Jake frowned. “I understand what you mean, but I don’t want him to think we abandoned him.”
“You won’t be gone long,” Gayle argued. “Two, three hours. And you have a cell phone. I’ll call if there’s any problem. You might even have time to visit Cordelia,” she added. “Didn’t you say you wanted to see her, Allison? And when I called down there, they told me no visitors in Intensive Care under the age of eighteen.”
Jake looked at Allison. His frown told her he wasn’t wild about leaving Caleb. But Allison knew that Pam and Gayle had traded baby-sitting all the time. She stood up. “I’m sure they’d make an exception under the circumstances, but we should probably see her first. We don’t want to scare him, and, frankly, she looked pretty bad last night.”
Jake turned up his hands to signify his capitulation. “Fine. I’ll tell him what’s going down. The boys are playing in Caleb’s room. I helped them set up his race track.”
Allison followed. “I need my jacket. It’s in my room,” she said, referring to the guest room that she and Pam had decorated together. This is yours, Ally. Any time you need to get away from the valley, you come here. This is your home, too.
“Speaking of rooms,” Gayle said, trailing after them. “Are you both staying here?”
Allison looked at Jake. “We haven’t discussed arrangements, but I assumed you’d want to stay here.”
“Absolutely,” Jake said. “I want to be where Caleb is. Is there any reason that’s a problem?”
Allison shrugged. “Not as far as I’m concerned. It’s a four-bedroom house, but Kenny converted one room into his home office, and I usually stay in the guest room. So, you either have to take the master bedroom or go over to Cordelia’s.”
He glanced from her to Gayle and said, “We’ll figure that out when we get back. I can sleep on the couch for all I care. Right now, we have to get to the lawyer so we can start making some decisions about the funeral. But first, I’m going to tell Caleb what’s happening. And if he wants to go with us, we take him.”
His tone held an air of challenge, but he’d get no argument from Allison. She wasn’t confident enough in her parenting skills to put her foot down one way or the other.
“Fine with me. I’ll warm up the car.”
As she walked away, she heard Jake tell the gathering, “Everyone, help yourself to food and drink. Gayle will be filling in while Allison and I run to town. We truly appreciate your support and I promise to let you know the day and time of the funeral as soon as the plans are finalized.”
Plans. Whenever Pam had accused Allison of being too “anal” about her neat lists and five-year business plan, Allison had countered that establishing a plan and sticking to it meant you’d have something to show for your life someday. And while Pam preferred to live life spontaneously, she did plan some things—like asking Allison and Jake to be Caleb’s godparents.
“If you won’t take me home, I’ll call a taxi,” Cordelia told her two visitors. “I need to see my grandson.”
“Oh, Cordelia,” Allison said stepping closer to the bed. “You will. Soon. But the most important thing at the moment is for you to recuperate.”
“But how can I help Caleb if I’m chained to this bed?” Cordelia cried, trying to lift her right arm, which was hooked up to tubes that the nurses fiddled with every hour or so—even in the middle of the night when they told her she was supposed to be asleep. How could a person sleep knowing her daughter was dead and her grandson was alone?
Just thinking about it made her start to cry again.
Allison leaned down and tried to give Cordelia a hug, but the little plastic breathing tubes under her nose made it awkward. “You can help by getting well,” Allison said, standing up straight again. “In the meantime, don’t worry about Caleb. He’s fine. Well, as fine as can be expected.”
“You told him about his parents?”
Allison nodded. “This afternoon. Shortly after Jake got here.”
Cordelia closed her eyes. She couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been. She should have been the one. She should have been stronger.
“Cordelia,” Jake said, touching her hand. “This isn’t easy for any of us, and I know it’s got to be even worse for you. But I promised Kenny I’d be here for his son, and I want you to know I’m here for you, too.”
Cordelia felt ashamed. She’d never thought too highly of Jake. A wastrel, she’d called him. Wasting his life on surfing, of all things. But she could tell he meant what he said.
Suddenly terribly weary, she sighed. “It...should... have... been... me.”
Allison patted her shoulder. “We can’t change what happened, Cordelia. All we can do is try to make the best of things.”
Jake nodded. “As soon as you’re up to it, you can talk to Caleb on the phone. He’s worried about you, too. It would help put his mind at ease.”
“When can I see him?”
Jake looked at the floor. “Well, um, Allison said it might scare him to see you hooked up to all these monitors.”
Cordelia looked at Allison whose cheeks blushed bright red. “Do I look that bad?”
The answer was in her eyes. The girl couldn't lie for spit. “No. Not at all. You look great. So much better than yesterday. But, it’s all this stuff,” she said, motioning toward the monitors. “It scares me, so I thought it might scare Caleb. But what do I know?”
Cordelia frowned. Allison was a smart girl, very accomplished when it came to computers, but she didn’t have much confidence when it came to taking care of children. Pam used to say the reason Ally didn’t have a family of her own was because she was doing penance. Cordelia hadn’t asked for details. Maybe she should have.
“We’ll bring him soon, Cordelia,” Jake said. “But first we have to get past the funeral. That’s what Allison and I came to talk to you about.”
Funeral? She’d already planned two—George’s and her own. No mother should have to plan her child’s, too.
“We just left the lawyer’s office. Pam and Kenny were very specific about how to handle the estate and anything affecting Caleb, but there’s no mention of any preference for burial or cremation. And if we go with a burial, where do we do it? Here? Or back in Detroit?”
Jake pulled up a chair and sat down. “Sorry,” he said. “Jet lag is catching up with me. Can I give you my opinion without sounding too insensitive?” He took a breath. “I think cremation would be the best route. Then we can hold a memorial service when you’re up and about.”
“Postpone it?” Allison asked, sounding horrified. She turned away and started pawing through the lumpy backpack she always carried.
Even though his words were blunt, they helped Cordelia sharpen her focus. “I remember hearing the kids talk about this after your grandfather passed away, Ally. Kenny mentioned that his stepfather had six extra spaces in the cemetery where Mr. Rydell and Kenny’s mother are buried. Pam said she liked the idea of being buried in the town where they started their family together. I believe there's even a large marble headstone with the name Rydell already in place. All you’d have to buy is the little markers with their names and dates..." She couldn’t go on.
Jake slapped his knee as if sealing the deal. “Perfect. Kenny loved getting a bargain. And what's better than free?”
Allison wiped her eyes and tried to smile, but Cordelia could tell she was barely hanging on by a thread. “Then you won't mind if we go ahead with the services right away? Even though you won’t be there?”
Cordelia sank back against the hard pillow. She missed her bed. Her life. Her daughter. She closed her eyes to keep from crying, but the tears slipped from beneath the lids and slid down her cheeks—just as they had all day. "It’s the way it has to be,” she finally said.
A warm hand gripped hers. “Pam will understand.” Cordelia blinked. Jake. Jake the Rake was gently squeezing her hand. She tried to squeeze back but couldn’t find the strength.
Allison touched her shoulder and said, “You r
est now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and let you know what we’ve decided. Thank you.”
After they left, Cordelia dozed fitfully. She ached in places the doctor hadn’t touched with his scalpel. Bone deep. Soul deep.
She’d failed at so much in her life. She hadn’t been the best wife she could have been. She hadn’t been able to keep George from eating and drinking like there was no tomorrow—and there hadn’t been, for him. She never put her foot down and told Pam to stay home when she should have. Pam did too much—always on the go. But Cordelia hadn’t said a word. And now, she wasn’t even going to be at her own daughter’s funeral.
Jake felt utterly drained by the time they left the hospital. Cordelia Wells might not have been his favorite person in the past, but seeing her so small and fragile in the stark surroundings brought fresh pain to his already broken heart. Was any step of this going to get easier? Somehow, he doubted it.
Allison started the car and backed it out of the parking space, but instead of going forward, she said, “I know you’re exhausted, but would you mind if we swing by my house? I need a change of clothes, and I’d like to check on my cats.”
She looked so sincerely apologetic, Jake couldn’t say no. “Can you make it quick? I’m really starting to feel uneasy about having left Caleb. Is that crazy? Have I turned into an overprotective father?”
He said the last as a joke, but Allison didn’t smile. “You mean like Kenny?”
Jake startled. “I beg your pardon?”
She stepped on the gas and drove toward the busy street. “Pam used to complain that, as a father, Kenny was too restrictive. She attributed it to his mother being too permissive when he was young and his stepfather trying so hard to be a buddy when Kenny was a teenager that neither set down any rules.”
Jake frowned. Pam had never mentioned that to him. On the other hand, Kenny had had plenty to say about Pam’s permissive style of parenting. “Maybe he was trying to take up the slack because Pam was too lax. No set bedtime. No routine of any kind that I ever saw.”
Allison stepped on the brake. Hard. “She wanted her son to experience life—the good and the bad.”
“Even if he got hurt?”
“Accidents happen.”
They looked at each other until a horn sounded behind them. “Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Allison said, putting on her blinker and pulling into traffic. “I can’t believe we’re arguing about this. Not now.”
Jake stared out the window. “You’re right. I apologize. I don't know why I said that. I loved Pam. She was a great mother. I guess I just listened to Kenny blow off steam and... Well, he thought Pam should be a bit more cautious with Caleb.”
As they waited for a traffic light, Allison said, “This might not be the right time to ask, but do you know what your plans are? How long you’ll be here?”
Jake had projected several different scenarios in his head on the flight west—one week, two weeks, maybe sticking it out through the holidays, but everything had changed the minute he’d held his godson in his arms. An unexpected feeling had surfaced the moment Caleb’s arms had closed around his neck. Something so powerful and familiar it had left him shaken.
He slumped down in the seat and closed his eyes. “I don’t know and, frankly, I’m too damn wiped to give you an exact agenda, but I’ll stay as long as I can. I understand you’d like me to be more specific but I can’t be right now.”
Allison realized she was being unreasonable, but she needed reassurance, needed to know that she could count on his help. But then who could predict what the future would bring? Certainly not Pam and Kenny—or they’d have left more explicit instructions for their friends to follow.
Tears flooded Allison’s eyes without warning. A rough sob escaped.
“Ally?” Jake said, turning toward her. “I didn’t mean to be short with you.”
She blinked frantically to clear her vision. “It’s not that. The pain just hits sometimes.”
He put his hand on her shoulder. “Parking lot. Just ahead. Take it.” His tone brooked no resistance.
Allison put on her blinker and quickly escaped the traffic. The brick and stucco building adjacent to the paved lot was one she didn’t recognize.
She put the car in Park and closed her eyes. “Sorry about that,” she said. “All we need is another wreck.”
Both were silent a moment—the only sound the muted roar of traffic and the hum of the engine until Jake heaved a sigh and said, “Do you believe in Fate?”
She found a tissue and blew her nose. “I don’t know. Is Fate to blame for what happened to Kenny and Pam?”
“Possibly,” Jake said. “Or poor judgment. Wasn’t the ski trip Pam’s idea?”
Allison’s teeth ground together and she let out a low warning sound. “The only way Pam could have avoided dying would have been not to get into the car that morning. Nobody knew there’d be black ice on the road. She and Kenny had made that trip dozens of times without a problem. So be careful when assigning blame.”
Even in the dim light, she could see the look of surprise in his eyes.
“You can rail at Fate,” she went on. “Or take a potshot at God—heaven knows, He and I aren’t on the best of terms. But don’t for a second imply that Pam was a risk taker who should have known better than to plan a trip that might put them in harm’s way.”
He whistled softly. “Whoa. For a person who doesn’t like to argue, you nailed that one pretty impressively.”
She drew a deep breath to get her emotions under control. “Who says I don’t argue?”
“Pam. She once bragged that she taught you the fine art of social debate. She said you were the youngest in your family and never got a word in edgewise.”
Allison exhaled. After a pause, she smiled. “That’s true. I was the odd man out in my family. Nobody really listened to me even if I did voice an opinion, so after a while, I just shut up. Pam would intentionally say things to rattle me. We were known to argue for hours over politics, fashion, movies.” She smiled at the memory. “Pam kept me from being a total pushover.”
He shifted in the seat to face her. “For the record, Allison, I don’t blame Kenny or Pam for what happened. I believe with all my being that Kenny did everything in his power to avoid that collision. What happened was just damn bad luck. But if I ever find out that Fate or God had a hand in it, they’ll have to answer to me.”
Allison's tension abated. But she had to ask him something—a question she’d been holding in all day. “Jake, do you know where they are?”
He looked away. “Their bodies were taken to the morgue. An autopsy was performed. It's SOP...um... standard operating procedure. As soon as we've decided on a mortuary to handle the funeral, they’ll be released.”
Neither said anything for a few minutes as the hum of traffic passed by outside the car. People rushing about their lives as normal, oblivious to the fact that two wonderful people were dead and for those who had loved them, the world would never be normal again.
“So,” Allison said, “the sooner we choose a place, the better, right?”
“Right”
She stretched laterally to reach behind his seat and came back with a phone book. “It’s only four-thirty. Maybe we can talk to someone today,” she said, handing him the two-inch-thick directory.
His right brow arched in question.
Allison felt her face grow warm. “This is my mobile office.”
He didn’t say anything but continued to stare at her a few seconds longer before opening the book to the business listings. She punched the map light, which drew her gaze to his hands. One of her mentors in college believed you could tell a lot about a person by his or her hands. Allison’s were square and utilitarian; Jake’s elegant, yet masculine.
“How do we pick? Rock, paper, scissors?”
Allison startled, thrown by his flip comment. Immediately contrite, he said, “I’m sorry. That was stupid. I’m a little punchy from lack of sleep.”
Allison pulled her phone from her bag and hit the first number on her autodial. “Gayle? This is Allison. Jake and I have a question about mortuaries. You’ve lived here a long time. What’s your opinion?”
She watched Jake’s face as she listened to Gayle lay out the pros and cons of each facility. Head tilted back against the headrest. Eyes closed. He appeared utterly exhausted. Just as his godson looked last night.
“Okay. Thanks. How’s Caleb? Does he need to talk to us?”
Jake turned his face toward her, his expression etched with concern.
“Got it. We’ll be there soon.”
She ended the call. “Caleb’s playing a game with Bradley at the moment, and she didn’t want to disturb them, but she said he’s been asking about us. Maybe...
“We should go back and pick him up,” he finished.
He was right, but they were so close. “My house is just a mile or so away. It won’t take me long to pack. And my cats—”
“We’ll come back later. With the kid. Kids like cats, right?”
Pam would probably think Jake was overreacting— just the way Kenny tended to. And as usual—although she rarely told Pam how she felt—Allison was tempted to side with caution. Gayle was a good mother and perfectly capable of caring for Caleb, but what if Caleb was afraid that yet another set of adults had skipped out on him?
“Right,” she said. “Let’s go get our godson.”
Chapter 5
Caleb didn’t understand why there was a party at his house when his mommy and daddy weren’t there. Ally and Jake told him about a car wreck. They said his mommy and daddy had to leave and go to heaven. He didn’t want to think about that. It made him sad, and he didn’t really believe it was true. His mommy wouldn’t leave for good. She once forgot to pick him up from preschool when he was little, but his teacher told him not to worry because mommies sometimes ran late.
That’s what happened this time, too, he figured. She was running late. Real late.
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