by L Johnson
She placed a picture of her holding the small infant Mark in her hands. “That was when she decided to give him up. She said that her mother would have her shipped off. So she didn't claim him as hers. But she loved him none the less. I sent her pictures once she moved back to America and we stayed in contact. I met my husband and he followed the program.”
“They have no idea.”
“Mark can feel it. But Lucas is such a loner, again he is like his father in more than one way.” I could feel the double meaning in her words. “Wow.”
“One year after she had Mark, there was another child. She offered, but I couldn't take another one in. Mark was a handful and I was still pushing through school. I told her I couldn't. And I was not a fan of Declan at that moment. He had been a pain. She named him Asher Elledge. She gave him to a friend in California that could not have kids. Her name was Margot.”
My mind wandered. “Asher… couldn't be his friend Asher could it?” I nodded my head. Things were coming together.
“It is.” She laughed. “Margot and her husband decided it was for the best that they change his last name as I done with Mark. He looks like her side of the family as does Mark. Lucas the baby of the family has everything from his father. They had him two years later and named him Lucas and she kept him. She had finally made Declan into a man that could handle a family. She raised him until Luke turned 14 then something happened that she least expected.”
“ALS?”
“Indeed, she caught it early and at first there was nothing that changed with her, but she started to make Luke attend school in different places, one year in Ireland and the then several over with us. He and Mark hung out every summer together and that was the start of a beautiful friendship. Margot cut all ties with us. She married a psychologist and she demanded that we stay away from Asher, mainly Declan. Declan was this towering gentle giant to us. He loved everyone and everyone loved him, but Lucas adored him. He saw the real version of him and it was obvious because of the type of bond that they had with one another. Declan was not the best father, though, they had their differences and Lucas and him were alike. They fought like cats and dogs because whatever Declan’s job was caused him to be out of the house a lot. And whenever he left Luna was sadder. He didn’t like to see his mother sad or sick. He was left to deal with his mother along. And in my opinion when he started to take care of his mother it made him a stronger man, but it also made Declan less of one. He left his family and he didn't care or at least to them it didn’t seem like he did. He checked in with him and then he would playhouse when she was really sick. Then she started to send Lucas here for longer bouts of time up until she died and she knew that there was something that she had to do to make sure that he didn't suffer while she died.”
“She spared him the horror of it all and sent him to be where he could be a child.”
“It was our pact with one another. We would never let him be motherless. I adopted him and he has been mine just like Mark. Mark was happy and then we had Lydia as well.”
“Wow, so why is Asher here?”
“His stepfather puts the crazy notion in his head that Declan was a killer. I think it was sick way to turn him off to knowing anything about him. Asher started to study Lucas and then well... you know how it goes.”
“So you know all of this and you are not telling Lucas. Why?”
“Lucas is different and he is like his father. He is dark. He has secrets and I don't know what they are. I just know that he is something different.”
“There are FBI agents asking questions about him. They are saying that he killed someone. He seems like he is not fazed.”
“He is more than likely fazed by it, but he will not show it all. He is a quiet guy. But what I am saying is that you are so much like his mother. You are beautiful and you are giving him a real shot to have a life. Don't get involved with anything he has going. That was Luna's safety. She was blind to everything and she wanted to be blind to everything. So you need to do that.”
“Okay...” My mind raced. Was he a killer? “Lucas is dangerous?”
“He is not dangerous to you.”
“To anyone Tracy?”
“Yes, he has an anger problem. I don't think that he would hurt you. What have the agents been asking?”
“His ex-girlfriends have all turned up dead to missing.”
“They think that he did it.”
“Yes, but he has an alibi for every death. My point is that you don't have to worry about him hurting you. He loves you unconditionally.”
I was not sure exactly how I was supposed to take the conversation with Tracy. Was I supposed to be happy I was not in danger or you should I be worried that other people are in danger. I mulled it around my head for a few minutes while she finished cooking the quiche.
“What's the matter love?” Lucas touched my shoulder.
“Nothing babe.”
“You sure? Did Tracy say something?”
“I'm just hungry Luke, calm down.” I laughed. “What are we doing when we leave here?”
“I guess we are sleeping you think? You have been snoring here lately. It's hard for me to catch some shut eye if I don't doze off before you.” Lucas poked me annoyingly and sat down on the stool across from me. “Tracy, how much longer?”
“Calm down. The quiche will be done when it's done. Have you looked into those master programs that I asked you to look into?”
“I looked into a few. I think I want to travel a while though. There are some parts of Northern Ireland that I have yet to see. And I would love for you to come with me. There is no way to describe to you the color of their greens.”
“It sounds like a plan to me.” I twiddled with my fingers. I had to get him out the house for a while and investigate him more. “I am really tired.”
“Are you ready to leave love?”
“I am.” I touched my stomach lightly. “The little one is begging to nap.”
“Well, we can leave,” he whispered. “I could get something to eat later on.”
“Yeah, let's do that.”
Lucas
Home felt less like home lately. She stayed over every night and the house hunting was a pain. And it was not because I didn't want her. I just didn't know how to react to someone in my space. She nestled into the couch covered with her blanket and a trash can next to the couch. Morning sickness had set it's on hours for her.
I clicked through the computer. I wanted a bigger playground. New York had so much crime that a few deaths every now and then would be expected. I wouldn't have to leave my family just to plan something to soothe desires. I had a control of them lately. It felt like relief to know that I could say no to the urge to cut into someone. It had grown easier because she was here so much. And there someone else important in the picture, my child. The feeling was new. I had created another being. The thought had never crossed my mind that I could be a father. I was so used to ending a life that being a father was foreign.
“Your mom was upset about the quiche.”
“She will live.” I pecked at the keys. “Would you be okay living in New York?”
“As in the state?”
“And the city,” I said.
“No,” She mumbled. “Can we do this when I don't feel like shit?”
“Have you been to the doctor about this?”
“I have, it's called pregnancy. They said the symptoms would continue for five more months and then a kid would pop out.”
“Oh, okay.” I chuckled at her sarcasm. It had become the norm here. “Are you hungry? I could go for some takeout?”
I watched her as she placed the headphones on her stomach and scrolled through the music on her iPod. “I don't want to leave. I'm tired.”
“What are you making him listen to?”
“We don’t know what we are having?” She reminded.
“I know it’s a boy.”
“I’m listening to Coldplay.”
“So, you want our
child to come out wining in a high pitch melody about lost love or stars?” I turned my head to her.
“What would you prefer?”
“Bach?”
“Didn’t you say that you were going to get some food?” She snapped.
“I'll step out. What do you want?”
“Ooh, I could go for some pizza and an egg roll! And some pickles.”
“Darling,” I moaned.
“Please.” Cypress begged, her bottom lip dropped and I could hear the profane thought as they raged in my head.
“Bloody hell, that’s four places I have to stop and not to mention the car is out of petrol. Could you not just live with some General whatever’s chicken?”
“That’s spicy!” She yelled.
Cypress had turned my couch into her haven. Her books were scattered on the table in front of her with an empty jar of pickles and a giant lemonade bottle. Then there were the tons of blankets that had engulfed her. She lay perfectly on the couch with her feet propped on three pillows and her a glow about her that warmed my heart. “What all do you want?” I groaned as I grabbed the keys from the table.
“Well, go to the grocery store first and get some Turtle Chocolate Ice Cream, then grab some Kosher Pickles and some Nutella.”
“What the hell?” I stared at her in frustration. “You don’t need Nutella.”
“You don’t tell me what I need Lucas!” Cypress had turned an annoying shade of red. “I have been craving the damn Nutella for a week! Buy it!”
“Yes, your highness.” I rolled my eyes.
“I want three Spring Rolls from The China Palace and some sweet and sour sauce. Then I would like a large pepperoni pizza no sauce add garlic season from Pizza Shack.” She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.
“There is no way that you can eat all of that shit.”
“You wanna bet?”
“I would rather not. But you are sleeping on the couch with that horrid gas.”
I watched her as her eyes grew wide. “Lucas!”
“What!” I chuckled and she put her head down.
“I’m pregnant.”
“This I know already.” I smiled. I kissed her forehead lightly and made my way towards the door. “Anything else?”
“Could you please hurry back? I’ll place the order. I just miss you already.” She winked.
“I will do my best to travel all over Colorado Springs like a chicken with my head cut off to get back to you.”
“I appreciate it and I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Spring had broken through the cold shield of winter. The cool breeze hit my face as I walked to my car, the place had never looked so beautiful. The feds sat in their car a block away and started their engines. I couldn't even piss without a friendly visit from them. My move with Luther had been a rush. Writing out his name in the blood with that smiling face. McMillan had chased his tail and finally I knew for sure that he had nothing on me at all. I was a speculation and in a few months they would demand that he pull the case back. My life would be back to normal and I would leave this place.
I threw my hand in the air with a smile. “Cheerio!”
The agents nodded their head and looked at one another. There was no telling what they were thinking. They would never take coffee from me again. I was happy I got that off of my chest. Luther was dead and now I could get on with life.
“Lucas,” a voice said from behind me.
I turned my head and there was Persephone. I gritted my teeth. Her tangled ponytail lay to the side and she shielded her eyes with her glasses. “What the hell? Did you not understand?” I hissed.
“I'm sorry.” She winced. “I wanted to let you know that my mom is making me finish the year but you don't have to worry. I'll go to classes and leave you alone.”
“She can't make you do anything.”
“She can.”
“Dear Jesus. Alright, understood. Leave here before Cypress comes.”
“Okay.” She hopped in her car and left.
My stomach growled in frustration, skipping lunch had not been smart. The engine of my car started and I had only one thing on my mind, food.
“Want company?” Mark asked from the passenger side of the car. He unlocked the door and Asher jumped in the backseat.
“Well, certainly,” I rolled my eyes. “What do you want?”
“To talk, we can ride with you, right?”
“I suppose since you both have hopped your asses in.” I waited till they were settled to pull out of the parking lot. The music strummed in the background and the silence was annoying. “What do you two want?”
“We have some news?”
“What news?”
“We’re brothers, all three of us.” Mark gestured between us three.
I had gained more family in the past month than I could comprehend. So my mother was a liar and I had two ok guys as brothers. I sat in silence as I waited for them to say something. I was fine. I mean now I technically couldn’t kill Asher and he wasn’t that bad. He calmed me down with that yoga shit sometimes. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Asher asked.
“I mean you two aren’t the worst people in the world to be kin to I guess. This doesn’t mean that we have to do dinners and all that shit all of the time. And Asher you can’t borrow my clothes. I get enough of that shit from Mark. So to make it fair Mark stay out of my shit.”
“That’s all you have to say?” Mark burst into laughter and Asher followed soon behind him. “I’ll stay out of your shit.”
“Thank you. And I’m not paying for your food either, you bloody bastards.”
Chapter Seventeen
Cypress
The only good thing about pregnancy so far had been the non-stop pampering everyone gave me. Though it had been annoying at first it was hard not to fall into the spoils of it. Mark and Asher even found a way to cater to me. Everything else had died and gone to hell. Little things that I used to enjoy now were a pain in my ass. For instance, instead of relishing college, I couldn’t wait to get out of the hell hole. The long walks through the campus that I once enjoyed and lived for were now a pain in the ass. The hills of the campus were a nuisance. Then there was the snow and ice that had finally started to melt into ridiculous sludge and made me a living trip hazard. I was only four months and no I didn’t have a major bump, but it was enough that I had a slight waddle.
The next issue with pregnancy had been the lack of privacy. First, there was Lucas and his constant need to know where I was and know what the hell what going on with me. He was like an alarm clock. I could basically pinpoint when he was about to call me. And if I didn’t answer, he found a way to get someone around me to get to me. Then there was Lydia. I loved her like a precious sister, but it was as if I was carrying this damn baby for her. She had planned every event thus far. The first being the reveal party. They generally came when the sex was determined. Well, she had planned one for me already and she was the host. Then she had planned a baby shower for us, themes for each sex. She overwhelmed me. She wanted to talk and the only thing I wanted to do was to sleep for long periods of time in Lucas’ bed.
The last issue was my mom and sister. They wanted me to move back home immediately after the baby was born. They could care less about Lucas being the father of the baby and she could care less about our relationship. Mom wanted her grandchild near her where she could protect him or her. Lana wanted my child to be able to grow up around them and she was usually pro-Lucas but she wanted him to let go. Lucas begged to differ and that was one argument I didn’t any part of, they should just hash it out among themselves and leave me out of it.
The spring had started to show its head, but it was still chilly out. Lucas made sure he kept our visits to the park a minimum. Moments like this were rare. Our eyes were hooked on the mountains and the pale blue and white background the sky had provided. There was a warm pallet under our bodies as we lay on our backs entangled with one another.
&n
bsp; “I could stay like this for forever.” I murmured.
“I say you're right. Let us build a home right here. We can sleep here and dream here… fuck here.” He whispered. His lips traced my ear lightly. “We could do that here.”
“We could go to jail.” I gestured to the people as they passed us by.
“We could do that by jaywalking, the way that I have in mind would be so much better.” He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer.
“What makes you happy?”
“Moment like this.” He answered. “Simple yet, they mean so much.” Lucas' hand touched my stomach. The small bump emerged from the yellow shirt and he pulled me closer. He readjusted my shirt and his hand rested on my stomach. The small nudge of a foot or elbow bulged through. “Awry little chap huh?
“Wonder where he gets that from?” I smiled. We had no idea what we were having. But he was dead set on a little boy and I had grown accustom to calling him little chap like Lucas.
“I never want to let you go, you know that.”
“I guessed it.” I place my hand over his and for a moment I felt bliss. I had fallen into his gravitational pull and there was no escape. No matter how much something inside told me to flee, I was his and he was mine. “You wanna know what I think about constantly? I mean it literally just sits in my mind for hours.”
“Of course, what is your mind wrestling with Cypress?”
“How long can we be this happy?”
“For forever,” he answered. His answer short and sweet. But his words were too good to be true.
“It’s not that simple Lucas. There is always going to be something that can happen between us. Love is hard. Do you understand that? It’s not cut and dry like you want to think it is. We have to be honest about everything. And I mean we have to tell each other everything. You can’t hold back from me and that goes for everything between us.”
“I know. Words are valuable.”
“So don't waste any.”
“I would never.” he playfully kissed my forehead as his arm draped over me.
“Good,” I nestled closer to him. Thank God for the spring weather. The warmth kissed my cheek. I couldn’t wait for the last of the winter to fade out so it would finally be comfortable enough to not have to layer ourselves. The wind ruffled my hair and my life was good.