“Good. Why Joy?” she asked.
“Your body and personality were inspired by my wife. Sorry, late wife. It's been a decade and I still do that... anyway, continuing. You're a reflection of her, and she pushed me to seek truth and to love always. In me, she inspired faith and fun, excitement and everything good in my life. So, Joy,” Joe boasted.
“I like that. I would have went with Spooky, from earlier, but that's just me,” said Miss Joy.
“Good idea, that will be your first name. Your last will be Joy, making your full name: Spooky Joy,” Joe said with a large grin.
“Tolkien’s toenails! You can’t do that, you already set the name,” she said, exasperated.
“No, no, I told you your last name. That's why I used the prefix Miss. And I said ‘a name,’ not your name. Plus, you can't pull off being someone with only one name. You're not Oprah,” Joe replied with a straight face. Miss Joy looked bugged, and was quiet long enough that Joe almost started talking to fill the silence.
“Okay,” she said, finally, “That checks out, but you get no life point. You made me break a rule by getting me involved with my own naming. You're just lucky that the rule about you having the right to give me a name has the higher designation. I don’t want to discuss it anymore. So, moving on. Oprah has more than one name. Her name is Oprah Winfrey. For goodness sake, she was President Winfrey for four terms. They amended the constitution for her during the ‘Good Enough for FDR, Good Enough for O’ movement. And why do you keep bringing up deceased female political figures? No, wait, it's more than that. You keep bringing up, deceased female political figures, who were celebrities before they became political figures. You realize that's obscure and weird, right?” Spooky Joy critiqued, giving Joe a slightly condescending head tilt, with a raised eyebrow.
“That is a good question. I did not realize I was doing that. Two times isn't that much, is it?”
Joe justified.
“Whatever you have to tell yourself, Joe. I obviously make you think of powerful beautiful women,” she replied, putting her hands on her waist and spreading her feet shoulder width apart, with her chin raised. She was in the perfect Superwoman pose, complete with a gaze off into the distance, looking for truth and justice. Joe smiled and began to clap. Keeping her Superwoman pose, she looked at Joe and said in an imperious voice, “Joe, the time has come for us to continue onward.” Dropping the Superwoman pose, and rolling her shoulders she continued, “But seriously, though, let's go ahead and continue going through the interface. Unless, of course, you want to continue to optimize me?” she said, with no judgment in her tone.
“I think you're just right for me, Spooky. Is there anything I need to do to finalize my decision?” Joe asked.
“Yes, there is. Right now, this personality filter is partitioned off from my core memory. Once you confirm that this is your final decision, I will fully integrate the personality augmentation. Then, you will be stuck with me. If you're ready to confirm that this is your final decision please say, ‘I confirm this is my final avatar choice for my in-game assistant,’” she said.
“I confirm this is my final avatar choice for my in-game assistant,” Joe confirmed.
“One moment, Joe,” she said, and then time froze for short moment. “Confirmed. Personality augmentation fully integrated.” She smiled as she stretched, arched her back, and rolled her head around her neck in a circle. “Now that we have that business taken care of, let's move on to how system and game messages work. I will initiate one. When you notice the difference, let's talk about it,” Spooky casually spoke in her teacher voice.
Joe heard a ding in his head that he recognized from leveling up in role playing games. Then, just out of the corner of his eye he could see a golden light. Joe quickly turned his head to find the source of the light. He spun around in a full circle, not finding anything. After this, he looked up to see Spooky giggling like the little fairy she was.
“I did say when you noticed something different we should talk about it. I'm guessing you noticed something, but then decided to start solo square dancing?” she laughed, and performed her own do-si-do in mid-air, with her arm held out like she was swinging a partner.
“My bad. I did notice something. It seems to be a golden light, just on the edge of my vision,” Joe said.
“Good,” she replied, having regained her composure, “Now with your mind, not your hands, click on the light. A mind-click, if you will.”
Joe intentionally held his hand still, and with some mental effort he clicked on the golden light. As he mind-clicked, a Heads-up Display (HUD) popped up with a text message. The HUD moved with his head, wherever he turned. The display consisted of translucent lines with multiple tabs and drop down menus. He noticed a number of empty action slots that he assumed would eventually be filled with weapons or spells, depending on the type of game he entered.
Congratulations!
You have opened your first system message. With your new ability to mind-click, you have stepped into a larger world of capability. Information is no longer just at your fingertips, it is within the scope of your mind! Who knows what you will accomplish with your broadened reach. But, be cautious! Just as you can burn your hand by touching a stove, your ability to mind-click is not without its dangers…
Tip: Click on the new items added to your current locations to learn more about them.
To close this, and all future messages, click the upper right hand corner. If you wish to review messages you've already closed, ask your personal assistant to open them, or work your way through the multiple drop down menus.
Joe closed the message that had suddenly appeared and looked around. Spooky had flown behind him and was now hovering over the newly arrived items, and smiling.
“It must be Christmas, because I've got some presents for you,” Spooky celebrated, while not shaking like a bowl full of jelly. Joe took a step toward the items, but Spooky blocked his path and said, “Remember. Mind-click them.”
Joe threw his hand up to his forehead, “I just get so excited!”
“Yes, but look before you leap or...” but Joe cut her off.
“I know. Or, you'll end up in a heap,” Joe intoned.
“Now, if you could only apply that knowledge,” Spooky replied, shaking her head in mock pity. Joe stuck his tongue out at her and then turned his focus onto the item to his far left. Looking at the item, he used his newly acquired mind-click ability.
Item: Holdall Endless Hole
You have found a Holdall Endless Hole. This Holdall does exactly what it says, it can hold all. It is an amazing bag. With this miraculous and impossible container, you can carry the weight of the world without having to bear it on your shoulders. This is a unique item that is soulbound upon pickup.
Pick up Holdall Endless Hole? Yes/No
Joe mind-clicked yes and was then compelled to go pick up the item. When he had it in his hands, he opened it and looked inside. His HUD popped up, showing a grid with 24 slots. At the bottom of the grid was the notation: page one out of infinity. Joe’s eyes widened, and he looked up at Spooky. “I love this item! But, how does this not break the rules?” he asked.
“Yes, it is one of those ‘ignore the laws of physics’ items, but, on the other hand, if you try hard enough you can come up with an explanation for anything. You know, like that bag is attached at a quantum level to an infinite dimension, populated by beings, whose only joy in life is to organize things, and then reorganize them,” Spooky postulated.
“You mean, a library,” Joe said.
“Joe! Are you crazy? Never poke fun at librarians. Knowledge is power, and they hold the keys. You mock them at your peril,” Spooky chided.
“You make them sound rather ominous. On that note, I will defer to your wisdom in this area,” Joe replied. He flipped through the first few pages of the Holdall, surprised to find it was not empty. There were huge quantities of food, and a variety of types, with books on how to cook different meals. “Spoo
ky, why so much food? I couldn't eat this much if I lived a thousand lifetimes.”
“This game is designed for you. You love food. You love sharing food, but you have never really been into farming. Though you will have to level up in this game, we have removed a majority of the pointless grinding. Your Holdall has enough food in it to make whatever you want, for whomever you want. This game is versatile. You're going to find a lot of friends. Who doesn't want to eat with their friends?”
“I hear that!”Joe cheered. The Holdall also contained mining, gardening, sewing, magic, and many other basic items and books. It had jewels, metals, and a large quantity of different types of ore. There were pieces of gold and silver: not enough to buy a kingdom, but enough to build an elaborate mansion and then some. Joe smiled yet again, “I guess there is no need to enter the game as a pauper. Some of these metals only exist in books, and in them, they are immensely valuable. It does feel a little ‘pay to win,’ but since my granddaughter already paid... on to more stuff!” Joe exclaimed, as he focused on the second item and mind-clicked.
Item: Mysterious Immovable Looped Bar
You have found a Mysterious Immovable Looped Bar (MIL Bar). When this two and a half foot bar is activated, it becomes immovable, no matter where it is placed. It has convenient loops at each end. Warning: Do not combine this object with an Unstoppable Force. This is a unique item that is soulbound upon pickup.
Pick up Mysterious Immovable Looped Bar? Yes/No
Joe mind-clicked without hesitation. He grabbed the item and looked at Spooky, smiling wide. With the grin plastered to his face, he held out the bar and activated it with a mind-click. He let go of the bar and, sure enough, it remained static in mid-air. Joe let out a, “Woot!” and jumped up onto the bar, attempting to balance and looking like an amateur tightrope walker. “This is great!” he exclaimed, as he bounced up and down and witnessed its unnatural stillness. He gave the bar another mind-click to deactivate it, and immediately, he and the bar fell heavy to the stone ground with the bar clanking loudly. “Could I have more of these?” Joe questioned Spooky, “Just think of the possibilities. An infinite ladder…”
“No,” she replied, simply.
“What if...” Joe started, but was quickly cut off.
“No,” she repeated, “Rules, Joe. Rules. Unique means unique. If you were given everything at the beginning, the game would become boring, without any challenge or need for strategy. But, come and look at the rest of these items. We present you with some impressive pieces to start out with. I think you’ll like what is next. Let’s say, it will be… as you say, ‘Crazy helpful,’” she smiled.
Eagerly complying, Joe dropped the MIL Bar into his Holdall. He turned back toward the pile of items and clicked on the next one.
Item: Compass of Mind-Boggling Awesomeness
You have found a Compass of Mind-Boggling Awesomeness. This compass may point toward true north, but that is not all. It has the ability to listen to your desires, and point toward what you really want. It can point to lost love, resources, secrets, good, evil, monsters, or even, innocent blood about to be shed. Warning: This compass feeds on your desires; if your passions become evil, so will this item. This is a unique item that is soulbound on pickup.
Pick up Compass of Mind-Boggling Awesomeness? Yes/No
Seeing how this compass would be invaluable, Joe clicked, ‘Yes.’ He moved to the next item, and mind-clicked.
Item: Canvas of Netflixia
You have found a Canvas of Netflixia. Your assistant has your back. When the days all seem the same, why not take a break and watch Groundhog Day? This item can be used to watch anything in your assistant’s memories: thousands of movies, thousands of TV shows, or any battle you have completed in-game. This is a unique item that is soulbound on pickup.
Pick up Canvas of Netflixia? Yes/No
Accepting the item, Joe picked up the large folded canvas and looked up at Spooky, “It’s seriously a giant movie screen?”
“What? You thought I would force you to settle on a tablet-sized theater system? This canvas can be expanded to past the size of the largest screen on earth, which is the IMAX at the Darling Harbor in Sydney. That screen is 35.72 meters by 29.57 meters. In feet, that is 117.2 by 97. But, it all depends upon how much you unfold it,” Spooky said with pride.
“I've never been to Australia, but that does sound like an impressive screen. I should tell you, though, I am not into math,” he said.
“Math? I wasn’t asking you to perform a calculus equation,” Spooky said.
“I'm pretty sure there was some geometry,” Joe rebutted.
“Obviously, not. But, it doesn't matter anyway. Let me explain another way. It can stand taller than the Teardrop Memorial that our people gave to the United States, when we stood together in solidarity against terrorism,” Spooky explained.
“That’s a better frame of reference for me, thank you. I wish we would have continued to stand in solidarity... and I wish that that teardrop hadn’t come to represent so much more than just the American 9/11,” Joe whispered.
“Joe, that was my fault. I did not intend to become to be a Debbie Downer there. We made the screen that large because, honestly, it required little change in the programming to make it bigger. So, why not make it capable of being huge? Plus, if you want to gather a large crowd together, you will all be able to see easily,” Spooky said.
“Makes sense,” he replied. He placed the canvas item in his Holdall and it disappeared within. Looking at the next item, he mind-clicked.
Item: Book of Useful Information
You have found a Book of Useful Information. This book is exactly what it says and, in many ways, more than what it implies. It may not have all the information you need, but all it provides will be useful. Tip: Upon entering a new area, be sure to read where the best yogurt shop is located. This is a unique item that is soulbound up on pickup.
Pick up Book of Useful Information? Yes/No
Joe mind-clicked yes and then dropped it in his Holdall. He mind-clicked the second to last item.
Item: Efficient Brain Crown
You have found an Efficient Brain Crown. This small black iron crown is more than its humble appearance portrays. For most, the brain is their most powerful tool, but this crown explodes your brain's potential without melting it down. If knowledge is power, then self-knowledge is power over oneself. This is a unique item that is soulbound upon pickup.
Pick up Efficient Brain Crown, and equip? Yes/No
After clicking yes, Joe picked up the crown and placed it on his head. As it sat on his head, the crown began to feel warm, and then Joe felt multiple small, but sharp, pricks. It hurt, so he reached up to pull the crown off, but it would not budge. The pain was not unbearable, but it was constant and it now felt as if his whole brain was hurting. “Burned bloody books! What is happening, Spooky?” Joe yelled as he fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands.
“I am sorry, Joe, I know it stings, but it is almost done. Push through it. It will be worth it in the end,” Spooky said compassionately.
Joe’s head, laying in his hands, fell lower and finally hit the ground like he was bowing before an emperor. With a final cry, the pain began to recede, and Joe sat up on his knees. Spooky Joy flew down and sat on the stone before Joe.
“I am sorry about that, Joe,” Spooky said softly.
“I thought this was a game. Why did that hurt so much?” Joe asked. The dark fairy sitting before him criss-crossed her legs. Her wings still, she gazed up at her patron, whom she was literally made to serve.
“This is a game and none of it is real. But you, Joe, are real. Your body is in a pod and I am right at your feet. To keep you alive, Joe, we have to slow your decline, but keep your brain moving as fast as possible. This is not a simple process, and it requires complex and efficient healing molecules to enter your blood and, ultimately, cross the blood-brain barrier. The item you were given is a representation of the medical procedure initiate
d when you entered the pod. Your body is now in hibernation, but your brain is actually working faster and cleaner than it ever has before. This will facilitate a few objectives. First, the hibernation will slow the decline of your internal organs, and this will lengthen your life. Second, the complex molecules, cleaning and moving through your brain, will help you think faster and remove the need for sleep. With your brain sped up, we can artificially make time feel longer. Most people think four times faster than they can talk. Some, like yourself, think significantly faster than even that.
“I did not tell you about the pain, because for the medical procedure to be most effective you cannot see it coming. The human body is amazing, and its ability to fight off change is incredible. That's one of the reasons it is so hard to lose weight. The body resists changes, especially quick ones. If you had known we were going to alter your brain chemistry and body chemistry, then we would not have been able to anticipate what defenses your brain would have come up with. We put you in the pod, and then distracted you for nearly an hour of real time. In doing so, we gave you powerful items, that you will be able to keep, and that will be useful for as long as you play this game. Items that will take creativity and adaptation to use. Even as you were looking at the next item, your subconscious was still contemplating strategic options for the items you had already received.
“I have already analyzed your results and we were very successful. And, on a lighter note, the Efficient Brain Crown will be very useful in-game. Along with not having to sleep, you will gain more and more control over your in-game body, even, eventually... over your very cells. This process can be hard for some. In order to make this work, the E.I.-- me, and the patron, you, become one. The complex molecules put in your body are an extension of me. Right now, you and I are a machine human hybrid. Not enough to be a war crime, mind you, but enough to make many people uncomfortable. ...Are we good?” Spooky asked as she finished her explanation. She stood and held out her tiny hand. Joe reached out and carefully grasped her hand with an index finger and a thumb, and gave it a small shake.
You're Not Allowed to Die (The Twenty-Sided Eye Series Book 1) Page 3