to settle for bringing you two back with me. Maybe you can help
the cops find her.”
“I’m not leaving, not now,” Olivia says, folding her arms over her chest.
“Me either,” says Albert. “Don’t you get it? We still haven’t found her. It’s not over for us. We’re not going anywhere without her.”
“She ran away because she was afraid of Perry,” Olivia adds. “If she knew what you’ve just told us, that Perry is as good as fried, maybe she’d come back with us and pound that final nail in, instead of just clearing out for good. So, you see why we can’t stop?”
“Then I’ll come with you,” says MacLennan slowly, as if he’s speaking before thinking it through. “Maybe I can help.”
“No,” say Albert and Olivia together. Though MacLennan sounds like he means it, they are far from trusting him. They both just want to get rid of him, so they can salvage their plan before he completely wrecks it.
“None of us knows how she’ll react if we do find her,” Olivia says. “She’s confused, and afraid, and seeing you might send her running again. You can’t risk screwing things up worse than they already are because you have a guilty conscience. Just go home, MacLennan. Leave us alone.”
Silence on all three sides.
“Fine,” MacLennan sighs, the first one to break.
Albert is sure he hears relief in MacLennan’s voice that he doesn’t have to keep up the chase anymore. The whole twisted mess is partially his fault, and he probably wants to get as far away from it as possible and try to forget what he’s done. Albert can’t even really blame the guy for allowing Lily’s sister and boyfriend to clear him of further responsibility so easily. But he’s too tired to worry about it now. Blame might come later, he thinks, once he has the luxury of time.
There’s an owl hooting somewhere in the trees, and the three of them, nerves already taught, jump.
“Listen, though—you can’t tell anyone where we are,” Albert says. “As soon as we find Lily and convince her to come with us, we’ll go home. You can sit on this for a few days?”
“Man, Andersen wasn’t happy with me for taking off in the first place,” MacLennan says, hesitant. His scowl is discernible in the gloom. “But if I don’t have information for him, he’s probably going to arrest me, too.”
“Please,” Albert says.
“Forget the cops, then. What am I supposed to tell your parents when they come after me? They’re going to want to know where you are.”
“Just tell them all the same thing: you made contact with us and we said we’d call with information in, say, three days. That’s pretty much the truth. Tell them if they come after us, we’ll run, which is also the truth.” Desperation. “I don’t care what you tell them, honestly. Can’t you hold them off for just a couple of days?”
“I don’t know … it’s going to sound so flimsy …” MacLennan runs his hands through his hair, thinking.
“You owe her,” Olivia interrupts quietly. “I know my sister, and I know she was almost at the breaking point when she ran away. If the cops start looking for her, she’s going to freak out and maybe never stop running. And then we might never find her at all. Whatever bad things happen to her after that will be your fault. So just keep your mouth shut for a few days. And if it gets uncomfortable, just tell yourself it’s your punishment for everything you’ve done to hurt her.”
“I never meant to!” MacLennan shouts, his voice echoing on the water. “That’s not an excuse, it’s the truth. I was scared. I didn’t know.”
“But you know now,” Olivia insists. “So, are you going to help us, or are you going to keep screwing us over? You won’t be able to say you didn’t know this time.”
Albert watches them—Olivia delivering her harsh judgment, MacLennan deciding what he can and can’t live with. Albert is just an observer, holding his breath and waiting for the outcome.
Finally, MacLennan says, “I won’t tell anyone where you are. But I don’t know how long I can string the cops along. If you haven’t called or come home in a couple of days, they’re either going to figure out I’m lying or they’re going to force me to tell them where I tracked you to.”
“A couple of days will be enough,” Albert says, privately wondering if that’s actually true.
There’s nothing more to be said after that. MacLennan starts to stick out his hand like he wants to shake Albert’s, then he thinks better of it and shoves both hands in his pockets.
Albert and Olivia stand shoulder to shoulder, watching him. Waiting him out.
“So I guess I’m out of here,” MacLennan says finally. “My truck isn’t far. You guys need a ride anywhere?” he asks as he turns to go.
They don’t.
Albert listens until he can’t hear MacLennan’s movements anymore. Shivering, he pulls his jacket more tightly around his body. He isn’t at all tired anymore. MacLennan’s appearance, besides almost causing an adrenaline heart attack, has forced Albert into new awareness of the shortness of time.
“I hope he keeps his promise,” Albert sighs. He has no confidence that MacLennan will last more than a day before the police and their parents—and maybe Kogen, too, even after everything—are able to get the whole story out of him. And then they’ll come after Albert and Olivia.
And maybe, thinks the superstitious part of Albert, it will drive Lily away forever.
Neither Albert nor Olivia move. They just stand there, watching the space in the trees where MacLennan disappeared. Some minutes later, they hear the echo of an engine.
Abruptly, Albert begins walking. “We can’t wait for the light. We’re going now, before he changes his mind and sends the cops after us.”
Olivia nods, catching up and taking the lead. “It’ll be dawn soon. We don’t have the canoe, of course,” she says to herself as she walks, “but I think I can find it eventually, if we just follow the shoreline. I hope I’m right, that Lily’s waiting for us there. And that she’ll listen.”
“You have to be right,” Albert says, right behind her. “Otherwise it’s all just dead ends.”
B ecause I love you,” he finished lamely.
“Ah.” She smiled a little. “You’re in the love-means-never-having-to-say-you’re-sorry camp? Love conquers all?”
“Something like that,” he said. He watched her face, saw it play out in her eyes as she checked out again, as good as a million miles away. She’d been doing that a lot lately. Even her body language spoke of distance as she squeezed herself into the farthest corner of the couch, the farthest away from Albert.
He didn’t want to push this Other Lily, so when it was clear she wasn’t going to say anything else, he followed her example and turned his eyes back to the forgettable movie playing silently on the TV screen. The pictures flickered and hurt his eyes and he didn’t really see them.
“If I took off, you’d follow me, wouldn’t you?”
He glanced at her and saw that she’d spoken without taking her eyes from the television. “Don’t talk like that.”
“But would you?” she insisted.
A little frightened, he reached over and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her body to his until they sort of met in the middle of the couch. Though the gesture was rough, she let him do it. His voice muffled by her hair, where he’d buried his face, he murmured, “Yes. Yes, of course I would.”
“And you’d bring me back, no matter what?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“That’s what I want,” she said. “Promise me. No matter what, you’d find me.”
She pulled away a bit and their eyes met—his searching; hers unblinking, calm. Or at least, that was the effect she was trying for … Lily was often going for an effect. Only the way she gripped his forearms betrayed that this was anything other than idle talk.
“I promise.”
T hey set out immediately, with the last of the night still clinging to everything. Very soon the gray light grows brighter and they’re picking their way over the brushy ground, with Olivia breaking the trail and Albert follo
wing. The shore leads them to the little place where the stream flows into the trees, just as Olivia remembers. The way is pathless and thickly overgrown and it’s slow going. Frustratingly slow. Albert wants to ask her if this seems right, if this seems like the way, but he forces himself to leave her alone. The only sound is their labored breathing and the snap of frosty twigs and pine needles under their feet.
At first Albert is convinced he’s only imagining the stream widening, but after a while it’s clear that the water really is getting broader. The trees thin a bit at the water’s edge and then they’re able to walk more quickly. He’s concentrating on his footing, and so, when Olivia stops, he runs into her back and they both stumble.
“There,” Olivia says, pointing across the water. “That’s the place.”
Albert follows her finger with his eyes and sees what looks like an island. The stream has widened back into a larger, stiller body of water and their target seems far away. His heart flutters nervously.
“I can’t see much,” he says. Squinting, he’s able to make out the shack, though whether he would’ve recognized the rough lines as those of a building without having Olivia’s story fresh in his mind, he isn’t sure. “How do we get out to the island without a boat?”
“It’s a peninsula,” she says. “It’ll take some walking, but if we just follow the shore to the far side, we’ll get around to there eventually.”
Albert’s stomach lurches and he doesn’t want to leave this moment. Anticipation mingles with terror. His fear is that the moment that waits for him up ahead will turn out to be empty. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to know how this turns out, in case it should turn out badly.
As if reading his mind, Olivia motions him forward. “We’ve come too far not to see this all the way through,” she says. “Try to think the best will happen.” She continues following the bank without waiting to see if he’s behind her.
He stares across the rippling water. A pale shimmer catches his eye and he thinks he can see a thin stream of smoke. Sniffing the air, he thinks yes, he can smell the distinctive, woody smell of a campfire.