by Helen Cox
‘And?’
I raised my left shoulder about an inch and then lowered it again. ‘And nothing. It was just a thank you for what he did for me. I went to sleep on the sofa and he went back to his bedroom. He didn’t press for anything else.’
Quite the opposite, sadly. Wouldn’t have hurt to take my mind off the Atlantic City situation for a few hours.
‘Evening all.’ Mona had come in to get changed for her shift and was standing just behind me and Bernie. ‘What’s up with you?’ she asked, her eyes immediately settling on Esther, who wasn’t the type of person to hide it when she was annoyed.
‘Yeah,’ said a man’s voice. ‘I know that look and it always means trouble.’ I recognised that voice: it belonged to Mona’s cop husband who, Esther had told me, was called Alan. I tried to find a way of sitting that seemed aloof and easy but as it led to me nearly falling off my stool, I gave that up pretty quick.
‘Oh, nothing much,’ said Esther. ‘Except Bonnie making out with my worst enemy.’
‘What?’ Mona said. ‘Bonnie kissed Jack’s ex-wife?’ She put a hand on my shoulder. ‘I didn’t know you was into women.’
‘No, Mona.’ Esther shook her head, the corners of her mouth itching to turn up at her friend’s misunderstanding. ‘Boyle.’
‘Oh. That worst enemy. You have so many of them, honey, hard for us to keep up.’ Mona twittered in Esther’s direction. Esther pouted her lips.
‘You kids going together now?’ Mona asked me. I swivelled to look at her, and saw Alan standing there in his police uniform. He looked at me a little longer than I’d have liked. Rather than dwelling on why that might be, I looked back at Mona.
‘Oh no, I just kissed him is all,’ I said, my temperature rising over the amount of attention this was getting me, and Alan’s continued stare.
‘He a good kisser? He’s certainly a determined kinda fella. He channels it in all the wrong ways, but I can see how if he channelled it right, kissing him might not be all bad.’
‘You’re right,’ I smiled at her. ‘It wasn’t all bad.’
Mona chuckled and even Esther’s glower loosened, though she hadn’t changed her mind about Jimmy. ‘It’s really not a good idea to have him at the party, Bonnie,’ she said. ‘Maybe he wasn’t using you. But if he was, it’s only going to make matters worse. Besides, it’s pretty impossible for him and Jack to be in the same room without one of them hitting the other.’
Alan cleared his throat and gave Esther a pointed look.
Esther, in a sheepish manner I’d not seen from her before, shuffled on the spot. ‘Alright, without Jack hitting Boyle.’
‘Jack hit Jimmy?’ I asked, my eyes widening. But then I remembered – Jimmy had mentioned something about this to Mona, that first night we met.
‘Well, you heard the abridged version of what happened last summer. Is it a surprise that one of us punched him in the face? Anyway, the combination of Jack and Jimmy is not going to lead to a happy New Year.’
‘You’re probably right,’ I said, looking down at my burger, it looked so succulent and inviting, but somehow I wasn’t hungry for it. ‘It’s just… It’s going to be my last night in New York and it would’ve been kinda nice to have him around… Especially around midnight, you know.’ I looked back up at Esther, the way a dog might after chewing up its master’s slipper.
Esther, knowing the puppy-dog look when she saw it, sighed and brought a hand to her brow. ‘Alright, I’ll think about it. But I can’t promise anything. Jack isn’t going to like this.’
‘Oh, as if there’s anything Jack wouldn’t do if you only asked him to,’ said Mona, giggling. Esther shook her head with a knowing smile.
‘Right, jelly bean, entertaining as all this is, I gotta push off, my shift starts in fifteen minutes,’ Alan said, pecking Mona on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you all later,’ he added, turning towards the doorway. Watching him walk away, my shoulders relaxed and I found myself breathing easier.
‘I’m sure Jack will come round, honey,’ Mona said to me with a smile. ‘But… You sure about Boyle?’
‘No.’ I looked at her and bit my bottom lip before adding, ‘But, I think that’s the point. One way or another, I wanna be.’
Chapter Seven
The following night I was invited along to Penny Lanes, a bowling alley on Avenue B. Apparently the Starlight Diner staff had fallen into the habit of hitting this joint whenever they had Fridays off, and often dragged a few regulars out with them. Penny Lanes was a colourful place: every available wall was painted with bright blue, pink and white stripes and the place smelled, as almost all bowling alleys do, of stale beer and feet.
‘Oh my Gawd, that’s just plain embarrassing,’ Angela squealed, covering her face with both hands after her bowling ball knocked down two lousy pins for the fourth time in a row. Ryan, laughing, sidled up to her and put his arms around the flat, tanned midriff she was showing off between her jeans and a cut-off grey T-shirt. I had no idea how she could stand to walk around in so little when it was way below zero outside.
I hadn’t outright said anything but I was pretty moved that the gang, who barely knew me, included me in their Friday night plans. That said, I did probably help them make up the numbers. Jack, Esther and me were playing against Ryan, Angela and Lucia, the Starlight Diner grill girl. She was a large Hispanic lady with long brown hair that was straight as a rod. Though I’d known her less than two hours, I’d already been told, more than once, that her thirtieth birthday was on the twenty-fifth of January, discovered she was an expert when it came to nail care and come to understand that she loved nothing more than to laugh. When she did it was infectious, a deep giggle, straight from her heart.
‘So, have you got your set all worked out for the New Year party?’ Esther asked me. She was sitting in a neon pink bay alongside me, Jack and Lucia, and had somehow remembered the line we’d agreed upon the night before, despite the fact she’d already had a bottle and a half of beer. That wasn’t a lot of alcohol by anyone’s standards but in Esther’s case it was usually enough to make her forget her own name, let alone a pre-arranged signal.
The night before at the diner, Esther had suggested I speak to Jack about inviting Jimmy to New Year, but that sentence was the only help she’d been willing to give me. A way into the conversation. Nothing more. She’d made it clear: she was on Jack’s side and although she understood why I wanted Jimmy at the party, she didn’t want Jack to feel as though we were ganging up on him.
‘Yeah, I think so. I’ve been doing a bit of practising while busking during the day,’ I said, answering Esther’s question while half-watching Ryan giving Angela tips on improving her bowling arm. Hard to know if she really wanted to improve or just wanted an excuse for him to lean over her. A second later they were kissing. Between those two and Jack and Esther, there’d been more kissing than bowling going on since we got here. As a result, I was on beer number five but, unlike Esther, I could handle my liquor.
‘It’s about time that man let us listen to something other than Bill Haley & His Comets,’ said Lucia, scrunching up her face as she talked. ‘I’ve got a little radio out back but Bernie makes me keep it down low and sometimes the music in the diner is so loud I can’t even hear my Roxette songs.’ She crossed her arms like a huffy child at this to make us all smile, which we did.
‘Roxette deprivation is a serious issue,’ I said, sucking through my teeth and shaking my head. ‘How do you learn to “Listen to Your Heart” without them? Or know how to turn up the heat with your boyfriend without the wise advice dispensed in “Sleeping in My Car”?’
Lucia’s eyes were bright and glassy as she processed my words. After a second she cackled and punched me in the arm. I think it was supposed to be kindly, but it stung more than I’d have expected and when she turned to root her lip gloss out of the huge, purple handbag she was carrying, which matched her nails, I rubbed at my arm to take the edge off the blow.
‘So what songs do you have in
mind?’ Jack asked, taking a swig of beer.
‘Bernie gave me a list and asked me to add in a coupla songs, so I figured I’d add in “Mony Mony”, “Do Wah Diddy” and maybe “Tell Laura I Love Her” as well. You know, so the lovers have something a little slower to dance to – what?’
Lucia, Jack and Esther were all staring at me, their mouths hanging half-open.
‘Er, any chance of a rethink on that last one?’ Esther said, at last. Jack moved his hand over to Esther’s, the one with the red scar on it, and stroked his forefinger along the crooked mark on her skin.
‘Uh, sure,’ I frowned at Lucia for a clue but she just did a little head shake and took another mouthful of the blue cocktail she was drinking, which had been served in a bright red paper cup.
I didn’t know why they cared so much what songs I played at the party but I needed to keep them happy, so whatever. ‘How about “I Got You Babe”?’
‘Much better,’ Jack smiled, his shoulders loosening.
‘Cool. I know that one pretty well.’
‘I’m looking forward to a good dance, it’s been a while,’ said Jack, his deep blue eyes fixed on Esther. She threw a coy smile in his direction and took another sip of her beer.
The sound of bowling pins hitting hard laminate thundered out, followed by Angela hooting about a strike she’d made. We all clapped and cheered while Ryan lifted her up to his lips and kissed her again, reminding me of my mission.
It was, like most quests I embarked on, pretty dumb if you thought too hard about it. Trying to persuade someone I barely knew to give me a chance at hooking up with someone else I barely knew… Well, what right-thinking person went around doing that kind of thing anyway? But the truth was, whether I liked it or not, I just couldn’t shake off my intrigue when it came to Jimmy. I only had two nights left in New York. The morning after the New Year party I had to leave, possibly for good, and right now I’d take any distraction from what’d happened in Atlantic City.
I hadn’t had a repeat of the episode I’d had the night I’d stayed at Jimmy’s but the gristly scene I couldn’t forget was still waking me in the dead of night. The vacant eyes of a man I never knew still stared at me out of the darkness. I had no idea how long I’d have to live with that, but until it was over, I had to keep my mind on other things. Or risk going insane.
‘Looks like I’m up. Better boost our team’s figures before Jack gets hold of a bowling ball,’ said Lucia, setting her drink down on a small ledge next to our seats and stomping over to where Ryan and Angela were still having a moment. Jack, it seemed, had earned a reputation for only bowling strikes. Which, Esther had explained on the walk here, made up for the fact that she was lucky to knock down four pins.
‘What about your plans for after New Year? Have you thought about that?’ Esther asked me.
I sighed. Neat. Now we were off topic and I’d have to steer the conversation back around to where I needed it to be.
‘You know, you don’t have to leave dead on New Year’s Day if you need an extra couple of days,’ said Jack. ‘A few more days or an extra week or whatever, it’s no problem if you need it to get yourself on your feet again.’ He looked me straight in the eye to let me know the offer was sincere.
Well, this plan was going well. Esther had changed the topic away from the party, and now Jack was being really nice to me on top of everything else. Looking into his kind face, I knew right there and then I was going to have to abort my devious plot before it’d even got off the ground. How could I have forgotten what this guy had done for me, just because of one tantalising kiss with a stranger?
As usual, I’d been too busy acting under the heady drug of impulse when my priorities should’ve been staying safe and getting together enough money to live independent of any handouts. To escape the horrors of that night in Atlantic City and maybe even seek some justice for it.
‘Thanks, but I really shouldn’t hang around on the East Coast any longer than necessary,’ I said.
‘You know, if you tell us what’s going on, we might be able to help you,’ said Jack, his brow lowering into a frown. He frowned like that quite a lot, but in that moment the lines on his forehead ran deeper than usual.
‘I know you think that, but I promise it’s better you don’t know. In a couple of days I’ll be outta here and I’ll send you a postcard from California.’ I raised both my shoulders and smiled at the thought of how much warmer it’d be on the West Coast, even at this time of year. If Frankie’s guys had picked up my trail to New York, although that now seemed less likely since I hadn’t had any trouble here, I could lose them no problem on a journey of that magnitude. There’s no way Frankie had cops in his pocket all the way out there. I’d be able to tell my story and be free to start over. Maybe even work on some of my own music instead of singing words written by other people.
‘You’re going all the way to California?’ said Esther, reaching across and grabbing my arm in both of her hands. I’d forgotten how handsy a drunk she was and chuckled. Jack’s eyes twinkled in amusement too and he ran his fingers through her long, blonde hair.
‘Maybe I won’t be in California forever, but for a while, yes,’ I said, squeezing her arm in return.
‘It’s so far away,’ she said.
‘I know. But I think that’s a good thing. Remember what you were saying to me about this being an opportunity to decide who I want to be? I think that’ll be easier in a new place. Somewhere far away,’ I said, looking beyond Esther, down the long, polished lanes which, from where I was sitting, seemed to lead off much further into the distance than I knew they did in reality. Like little yellow brick roads all lined up in a row.
‘Well,’ said Jack, glancing at Esther out of the corner of his eye. ‘I don’t know if I put much stock in the idea that moving to a new place makes things automatically easier, but if you’re really sure that’s what you want then we’ll have to give you an extra special send-off at the party.’ He looked down at his drink and added, ‘I’m empty, I’ll get another round in.’
‘Oh no, I’ll get them,’ I said. I had been secretly plotting to invite his worst enemy to a New Year party not five minutes ago, so buying him a beer with some of the money I’d made from busking that day seemed like the least I could do.
‘Well, alright, but only this round, and I’ll help you carry,’ Jack said, standing with me.
‘Mine’s a Budweiser,’ Esther said, pointing her forefinger into the side of Jack’s leg. ‘On the rocks.’
Me and Jack looked down at Esther, shaking our heads. ‘What’s that?’ Jack put a hand to his ear and pretended not to hear her right. ‘You want a mineral water?’
‘No, Faber. Don’t get me a mineral water. It’s Friday night. That’s rubbish. I can handle one more beer.’ I’d never heard Esther talk to anyone like this. It was almost as if she was pleading.
‘Alright, I’m not your keeper,’ Jack grinned and the pair of us walked off to the bar.
‘Five Budweisers please,’ I said to the bartender, who was wearing a red shirt bright enough to blind a person. ‘And, uh, what was that Lucia was drinking?’ I asked Jack.
‘Don’t know, but it was a frightening shade of blue,’ he replied.
‘That’ll be a Blue Lagoon,’ said the server, giving Jack a little wink as he spoke. ‘Ever try one?’
‘No, not really my type of drink,’ Jack said.
‘Well you don’t know what you’re missing. It never hurts to try new things,’ the server replied, looking Jack’s body up and down.
‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ Jack said with a polite smile. But a moment later he turned back to look over at our crowd, leaning his elbows on the bar. The server, respecting Jack’s ‘thanks but no thanks’ signal, turned to me. ‘So, another Blue Lagoon with that?’
‘Yeah, thanks,’ I said with a chuckle, wondering how Esther kept her jealousy in check when Jack was getting advances from men as well as women. But looking at him just then, it was obvious sh
e had nothing to worry about. I followed his gaze over to Esther, who was standing at the end of our lane, trying to line up a shot. The thing was, she wasn’t quite as sturdy in her build as I was and she was so liquored up that the weight of the bowling ball kept overpowering her and knocking her off her aim. Meanwhile, Ryan was howling with laughter and Angela and Lucia were sitting next to him, giggling. The corners of Jack’s mouth had been teased upwards by his girlfriend’s antics and his eyes were fixed only on her.
‘Esther sure cracks me up when she’s had a coupla drinks,’ I said, laying down a twenty for the bartender, who returned my change at lightning-quick speed.
‘She has no idea how funny she is,’ Jack said, looking back at me. ‘It’s the fact she’s so adamant she can handle more than she really can that always gets me. Luckily, she’s amiable enough even when hungover.’ Jack laughed harder but then winced as a squealing sound echoed out over the PA system, followed by an announcement by a woman with a deep voice.
‘Can the lady in lane six please remove herself from the bowling gutter. The lady must be out of the bowling gutter.’
‘Lane six,’ Jack frowned. ‘Isn’t that our lane? Oh God, what’s she doing now?’ he added, glancing over.
I looked back over to where Esther had been standing just a minute ago – to find she was no longer standing. Instead, she was lying on her back in the channel at the side of the lane.
Collecting the drinks, Jack and I walked back over to our seats, set down the bottles, and Lucia’s paper cup, before stepping up to the lane where Ryan was almost bent double laughing.
‘What are you doing, love?’ Jack asked, tilting his head to one side as he looked at her so it would look the right way up from Esther’s perspective.
‘Only what Oscar Wilde suggested. Lying in the gutter, looking up at the stars,’ she smiled. Her long, blonde hair was spread out underneath her.
Jack laughed. ‘Esther, you’re in a bowling alley, there are no stars.’