by L Johnson
“If he is addicted I can try to counsel him.”
“One wrong word and you are dead to him.”
“He trust me for some reason and I wouldn't cross him.” I looked at Mark. “Teach him to be like you.”
“Like me?”
“Quiet reserved...fighting… channeling it into something else.”
“I channel my… whatever by a greed for money. I just want to be rich and worry free. I don't want the extra.”
“Make him want money.”
“He has money Asher.”
“Well look I don't know what you want me to do.”
“Continue to watch him.” Mark whispered. “Be there and stop him.”
“I have to have a life Mark. I can't just follow a grown man around hoping that he doesn't kill anyone. I can't just stop my life.”
“I know.” He pushed his hands through his short blond hair in frustration and I nodded my head. “This would be better if Cypress knew. But she would freak out. They got back together.”
“So we leave her clues. I am sure she is wondering something already.”
“No,” Mark sighed. “I don't know what the hell to do. I don't know. Look Ill swing by sometime tomorrow and don't talk to the feds anymore. Is there anything that you know that they are looking for?”
“A knife.”
“They said something to you about a knife?”
“Yeah, they said it is the link between London and America...”
“Cumbria?”
“Yeah whatever, the strokes of the knife are they key.”
“Fuck alright, thank you. I'll talk to you later.”
Chapter Fifteen
Asher
Lucas could never be simple. I asked for one simple thing from him, a blood test and of course he was dead that I was wrong. He refused and now my life was a living hell. My mom swore she wanted nothing to do with it and begged that I leave it alone, but I now understood that she was hiding something from me. I made a special trip back home to California. I missed the bright skies and liveliness of the city. The palm trees on every block and the beautiful painted homes. Our home was perfect.
I sat on my old porch and waited for her to get off from work. She was a registered nurse and she worked long hard hours. It was part of the reason my parents split. My father wanted a wife and she wanted a career. And she got what she wanted. She was the head nurse of three different wings in the hospital, but she lost a husband and basically a son in the mix.
She had the cigarette in her lips and her face was less than amused. “I can't believe you even came to see me.” She closed the door and smiled at me. She was as pretty as her name. Margot's hair was a silky mixture of gray and black. Her eyes slanted like she as Asian and I looked nothing like her. “Must be important.”
“Hey mom.” I hugged her as she sat down on the porch in the plastic chair next to me.
“Enjoy the drive?”
“I did not.” I laughed. “I’m done with my thesis. I turned it in. It's just awaiting the grade.”
“My son will be a doctor. How does it feel?”
“Like a burden that I’m more than happy to have off of my shoulders.” I took the cigarette from her lips. “You’re a nurse. You know what those things do mom.”
She took it back from my hands. “I feel like the conversation we’re about to have will be worst if I don’t have it. Where did you get the photos from?” Margot re-lit the cigarette and turned her head to me.
“I got it from a friend in college. Someone, I think you know already.”
“Lucas Elledge,” She exhaled and blew the smoke into the air. “How did you meet him?”
“Coincidence, really,” I lied. I folded my arms. “Mom, I know that this little boy in this picture is me.” I held it out in front of her and waited. Her shaking hand took the picture from me. “Please, just tell me.”
“She was so beautiful.” Margot smiled and then her eyes shifted to me. “Yeah, Asher it is you.” She rolled her eyes. “I hate we are even talking about it, but I can tell you. But I don't want you to stop being my boy. You’re all I have.”
“You’ll always be my mom. Nothing that you can say can change it.”
“You say that,” The silence sat between us and then she sighed. “You were born in England and you are English.”
“She’s my mother?”
“Luna,” she smiled. “We were best friends. Tracy and Luna both went to UCLA with me. We were dorm mates and roommates after the first year in our own home. No one really expected us to be so close. But we were,” She nodded her head. “Luna met Declan and she had got pregnant. He didn't want her to have it. He wanted her to give it up and I thought it was a bad idea. She loved him and he loved her. So they gave the oldest child to Tracy. His name was Marcus.”
My heart raced. “Tracy, who?”
“I don't know her last name now, but at the time it was Tracey Todd. She loved the child and she made a pact with Luna that she would make sure the child knew her at least as a godmother. It was beautiful.”
“Okay,” I shook. “And then?”
“She got pregnant less than a year later. I had just found out that I could not have children and here she was popping them out like it was nothing. Tracy said that she had her hands full and she just couldn't. They were about to throw you into the system in England. I told her to bring you here. I told her that I would raise you, but only as my son. I didn't want her to have anything to do with you… But most importantly, I didn't want Declan around you. Declan was a bad guy. He was always a bad guy and she couldn't get it. She agreed and when she left I changed everything. I moved and hid out.”
“So, Luna had me?”
“Yes and Lucas is your younger brother. He looks like Declan you know. The hair, the smile… I saw him on the back of his book. He looks just like him, especially those eyes.” She paused. “You look like Luna, but your hair, this beautiful mess of chocolate brown hair, is Declan.”
“Mom, why didn't you just tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to know them. They’re not good people.”
“Luna died.” I said. “And Declan.”
“She did?”
“ALS, and I could have at least met her once. That is important to me mom. I would have never called her mom.”
“She is your biological mom.” She sniffled back her tears. “I just wanted you to love me only. It was selfish, but I don't regret it.”
“That's selfish mom. I have a brother out there. Two of them and I haven't had the chance to know them or anything because you want...”
“Because I protected you from something that you didn't need.”
“You could have let me be the judge of that.” I spat back at her. “I love you.” I stood up. “I am gonna go to bed. The drive killed me.”
Cypress
Lydia sat on the edge of her bed reading her magazine like it was a science. “So… tell me some good positions?”
I spit out my water and stare at her. “What? Are you and Trey sleeping together?”
“We are.” She blushed. Her cheeks flushed and she done her small happy dance with her fist balled and in the air. “It was amazing.”
“Wow, your brothers have no clue do they?”
“Hell no,” Lydia smirked. “And you won't tell them right?”
“I won't.” I nodded my head. “Where were you two?”
“Valentine’s night,” she answered. “Picture it, the hotel was full of roses and candles and he gave me this ring. He's going to Texas AM.”
“Where are you going?”
“Texas AM.” She was giddy.
“Well, I wish you the best of luck!” I stared at the ceiling.
“He has been asking about you.”
“I know he has, I can't even focus on him right now. I have something bigger at hand.”
“And what's that?”
“Well, I haven't had a cycle in months. We tested a while back and I haven't te
sted again.”
“You wanna take it here? We can barricade the doors for privacy and then debate on the results. We could turn this into some freaky girl’s event.”
“Will he show up here?”
“More than likely,” she looked down at her hands. “Look, I know my brother is not the best person. He has some issues. But I know he loves you and I know you need time. I won't pressure it and I don't blame you for hating him. If Trey ever done anything like that I would be freaking out. So hate him and do what girls do. But don't make a rash decision about your life and not look at every side of the situation.”
She had gained some wisdom in her few years. “Okay, well do you want to ride with me to get the test and some pickles.”
“If mom sees pickles she will know something is up. So we can get the test and we will have to carry huge purses to sneak all of this into my room.”
“What do you mean all of this? It's a pregnancy test and some pickles.”
“I want some fat snacks and some Redbox movies. Dear we will make the day of this.” She grabbed her keys. “Come on, I can't wait to see the results. If you are… make me the Godmother.”
“But you are the Aunt.”
“I would really like to be the Godmother.” She added. “Please.”
“Fine,” I laughed. “Come on.”
We made our way down the steps carrying huge purses down the steps. “The two lovely ladies...” Mark greeted as he bit into his apple. “Where are you going?”
“Um, we were about to run to the store.”
“Can I go?”
“No,” We both said.
“Mean, the both of you.” He plopped onto the couch. “You should be warned that Lucas will be here later on today. I don't know where the love saga is currently. Law school has me trapped in its grasp for too long.”
“We don't care that he will be here.” Lydia answered for me. “You make sure he stays down here away from her and if he wants me, I can come downstairs to him.” She grabbed my hand. “And you better not be plotting anything Mark. I swear it will be war.”
“When did you grow a set of balls?”
“I've always had them.” She pulled me out of the house towards the car. “Now we have some planning to do. Should we get some food first? We could go to a restaurant and pig out.”
“I don't know… should I even go back?”
“Did you not hear my threat? We'll get pizza on our way back.”
This girl day was much needed. We grabbed unnecessary items and tossed them into the shopping cart. Then of course grabbed ten pregnancy tests and made out way to the house. Lucas was there as Mark said he would be. He sat on the couch with Mark engrossed in some horror movie.
“Shit,” I mumbled as we opened the door.
Lucas watched me with every step I took into the house. “Cypress...”
“Hi,” I waved. My eyes welled and I stared at him.
“Um, so you two cannot have any of the pizza and do not disturb us. We have some chick flicks and some food.” She pushed me passed them. It was much needed because my feet felt like they were planted there permanently.
I climbed the steps out of breath and tossed the heavy purse full of fat snacks and pregnancy test on the high bed. “Thank you.”
“You two are so weird. Just talk to one another. Staring is weird.” She locked her door. “Do you want to eat and watch a movie first?”
“I don't know what I want.”
“I know that.” Lydia turned the movie on and smiled. “You will have to say something to him one day you know that don't you?”
“I said hi.”
“I mean you will have to talk to him about everything or you will never truly heal.”
“Thank you Dr. Phil.” I bit into the pepperoni pizza. “I guess we can start The Hunger Games.”
“Good, I was hoping that would be your answer.”
The movie flew by. My hormones took control every time someone died and I cried like a newborn baby most of the movie. I barely touched my food and half way through the best scene I vomited it up by the end. “I will never watch that again.”
“You are pregnant.”
“I am not.” I paused. “I don't know.”
“Well, the movie is over and you need to go ahead and fold on the test. I can't wait anymore and I think I know the results. Step in there and pee on all these sticks...”
“Do you have a cup?”
“I don't.” She stood up. “I will go into the battlefield and get one if you promise to still be awake when I return?”
“Scout's honor, I will be here waiting.”
She stepped out of the room and I read the instructions. My life could be about to change for the better or worst. If I was not pregnant, there was a voice screaming inside of my head that said to leave him alone. And then there was still a voice screaming if I was. I twiddled with my fingers. My eyes were glued to the door for five minutes. Did she have to make the cups or something? Finally, she returned and locked the door.
“Go piss on the stick.”
“What took you so long?”
“Your ex-boyfriend wanted to come talk. I told him no. And then he cursed me and I cursed him and Mark stepped in and cursed us both. Got to love having brothers.” She handed me the foam cup and shrugged her shoulders. “He said that he would be here in ten minutes rather I wanted him in here or not. So get the test over with and we can decide what we are going to do.”
“Dear God,” I walked into her bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. My hands shook. I peed and then washed my hands. I dipped three tests into the cup and set them down. My feet were unsteady as I walked back to the room. “I can't read the test.”
“It hasn't been one minute yet.”
“I know. I just want you to read them.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Everything can change in the next minute Lydia.”
“I know.” She hugged me. “Just breath.”
There was a huge urge for me to cry. I fanned my face and then placed my hand on my head. At the moment I couldn’t picture Lucas being with me. I could only see red for him and even more for Persephone. “Go check it.”
“Okay, just breathe. You should know that no matter what this test says I am here for you.” Lydia hugged me and smiled. “And if you aren’t pregnant you still need to go down there and talk to him.” She turned on her heel and walked into the bathroom. Everything around me slowed. Time, my breaths even the audio from the television seemed to drag as she grabbed the napkin that held the test. She peered up at me and nodded. Her eyes welled as a small smiled covered her face. “I'm an auntie!”
“You're lying!” I shrieked. I shot up from the bed and made my way over to her quickly.
“I am honest. Every last test says the same thing… One word PREGNANT.”
My tears ran over leaking onto my shirt like someone had turned on the faucet. Lydia wrapped her arms around me. “I'm pregnant!” I yelped in a mix of emotions, fear, relief and happiness.
“Go tell him, please.” She wiped her face. “You need to.”
“I don't know if I can do that.”
“You can.” Lydia opened the door. “And you need to do it now.”
How could an eighteen-year-old have more sense than me? I exhaled. The last thing I wanted to do was to look him in the face and take him back. It shouldn’t be that easy for him. I took the test from her and walked down the stairs. “Luke.” I said.
His eyes met mine and he paused. “Cypress.”
“We should talk.” I sobbed. “Like now.”
He was up the stairs and in front of me before I could think. My hands shook and I was certain that my face was a complete red mess. “What’s the matter?”
Mark sat uncomfortably on the edge of his seat and stared at Lydia. “What did you do?”
“I have done nothing,” she moved as she wiped more tears from her face. “But you are an asshole Lucas. I’ve t
old you this so many times. But I mean it. She loves you so much and you still found a way to fuck things up.”
Lucas blatantly ignored everything that she had said. His emerald eyes were locked on mine. “Cypress, what is it? What's wrong love?”
“I don’t know how to say it.” I placed the pregnancy test in his hand and covered my mouth to hide another sob. Everything that had been locked up for the past month wanted to escape and it had become hard to hold it back.
Lucas’ eyes widened. “What is this?” He flipped the test over and then looked at Lydia. “Whose is this?”
“Why are you looking at me? You would be the last person on my mind if it were mine.” Lydia snapped as she pushed passed him. “Asshole.”
“Mine.” I said. “It's mine.”
“Oh fuck,” he dropped the test and pulled me closer to him. His tatted arms wrapped around my body and it felt warm and right. It seemed as if the world had gone back to normal for a split moment. “You're pregnant?” he whispered.
“Yes. I took ten tests.”
“Oh baby.”
“Little sis, let's get some ice cream. And leave them to talk.”
Lucas
The door closed to Lydia's bright room and she looked at me. There is so much pain in her I could barely stand to look. “I don't know where to start,” I said. “I can only apologize.”
“I am stuck in between happy and petrified.” Cypress sniffled.
“I know.”
“Can I trust you?”
“Yes, I swear to it.”
“I mean about everything. I am about to bring a child in this world. And now everything looks so weird. I'm sick because I have a child growing inside of me. I am no longer one person. I will never be one person again.”
“What can I do?”
“Start from the top… what happened with her?”
“Persephone?”
“Yes.”
“She came to my office and she was naked. I didn't want her. But I wanted her to leave me alone.”
“So you fucked her?”
“That was weakness...” I whispered. “But I fixed it. She will never be around again. I swear.”