by Kat Baxter
“Are you comparing yourself to a dog?”
“No, I’m saying you’re comparing me to a dog.” I poke him in the chest to emphasize my point.
“I’m really not.”
“Then stop trying to fix me like I’m an orphaned puppy.”
He scraped his fingers through his hair making the brown locks stand up haphazardly. “I don’t understand why this is pissing you off. You have a problem. I can fix it. Why is that a bad thing?”
“I don’t want my best friend to pity me. That shouldn’t be so hard for you to understand.”
“I don’t pity you.”
I snorted. “Yeah. Right.”
“I don’t. And frankly, I don’t understand why this is such a problem for you.” His voice tightened and I could hear the edge of anger starting to bleed into his tone. “You need help. I can help you. You’d do the same for me in a similar situation. It’s what friends do.”
“Yeah. It’s what friends do for each other. And maybe it wouldn’t be a problem if it was something I could ever do for you. If this was a favor I could ever pay back. But it’s not. If you do this for me, I’ll owe you forever. It’s a baby, Cooper, a little person, it’s not like you’re loaning me your car for six months.”
“How about we say if I ever need a kidney, you’ll hand one over? That should make us even.”
“Oh my God, you’re insane.” I laughed because it’s such a Cooper thing to say. Full of ridiculousness and sincerity at the same time.
“Allycat, you’re my best friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
I reluctantly nodded. He was crazy, but I knew he meant well. “I know that. And I’ll give you a kidney someday if you need one even without you giving me a baby.”
He leaned back against the couch. He’d really given this a lot of thought. My heart pounded so hard I could hear it vibrate in my ears. I wanted so badly to say yes, to let him solve all my problems this way. But I couldn’t ask him to do that. It wasn’t fair. “Cooper, I can’t do that. That’s so sweet of you, but it’s just not feasible.” I squeezed his hands before pulling mine away. “I really appreciate the gesture. You’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had. But I can’t let you do this.” I shook my head. “It just wouldn’t be right.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box.
My breath left my body as if I’d been kicked. “Oh my...”
He opened the box and held it out to me. “I went today and picked this out for you. I made sure it was something simple that you could still wear with your hands in dough.”
My heart melted a little. He really was the best.
“I know it’s not an optimal situation for either of us,” he continued, “but I want to do this for you.”
The platinum filigree ring sparkled up at me and tears sprang to my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to be how this sort of thing happened. My second marriage proposal, and neither one were the sort a girl dreamed about. Ted’s had just been off the cuff, asking me casually as we walked out of Mr. Joe’s Pizzaria. He hadn’t even bought a ring, just busted out with a ‘hey, you wanna get married sometime?’ But Cooper, my sweet Cooper, had gone to all this trouble. Fixed me a special meal, bought me a beautiful ring, careful to pick out one I could wear on my job.
Cooper had made the proposal as romantic as he could under the circumstances, but we were friends. Had always been just friends. I’d tried once to turn something from friendship into something more and it had failed spectacularly. So with Coop it had never even been an option.
“What about all the annoying things about me?” I asked.
“Um—”
“The fact that I’m a slob and I’m disorganized and I’m always late. You hate those things about me.”
“Yet here I am.” He winked.
“I’m serious, Coop. Living with me would be different and challenging.” And I didn’t want to make Cooper walk away from me.
“Nothing about you would be a surprise, Ally. We’ve known each other forever. I know about your ADHD and the struggles. I get it. It’s part of you and doesn’t change anything.” He closed his eyes briefly. “Okay, the slob part might get on my nerves, but I’ll get over it.”
I laughed at his admission.
He was right about one thing though—marriage wouldn’t be much different for us, we were together all the time. Well, except for him and other women.
“If we did this,” I held up a finger, “I’m not agreeing, just gathering all the facts. But how are you supposed to date while you’re married to me?” I asked, knowing this would be what would trip him up. He didn’t really have girlfriends or relationships much, but he did hook up.
“I wouldn’t.”
“You wouldn’t what?”
He lifted one broad shoulder in a shrug.
“You wouldn’t date? At all?” Even coming out of my own mouth the words sounded ridiculous.
He polished off his beer. “I don’t date now.”
“No, but you do hook up. How are you going to continue doing that?”
“It’s not a big deal. And you haven’t been on anything other than first dates in over a year.”
“Yes, well I tried an app and it didn’t work for me.”
His expression clearly told me he didn’t believe me.
“I’m not worried about me. I don’t want a relationship. I suck at them, you know that. But you? What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean? I’m doing nothing. I don’t need to date, Ally, I’ve never even really liked it.”
“That’s ridiculous. Of course you like it. I know you haven’t had a relationship in a while, but you used to have girlfriends all the time.”
“Well me and the girlfriend thing don’t work,” he said.
“And you’re just going to walk away from that? For me?”
“Ally, this is more important than my dating life. This is a bigger dream and you deserve it. It doesn’t matter if I can’t go on a meaningless dates for a year. I think I’ll survive.”
“And what about the other?” I asked.
His head shook a little in confusion. “What other?”
“You know. Sex.”
“Oh, that. Well, yes, I can see that will be a problem.” He took a cleansing breath. “I suppose I’ll just have to drive to the next town and have some meaningless sex.”
My stomach clenched. “Really?”
He rolled his eyes. “No. Of course not. I think I’ll survive that too. It’s been a while for you, I’m assuming.”
“Heh...you have no idea.”
“And yet you’re still managing to walk upright and function like a normal human being.”
I laughed. “Most of the time, but I suppose some might disagree.”
“Very funny. It’s fine. Stop worrying about everything. I thought about all of this before I proposed to you. This wasn’t some crazy whim I decided on. This is a child we’re talking about. I don’t take that too lightly.”
My heart squeezed. “You’re the sweetest person in the world, you do know that, don’t you?”
“Before you start listing all of my virtues, I should point out that the marriage would have to appear real to everyone else. We wouldn’t be able to tell anyone it was fake. Insurance fraud and all that.”
I choked on my swallow of beer. “So we’d technically be breaking the law?”
“No. We’d be using a benefit I already pay for to have a beautiful baby together. This might be the only opportunity for me to be a dad or uncle or whatever.” He tucked the box into my hand. “Just think about it. You could have that baby before you know it. And it wouldn’t cost you a thing.” He grabbed the plates and headed for the kitchen. “Well, except diapers and stuff. My insurance doesn’t pay for that.”
I smiled in spite of myself. I looked down at the ring again and a pang of wistfulness washed over me. How I’d longed to wear a ring like this, one carefully selected for me from a man who loved me. Coo
per loved me, I knew that. But not the way a man loved a woman. Not the way I once wished to be loved.
I wasn’t even looking for that kind of love. Not anymore. Those sorts of relationships always failed. At least for me they did. But damn if Cooper hadn’t made me long for it all the same.
I handed him the ring. “I need to think about this, Coop. It’s a big decision.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know.”
Chapter 5
Early the next morning, I met Jackson at the gym. We’d been friends since college, having initially met in the engineering program and then joined up to create our company working on alternative energy development.
After one semester of engineering classes, Jackson had switched to finance, which he was much more suited to. Now he was the money guy and I was creative genius behind our solar sheeting. And Brooks, our third partner, managed our relationships with everyone outside of SolCom.
“You look like hell,” Jackson said as I stepped into our company gym.
I flipped him the bird. It was early still and no one else would be here for hours.
His brows rose and he grinned widely. “And so cheerful this morning. What’s got you so riled, Janns? You’re normally the morning guy out of the two of us.” Jackson pressed the buttons on his treadmill to program his run.
I did the same, then glanced at my friend. “Remember that time you asked me to have your back when Professor Givens accused you of stealing copies of his exams?”
Jackson frowned. “Yeah. You had my back.”
“Okay, I need the same level of support and secrecy,” I said. My treadmill sped up until I was at my standard jogging pace. I preferred running outside, but once a week, Jackson and I met here and worked out together.
“Yeah, man, you know you can trust me. We’re partners.”
“I asked Ally to marry me.”
Jackson stumbled a step and nearly fell off the treadmill. “Holy shit!”
“It’s not what you think. She wants to have a baby. We happen to have great fertility treatment benefits.”
“We?” he asked.
“Our insurance.”
“How very progressive of us,” Jackson said with an impressed nod. We ran in silence for several minutes before Jackson spoke again. “Makes sense. Y’all belong together anyways.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’ve heard that since we first became friends. We’re just friends though. You know that.” The fact that I was—and had been—in love with my “just friend” was completely irrelevant. “This is really only for her to use our insurance.”
“Whatever you say.”
I ignored his quip. I hated making the defense, especially since it involved me denying my feelings. The truth was I wanted more with Ally, but she didn’t. And I loved her enough to take what I could get. So friendship was it. “I just wanted you to know. If we end up doing this, I wouldn’t be able to lie to you,” I said.
“What do you mean, if? Did she not say yes?”
“She’s considering it, but I think her kneejerk reaction was to say no. She actually got pretty pissed at me for asking.”
Jackson barked out a laugh. “That sounds like Ally. She doesn’t put up with any of your shit.”
Again we ran in silence, the only sound the rhythmic pounding of our feet on the treadmill belts.
“You know I only ever stole those exam copies because Maggie McCoy asked me to,” Jackson said.
“You’ve always been a sucker for a pair of great legs.”
“She had other great features that came in pairs.”
“Speaking of hot things, how’s your new assistant working out?”
“Caitlyn is very efficient and organized.”
“And very hot,” I said.
“Your words, not mine.” Jackson pressed a few buttons on his treadmill and sped up to a full-fledged run.
I followed suit. “Just voicing what you won’t. I’ve seen how you look at her though.”
“Fuck off, Janns.”
I chuckled, but dropped the subject. Jackson had always hired matronly looking women for his assistants, but Caitlyn had been promoted from human resources and it was evident he was attracted to her. Inter-office relationships were frowned upon though. Not forbidden, but definitely not encouraged. Then again, it was our company and we could pretty much do whatever the fuck we wanted.
“Let’s talk about how you look at Ally.”
My heart sped and my mind flashed to her grinding on me in her bra. I didn’t need to get a hard on right now. “With affection. That’s how I look at her.”
“Bullshit.” Jackson adjusted his speed again and slowed down. “You know what your problem is? You’re in love with her, but you’re so deep in denial you can’t even see the signs.”
I nearly tripped on my own treadmill. “Don’t be an ass. She’s my best friend and I would do anything for her. That does not translate to being in love.” Okay, it totally did, but I wasn’t obvious about it. I locked down those feelings and kept them to myself. I’d had years of practice.
“You have zero boundaries with her. What other girl would you offer to marry just to give her a kid?”
“No other.” I didn’t even hesitate. “I didn’t say Ally wasn’t special. She’s everything to me. But everyone knows that romantic relationships between friends never work.”
“You should put that on a T-shirt.”
“Ally would wear it.”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man.”
Chapter 6
“You’re awfully quiet today,” Jilly said.
I looked up from the cake I’d been decorating and gave my friend a weak grin. “Just a lot on my mind, I guess.”
Jilly was quiet for approximately ten seconds before she spoke again. “You can’t leave it at that. What’s up, Buttercup?”
I chuckled then finished piping words ‘Happy Birthday JoJo’ onto the bright green cake. “Cooper asked me to marry him.”
“Holy fuck. Are you kidding me?” Jilly’s frown deepened. “Wait, when did y’all get together? I mean, I’m not surprised. You obviously belong with each other, but you just told me yesterday that bullshit about y’all being just friends. How did I already miss the whole courtship?”
“Are you done?”
She shrugged. “I just need details, my friend.”
I shook my head, my two braids swung slightly. “First, calm your tits, we’re not together. We are still just friends. This is him doing his thing. Sweeping in to try to rescue me. You know how he is.”
“He has a serious hero complex when it comes to you. But it makes sense. Y’all have been friends forever. He’s your person.”
Warmth spread through my chest. I forced a cough to make it stop. “That he is.”
“How does marrying you fix things?” Jilly asked while pulling a sheet of cookies out of the oven. “I don’t follow.”
“His company evidently has medical insurance that covers fertility treatments. He also offered to be my donor.” I washed my hands and wiped them on my apron. “He was super pissed that I hadn’t asked him to donate for my previous treatments.”
Jilly cocked a generous hip onto the stainless steel counter. “I was always confused by that too. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper if you had your own sperm?”
“Yes, but I didn’t want to bother Coop.”
Jilly rolled her big green eyes. “Y’all are dumb. You know what you should do. You should just sleep with him. Get pregnant the good old fashioned way.”
My heart tripped at the thought. My best friend was hot, I wasn’t blind. So I could easily allow my mind to wander to how he’d be in bed, but that was a dangerous direction for my thoughts to go. Friends and sex did not mix. I knew that already. “I know from experience that sleeping with a friend ruins everything.”
“What? You and Coop?” She clutched her breasts in her oven mitted hands. “How have you been holding out on me?”
“Well, y
ou know Ted and I started out as just friends.” Then there was Brandon, whom I’d never told her about, because why would I? First loves and all that. But now seemed the perfect time. Once she understood, she’d stop giving me shit about me and Coop. “I’m not talking about me and Cooper.”
The bell hanging above the door chimed and Jilly growled before popping out to the front of the bakery and assisting a customer.
I listened to their voices, muted by the sounds of my kitchen. While I waited—because I knew Jilly would not let the subject die—I cleaned up my cake decorating supplies. Then checked the order board to see what was next in line. I had just finished measuring out the flour when Jilly popped back through the double swinging doors.
“First, Ted doesn’t count. He was a total douche-canoe and had I been in your life at the time I wouldn’t have even let you be his friend. Let alone allow him naked time with you. So that doesn’t count. Got any others?”
“Yes.”
She nodded. “Spill.”
“When I met Coop, he already had a best friend. His name was Brandon and we sorta became the three musketeers.”
“Girl, you could have had a ménage.” Jilly waggled her eyebrows.
“Hardly. Anyways. Right before we graduated high school, Brandon told me he had feelings for me. Eventually, we slept together. He was my first. I think I was his. It was awful. We had no chemistry and it ruined our friendship. Nearly ruined mine and Cooper’s too. And I came between them. It was terrible.”
“Everyone’s first time is terrible. And no one has chemistry when they’re seventeen. Or it seems like you have it with everyone.” She waved her hands as if erasing her words. “Whatever. Teenage sex doesn’t count, especially teenage virgin sex.”
Jilly’s words had merit. I wasn’t dumb enough to not recognize that. But I also didn’t have the luxury to roll the dice on this. I had to work with the facts that I’d been given. When I’d first met the guys and we’d become fast friends, I’d believed that nothing would ever come between us. We’d be those friends that survived into adulthood. My heart had shattered when things didn’t work with me and Brandon, and even more so because it had ripped a hole between the guys and they’d been friends first. In those moments, it had felt like I’d lost everything. But at least then I’d still had my mom.