by Alicia Rades
Talia must’ve noticed the pained look on my face, because she said, “Maybe we should stop.”
“No,” I insisted. “We have to keep trying. Dad, if you’re out there, please just let me know. Give me a sign.”
Still, nothing came. My stomach twisted, and pain flared in my joints. I was starting to get a tension headache.
“Please?” I begged.
Then I heard it—the sound of my name. It was distant and distorted, but I swore it was a male voice.
I glanced around the room. “Dad?”
Talia’s eyes darted every which way, but neither of us saw anything. She looked like she was holding her breath.
“Nadine…” Energy sizzled in the air like static electricity, and I heard a distant hum that seemed to distort the voice.
“I’m here, Dad!” I called out.
Talia gasped, and my gaze snapped to my right where she was looking. My heart lurched. A ghostly figure hovered in the air, but it looked like nothing more than a transparent smoky mass. I wanted it so badly to be my parents, but truth be told, I couldn’t tell.
“Mom? Dad?” I asked carefully. “Is that you?”
“Don’t… careful…”
The voice came in and out like we were tuning in to a distant radio station. I couldn’t make out what they were trying to say.
“You’re almost there!” I cried. “I’m right here.”
The smoke swirled and started to dissipate. My stomach dropped to the floor.
“No!” I screamed, my voice cracking. “Come back!”
“Sorry… go…”
My heart felt like it was breaking into a million tiny pieces. That couldn’t be it! My parents couldn’t leave me yet!
“Don’t go! Please!” I begged. My hands shook in Talia’s. “I need more time—”
My breath stalled as the smoke disappeared and the room returned to its normal temperature.
“No,” I sobbed. I turned to face Talia. “Bring them back! Please, bring them back! I didn’t get to say anything I wanted to.”
Talia’s eyes shimmered, and she wore a look of sorrow. “I’m sorry, Nadine. I don’t think I can.”
I gaped at her. “That’s it? That was all the time I got? I didn’t say goodbye.”
“I know, but we gave it our best shot,” she said regrettably. “We actually got further than I thought we would.”
“But we don’t know if it was my dad.” I let go of her hands and started gathering my parents things. “We’ll try again. We’ll get it right next time.”
Talia shook her head. “We did nothing wrong, Nadine.”
“We don’t really know what we’re doing,” I insisted.
Talia sighed and wore a true expression of apology. “You agreed to do this once, remember? You’ll always find another reason to contact them. Nadine, I really am sorry.”
I blinked away the tears and wouldn’t look her in the eye. I placed my parents’ things back in the box and slid it under my bed. I wiped at my eyes. “I don’t blame you. I just… I just want to be alone.”
“I’m not leaving you alone,” Talia promised. She helped me back into bed, then pulled the blanket up to my chin. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I lay there curled in a ball. I stared at where the smoky mass had hovered during the séance, as if expecting it to return.
“I will,” I rasped.
Talia left my side and went into the bathroom. I knew it was her way of giving me privacy without really leaving me.
I felt horribly sick that the séance didn’t go well. It was as if a black hole had opened up beneath me and I was clawing tooth and nail just to hold on.
I suddenly knew what my grandmother meant by torturing myself. And the sad part was, I didn’t know how to stop.
Getting to the doctor’s office was hell. After the séance, I didn’t want to go, but I forced myself to anyway. At least I didn’t have to wait long in the waiting room.
“Nadine Evers,” the nurse called, butchering my last name by pronouncing the e with a short vowel sound.
I stood and followed her into a long hallway with a bunch of identical exam rooms. She led me to the one on the end and gestured me inside. After taking my vitals and asking me a few questions, she told me the doctor would be in shortly.
I pulled out my phone to scroll through while I waited. It was usually a good fifteen to twenty minutes before the doctor came in. Which was why I was surprised when a knock came at the door less than a minute later.
The door swung open, and a man in his late forties stepped inside. He was good looking, with dark hair and a kind smile. He didn’t wear scrubs like the nurse, but instead had on nice slacks and a black sweater. He reached out a hand to me. “Hello, Nadine. I’m Dr. Yonker. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Hi,” I said, shaking his hand. My grip felt weak, and it wasn’t just from the flare-up. I was a little nervous about this whole appointment. Maybe as an Alchemist, Dr. Yonker had insight my other doctors didn’t.
He sat in his chair in front of the computer and turned to me. “How are you feeling today?”
I shrugged. “Could be better.”
My doctors were the only ones I didn’t lie to about how I felt, because they might actually be able to help. The only thing anyone else could offer was sympathy, and I didn’t need it. Plus, Dr. Yonker had this friendly thing going on that made me feel like I could trust him.
“Well, we’re going to see what we can do about that,” he said. “So, I heard you just moved here.”
I shifted a little in my chair. I didn’t want to explain everything, but he was my doctor, so he had to know. “Yeah. My parents passed away recently, and I came to live with my grandma. She helped me enroll in Miriam College. I’ve been having a lupus flare-up from the stress.”
Dr. Yonker nodded in understanding. “I assume one of your parents is Miriamic, while the other is not?”
I furrowed my brow. “Yeah. How’d you know?”
He sat a little straighter in his chair. “Autoimmune diseases like lupus are very common among mixed children, though they don’t all react in the same way. Some don’t get ill at all.”
Well, now it made sense why Mom pushed the doctors so hard toward an autoimmune diagnosis. She knew there was a chance I’d have it.
“When you’re born, your magic is within you, but dormant,” Dr. Yonker explained. “Your human side recognizes that magic as foreign and realizes something’s not quite right. It triggers your immune system, usually in late childhood or early teens. However, since magic isn’t a physical substance, your immune system can’t find it, so it starts attacking your body.”
“Do other magical races react the same way?” I asked curiously.
“Every society’s magic is a little different,” he said. “Their bodies react differently than ours.”
So, witches were the only ones who had to deal with this shit? Good to know I’d been born into the wrong magical society and it was trying to kill me. But at least the coven had to have a cure.
“What can we do about it?” I asked hopefully.
Dr. Yonker sighed. “Well, we have a couple options—immunosuppressants, steroids, anti-inflammatories.”
So basically everything I’d already tried. A wave of heat washed over me, and I held back from snapping at the doctor. Seriously? He had magic and was going to use the same drugs I could get anywhere?
“You mean, there’s no potion that can help?” I asked in a small voice.
Dr. Yonker shook his head regrettably. “Magical healing works by enhancing the body’s natural abilities inside of you so that you can heal yourself. Since your condition is a side effect of your magic, it will never balance out. Magical healing, however, is something the Miriamic Coven possesses in only small doses. Very few magical races have the power to heal on such a drastic level.”
Great. What was the point of having magic if it couldn’t heal me? Heck, it was because I had magic that I was
sick in the first place. I was so frustrated that a heavy weight settled on my chest. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten my hopes up for nothing.
Dr. Yonker’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Nadine. There’s nothing we can do until your magic awakens but keep you on the same medications.”
“What happens when my magic awakens?”
He took a deep breath. Great. Sympathy. From my own fucking doctor. Could no one just treat me like a normal person? Was I walking around with LUPUS stamped to my forehead? Hello, everyone! I’m hella sick. Feel bad for me!
“In the Miriamic Coven, diseases like this often go into remission the more you use your magic,” he explained. “You can train your body to recognize your magic as native.”
I forced the lump down my throat, feeling my body lighten a bit. “So, once I have magic, it will act like a treatment?”
Dr. Yonker nodded. “In a way, yes. Symptoms will worsen at first, because your body will see the magic as foreign. Within a year or two, you’ll be able to train your body to accept it. At that point, symptoms should go away completely.”
“No more flare-ups?” I asked.
If that was the case, count me back in on the magic train.
“Most likely,” Dr. Yonker said.
Relief washed through me. Dr. Yonker wasn’t giving me a sure thing. There was no cure. And yet no doctor had ever given me so much hope in my life. I was always left hanging with, “We’ll see what happens.” To hear there was a treatment that could reduce my flare-ups was such a relief. I never thought it’d happen.
“In that case, I’ll do whatever I have to do with my magic to get rid of these symptoms,” I said.
Dr. Yonker gave a friendly smile. “I’m glad to hear that.”
We spent the next half hour talking about my medical history. The weight gradually lifted off my chest as I told him everything. He was so different from my other doctors, who always seemed rushed and barely listened to what I had to say. Dr. Yonker actually listened and interacted with me, asking me important questions so he could get to know my case. He made me feel comfortable and at ease as I detailed my symptoms and concerns. By the end of my appointment, I was pretty sure I was in love with Dr. Yonker—as far as doctor-patient relationships went.
“Let’s schedule an appointment for the end of the year, after your Evoking Ceremony,” Dr. Yonker suggested. “I want to see how you’re doing once your magic awakens.”
“Sounds good,” I agreed.
I could hardly wait until my Evoking Ceremony so I could start on the road toward remission.
“How’d your doctor’s appointment go?” Grammy asked the following night when I came to visit for dinner.
“Really well, actually,” I told her as I took a bite of casserole. “I really like Dr. Yonker.”
“Good. He’s a very talented Alchemist.”
“You know him?” I asked.
Grammy gave me this side-eyed look. “Honey, I know everyone in my Cast.”
“But there must be thousands,” I argued.
Grammy tapped the side of her head. “I’ve got a great memory. Plus, he dated your mom for a while in high school.”
My stomach sank at the mention of her. It was easy to forget Mom had a life before me and that she used to live in Octavia Falls. She never talked about her past, so I didn’t know much. What hurt most was knowing she and my dad had no future.
The room went silent at the mention of my mom. Grammy dared to speak first. “You know what? I think I still have some photo albums of hers upstairs. What do you say we take a look after dinner?”
I wanted to tell her no. Acknowledging my mom’s past was acknowledging the accident. It was easier to pretend it didn’t happen.
But I didn’t dare tell Grammy I felt that way. So instead, I just nodded.
Grammy finished her dinner quickly, but I poked at my food. Eventually, I finished, and I helped her with the dishes. Then she led me upstairs to a closet in the second guest room. She pulled out a big box and opened it. It was filled with at least a dozen scrapbooks.
“Wow, Grammy,” I said, staring down into it. “That’s a lot. I didn’t know you were so into scrapbooking.”
She grabbed one of them and flipped open to the first page. “It’s nothing fancy. Come sit.”
Grammy walked over to the bed and sat on the pink comforter with her back to the door. She patted the spot beside her, and I sat.
“Here’s your mom at one month old.” Grammy pointed to the first picture. It was a photograph of a baby in a studio setting. It didn’t look anything like my baby pictures, though. The photo was faded, and my mom wore a frilly dress I’d never be caught dead in.
“She was really cute,” I said, but inside, my guts were twisting.
“Of course she was,” Grammy laughed. “She gets it from me.”
I turned the page, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. The next photos showed my mom in the grass, playing with an older woman I didn’t recognize. “Who’s that?”
Grammy leaned over to get a better look. “Oh, that’s your great grandma.”
I ran my fingers over the photo. “You look like her.”
Grammy nodded.
“So, Mom actually got her good looks from Great Grandma?” I teased, trying to lighten my mood.
Grammy frowned. “Tread carefully, Nadine.”
I laughed. “Right. Great Grandma got it from you. My bad.”
“Now you’re getting it,” Grammy joked.
The doorbell rang, and we both looked up from the scrapbook.
“I’ll get it,” Grammy said as she stood.
I turned back to the scrapbook and flipped through the pages, but it felt like each flip of the page was another dagger to the heart.
She’s gone, I thought. This is all that’s left of her… Pictures.
Tears pricked at my eyes. I stopped on one picture where my mom must’ve been only a year old. She was standing on a step-stool at the counter, helping Grammy mix something in a bowl. She had a huge smile on her face, like she was enjoying herself.
I sighed. Mom had been preparing to become an Alchemist for years, and she’d left it all behind. It seemed really sad. It was hard to believe she gave it all up for my dad. Of course they loved each other, but she’d left behind her entire culture to marry him—
My thoughts halted in their tracks as a dark piece of fabric was thrown over my eyes from behind. I let out an earth-shattering scream as hands grabbed my shoulders and dragged me backward. My heart hammered against my rib cage.
“Grammy!” I shrieked.
No answer came. Oh, fuck! Whoever had been by at the door must’ve hurt Grammy.
I waved my arms and kicked my feet out, trying to get out of my attacker’s grasp. My wrist broke free, and I hurled my elbow backward. It sank into my attacker’s gut, and I heard them let out a pained oof!
Hold on. I knew that voice.
I stilled. “Grant!?”
“Let her go,” Grant said in a strained voice.
The blindfold lifted from my eyes, and I turned to see Talia and Lucas standing beside Grant. They both had looks of amusement on their faces. Grammy was in the doorway, trying to hold back a laugh, while Grant was clutching his stomach.
“You’ve got a good swing,” he groaned.
“Jesus Christ,” I cried as I sat up straight on the bed. “What the hell are you guys doing?”
“We’re abducting you,” Talia said proudly.
I pushed my hair out of my eyes. “A little warning would’ve been nice.”
“A warning wouldn’t be any fun,” Lucas replied with a smirk.
“What are you abducting me for?” I demanded.
“Your initiation.” Grant’s voice was back to normal.
“Initiation?” I looked to Grammy.
She waved her hand. “Go have fun. We’ll look at the scrapbooks later.”
Thank God! I needed a distraction.
I turned back to my friends
. “Does everyone get an initiation?”
Grant chuckled. “Lucas did one for me, so I thought we should keep the tradition going.”
“Why doesn’t Talia get one?” I argued.
“I was born in Octavia Falls,” she reminded me. “You weren’t.”
“Technically, I was, too,” Grant said. “But I left and came back.”
“Why would you leave?” I asked.
“My mom married into the coven,” he explained. “When my parents split, my younger brothers and I left with my mom. I came back after high school to learn my powers.”
“Dude, I miss your mom,” Lucas said. “She was the best cook ever.”
Grant chuckled. “Why do you think she opened her own restaurant?”
“Grant’s a good cook, too, by the way,” Lucas said, obviously for Talia’s benefit. “His mom’s family emigrated from Costa Rica, and she runs a Latin American restaurant. Grant spent high school working there, so he knows all the secret recipes.”
“Well, you’ll have to cook for us sometime,” Talia suggested.
Grant’s eyes lit up.
Talia turned to me and held out the blindfold. “Now put this on.”
I groaned. “Do I have to?”
“Yes,” Lucas insisted. “It’s part of the ceremony.”
“A fake ceremony,” I shot back. I knew my friends were only trying to have fun, but they could’ve gone about it another way. My heart was still racing.
“Please,” Talia begged. “It’ll be fun.”
I glanced to Grammy. She had this knowing look on her face. Had she been involved in planning this? Well, she should’ve told them abducting me wasn’t a good idea. I’d have drawn blood if I had to.
I caved. “Okay.”
“You have to wear the blindfold, though,” Lucas insisted.
“How will I know where I’m going?” I asked.
Talia let out a fake evil laugh. “You won’t. That’s what’s fun about it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let me at least walk down the stairs by myself.”