“BK,” Shea croaks when I walk into his room.
Rushing to his bed, I throw my arms around him, sobbing as I rock him, just like I did to my best friend all those years ago. This time in between I love yous, I say thank you and I’m going to kill you for almost killing yourself as Shea laughs and cries with me.
“You promised,” I say hoarsely, not caring that I sound like a belligerent toddler.
“I know. I’m sorry,” Shea responds sheepishly.
“I almost want to kill you for putting us through that shit,” Nick chimes in, scooting a chair beside Shea and me.
Shea’s shoulders slump as he looks at Nick. “Sorry, bro. I fucked up.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Nick says leaning forward and putting his arm around Shea, hugging him tight before letting go to sit down again.
“I’m going to get help,” Shea says, nodding his head. “I am. They’re keeping me here longer now that I’m awake. I didn’t try to kill myself, Bee. You know that, right? I wouldn’t do that.”
I let out a long, relieved exhale. “But you still almost died. You did die, Shea. They had to pump your stomach. Do you know how fucking scared I was? All I could think about was-”
“Ryan,” Shea finishes, holding my hand in his. “I know, Bee. I’m sorry.”
The three of us sit there for a while: Shea holding my right hand, Nick holding my left, and me thanking God for giving us the opportunity to have second chances, because not everybody is this lucky. Nick gets up suddenly and tells me he’s going to get us coffee. I smile thankfully before placing both of my hands over Shea’s.
“I saw Gia,” I whisper, inching my chair closer to his bed. I don’t tell him that I haven’t seen her around ever since the day he was brought in.
Shea exhales a dark laugh. “My mom called her to tell her I was awake and she said Gia was happy but said she wasn’t coming back because she had a tour to finish.”
My mouth falls open. “She’s just going to go on tour? Without you? Just like that?” I ask in disbelief.
He lets out a dark laugh. “Funny thing about people, Bee, when you’re up, they’re all over you. When you’re down, they don’t give a shit about you.” He shrugs.
Even though he’s completely right about that, it kills me to hear that he feels that way. I hate that Gia is one of those women and I hate that Shea can take it with such ease, probably because he knew that to begin with. Still, I make a mental note to call the bitch and give her hell for this.
“I’m sorry,” I offer quietly, lowering my eyes.
He squeezes my hand, making me bring my eyes back to his. “Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry for. The only person I need is here.” His eyes are sad, but truthful, and although it’s supposed to make me feel better, my heart cracks a little more.
I exhale. “Always, Shea. I’m just scared me being here for you won’t be enough.”
“Moms says Leo and Fern have been coming. They’ll be back,” he says.
“You know what I mean,” I mutter.
“I know,” he whispers, tracing my jaw with his fingers. “It makes me happy to see you happy though, BK. It really does.”
Blinking my eyes rapidly, I hold his hand on my face to still it. If he keeps talking, I’m going to cry again. “Thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
“What are best friends for?” he says with a smile, and it’s a genuine smile. I return it. He drops his hand when Nick walks back in the room with two cups of coffee in his hand. “You’re a lucky motherfucker, Shadow. You better not fuck this up.”
Nick chuckles, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he responds, looking directly at me.
The nurse Shea was waiting for comes in and wheels him out to run some tests, leaving Nick and I alone in the room. He sits in the chair opposite of me and places the cups on the table beside us before leaning in and tugging a lock of my hair.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are today?” he asks.
I smile, shaking my head.
“Well, you are,” he says. “And you have the most amazing green eyes I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, thinking the same about his ocean eyes, the ones I now know hold a lot of sharks in it, but I don’t care. I’ll happily jump in them and let them take a chunk out of me, like they do every day. Tearing my eyes away from him, I look back at the monitors in the room, remembering a time that I was in one similar. I wonder if Shea will really seek help and if he’ll be able to stay drug free. I know it’s not easy to do, and it scares me that he’ll probably want to go right back to his tour.
“Are you sure everything will be okay?” I ask Nick in a whisper.
He scoots his chair closer to mine so that our knees are touching and cups my face. “No, babe, I’m not, but that’s the beauty of life,” he says, drawing circles over my cheeks. “The only thing I’m sure about is us.”
And then he puts his mouth on mine, and I let myself fall.
I Don’t Feel it Anymore (Song of the Sparrow) – William Fitzsimmons
Tell Her This – Del Amitri
Hit the Ground – Paige Chaplin (http://paigechaplin.bandcamp.com)
Ready – Paige Chaplin*
Sober – Pink
Everlong – Foo Fighters
Farewell – Rosie Thomas
All I Want – Kodaline
Trouble – Ray LaMontagne*
One and Only – Adele
Global Concepts – Robert DeLong*
We Found Love – Rihanna*
Hopeless Wanderer – Mumford & Sons
Dreaming With a Broken Heart – John Meyer
Gravity – John Meyer
Say Something – A Great Big World
Mercury – Sleeping At Last
Homesick – Sleeping At Last
Connect – Drake*
Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
Young and Beautiful – Lana Del Rey
Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
“You know what I love about life?” she asks in a whisper. I turn her in my hold so that I can look at her when she speaks. I love seeing the way her full lips move and her green eyes light up or dim down, depending on what she’s talking about. Right now they’re dim and that peaks my interest, I never know where her head is when her eyes get that faraway look in them, but I can guess. I don’t mind it though, it doesn’t bother me that she’s a little torn up as long as she lets me help with the stitching.
We’ve been lying in our bungalow in Maldives for the past two days, away from our chaotic lives. I’d never been here, but she’s told me how much my eyes remind her of this water, so I decided to bring her. She’s only looked at the water once since we got here, the rest of the time she’s spent looking at me. I would pay the fortune I spent getting here to come back here every week just to have her do that.
“What’s that, baby?” I ask, my hands moving from her tangled up hair to the curve of her waist. I can’t get enough of touching her.
“How beautiful it is, how tragic it is,” she responds, her eyes are on mine, but have that distant look in them
“You know what I love about life?” I ask, smiling when she frowns slightly. “Having you in it every day.”
I watch her the clouds in her eyes dissipate and her lips curl up as she lets me response sink in. She sits up, letting her body fall against mine, and I catch her.
Catch me, if you dare:
Twitter: @ClariCon
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Ccontrerasbooks
Email: [email protected]
Blog: www.clairecontreras.com
Also- please show some love to the very talented Paige Chaplin:
https://www.facebook.com/paigechaplinmusic
Get her music on iTunes or here: http://paigechaplin.bandcamp.com
Claire Contreras is from the Dominican Republic, but was raised in Miami, Fl, where she still resides with her husband, two boys, and two American Bulldogs.
&nbs
p; More books from this author:
There is No Light in Darkness
Darkness Before Dawn
It takes one person to write a book, but it takes an army to get one published. This has been and will probably continue to be my experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because I’m going to say many “I love yous” and “thank yous”, I’ll get that part out of the way here. I love you all and am insanely grateful to you and for you:
Christian, Abraham, Moses: Thank you for understanding me, putting up with me, showing me an unconditional love I wasn’t aware existed before you. You help keep my head above water daily. I love you more than words, more than stories, more than life.
For the ones who ripped me up and tore me down. The ones who ignored me and kept walking all over me, making me feel like a burden to them: Thank you
For you, Jay, you saved me countless times without even knowing it.
Ashley Tkachyk-For every day, keeping me sane in this insane world, reading with me, laughing with me, screaming with me, for your feedback, wise suggestions, for your mind.
Rachel Keenan -no words can suffice, but thank you x 100. I hope you’re ready to read everything I write from now on. You read this more than anybody else and you didn’t even complain about it! Your encouragement, your suggestions, the way you pick up on things that not many readers would, made this process worth it for me.
Bridget Peoples- for your talks, your belief in me, your swag, your feedback.
Alyssa West (for the literary porn-LOL!); Michelle Finkle (I want to walk around with you in my pocket for life! For reading my stories & giving me the most encouraging, uplifting and beautiful words, thank you!); Sandra “Turtle” Cortez (for always reading, for your encouragement, your voxes, thank you); Trisha Rai (for your undying support and willingness to read whatever I send you); Trish Brinkley (for your messages, for planning the best signings ever, your love for Cole!). Crysti Perry (for your awesome notes that made me push harder). Autumn (for taking the time out of your crazy schedule to read and giving me your honest feedback). Jodie Stipetich (my favorite stalker! LOVE YOU!)
Taryn “V”: For “getting” me, letting me rant, ranting back, laughing at my stupid sarcasm, throwing it back. For holding my hand through shit and not letting me give up. For giving me crap when I restart a book for the tenth time, but shutting up when I explain to you why I did it. Your support means the world to me, but your friendship is invaluable. And lastly, for making two cute and grateful kids. We need better men in this world and it makes me happy to know you’re raising two of them.
Syreeta “Ree” Jennings: For pushing me, and pushing me, and pushing me and then sending me chocolate (lol). For laughing with me, getting frustrated with me, and believing in me enough for the both of us. I am grateful to have you in my life and am honored to call you my friend. Oh yeah, and for Timmy and his great ideas! No new friends …
Lisa Chamberlin: I wish I could just say “thank you” and feel like that’s enough, but it’s not. You put your things aside and picked this up for me to help me with a blurb, but did so much more. You’re an angel and I’m grateful to call you my friend.
Barbie Bohrman: I don’t know what I would do without your support, sick brain, and sense of humor. I’m pretty sure our twisted souls have met before, maybe killed together in the past, JUST KIDDING! …
Mimi: Oh my goodness. What would I do without your eyes?! lol Thank you for being there for me every single day. Thank you for lending me your time and your eyes and making me go back and change words like “whisper” and “quiet” (I’m whispering this LOL). Love you!
Angie: Thank you for EVERY SINGLE THING that you do for me. For being there for rants, laughs, screams, and cries. Thank you for pushing me the way you do and believing in me as much as you do!
My writer girls who know my struggle, understand my worries and rants and accept my crazy. I don’t know what I would do without you: SL Jennings, Madeline Sheehan, Barbie Bohrman, Gail McHugh, EL Montes, Karina Halle, Sydney Simon, MJ Abraham, Willow Aster, Mia Asher, Lb Simmons, Lisa DeJong, K.A. Linde- Write on.
Lori Sabin: Best. Editor Person. Ever. I can’t express how much you mean to me because there are no words in any language I know that will suffice. Thank you, not only for editing, but for being you. This world needs many more Loris in it, your existence lights up the world. I love you.
Regina Wamba: Your covers. No words. Thank you for being such a pleasure to work with and for creating amazingness. I am IN LOVE with this cover.
Angela: Your formatting knows no bounds. You take the words I write and make them appear as beautiful as I hope they read and that’s an art in itself. Thank you for doing what you do AND for putting up with my SUPER crazy ass! <3
Paige Chaplin: Thank you SO very much for letting me use YOUR music and YOUR lyrics in my book. Your beautiful voice and lyrics are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your talent and for letting Nick Wilde pretend it was his ;).
Stephanie Johnson: Thank you for your support! Your cookies are to die for. Thank you for making them with such love.
More people I love:
My KBs: There are way too many of you to name, but thank you for talking books with me. I like to say that I’m part of the best book club ever, and that’s because of you.
My Crazies: Jennifer Mirabelli (thank you for sending me a load of corrections as you read <3), Jenn Diaz, Diana Almanzar, Donna Sanderson, Allison Phillips, America Matthews, Jodi Stipetich, Christine Estevez, Juliana Cabrera, Orchita Rahman, Kim Rinaldi, Willow Dolbear, Nancy Godinez
Daisy the Rockstar, Dyann Tufts, Erin Hunt, Fred Lebaron, Ciara Martinez, Jenn Linn Dale, Shawna Vitale, Stephanie S Brown, Shey Houston, Robin Stranahan, and SO many others! If I forgot you, it’s not bc I love you less. I swear!
My mother in law, Barbara: for taking my kids, feeding them, and giving them back to me unharmed and bathed. If more women had mother in laws like you, there would be less men left on the market. If more men had mothers like you, we’d have a lot more gentlemen.
My mother: for giving me life and telling everybody she knows that her daughter writes books.
Blogs that make the world go round: Angie’s Dreamy Reads, My Secret Romance, Shh Moms Reading (Christine, THANK YOU for everything!), Autumn Review, Fiction and Fashion (my fab three!), Aestas Bookblogger, Devoured Words, Rockstars of Romance (I LOVE YOU, M!), Little Black Book, Stories and Swag, Up All Night Book Blog, Nose Stuck in a Book, Reading Bliss, sandwich making book bitches, Bridger Bitches Book Blog, A Love Affair With Books, Gutter Girls Book Reviews, #BookNerd, Three Girls and a Book Obsession, G & C Book Blog, Book Addicts not so Anonymous, Rotten Apple Reads, The Hopeless Romantics Book Blog, Reviews by Tammy & Kim, Three Chicks and Their Books, The Book Blog, fictions our addiction, Book Boyfriend Reviews, The Suburban Eclectic Review, Books Books Books, Reality Bites! Let’s Get Lost!, Sinfully Sexy Book Reviews, Rumpled Sheets Blog, First Class Books, Book Crush, Lives and Breathes Book Blog, Escape Into A Book, Chapter Break, Books, Babes, and Cheap Cabernet, I Love Indie Books, Group Therapy Book Club Blog & Review, Mean Girls Luv Books, Kassie’s Book Thoughts, Sugar and Spice Book Reviews, For the Love of Books, Lustful Literature, Books to Breathe, Jessica’s Book Review, True Story Book Blog Wild Wordy Women House of Vetti Booky Ramblings
A very special shout out to Patty Eunfeno, who was looking forward to reading this, but was taken from us before she got the chance. I know you’re reading it from heaven, I hope I made you proud!
Turn the page for a preview of:
People are inherently afraid of the dark. There are no two ways around it. Even if you are in a dark place with another person, or a room full of people, the physical presence doesn’t erase the fact that total blackness is still an isolating event.
It’s the unknowns of darkness, the shallow feelings of disparity that leave you confused and looking for a way out. It’s the phenomena of experiencing cold fear - the idea of not knowing what li
es ahead of you; what obstacles are there, both physically and metaphorically.
Darkness is also a state of mind that can’t be controlled; it controls you. The only time the inky blackness can be constrained is when you learn to accept your fate and move toward any speck of light where the smallest bits of hope can be forced upon you. Light filters away the nothing and infuses rays of other colors bright enough to change cold fear into a warm security.
Emptiness remains to be an unwelcome companion, even though I feel an outside presence around me. The sadness seeps through my pores and forces me to stay in the somberness of this state of inertia. I can hear sounds, none of which are immediately familiar. I strain to identify any detail that would be obvious to me and I come up with nothing.
An indiscernible amount of time passes. I learn to accept that now my mind is only able to see the forever of a night clouded so heavily, it obscures any presence of light in the sky. The fear slowly fades away as I learn to grow accustomed to the calmness isolation brings. I quickly learn that running around in the dark is pointless. Of course, there are limitless places to go and each one of them is infinite.
Except, there is no end, no light, no details or color.
It is depressing.
It’s the despondency that forces me to admit that I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to escape this hell where my mind has left me behind. I am growing desperate to leave the isolation. With each passing moment, I’m finding that I need to feel the light and put the darkness beyond my reach. Like watching the pallet of a pale sunset, the night will always fall behind.
Streaks of color appear behind my eyes, like watching a movie in fast-forward. It moves by so fast, I can’t grab on to any one flash long enough to see faces or places. It was all just blurs and lines of moving pictures. I try to remain optimistic, despite the obvious.
Catch Me Page 36