“Is that a true story?” she asked, motioning him to come in. Her normally pristine workplace was still showing the effects of her month-long neglect. Boxes topped boxes. Files were scattered everywhere. Her checkbook and ledger lay open on her blotter.
“Mostly,” he said with a wink. He moved a box of modems from the room’s spare chair and pulled it opposite her. “I’m just glad that my early problems left me fairly immune. Good thing, since I’m around children every day. And you, Ally? All clear?”
“So far, so good,” she said, pushing back the sleeve of her black cashmere sweater—Jake’s gift to her, along with the most beautiful earrings she’d ever seen. “Caleb helped pick out the earrings. I chose the sweater,” he'd explained when she opened the gift bag. “It looked perfect for the successful executive who wants to stay warm without sacrificing her femininity.”
Allison loved the decadently rich feel of the fabric, but next time she’d wear a slip, since the wool was a little bit itchy. She absently scratched the inside of her wrist then sat forward. “Plus, my mother is positive I had them. With three older siblings, it stands to reason.”
“But Jake and Caleb weren’t that lucky?”
She shook her head. “Caleb had a fever last night, but so far, no spots. And Jake has felt crummy for three days—joint aches, slight cough. He’s trying to convince himself he’s coming down with a cold, but according to my mom, people often experience flu-like symptoms before breaking out in a rash.”
“Although it’s never fun to be sick, Caleb is better off getting it now. Children his age usually have mild cases, compared to adults. If Jake has it, he’ll probably be miserable. Doesn’t he know if he’s immune?”
“Apparently not.”
The priest gave her a knowing look. “When your family is gone, there’s no one to connect you to your history.”
“He told you about his youth?”
“A bit. But he has the look of a man who’s survived hardships at a young age. I see it in his eyes. He feels responsible for much of his loss.”
Allison agreed. “I told him he has nothing to feel guilty about. His parents failed him. The system failed. Why should he take the blame for things that weren’t his fault?”
“Because he’s Jake. People can point out the facts—as I’m sure Kenny did many times—but self-forgiveness can be very difficult for some people.”
Allison wondered if he meant that comment for her benefit. To change the subject, she asked, “What brings you here today? Jake couldn’t remember what you said when you set up the meeting. And, don’t take this the wrong way, but you look more like a distinguished lecturer than a priest.”
His laugh didn’t sound offended. “A dear friend’s daughter’s wedding is later this evening. When not on duty, I try to blend in to put the other guests at ease.”
She understood that. “I’ve known several people who waited till New Year’s Eve to marry—for tax purposes.”
He chuckled. “In this case, they are simply a young couple who wanted to take advantage of a long weekend before they both have to return to work. Their employers have given them Friday and Monday off.”
“I did that, too,” she said. “Most of my crew has already left, in fact.”
After a slight pause, the priest said, “I was hoping Jake could be here, too, since this concerns you both.”
He sounded serious.
“We could reschedule.”
“No. Things happen for a reason. Besides, I get the feeling you’re closest to Caleb’s grandmother so you might be able to assuage her fears.”
“Cordelia? We talked on the phone this morning. She seems fine. A little...distant, maybe, but no chicken pox, thank God.”
“I just left there. She’s worried and upset. Her doctor is concerned that her mental state might be hampering her recovery.”
“How? Why? I thought she was doing better,” Allison exclaimed.
The priest sighed. “I spoke with her on Christmas Eve, after you left. Apparently something Caleb said upset her. Then she heard a rumor that convinced her you and Jake are going to get married and take Caleb to Florida.”
Allison groaned. “It’s my fault. I told Jake she was upset.” She explained about Caleb’s Christmas wish that Allison and Jake be his parents for good. “I should have stopped by to see her this week, but we were worried about being contagious.”
That was the truth, but not the whole truth. Allison was also afraid that her feelings would be apparent to Cordelia. She’d slept in Jake’s arms every night this week. He continued to wake up before dawn to start his calls, so there was little chance of Caleb catching them together. But nothing could diminish the happiness she was feeling.
“I’ll go see her today. I don’t know how else to reassure her except to say that our plan is still the same. Nothing’s changed.”
He gave her a penetrating look. “Nothing?”
She sank back in her chair. “I won’t lie to you. Jake and I have feelings for each other, but we’re adults. We’ll do what’s best for Caleb.”
“What if the best thing is two parents who love each other? You and Jake would make ideal parents. I simply want to be sure that Caleb’s grandmother isn’t overlooked in the equation.”
Ideal parents? She rubbed at the pinprick between her eyes. All morning the idea of her and Jake together for the long haul had bounced around her head, but there were so many obstacles. Her business, for one. And his.
Because her head ached and her stomach felt like a war zone, she answered more sharply than warranted. “Jake and I have divergent lives. His business is three thousand miles away. And I’m stuck here for as long as I can make my payments.”
Which, thankfully, she should be able to do for a bit longer, she thought, glancing at the order form she and Ernesto had been discussing earlier. A new investment firm was moving to the area. The purchasing agent wanted Jeffries Computing to install an integrated computer network for them as soon as they could acquire a suitable building. For year-end tax benefits, they’d included a very healthy retainer.
He reached across the desk and clasped her hand. “I didn’t mean to pry. I’m not a social arbitrator. I’m your friend, and although I would never betray a confidence, I think you should know that Cordelia hinted about contacting a lawyer.”
“Are you serious?”
“I believe she will fight for custody if she feels threatened.”
The throbbing between Allison’s eyes intensified. “But we’ve done everything we could to include her. It’s not our fault she couldn’t leave the hospital on Christmas Day.”
“I know. And I reminded her of that this morning, but she has a valid point. If you and Jake married and tried to adopt Caleb, you’d look very attractive to the courts. You’re young, with ample means to provide for him, and, theoretically, your claim is supported by Caleb’s birth parents’ wishes.”
Allison looked down at her hands. The only ring on her finger was a cheap mood ring that “Santa” had left in her stocking. She and Jake hadn’t discussed marriage. In fact, Allison wasn’t sure the word was even in his vocabulary, but there was no denying the intensity of the feelings they had for each other. “Even if—someday—Jake and I got together, we’d never exclude Cordelia from Caleb’s life. He’s already lost so much. How could she think we’d take her away from him, too?” Allison asked, her eyes filling with tears.
He nodded, his expression filled with sympathy. “I knew that would be your answer. Unfortunately, I’m not the person you have to convince. Cordelia has worked herself into quite a state. Some of this might be from the medication she’s taking.”
Allison hadn’t thought of that. Both were silent a moment, then Allison said, “I feel badly for Cordelia, Padre. And if I thought Caleb would be better off with her alone, I’d bow out of the picture in a heartbeat. But in all honesty, she couldn’t keep up with him. There are times when I’m ready to throw in the towel and I’m thirty years younger and
in good health.”
She forced herself to add, “As much as it kills me to admit this, at times, I’ve wondered if Caleb wouldn’t be better off with Jake in Miami than staying here with me and Cordelia.”
“Why is that?”
“Simply put—one Jake is better than two of anybody else. He’s a great dad. Patient. Calm. When they’re together, Jake gives Caleb all his attention.”
“And when you and Caleb are together?”
Allison made herself answer honestly. “Part of my brain is thinking about laundry, groceries, what to fix for dinner. And another part of me is focused on Jeffries’ Computing.”
The priest smiled but said nothing.
“We just received a commission for a new installation. It’s a big job and will allow me to meet my payroll for several months. I’m ashamed to admit I was so excited that I dove right into work—making calls, setting up job orders. I completely forgot to call Jake and Caleb to share my good news. What does that say about me?”
The priest reached across the desk and squeezed her arm supportively. “It says you’re human. Allison, it’s okay to revel in your success without feeling guilty. Male business owners have done it for years.”
She tried to smile. “You’re very kind, but I still feel bad. Of course, my role in Caleb’s life might be nonexistent if Cordelia goes ahead with some kind of custody complaint. I’d better go talk to her.”
“What will you tell her?”
Allison thought a moment. “If she’s feeling threatened by my relationship with Jake, then maybe I should move back to Fresno until she and I can return to the house together. Jake can manage alone till then.”
“Don’t you think you should run that by him, first?”
She did, but she also knew that she couldn’t face him right now. Her emotions were too jumbled. A part of her wanted to be with him more than anywhere in the world, another wanted to make this whole thing go back to the way it was. But one truth was irrefutable. “Jake knows firsthand what happens to a child when the courts get involved. He’ll do anything in his power to protect Caleb from that.”
Jake hung up the phone with great care. It was either that or lob the receiver across the room.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this furious. Possibly the moment he learned that his best friend was dead, but even his shock and dismay at that news paled in comparison to his current sense of rage, because Kenny’s death had been an accident—a random act of fate. This was outright betrayal.
“Jake, my tummy hurts. I don’t wanna watch this movie any more. Can I have a Popsicle? Where’s Mommy?”
Caleb’s litany of wants and complaints had been nonstop ever since he’d woken up from his nap. Jake’s patience was at the breaking point, but he made himself take a deep breath and let it out. “Ally just called, kiddo. She’s on her way to see Grandma Cordelia.” The woman who just booted my life off course.
“I wanna go, too. Can I go?”
“Sorry, buddy. You and I are quarantined until we stop being contagious.”
Caleb threw back his head and started to wail, “I don’t wanna be ’tagious. Make it go away.”
Jake could think of several things he wanted to go away—Kenny’s mother-in-law, for one. “She just needs some reassurance that we’re not going to change the plan, Jake,” Allison had explained in a coolly detached tone. “I’m going to tell her I’m moving back into my house until she’s able to come home. I shouldn’t be around you two, anyway. I’m worthless as a nurse and I could spread your germs to the public.”
“Too bad,” he muttered under his breath. He wanted Allison. He needed her. He couldn’t care for a sick child alone—especially if he were doomed to catch this, too. So far, only Caleb was showing signs of coming down with chicken pox. He’d developed a fever last night and had slept off and on today, but no rash. Yet.
Jake’s symptoms seemed to be diminishing rather than intensifying. His headache and sniffles still felt more like the flu than the chicken pox.
He walked to the freezer, took out a grape Popsicle and broke it in half. He carried one piece to Caleb, who was wrapped in a blanket on the couch in the family room. “Here, kiddo,” he said, passing the stick to Caleb. “Try not to spill.”
Caleb stared at the offering. His bottom lip popped out and he started to cry. The icy treat waved precariously like a flagpole about to topple.
“What’s wrong?” Jake asked.
“You broke it...the whole thing...Mommy lets me...
Jake got the drift. He wasn’t sure which mommy Caleb was talking about, but it didn’t matter. He plucked the offending treat out of the child’s hand and carried it into the kitchen. He dumped both halves into the sink and went back to the box. Only one remained. Orange, of course. No grape. He carefully peeled the paper off and wrapped the double sticks in a wash cloth.
When he returned, Caleb was sitting upright, his knees to his chest. He looked more scared than sick, and Jake’s anger disappeared. He sat down and looked his godson in the eye. “I think we’re both a little grumpy because we’ve been cooped up all day. Nobody said we had to be quarantined in one place, did they?”
Caleb shook his head, although it was obvious he didn’t know what quarantined meant.
“Cool. Then eat your Popsicle—we only have orange left, and I’ll go pack a bag.”
“Pack? Where are we going?”
Florida. Tempting though the idea was, he pushed it out of his mind. “I’m not sure, exactly. We’ll figure that out when we get there.”
Actually, he did have a destination in mind, but he was hoping he could talk himself out of it. Taking a sick kid on a road trip would probably provide fuel for Cordelia’s custody battle if Allison’s plan failed to appease the woman’s concerns. But this would be a fast trip and he’d deal with the consequences when they came.
At the moment, all Jake could think about was Ally. Did she actually believe that their being apart was better for Caleb? Or was her unselfishness just fear in disguise? Maybe she was afraid she loved Jake enough to give up her dreams, her business, her independence.
Jake understood because he felt exactly the same. And as tempting as it was to run away from the feelings she evoked in him, Jake was ready to try something different. He’d made some changes this week—big ones. Unfortunately, he hadn’t found the right moment to talk about them with Ally.
Why? Because he’d perfected the art of avoidance years ago. But Jake knew that eventually the past caught up with you. Which explained why he was now headed south to L.A., or as they said in Spanish, La Ciudad de Los Angeles. The city of angels. Maybe it was time to settle up with one of those angels—Phillip.
Chapter 14
Allison slowly got into her car. She hurt from the inside out.
After talking to Cordelia, Allison realized that her involvement with Jake was asking for trouble. She, Jake, Cordelia and Caleb were four traumatized souls who had just suffered a staggering loss. No doubt the natural inclination was to try to fill that void with some other emotion, but to jump into bed with a man she barely knew this soon after losing her best friend was foolish. Stupid. Crazy.
Cordelia hadn’t used those words, but the implication had been there. Yes, Cordelia admitted, she was worried about being left out of Caleb’s life if Allison and Jake became involved, but she also feared for Allison.
“You’re not the kind of girl who falls in love out of the blue,” Cordelia said. “You’re more pragmatic. Pam always said so. That was one of the reasons she never tried to match you and Jake. He’s a footloose playboy. You’re more practical.”
Her words had compounded the throbbing ache in Allison’s head. She couldn’t disagree because Cordelia was right.
The plan. They needed to stick to the original plan. Which is what she told Jake when she’d phoned him from the lobby. Before he’d hung up on her. Or had they been cut off?
Plans meant order and stability, she repeated under her breath
as she started her car to go home.
Home. And where would that be, exactly? Her heart said up the hill to the house that had once belonged to her friends. Her head—her aching head—said it was time to return to her little bungalow on the other side of town.
She was about to put the shift lever in gear when her cell phone rang. She recognized the number. Jake.
“Hello?”
“The cellular service up here drives me nuts. I didn’t want you to think I’d hung up on you.”
“But you are mad at me, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
Allison leaned forward and rested her forehead against the steering wheel. Do I have a fever? A chill passed through her body. She was exhausted. Maybe that was all. Physically and emotionally exhausted.
“I can’t do this, Jake. Not now. I’m just too tired.”
He hesitated. “You sound it. I was going to tell you to come home. You don’t have to worry about bumping into me because Caleb and I are going to take a little trip. We’ll be back tomorrow. This is something I’ve put off too long. But you sound ready to drop. Maybe you should go to your house, instead. It’s closer.”
My house. My empty house. “What about the cats?”
“They’ll be fine for one night. Gayle was just here. I’ll ask her to check on them in the morning. She also apologized for inadvertently telling Cordelia about seeing us kissing. She said she didn’t realize Cordelia was worried about anything.”
Allison sighed. “If I didn’t know Cordelia’s paranoia was this bad, how could Gayle?”
Jake’s low chuckle made her wish she was in his arms. God, she’d miss him when he was gone. She was so tired of people leaving. But asking him to stay was not part of the plan.
“How’s Caleb?”
“Grouchy, demanding, unhappy and he misses you. This road trip is partly to give him a change of scenery.”
“Where...?”
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