"To Texas?" he asked smiling. "Texas is a big
state." The newsstand attendant laughed. "You know
where you're going in Texas, right?"
"Yes sir, I do."
"Well," he said, "just make a right at this first
corridor and at the end of the corridor, you'll find the
ticket booths." "Thank you," I said.
"Say, that's a pretty doll you're carrying, as
pretty as you," he said. I forgot how tightly I was
holding on to Angel. I smiled and started away. "Not
running away from home, are you?" he called to me. "Oh, no, sir."
He and the newsstand attendant laughed again.
When I arrived at the ticket booth, I asked for a ticket
to Fullerton, Texas. That was really all I knew about
Grandma Jana's home. I thought once I arrived there, I
could call her to come get me.
The ticket seller smirked.
"Fullerton, Texas?" He looked at his charts.
"Don't have any train stop there, Miss. What's it
near?"
"Oh, I'm not sure. I think . . ."
"Houston? Dallas? El Paso?"
I began to panic. If I didn't choose one, he
would surely think I was a girl running away from
home. He might even signal to the policeman and
nothing would be more horrible, more embarrassing
and degrading than being brought back to Farthy in a
police car right in the middle of Momma's charity
affair.
"Dallas," I said quickly. All I wanted to do was
get to Texas. Once I was there, I would call Grandma
Jana. I was sure she would see to it that I was brought
to her home, no matter how far away I was.
"Okay, Dallas. Well," he said, "the best I can do
for you is send you to our hub city, Atlanta. You'll
have quite a layover there, however; unless you come
back and leave early in the morning tomorrow." "No, I don't care about the layover," I
stammered.
"I see. Round trip, I imagine?"
"No," I said quickly. "One way."
"You want general seating, a car, a sleeper?" "A car," I replied.
He nodded and began working on ray ticket,
"That will be one hundred and sixty-two dollars." One hundred and sixty-two! That didn't leave
me much money for anything else. Perhaps I should
have chosen general seating, I thought, but I didn't
hesitate. I didn't want the ticket seller to know that I
didn't have much traveling money. I counted it out
quickly and he gave me the ticket.
"You leave from platform C, in about fifteen
minutes. That's down to the right and over. You can't
miss it."
"Thank you." I took my ticket and started away.
Now that I actually had the ticket in my hand and I
was heading for the train platform, the reality of what
I was doing set in. My heart was thumping so hard, I
thought I would go into a faint and make a scene. I
imagined a crowd of people clustered around me, the
young policeman holding everyone back. It frightened
me even more to imagine it, so hurried to the platform
and took the first available seat on a bench. Because
there was still some time before the train left, there
weren't many people here. I saw a woman with two
little girls two benches down from me. She was reading to them from a children's storybook to keep them occupied. I couldn't help remembering the way
Momma would read to me.
How different the world was when I was very
little and we were all living in our Boston home, I
thought. Watching this mother and her children made
me wonder about the baby I was carrying. Was it a
boy or a girl? When I gave birth, should I keep the
child or give it up for adoption? What would Grandma
Jana's advice be? Could I give up the baby once I had
held it in my arms? But wasn't I too young to be a
mother, and if I did become a mother, what kind of a
mother would I be?
I knew I would never be a mother like mine. I'd
rather give the child away than be that, I thought. I set
Angel down beside me and closed my eyes. The
rumble of trains approaching and leaving other
platforms made the floor quake. Soon, more and more
people began to arrive. When a man in a suit and tie
sat down beside me, I hugged Angel to me. The man
smiled but then immediately opened a newspaper and
began reading.
My heart began to thump again. It was getting
closer and closer to my departure. I looked back. Was
I making the right decision? It would be easy to change my mind. I could simply call and have Miles return. Soon, he would be arriving at Farthy himself and he would either mention taking me to the train station or be asked where he had gone. Momma would find out and send him right back to get me, but
he wouldn't arrive in time.
There was no returning, I thought, and when the
train came rumbling in, I got up immediately to enter
as soon as the doors opened. I found my car quickly
and took a seat by the window. Then I put my suitcase
overhead, set Angel beside me snugly and waited
anxiously. There was room for at least three other
people, but only an elderly gentleman came into my
car. He nodded, smiled, took his seat and immediately
began reading his newspaper.
Finally, the train began to pull away. My heart
thumped in rhythm with the thump of the train's
wheels as they turned on the tracks. The station
disappeared behind us and we shot out into the
twilight, heading south, heading away from the only
world I had ever known.
"Ticket, miss?" the conductor said. I had it
clutched in my hand and handed it to him quickly. He
punched it and smiled. I sat back and looked out the
window as the train snaked on, carrying me into tunnels of darkness and over hills toward new horizons. We seemed to be riding into the
approaching night, the darkness crawling toward us. I caught glimpses of stars peeping down between clouds. They never seemed farther away than they did
now.
The train rocked on. From time to time, I saw
the lights of other cities or houses out in the distance,
their windows a warm yellow. Within those houses,
families sat together having dinner. Those children
felt safe and secure with parents who loved them.
They weren't as rich as I was, and their homes could
fit in one corner of Farthinggale Manor and be lost,
but they would be going to sleep in their own beds
tonight and their parents would kiss them good night.
Mothers would tuck in little children. Daddies would
kiss them on their cheeks or foreheads and promise
them an even brighter or happier tomorrow. I had no one to promise me a happier or
brighter tomorrow, no one but Angel. She and I sat
like two lost children being pulled into the unknown.
We were tired and hungry and already quite lonely.
Even though the gentleman across from me eyed me
curiously when I placed Angel firmly in my lap, I kept
her there, hugging her tightly to me as the train rolled on. I was determined. There was no turning back, not now, not ever. Soon, the monotonou
s rhythm of its
wheels put me to sleep.
I awoke with a start in the middle of the night.
It was dark in the car, but there were lights on the
outside of the train and lights in the corridor, so after
my initial confusion, I remembered exactly where I
was and what I had done. The gentleman across from
me was asleep with his newspaper opened on his lap.
His body rocked from side to side with the train. I
curled up again and closed my eyes. In moments, I
was asleep once more.
I awoke with the first light of morning and
looked out over the farms and fiat fields. The elderly
gentleman was already awake.
"How far are you going, Miss?" he asked. "Atlanta."
"I get off at the next stop. You've got a good
five hours more. You can get some breakfast in the
dining car. Very pretty doll," he said nodding toward
Angel. "I don't think I've ever seen one that pretty," he
added with a smile of admiration.
"Thank you."
"Going home?"
"Yes," I said. I thought it was better to say that.
In a way might be going home, I reasoned.
He stretched.
"Me too," he said. "Been on the road nearly a
month. I'm a salesman, wholesale shoes."
"That must be hard for you, being away from
your family so long."
"That it is. Nothing like going home. Of course,
all my children are grown, so there's just me and the
good woman. It's nice though. We have five
grandchildren," he added, smiling proudly.
I smiled back at him and then I thought, soon
Momma would have a grandchild, only she would
never be able to appreciate her grandchild the way this
man appreciates his grandchildren, for hers was
fathered by her new husband. The twisted and dark
world of Farthy would follow my baby forever, I
concluded. It was almost a reason not to have it. But maybe I could find another world, a world
very different from Farthy, and bring my child into
that world. If only I could, if only could, if only I
could. I chanted it like a prayer in rhythm with the
train's wheels. Then my stomach churned with
hunger.
"I guess I will get some breakfast," I said
standing. "I'll watch your doll for you," the gentleman
offered.
"Oh, no sir. She goes everywhere I do," I said.
"And besides, she's just as hungry."
He laughed and I went out to find the dining
car.
We stopped at his stop while I was having
something to eat, so he was gone by the time I
returned. I spent the next three and a half hours alone,
staring out the window. When I heard the
announcement for Atlanta, my heart began to pound
again. The first leg of my long and sad journey was
over. I was far away from Farthy and by now,
Momma was surely frantic and angry. I wondered
how she would handle it. Would she call the police or
would she be afraid of a scandal? Would she try to
contact Tony in Europe?
One thing was sure, I thought. She didn't let
what happened interfere with her charity affair at
Farthy. No one who attended would be able to tell
anything was wrong by looking at her face and she
would instruct the servants, Miles and Curtis
especially, not to mention one word about it to
anyone.
I could just hear her.
"She will be back once she's over her tantrum."
"No, I won't, Momma," I pledged. "No, I won't." I stood on the platform for a few moments
reading all the signs that instructed passengers where
to go for different destinations. The Atlanta terminal
was bigger than the one in Boston and there seemed to
be twice, maybe three times the number of people
rushing about. I found an information booth in the
large lobby and showed my ticket to the girl behind
the desk.
"You have to go down the corridor on the left
there and make the first right. You'll see the signs, but
this train isn't scheduled to depart until eight P.M.
Don't you have anyplace to go until then? It's hours
and hours."
"No," I said. "It'll be all right."
"Suit yourself," she said and turned to someone
else. I bought a magazine and then followed her
directions and arrived at my platform. It was much
wider and longer than the one in Boston. There was a
small lounge area off to the right, so I went directly to
it and sat on a bench toward the rear. Then I counted
my money. I didn't have much left, and hoped I had
enough for lunch and dinner.
"I bet I could turn one of your one-dollar bills
into a five-dollar bill," someone said and I looked up and into the most radiant black eyes I had ever seen. The young man standing in front of me had thick, rich ebony hair and bronze skin. He was tall and handsome with broad, strong shoulders that made the seams of
his thin, short-sleeve shirt strain.
"Pardon me?"
"Just trust me with one of those one-dollar bills
a moment and I'll show you," he said sitting down
beside me. I don't know why I did it, but I handed this
stranger one of my precious dollars. I knew that
unsuspecting travelers, especially young girls like
myself, were targets for con artists everywhere. But
he had said he would turn my one into a five and not
vice versa and I liked looking at him.
From what I could see, he had nothing in his
hands and of course, he had no sleeves in which to
hide anything. He folded my dollar very carefully in
his palm right before my eyes. He made it as small as
he could. Then he turned his hand over so I could see
only the top of his closed fist. He held it in front of me
and smiled.
"Okay, you touch my hand," he said. His eyes
twinkled.
"Touch your hand?" He nodded. I put my finger
on his middle knuckle and then took it off quickly. He
laughed.
"It's not goin' ta burn ya. Okay, that was good
enough anyway," he said and turned his hand over,
palm up again. Then, before my eyes, he unfolded the
bill and there it was--a five-dollar bill?
"How did you do that?" I asked, my eyes wide.
He shrugged.
"Magic, how else? Anyway, here it is, five
dollars," he said handing it to me. "The way you were
counting your money, right down to-the penny, you
look like you needed an extra four dollars," he said. "Is that right?" Heat came into my face. "Well,
I'm not accustomed to taking money from strangers,
even magic money," I replied thrusting the five-dollar
bill back at him.
"Okay. I won't be a stranger then," he said
leaning back and holding his palms up. "My name's
Thomas Luke Casteel, but most everyone just calls me
Luke. And you are?" he extended his hand.
I stared at him, not knowing whether I should
laugh or get up and walk away. He was too handsome
to be a con man, thought; rather, I hoped.
keep the magic money."
"I really don't need it. I have enough to get
where I have to go. I must insist you change this back
to my one-dollar bill." He laughed.
"I don't know the magic to change it back.
Sorry."
"You're being very foolish, giving away money
like that." He shrugged.
"Easy come, easy go. Besides, it was worth far
more than four dollars to have seen your face when I
performed my trick," he said fixing his eyes on me. I
felt myself blush.
"Are you a magician?"
"Not really. I've been working in a circus
nearby and I picked up a lot of stuff like that from the
carnies." "Carnies?"
"Carnival people. They're wonderful people to
know. They stick together through thick and thin and
help each other all the time, and some of them have
traveled all over the world and know a great many
things. Just sitting around and listening to them talk, I
learn a lot. You'd be surprised how much I already
know, and knowledge and experience is what makes
you older," he added proudly.
"You don't look that old."
"Seventeen. You don't look very old either." "I'm almost fourteen."
"Well, we're not much older than Romeo and
Juliet, you know," he said. "The duchess told me
about them. She was a professional actress in Europe.
Now, she does the knife throwing act with her
husband."
"You mean, she stands there while he throws
knives around her?"
"Yep."
"I could never do that. And what if her husband
got mad at her?" I asked.
Luke laughed again.
"That's a big joke around the tents. It's not as
dangerous as it seems. There's a technique to it, just as
there is for most anything in the circus, but that's what
I love about the circus--the illusions, the makebelieve world, the excitement."
"It sounds like fun. What do you do?" "I just took on a part-time job, just for a short
while, just to be around it. I want to be a circus barker
one day. You know, the man who calls to the people."
He jumped up and cried out, "Come one, come all, to
the greatest show on earth. We have one-eyed giants,
a snake lady, the smallest man in the world, the
bearded lady, Boris the lion tamer, the greatest acrobatic team in the air!" he recited as if he were standing on a platform. People nearby turned our way, but he didn't seem to care that he was attracting
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