by Kat Baxter
I blew out a breath, ran my fingers through the smattering of hair on his chest. “It was such a long time ago.”
“But he was your first, right?”
I met Coop’s brown eyes and swallowed. “Yes, he was my first.” I drew circles on his skin while I thought about my high school boyfriend that had been my friend first. How we’d tried to be a couple and it had been a disaster.
“Well, as you know, because you were there, we were all friends. And we did everything together.”
“Three Musketeers,” he says.
“Exactly. Anyways, you got sick that time with mono, remember?”
He nodded.
“Your parents wouldn’t let you out of the house or allow any visitors. So Brandon and I were flailing about without our captain and one night he came over to watch movies. One thing led to another and he kissed me, told me he thought he might be in love with me.” I closed my eyes remembering the way my heart had pounded. “I’d never had a boy express interest in me, as a girl, until that moment and I got caught up in it, I guess. So we made out and decided to give it a go. To try being a couple.”
“Yep, he sent me an email that night and told me y’all had hooked up.”
“Well, not that kind of hooking up. At least not that night. Then you got well and we all hung out still, but it was weird and different. I knew things were strained between you and him, but I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Then when Brandon and I were alone, unless we were making out, there was nothing there. We didn’t actually have anything in common...besides you. So when he suggested we have sex, and like the stupid teenager I was, I agreed because I thought maybe it would bring us together. We did it. It was awkward and terrible and physically painful for me. Right afterwards, I made some excuse and ran out of there.”
“Is that when he hooked up with Jennifer?” he asked.
“Not exactly. He wanted to keep doing it and I didn’t. So he dumped me for Jennifer and told me she was hotter than I was.”
“That’s when he and I got into a fight. I knew what he had done and I was so pissed at him.” Cooper’s hand ran up and down my naked back in an almost hypnotic motion.
“I hated that. I hated that I came between y’all.”
“Well, like you said, we were all stupid teenagers.”
“But why did you punch him?”
Cooper blew out a breath. “Well, a couple years into our friendship, we both noticed you were a girl.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“The boob development helped.” He winked at me. “We both wanted to date you and we couldn’t figure out a way to pick who would get you. So we decided neither of us would. We made a pact to keep it all platonic between us.”
“You wanted to date me?” Why was that the only thing I’d heard in his story? The thought of teenage Cooper crushing on teenage me spread warmth through my body, despite the fact that the very adult version of Cooper was laying naked under me, and had just given me a ridiculous number of orgasms.
His hand ran down the length of me and squeezed my butt. “Yeah, I wanted to date you. That was the summer you decided to wear cut off shorts and bikini tops. Every. Fucking. Day. And those braids.” He made a noise in his throat. “You were like Daisy Duke come to life and I don’t even know how many times I jerked off to you.”
I leaned up to get closer to his face. “Why have we never talked about this?”
His brows raise. “How would that have gone? ‘Hey, Coop,’” he mimicked my voice, “‘did you study for our biology test last night?’ ‘Nah,’” he resumed his normal speak, “‘I spent the night jacking off thinking about you and your perfect tits.’” He smiled. “And those fucking braids.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been awkward.” We fell silent for a few minutes. “Do you have a kink about my braids?”
“I have a kink about you.” He paused, then, “you know Brandon is married to a stock broker and they live in Seattle.”
“I didn’t realize y’all kept in touch.”
“Not really. We’ve exchanged emails a couple of times. I still think he’s a fucking moron.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because he dumped you. I’ve been inside you several times and I think your pussy is magical.”
“Well, maybe that’s why. He was so distraught about not getting to get into my magical pussy again he turned to that skanky cheerleader.”
I stretched languidly across the bed and met cold, empty sheets. Cooper was gone and obviously had been for a while.
I rolled over and grabbed my glasses to check the clock. It was early. The bakery was closed today so it was my day off, my day to sleep in. It was a regular work day for Coop, and despite the fact that he ran most mornings, he didn’t normally get up this early.
My heart pounded and sat up. Something was different. Last night something changed between us. That hadn’t been two friends having some sexy benefits. Last night we’d been lovers, intimacy of the deepest kind.
Had he seen something in me that told him I wanted more? Had the intense intimacy freaked him out? I’d be a damn liar if I said it didn’t scare the hell out of me. I couldn’t afford to fall in love with Cooper. That would only lead to disaster. Loving him like that wasn’t an option. Unless I wanted my heart broken in a way that couldn’t be repaired.
After thirty minutes of lying in bed without going back to sleep or Cooper coming home, I got up to shower. When I climbed back out, my phone lit up with a barrage of messages. All from Jillian, mostly to remind me of the girls’ brunch we had today. Her messages had let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I couldn’t cancel or else she’d come get my ass and drag me there.
I walked to the closet to find something to wear and a familiar twinge pulled in my lower belly and I stopped in my tracks. My heart sank. I sent up a silent plea. No, not this time. This time it was supposed to work. I ran to the toilet only to confirm my fears with a smear of blood on the toilet paper.
“Son of a bitch!” It wouldn’t do any good to try to fight the tears. They’d come regardless. This would change everything between me and Cooper, but maybe that was what needed to happen. It would make things easier. I’d be less likely to get my heart broken if I wasn’t putting it in his hands every time he kissed me.
This was a sign and now I knew what I needed to do. So I finished getting ready and texted Jillian that I’d love a ride to brunch.
Thirty minutes later we were walking through the gorgeous front entrance of The Montgomery, the most luxurious hotel in our coastal town. The restaurant that hosted the daily brunch was situated in the back of the hotel and overlooked the tropical paradise that was the three-tiered pool.
Sadie already sat at the table waiting for us; Calliope hadn’t yet arrived.
“She’s always late,” Sadie said as we sat.
“It’s okay,” I said.
We ordered mimosas and Jilly eyed me funny, but said nothing, for which I was thankful. About twenty minutes later Calliope blew in in a flurry of golden curls and gauzy fabric. We took turns talking about their jobs and Calliope’s string of bad dates.
I laughed off comments about my wedded bliss and quickly changed the subject when things got too personal. All in all, I was surviving this brunch.
“Pardon mademoiselles, are you Allyson Patterson, the proprietor of Buns in the Oven?”
My heart stopped. Oh, what fresh hell was this? I fumbled with the napkin in my lap and tried to stand.
“No, please, stay seated and enjoy. I am Chef Henri and I have been a fan of your confections.”
He was French and distractingly attractive, with swarthy good looks, but his words grabbed my attention. “You’ve been to my bakery? I don’t think I remember seeing you.”
“Oh, you wound me, Mademoiselle.” He put a hand to his chest.
I laughed despite the morning I’d been having.
“I actually wanted to discuss a business opportunity
with you,” he said.
“What?”
“Here,” he swept his arms over the room. “We could use someone with your creativity and baking skills here at the Sea Glass.”
My three friends collectively gasped.
Something was roaring in my ears and I worried it might be my blood pressure. “You want to work out a deal with my bakery and your restaurant? To serve my desserts?”
“Not exactly. I was thinking more of head pastry chef. Comes with a nice salary, a benefits package with insurance and everything else a position like that should include.”
I could feel my racing heart in my fingertips and pulsing in my neck.
“Close the bakery?” Jilly said.
“I don’t—”
“Please pardon my spontaneity,” Chef Henri said. “I’ve been following your career for a while and I got excited when I was told you were here.” He withdrew a business card from his pocket and placed it next to my plate of half eaten Eggs Benedict. “Contact me if you are interested in discussing this.” He bowed slightly. “Ladies, enjoy the rest of your meal. Allow me to send out some complimentary mimosas.” Then he was gone.
I stared at the card next to my plate. He was a Michelin star chef. And he liked my baking—which was neither complicated nor outlandishly creative. I mean I worked hard to push the flavor boundaries, but I was no genius.
“What the hell was that?” Jilly said.
“I don’t know. Following my career? What does that even mean. I worked at two other restaurants before I opened the bakery. That hardly constitutes as a career.”
“But you are brilliant,” Jilly said, pointing her fork at me.
“True,” Calliope agreed. “I don’t think I could go an entire week without some of your scones. Oh, or your mini cupcakes.”
“Cookies,” Sadie said. “It’s all about the cookies. Damn, I love cookies. Especially yours.”
I sighed happily “Y’all are too sweet.” Their praise went a long way in making me feel better. But I knew I’d have issues to deal with when I got home. Things between Coop and I had to change.
Today had been shit and all I wanted to do was lose myself in Ally. I toed off my shoes at the front door, then found her in the kitchen making a cup of tea. I paused. Tea was her comfort drink; otherwise, she wasn’t much of a hot beverage kind of girl.
Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, not her usual braids. “Hey, sweetheart. God, I’ve missed you today.” I closed in on her and slid my arms around her, bending to place a kiss on her neck. She stiffened, then stepped out of my embrace. My stomach tightened. Something was wrong.
She held her mug of hot tea in both hands, clutching it to her chest, then looked up at me. “I started my period today.”
“Fuck!” I pushed my hand through my hair as disappointment shot through me. I was doing this for her, but I couldn’t deny the thought of her carrying my child had been intoxicating. But there was no baby. I grabbed the tea from her hands and set it on the counter then pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly. “Allycat, I’m so sorry.”
She let me hold her for a while as she cried silently and I rubbed her back.
“I truly thought it would work,” I mumbled.
She stepped away from me again, swiped her hand over her face to dry her tears. All business. That was my Ally. She’d had to be resilient because of the hand life had dealt her, with her dad’s sudden death when we’d been freshmen in high school, then her mother’s resulting spiral into dementia. Her death happened our second year in college. Sometimes I wished Ally would let me carry the load and she could just allow herself to be broken for a little while. But that wasn’t her. She was always strong. No matter what.
“We can try again this month,” I told her.
She was already shaking her head before I could finish my statement. “No. I want to wait until the insurance kicks in and use the treatments. I think it’s for the best. We said, when we first agreed to try this, that we’d try it for this cycle, then go back to being just friends. I want to do that.”
My heart crumbled in on itself. She didn’t feel the same way I did. Last night hadn’t changed anything for her. “Okay.” I took a step backwards. Maybe this was just how she was dealing with not being pregnant. It was her ultimate goal, after all. Sleeping with me was just a means to an end. I’d thought it was more though. I thought it had been partially about us, about me. “I’ll just sleep in the guest room.”
She nodded and took a sip of her tea. “Thanks, Coop, for trying.”
I swallowed and the knot in my throat nearly choked me. “Sure.” I’d been so sure we had one kind of relationship and she’d just told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was a dumbass. I needed some space to process her rejection. “I think I’m going to take a shower, then go to sleep. It’s been a long day. You going to be okay?”
She met my gaze with nothing short of fierce determination. “Of course, I’m always okay.”
She might be. But I sure as hell wasn’t.
Chapter 18
After I showered, I didn’t go to bed. Instead, I shot a quick text to Jackson and told him I needed to meet. We had a system in place for such things. So now I sat with the glass of whiskey hanging from my hand.
Jackson found me sitting at the bar, took one look at me and rolled his eyes. “You fucked her, didn’t you?”
I didn’t have the energy to guard my reaction and just took a swig of the amber-colored liquid and nodded.
“Everything was good. It was perfect, man. Then suddenly it wasn’t. She’s pulling back. Wants to move out of my bed. Go back to the original plan of doing the fertility treatments. You think it’s just because this month didn’t work?”
Jackson held a hand up and ordered his drink. “I don’t know. I don’t know shit about getting someone pregnant. I’ve been avoiding that very thing since I turned sixteen.”
I released a half-hearted chuckle. “Me too.” How in the fuck was I ever going to go back to using condoms? How was I ever going to fuck anyone else? I didn’t want any other women. I never really had. But now that I’d had Ally, I didn’t think I could ever touch anyone else.
“So what happens now? I mean, how do y’all go back to just being friends?” Jackson asked.
“No fucking clue.”
“You love her,” he said.
“Yeah, I do. Just like you told me before I married her. I’m in love with her.” I wiped a hand down my face.
“Did you just figure all this out?”
“Nah, I’ve always known. Just seemed easier to keep it to myself.”
“Did you tell her?”
“Fuck, no. She’s already freaking out. We had this amazing night last night. It was different. I know she felt it too. It was real and us.” I took a swig of my drink. “Then we had that system crash this morning so I had to rush in and I didn’t leave her a note or anything because I figured since the bakery was closed today, she’d sleep in. But she was up early, as usual. Maybe me being gone made her think I’d panicked or something.”
“I don’t know, but I do know your vagina is showing.”
“Shut up. I’m serious, man. Did I just ruin the only good relationship I’ve ever had? She’s everything to me.”
Jackson’s features grew serious. “You have been Cooper and Ally for years, ever since I met you. Nothing will change that. This might be a rough spot, but you’ll figure it out.”
My eyes pricked with tears and it pissed me off.
“Didn’t you tell me y’all had some issues in college?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah.”
“But you got through them.”
“I don’t think she loves me the way I love her.”
“Only way you’ll know is to tell her.”
“If I tell her and she really doesn’t love me back, then I’ve ruined everything.”
“I don’t think it will come to that. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She adores you. You’re her person. But
you’ve said yourself, Ally is skittish so maybe don’t go in with guns blazing. Give her some time.” He drained his glass, then set it on the bar. “That trip I’m taking to Chattanooga is in two days, you could go instead. Handle the business there. Put some space between you and Ally and see what happens.”
“I don’t know.” Leaving didn’t feel like the right thing to do. “I’ll keep it in mind.” I paid my tab, and Jackson’s. “Hey, thanks for meeting me so quickly.”
“It’s why we have that 9-1-1 system. I get that text and I drop everything. You do the same.” We did the guy hug where we leaned and bumped shoulders.
“I don’t want to lose her, Jax.”
“I know, man, I know.”
“We need to talk.” Cooper’s words sliced through the silence like a dull blade. It had been a day since I’d started my period. A day since he and I took the benefits out of our friendship to get back to ‘normal.’ But we were anything but.
He lowered himself to the couch and I set my book aside. I hadn’t even been reading, except the same two paragraphs over and over.
“About what?” I asked, knowing full well what we needed to discuss.
“Us. We can’t keep things as they are.” He motioned his hand between us. “This isn’t us.”
I folded my legs underneath me and pulled a throw pillow to my chest. “We’re getting back to us. The problem was introducing sex. Now we’ve eliminated it and things will go back to how they were. It just might take a little time.”
He shook his head. “That’s like trying to scoop toothpaste back into the tube. Cause I still fucking want you in my bed.”
“Of course you do,” I said. I was pleased, but shocked I sounded so calm. Inside me felt more like the battering waves when a tropical storm blew in. “I’m convenient. Sleeping together is the easy way out, but in the end it will destroy us. I’d rather ignore my own desires and get things back to where they were. You’re my best friend, Coop, I don’t want to lose you. And I’ve already messed up so much with this entire obsession.”