by Sarah Dell
The old Langley house was just as I remembered it. It was like I never left. It felt odd to be back with Endora after everything I’d been thru, but in a way it also felt right. It felt like this was where I was supposed to be. I shouldn’t have gone with Matthias and tried to be something I could never be. I didn’t know if this was the destiny that my mother had told me about, but I didn’t care anymore.
I didn’t want a destiny if it didn’t have Matthias in it. This was the only way I could be free. My mother had never done anything for me, but now she expected me to follow some destiny she had planned for me. A destiny that only led to pain and loneliness; I didn’t want that destiny. I didn’t want a destiny that involved killing people and leaving orphans like Caligari.
“So you’re back” I heard Tino say from the porch. There was no emotion in Tino’s voice; it was as if he never doubted the fact that I would be back.
“Yes” I told him. He moved away from the door and allowed Endora and I to enter the house.
“Come and sit with me. We have much to catch up on” she said. Then she motioned for Tino to leave. Once Tino was out of sight she turned to me. Her face was unchanged, but I knew we were about to have a serious discussion.
“I don’t need to know why you left, but I do need to know that you are devoted to staying here and being the vampire that I need you to be” she said. “Do you remember when I told you about how I became a vampire?” she asked.
“Yes, you were living on the street when Castor found you.”
“Yes, but what I didn’t tell you is that I wasn’t living on the streets alone” she said. “I had a daughter. She died before Castor found me. We didn’t have a lot of food and she got sick. I did what I could to get her medicine, but it didn’t help. She died before her first birthday.” I didn’t know what to say. I had always seen Endora as a powerful vampire. I had never thought about what her life had been like before becoming a vampire. I realized that life had not been kind to Endora.
“I lost my daughter before I ever got to know her. The pain was so bad I didn’t want to live anymore. I started living a reckless life that would have gotten me killed. Then Castor found me and he told me he could make me not feel the pain, and he did. Becoming a vampire and killing did take the pain away, but it also took away the happiness I felt as a human. I remember losing my daughter, but I don’t remember the pain. I also don’t remember what it feels like to be happy. I think I was happy when my daughter was born, but I don’t remember. I want you to go into this knowing what it will take from you” she said.
“I am ready for this and I don’t care what it takes away from me” I told her. I thought about yesterday and about how happy I was with Matthias, but then I thought about what it felt like to watch him die. I knew that I would trade the happiness of that day to not feel the pain.
“And you understand what it means?” she asked.
“Yes” I said.
“Then we won’t talk about your leaving anymore. I’m just glad you are home” she said. “It’s getting early. You should rest” she said. “We are going to meet the Queen, and we leave tomorrow night”.
I gave Endora a small smile as I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. When I opened the door the pink threatened to make me sick. I closed the thick curtains before taking off the clothes I had been wearing for the last two days. I filled the bathtub with warm water and bath salts. I washed my hair and then sank deep into the warmth of the water. I lay on the soft bubble gum pink bed, but the sweet oblivion of sleep would not come. Tomorrow night I would meet the Queen and she would decide if I deserved to live as a vampire or if I would be killed. I knew I would have to make a choice. I would have to do the thing I had been avoiding. I would have to kill someone. I told myself that it didn’t matter if I killed or not. Whoever they brought for me to kill would still end up just as dead. I was a vampire and it was in my nature to kill. I needed to stop fighting who I was and accept that I wasn’t the descendant of the Water Elemental, only a vampire.
I would make my kill tomorrow and give away the last of my humanity. I would accept my destiny, but it would be the destiny that I chose. Matthias was gone. He would never know what I would become. The only way to not be the descendant of the Water Elemental was to fully embrace the vampire inside me. If I gave up the last of my humanity then the water powers inside me would die. Everything that I was would die. I didn’t know what I would become, but I knew that I wouldn’t feel this pain. I knew that tomorrow this would all be over.
CHAPTER 12