by Helen Cox
‘Well, alright, maybe they objected a little, but luckily I was around to talk you up a bit,’ I said. Jimmy cracked a smile for a split second before readjusting his mouth.
‘And I suppose I should be flattered they’ve okayed my invite?’ he said, his eyes still fixed on mine.
‘Jimmy, come on. You have to accept some responsibility for what happened between you guys.’
‘Do I?’
I shook my head at him but couldn’t stop a little smile inching up the sides of my mouth.
‘Alright,’ he said. The expression on my face must have finally conveyed how ridiculous he was being. ‘Maybe I could’ve handled things better. And the first time I met Esther, I wasn’t exactly in a gentlemanly mood – but don’t go thinking they’re all innocent.’
‘I don’t.’
‘You don’t? Please, that Faber guy’s got everybody fooled.’ Bit by bit, Jimmy’s eyes lowered to the ground. He scuffed his camel suede boots around in a small mound of snow like a petulant kid. There was something both infuriating and adorable about the movement that made me want to shake him and hold him close at the same time.
‘You’re wrong. Jack’s not perfect but more importantly he doesn’t pretend to be. We’ve all done things, Jimmy. We all make wrong turns,’ I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
‘Really, and what wrong turns have you made?’ He looked back up at me.
‘You really wanna know?’ I said, shuffling on the spot.
‘I always wanna know. That’s my big problem.’
‘Well, it’s one of them,’ I said, giving him a playful nudge on the arm nearest me.
‘Apparently you ain’t so perfect neither.’
‘No. It’s true, I’ve done things I’m ashamed of alright.’
‘What you do? Sing off-key? You seem too sweet to have done much else.’
‘You think I’m sweet?’ I asked, tucking a stray hair behind my left ear.
‘Stop changing the subject.’ He looked at me, a smile sparkling in his eyes even if it hadn’t quite made the journey to his lips. ‘What did you do that’s so bad?’
‘If you think I’m sweet I’m not sure I should tell you.’
‘What if I promised to pretend I still thought you were sweet? I could make it quite convincing and I only have to keep up the act for another forty-eight hours or so.’
‘Mmm. Still risky.’ I looked at him sidelong. ‘How about an exchange?’
‘Exchange what for what?’ Jimmy’s face came over with that mean look I’d seen the first night we met, his features all hard and angular out of nowhere.
‘How about I tell you what I did to Esther back in Atlantic City, and you tell me why you spent Christmas alone this year. One terrible secret for another. It’s a fair trade.’
The hardness about Jimmy’s face dissolved as quick as it’d appeared. He pressed his mouth shut and the light that’d flickered in his eyes during our earlier flirtation went out. Was his chin… trembling?
‘Not even I’m that curious, Blue,’ he said, his voice fracturing as he spoke. Without warning he called Louie, strode past me and started to walk away. Breathing hard, I turned to hurry after him. If I didn’t say something, this would be the last I saw of the guy, no question, and something about that idea panicked me.
‘I stole from Esther,’ I called after him. He stopped, and turned. My eyes widened. Oh God, why did I say that? I could’ve said anything – except that. Saying those words even after all these months, I still couldn’t believe I’d done it. I felt my eyes starting to water and, determined not to cry in front of Jimmy for the third time in the space of four days, turned and began hurrying back across the park. I hadn’t walked ten paces when all of a sudden Louie was in my path and I had to leap over him to avoid stepping on him. Then someone caught a hold of my wrist. It was Jimmy.
‘Let go of me.’ I twisted my arm, trying to break free.
‘Blue, come on, calm down,’ he said, while I stood, glaring at him.
‘I don’t know why I told you that. I don’t even know you. All I came here to do was invite you to the party and somehow it all got messed up. Like everything else.’
‘Hey, come on now, come on, come here.’ Jimmy whipped me around so fast there wasn’t time to resist, even if I’d wanted to. Horrified by my outburst, I rested my head against his chest, against the softness of his sheepskin jacket. At least in that position he couldn’t see how red my face was turning. Jimmy put his hand on top of my head and wove his fingers into my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to steady myself. I took in a deep breath. Jimmy smelled of citrus fruit, not of the God-awful musk he’d splashed all over himself the first night we’d met. Guess he’d taken my ‘hint’ and switched brands. There was something calming about whatever scent he’d upgraded to. It was fresh and energising. I breathed it in again and held my arms around his waist a bit tighter.
‘You take things way too hard, kid,’ came Jimmy’s voice from somewhere above me. ‘Life’s too tough to be that way. You’ve gotta grow a thick skin to survive on your own. Stealing ain’t great, but knowing what I do about you, I’d guess there was no other choice.’
‘There was another choice,’ I said, pulling my head back from his chest so I could look up at his face. I was surprised to see a pained look in his eyes. ‘I was real hard up, you understand. I was waiting on my first paycheck from the casino and I was desperate not to ask my parents for help. My landlord had threatened to kick me out after I’d only been there a month and I didn’t have the money for rent. I’d only known Esther for a few weeks and… I tried to take it from her. She caught me doing it. You should’ve seen her face,’ I said, trying to fight the image of Esther’s blue eyes turning to liquid. ‘I thought that was the worst part. The getting-caught part. But afterwards I realised that wasn’t right. I explained to her why I’d done it. Told her about my parents and how they treated me. And she forgave me. Or, at least, said she would try to. And then the worst part was living with what I did, knowing I didn’t have to do it. If I’d just asked for the money she would’ve given it to me.’
‘You were desperate, and couldn’t have known that for sure,’ Jimmy shook his head.
‘I couldn’t have known it but I should’ve trusted it. When Esther left Atlantic City, she shoved an envelope through my mailbox with a hundred bucks in it I knew she couldn’t really spare. There was a little note explaining that it was half of what was left of her emergency fund and that she wanted me to have it. In case of another emergency of my own.’
‘And so you came to her for help this time, because you knew she was the forgiving type,’ said Jimmy.
‘That and there’s really nobody else I can trust right now.’
‘You are in over your head, aren’t ya?’ Jimmy’s brown eyes looked even darker somehow than they had before.
‘Yeah.’
‘You do realise I could do a coupla days research into your life in Atlantic City and probably find out what the hell is going on here, if I wanted to.’
‘Don’t do that.’ I grabbed his arm. ‘Please promise me you won’t. It could be so dangerous. You don’t know how dangerous. I don’t want anything bad to happen to anyone el— to anyone.’
Jimmy didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at me.
‘Besides,’ I said. ‘In a couple of days I’ll be gone.’
‘You’re really leaving for California?’
‘Yeah, I have to.’
‘Well, in that case, I guess I better come hear you play, while I can.’ Jimmy’s face softened as he spoke. I never would understand how he could shift the lines of his face so quick.
‘Really? You’re gonna come?’ I gave him the widest-eyed stare I could, hoping the slick of black eyeliner I’d applied especially was bringing out the green in my eyes a little more than usual. His hands were still resting on my hips. Would it be so terrible if Operation Midnight Make-Out started a little early? Well, maybe there was harm in that. He hadn’t bee
n too impressed with me after I kissed him the first time. For whatever reason, he hadn’t liked that one bit. Well, at least that’s how it’d seemed. I couldn’t ambush him again, not without the excuse of too much liquor or the loneliness of New Year. No, he’d have to initiate the next kiss. If he wanted it.
Still looking up at him, I started biting my bottom lip in the hopes of drawing his attention to it.
‘I’ll come hear you play, since it’ll be my only chance.’
‘Well, I’m glad,’ I said, as a smile spread across my lips.
He didn’t smile back.
Instead, he started leaning towards me.
His lips heading for mine.
I closed my eyes, preparing for that warm rush I’d felt the first time we kissed.
But instead of hitting my lips, the warmth hit my right cheek, and there it lingered. Softly, Jimmy pressed his lips against my skin. I held my breath, frightened that the moment I exhaled he’d pull away. His lips hovered near my skin and the heat from his breath travelled up along my cheekbone.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow night at the party, Blue,’ he whispered into my ear.
Swallowing hard, I opened my eyes to see him stepping backward. I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded as he called Louie, turned and stalked off back in the direction of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Chapter Nine
New Year’s Eve at the Starlight Diner was one of those surreal spectacles in life that makes you wonder whether you’re awake or dreaming. Esther and Mona had taken the time to hang glittering silver baubles and streamers all about the place – that much you might expect from any New Year party. But the sight of people dancing around to the beats of ‘Ice Ice Baby’ and ‘U Can’t Touch This’ in a vintage diner was curious to say the least. The staff had begged Bernie to switch off the fifties jukebox for the night. Apparently Lucia, who’d yet to arrive, had been particularly vocal about the fact that at New Year she’d like to hear a record released sometime in the last decade. To keep the peace, which was all he ever seemed interested in, Bernie had hooked up some speakers to a music centre he’d brought from home so the staff could DJ their own party before I started playing.
‘Where is Alan?’ said Mona for about the twelfth time in the last eight minutes. It was nearly nine and she’d had one eye on the clock that hung above the counter for the last half hour. Meanwhile, I’d answered questions she wasn’t really that interested in knowing the answers to about growing up in Detroit. In her defence, she probably couldn’t hear me that well over the music and, I admit, my mind wasn’t fully on the conversation at hand either. As well as playing out various moves in my head that might help me cosy up to Jimmy around midnight, I was also doing a bit of figuring about the best way to get between New York and California once the party was over.
‘Is he usually late?’ I asked Mona, trying to concentrate on sympathising with her annoyance rather than how I’d react to her husband when he at last made an appearance. He’d been looking at me weird last time we crossed paths, and no mistake.
‘Oh, he gets held up at the office pretty regular. A more suspicious woman would think he was cheatin’. Course, he knows there’d be nothing left of him if he did that to me. His only mistress is his paperwork.’ Though she was trying to make a joke out of Alan’s obsession with his job, she wasn’t smiling. He was a dedicated fella alright, which got me thinking: maybe I was being too dramatic about how far Frankie’s influence stretched. Maybe Alan could be trusted and that strange expression on his face last time we met was just his personal reaction to my blue hair. I’d been getting peculiar looks from people on the street since I dyed it.
And if all that was true, if Alan was a straight cop, maybe I didn’t have to head all the way out to California to escape what’d happened. Perhaps there were people right here I could trust. Still, even if that were the case, New Year’s Eve wasn’t exactly the right time to bring up a subject like that. I was pretty sure that if Alan was as dedicated as everyone made out, he wouldn’t mind hearing what I had to say, but Mona might box my ears for bringing up police work on what should be Alan’s night off. Even if it was life or death.
It wasn’t possible to hear the doorbell over the music but every time someone entered the diner a cold gust blew in from outside. Both Mona and I swung around as we felt a fresh chill, but it wasn’t who either of us were hoping for. It was Angela and Ryan, dressed up like they were a celebrity couple. It was quite funny comparing them to Esther and Jack, who pretty much were a celebrity couple, or at least half of one. They always dressed down. Esther said she couldn’t be bothered with dressing up that often and I presumed Jack kept his outfits low-key so he wouldn’t get asked for quite so many autographs.
Angela and Ryan however, were clearly not afraid of drawing attention to themselves. Angela was wearing a pink dress patterned with white polka dots and had draped an oversized silver blazer over the top of it. A daring fashion move, there was no denying that, but she had the kind of figure that meant she could wear just about anything and still look like a goddess. There were no curves to her, but her waist pulled in so far you’d be forgiven if you were fooled into thinking she had them. Ryan, standing by her side, was looking a touch more casual. He was wearing a pair of white pants with a matching jacket and underneath he’d pulled on a blue t-shirt. After surveying who else was in the room, they sauntered over to me and Mona.
‘Hi, ladies,’ said Angela. Ryan didn’t say hello but nodded at me and Mona in turn. I put this weird little greeting down to the fact that he was British.
‘Hey,’ I said to Angela. ‘Nice jacket.’
‘Aw thanks, nice that someone likes it,’ she said, jolting her head in Ryan’s direction.
‘Alright, it’s not my favourite item in your wardrobe, so what?’ said Ryan. ‘Surely I still get points for loving you even when you’re wearing a jacket that looks like it was sewn together on Jupiter.’
‘He’s got no fashion sense,’ Angela said, turning back to me.
‘Thank God,’ Ryan groaned. Angela rolled her eyes.
‘How about you go and fetch your girlfriend a drink?’ she said to him. ‘And maybe she’ll give you a kiss for your trouble.’
‘I’ll hold you to that,’ Ryan looked into her eyes and grinned as he made his way past me and Mona to the end of the counter. There, Bernie had lined up the liquor bottles and was now standing nearby, fiddling with microphone wires in preparation for my set. I’d offered to sort it out but he said if I did it then he’d have to talk to people, and he’d rather avoid that as much as he could. Seemed he was the only person in the room who hated New Year more than I did.
‘Truth be told,’ Angela said, regaining my attention, ‘I only wear this blazer because I know he doesn’t like it that much.’
‘You do?’ I said, more than a little bit confused. Last time I checked, it was customary to wear something your boyfriend found alluring when you were out on a date with him.
‘Yeah, makes it more likely that he’ll tear it off me later,’ she said, and winked. Mona giggled.
‘Oh, that’s a fun fact,’ I said, forcing as sincere a smile as I could manage. Leave it to me to surround myself with couples who couldn’t keep their hands off each other at New Year. Meanwhile, I was standing around waiting for a date who, for all I knew, had decided not to show.
Where the hell was he?
I glanced at the door and then looked back at Angela. A sort of awkward silence grew between us. She’d been pretty much glued to Ryan’s side, or to his lips, to be more precise, during our adventure at Penny Lanes, so we hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to each other. Mona, who seemed like the kind of woman who’d made a career out of bridging awkward silences, was still staring at the door, willing her husband to walk through it, and so was no help in kick-starting the conversation. If Esther and Jack were around there’d be some common ground to build up from but they were having fun on the dance floor and besides, it was even more difficult to catch
them at a moment where they weren’t wrestling tongues than it was with Angela and Ryan.
‘How long have you and Ryan been an item?’ I asked, latching on to the one thing I’d really come to understand about the woman: that she was smitten by this Ryan guy.
‘Just over two months.’ Angela looked past me for a moment, probably at him.
‘A couple of months and he’s already throwing the L-word around, I approve. It’s good when you find a guy like that, who won’t hold back.’ I smiled, taking another swig of my beer.
‘It has been a bit of a whirlwind,’ Angela said, her dreamy smile still very much in place. ‘It’s been long distance from the beginning – Ryan lives in London. You know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder.’
I smiled out of politeness, even though Jimmy’s absence wasn’t making my heart grow fonder of him at all. If he stood me up on New Year’s Eve I swore right then to give him another punch before leaving town, and this time it wouldn’t be by accident. Well, unless he could think up a really satisfying way of making it up to me. That might be OK…
‘You shouldn’t be too fooled by his attitude though,’ Angela continued, ignoring how rude I was being, just standing there, thinking about Jimmy, when I should be making the effort to talk to her. ‘He has his moments of holding back, like any guy. Took him a few weeks to tell me he’d kissed Esther before he met me.’ She shook her head in his direction in the same way Mama used to with the boys on our street who’d stamp real hard around flocks of birds to make them flutter up all at once.
You can bet that little nugget of information got my attention. I fixed my eyes on Angela and asked, ‘Ryan and Esther used to be together?’
This question got Mona’s attention too.
‘Oh no, they just kissed. But it’s alright, I kissed Jack before Esther did.’ Angela giggled and Mona joined in.
‘You kissed Jack and she kissed Ryan?’ I asked.
‘Uh-huh,’ Angela said, beaming.
‘And everybody’s all cool about that?’